Normal Jokes
115 normal jokes and hilarious normal puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about normal that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover hilarious normal jokes from across the world that could make anyone laugh, from normal distribution jokes to normal for Norfolk jests and more. Make sure you read one every year for uninterrupted intercourse with the finest in humor and an ellipsis of double meaning ones as well!
Quick Jump To
Funniest Normal Short Jokes
Short normal jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The normal humour may include short ordinary jokes also.
- On my first day at astronaut training, I vomited and asked the instructor, Is this normal? He said, Not during a written exam, no.
- I'm glad the cave rescue is complete.... Now when I google thai boys I can get back to normal results
- When christmas was coming up, my kids asked for a puppy. When I got them one, they cried for days... I'll just get a turkey next year like normal.
- having gay parents must be awful Either 2 times the normal amount of dad jokes, or you get stuck in a loop of go ask your mom.
- A child with an imaginary friend is normal An adult with an imaginary friend is strange,
And a group of people with an imaginary friend is called religion. - Went to a diner with a couple I know. They started arguing. Normally, I'm not one to take sides, but they were so distracted by yelling at each other that I stole her fries and his cole slaw...
- "Beatles or Stones?" I asked my son. "Why can't I just have something normal for dinner?" he pleaded
- This is the first year I'm not going to travel because of covid Normally it's because I'm poor
- I came into a large sum of money recently... Which is weird, because I normally just use paper towel.
- Slipped on black ice So the other day I slipped on some black ice, at first I thought it was normal ice, but when I got up i noticed my wallet was missing.
Share These Normal Jokes With Friends
Normal One Liners
Which normal one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with normal? I can suggest the ones about regular and usual.
- "Daddy, how do stars die?" "Drugs, normally."
- Kids said they wanted a cat for Christmas. Normally we have turkey, but ok...
- I just came into a lot of money Normally I use tissues
- My dad said everything would be back to normal by June So I told him yesterday "Julyed"
- Don't be racist. It doesn't matter if you're black, asian or normal!
- I am not racist I dont care if you are black, yellow or normal.
- Tip: Call your baby a normal name Me: Are you still mad your parents called you tip?
- How can you tell when an accordion is out of tune? When it sounds normal.
- What do you call a woman who does not have all her toes on one foot? Normal
- I don't normally go out, but Open Mike Night sounded fun. Then we got to the morgue.
- What kind of pants does agent Mulder wear? Just a pair 'a normal pants.
- Me: Is it normal talking to myself? Me: Yes it is.
Me: Oh, thank God. - No dog owner talks to their pet in a normal voice *No they don't, oh no they don't*
- What is Quiet Tennis? It's like normal Tennis, but without the racket
- I respect all people Black people
Asian people
And normal people
Normal Sized Jokes
Here is a list of funny normal sized jokes and even better normal sized puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- So if normal sized people come out of the closet when they're gay, Do midgets come out of the cabinet?
- Do you remember the teen who had that kidney problem a decade ago? He's doesn't have that problem anymore. He's knees are normal sized now.
- Good jokes are like anti vax kids They come in many shapes and sizes, normally created by people that have less-than-average intelligence, and most importantly never gets old
- What's one thing that a beautiful woman and a jar of peanut butter have in common? They can both make me swell up to 3 times my normal size.
- Why do midget men never date normal sized wealthy women? They'll never be able to live up to their expectations.
- I spy with my little eye nothing because I only have two normal-sized eyes.
- 3 fat women are standing under an umbrella of normal size, why do they not wetting? No raining!
- How many jews fit in a normal sized car? 2 on the frontseats, 4 on the backseats, 3 in the ashtray
Normal Distribution Jokes
Here is a list of funny normal distribution jokes and even better normal distribution puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Is your normal probability plot approximately linear? Cause you can distribute your sample over me
- You know, that Poisson distribution is really strange. It's just not Normal.
Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Normal Jokes
What funny jokes about normal you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean average jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make normal pranks.
It's normal for married couples to fight.
The trick is for you and your spouse to find a couple you can easily beat up.
A question for your doctor
During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"
"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup.."
"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
My experiences working at an electronics store...
On a normal day at the shop a man walks up to me and taps me on the shoulder. I turn around with a big smile and ask "how can I help you". He says "well, I plan to shoot everyone in this store, my family and my dog" I then asked him very calmly "Sir...were you considering Nikon or Canon?"
A young couple adopt a German baby.
A young couple adopt a German baby. He was perfectly normal except for the fact he never spoke, not even a word.
One day aged five while the family were having dessert he suddenly says, "This strudel is tepid."
His parents are completely amazed. "Hans you can talk! Why haven't you spoken before now?"
The boy turned to the parents and slowly replies, "Until now, everything has been satisfactory."
A young lady, pregnant for the first time, visits her doctor for a check-up
After the exam, she says to the doctor, "My husband wants me to ask you..."
The doctor cuts her off and says, "I know, I know - it's normal. You can have s**... until your third trimester."
The lady says, "No, that's not it. He wants to know how much longer can I can keep mowing the lawn."
A guy goes to his psychiatrist complaining about his s**... life...
Upon further discussion the psychiatrist suggests that the spark of excitement has gone out of his client's marriage.
"Perhaps," he suggests, "the next time you are feeling amorous, you should just take your wife, s**... and with abandon, right there and then, no matter the circumstance."
The man agrees that it seems a good idea. Two weeks later, he returns for his normal session with the psychiatrist.
"How did things go?" asks the psychiatrist.
"Absolutely amazing," says the man. "One night, as we sat down to dinner, I looked at my wife. She looked at me and we immediately made mad, passionate love right there on the table."
"So, things are good?" asks the psychiatrist.
"Couldn't be better," says the guy, "except we're can't eat at the Denny's next to our house anymore."
s**... after surgery
A surgeon went to check on his patient after an operation.
"You'll be fine," he said.
She asked ...
How long will it be before I am able to have a normal s**... life again doctor?"
The surgeon seemed to pause, and a small tear ran down his cheek from the corner of his eye, which alarmed the girl.
"What's the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"
He replied ...
Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out."
So I had a colonoscopy today...
While my doctor was preparing me for the examination he said, "Don't worry, at this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an e**..."
"I haven't got an e**...," I said.
"No, but I have." he replied.
In a Mental Hospital a journalist asked the Doctor
How do u determine whether to admit a patient or not?
Dr: Well, we first fill a BathTub & give a teaspoon, a glass & a bucket to the patient & ask them to empty the Bathtub....
Journalist: Oh, obviously a normal person would use the bucket because its bigger....
Dr: NO, a normal person would pull the drain plug!
Now if you would be so kind as to proceed to bed no.39
What's the difference between normal s**... and regular s**...?
I don't have normal s**... with animals.
at the proctologist
I was at the doctor, getting the digital r**... exam, and the doctor says: "At this point of the exam it is normal to get an e**...". I said"I don't have an e**...". The doctor says "No. But I do".
Proctologist
A guy goes in to his proctologist for a colonoscopy. The doctor has the camera up there, watching the video on the screen. The doctor says, "At this point in the process, it's normal to experience an e**...."
The guys says, "But, doctor, I don't have an e**...."
The doctor says, "I wasn't talking about *you*."
A young boy asks his father if gardeners' thumbs are really green
The father says, "No, son, it's just an expression. Like when police catch a criminal red handed. The thief's hands aren't really red, they are black like normal.
A long day at the hospital
After a long day working at the hospital 3 doctors are walking home:
- "After seeing so many patients, it's really nice to see normal, healthy people" says the first doctor, a GP
- "Not only that, they are actually alive" answers the coroner
- "Who cares about all that! Just look at all those faces! Lovely, lovely human faces!" shouts the proctologist
Little Billy comes home early from school, only to find his Dad m**... in the living room...
As Billy is quite young, he is shocked and confused at what he is seeing. His Dad tries to explain:
"Don't be scared, Billy. I'm not hurting myself, I'm doing something completely normal. In fact, you are going to start doing it pretty soon as well."
"Why is that, Dad?", young Billy asks.
"Because, son, my hand is getting tired and I need someone to take over."
I got a massage last week...
and it was the first time I had a guy masseuse. So we're like 10 minutes in I just had to ask, is getting an e**... normal? He said yes they are very common. And I was like, well can you get it out of my face...?
During a visit to the mental hospital....
..a visitor asks the Director what criterion defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger."
"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
Racism is wrong
I have never been racist before. It's wrong for anybody to be racist, it doesn't matter whether they're black, Asian, or normal.
I was told that tipping your server is normal in America
I was told that tipping your server is normal in America
But apparently this will get you fired as a systems administrator.
Kit Kat
A man walks into a petrol station and says, "Can I please have a KitKat Chunky?"
The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.
"No," says the man, "I wanted a normal KitKat, fatty."
A man is at his doctor ...
... And the doctor asks the man to pull down his pants and sit on the bench as the doctor examines him.
The doctor says "Don't worry, it's totally normal to get an e**... at this moment".
The man says "But I don't have an e**..." "No but I do" the doctor replied.
Whats the difference between normal barbie and divorced barbie?
The divorced barbie is $399 because it comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's furniture, etc.
I was getting a massage and I asked the masseuse if it was normal for a man to get an e**...
He replied that it was. So I asked if he could get it out of my face.
A guy goes to the doctor with a sore leg....
The doctor runs the normal tests and takes some x-rays. Unable to find the problem he finally decides to listen to the leg with his stethoscope, at the knee he hears "hey give me $5" at the calf he hears "hey give me $10" at the ankle he hears "hey give me$15". He takes off the stethoscope, looks up the patient and says " I have some bad news, your leg is broke in three places"
Two nuns are biking back to their convent
after a long day out nunning about in the community.
They take a different route than normal, and after a while, one says to the other: "You know, I've never come this way before."
The other replies: "Yes, it must be the cobblestones"
I hate people who finds it disgusting when i breastfeed in public ..
It's completely normal and strenghtens the bond between me and my dog.
I always used to ask my mom if I could lick the bowl...
... She'd always say "No! Just flush it like a normal person!"
Father and son during checkout at d**...'s Sporting Goods...
Dad: Hang on a second, I need to use these coupons.
Son: Are these coupons only for d**...'s?
Dad: No, they work for normal people too.
Cashier -- laughing too hysterically to continue for a bit...
(True Story)
So a scientist creates a robot
And he asks the robot, "can you feel pain"
The robot says, "yes however not like a normal human, I feel everything deeper and in slow motion."
"my god that's horrible that can't be true!"
"You're correct it isn't true, however we do have a dark sense of humor."
Two scientists walk into a bar...
The first one says, "I'd like some H2O."
The second says, "And I'll have some H2... wait. Why aren't you just referring to water by its normal name? I mean, I know it's our job, but we're just getting a drink."
The first scientist slams the table angrily, for his assassination scheme had been foiled.
For some reason I'm only afraid of Middle Eastern spiders...
It's O.K. though. My doctor says it's normal to be Iraqnaphobic.
My wife told me her period was lasting several days longer than normal. I said,
Sounds more like an ellipsis...
Asked my dad what LGBT stands for
He started with "Lettuce? Bacon. Tomato. What's the 'g' for?"
Obviously I had to reply with "Garnish".
[True story. My dad is not an idiot either, totally normal human.]
A guy walks into a Bar
And asks for a beer.
The bartender: 'do you want a normal beer or a no-alcohol?'
'It depends. Do you want normal money or Monopoly's?'
I went to the doctor the other day
He said that I needed to stop m**....
I asked "Why? I'm a normal 22 year old man, it shouldn't be an issue".
He said "Yeah but I'm trying to examine you".
Everybody should be treated equally
It doesn't matter if you're black, yellow or normal.
There's an old native American man that sits in a teepee along the road I take to work.
Every morning for a while now I stop in and ask him what the weather will be that day. Rain, snow, sun, clouds. He's always right.
Well yesterday I stopped in just like normal and asked what the weather was going to be like.
"Got no clue", he said.
I was shocked. "What's different about today that you don't know?"
He just shook his head sadly. "Radio broke."
-Can I have a Kit Kat Chunky? -Sorry, we only have normal Kit Kat.
-That's what I asked for, fat f*c**...!
How to tell whether someone is an idiot
Doctor, how can you tell whether someone is an idiot, even if he looks normal to you?
For that, we have special questions.
Can you name an example?
Mountaineer Brown climbed Mount Everest three times but he was killed during one of these ascents. Can you tell me which one?
But doctor, that surely won't work for people like me who know nothing about mountaineering.
Why 6 was really afraid of 7
6 was just a normal girl, she met 7 on a dating app. They went out several times after that and a few dates later 7 proposed. 6 was ecstatic, they got married within the month and when they moved into a new house they quickly made friends with their neighbors, 9 and 10. 6 soon noticed strange behavior in 7, he was going out late at night to other people's houses. One night 6 saw 7 leave into the neighbors house. She decided to follow him in and was horrified. Blood stains led up to the darkened kitchen where she discovered some thing she could never unsee. 7 had done it. 7 8 9.
A surgeon goes to check on his patient after surgery and he says to her...
"Everything went fine and you'll recover completely."
The young woman asks, "How long will it be before I can have a normal s**... life again?"
The surgeon pauses for a while and wipes a small tear from the corner of his eye.
The woman, now alarmed, asks, "What's the matter doctor?! I will be OK, won't I!?"
The surgeon smiles and replies, "Yes, yes you'll be fine, it's just that no one has ever asked me that question after having their tonsils out."
Is it normal if one of my t**...
Hangs lower than the other two?
Doctor: Its perfectly normal to have an e**... during a prostate exam!
Me: But I don't have one.
Doctor: But I do!!!
I've been reading 'Lord Of The Rings' and apparently, Gollum was once a normal man, but wearing the ring drained him of his youth, energy and any joy in life...
Must be the same ring I put on when I got married...
When the surgeon came to see his young female patient on the day after her operation, she was slightly embarrassed.
So the doctor she asked "What's wrong?"
"Well this is a bit embarrassing for me, but just how long will it be before I can resume my normal s**... life.
"Uh" stammered the doctor, as he thought pensively.
"Uh, I hadn't really thought about it" replied the stunned surgeon.
"You're the first patient to ever ask me that after a tonsillectomy."
During my prostate exam, the doctor told me it was completely normal to get an e**....
When I pointed out I didn't have one he said he wasn't talking about me.
My wife got mad after telling this story.
You can make yours mad too. And this is the story:
I got on this bus on my way home from work. I noticed this young boy and g**... the far end. First it was the usual kissing. Then the girl got touchy, what baffles me is it seems to be normal to others. Then the unthinkable happened, the girl pulled her shirt up and showed a breast. The boy s**... it immediately. I can tell, the girl's on her early 20's. The boy? Around 6 months.
The other day a girl asked me if I like b**... or thighs. I told her I prefer bubble butts and a trimmed p**... with thin lips...
So I got kicked out of KFC.
The Bathtub Test
During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. Well said the director, we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.
Oh, I understand, I said. A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup. No. said the director, A normal person would pull the plug, Do you want a bed near the window?
An elderly man thinks his wife is losing her hearing so he calls their doctor.
The doctor tells him "We need to figure out how bad her hearing is. Using a normal tone, talk to her at various distances until she can hear you."
That night the man decides to try this. He estimates he is sitting about 30 feet from his wife and asks her, "What's for dinner?"
He hears nothing so he moves a little closer; about 20 feet away. He asks her again, "What's for dinner?" Still nothing.
Finally, he gets right next to her and asks, "What's for dinner?"
She finally hears him and responds "For the third time, chicken!"
A man walks into a seafood restaurant and was told they had Lobster Tails on offer for $1.
They must be small," he says.
"No, they're normal size," replies the waitress.
"Well they're old then."
"Fresh today," she answers.
"Then I'll have one," says the man, smiling.
The waitress takes him to table and he sits down.
"Once upon a time," she begins, "There was a big red lobster ..."
I tried to explain to my 4-year-old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally p**... your pants,
but he's still making fun of me.
If you are what you eat then...
...Jeffery d**... is a perfectly normal person
Sorry is a really weird word.
If a normal person says it, your anger is gone but if a doctor says it, you are gone.
I don't understand statistics like mean, mode and median
Is that normal?
m**... is perfectly normal and healthy . it releases dopamine and reduces stress . improves prostate and cardiovascular health ...
and i still got thrown off the bus
Tonight I did a delivery to the local mental asylum.
Being curious, I asked the doctor how do they determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the doctor, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No." said the doctor, "A normal person would pull the bathtub drain plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
My s**... life is like Coca-Cola.
First it was normal, then light and now zero.
The Bathtub Test
During a visit to the mental institution, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
THE BATHTUB TEST: During a visit to my doctors I asked him . . .
"How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"
"Well" he said, "We fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a tea cup and a bucket to the person and ask them to empty the bathtub"
"Oh, I understand" I said "Because a normal person would use the bucket as it's bigger then the spoon or the teacup"
"No" he said "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window or the door?"
An old man and his grand daughter were sitting together in a room
The grandfather says to his grand daughter;
' Susie, get me a newspaper, will ya'
The grand daughter says;
' Oh grandpa you are such a boring boomer, it's the 21st century we normal human beings use phones now'. 'Here take my phone', she hands over her phone to the old man.
The grandfather then takes her phone and throws it at the spider sitting on the wall
During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director: "How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized?"
"Well," said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient, and then ask them to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would just use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No." said the director, "A normal person would pull the bathtub drain plug....do you want a bed near the window?"
My s**...-life is like Coca Cola....
...first it was normal, then it was light and now it's zero!
A man goes to the doctor because it burns when he pees.
When the doctor walks in the man notices how buff he is. This doctor is SWOLE.
The exam begins and after some time the muscular physician cannot stop bringing up the weather.
"Hotter than normal this time of year, don't you think?"
"There's a storm coming in this weekend."
On and on he goes.
After this continues for some time the man asks, "why do you keep talking about the weather? This has nothing to do with it burning when I pee."
"My apologies," said the doctor. "I'm a Meaty Urologist."
I'm taking b**... classes
and the normal teacher is out this week so we've got a sub.
A scrawny teenage boy asks his muscular friend how he gets so many girls to sleep with him.
The muscular friend says, "Here's what you do: next time there's a party, get a large potato and stick it down your pants and act normal. You'll see - that'll turn you into a chick magnet."
A minute later, all the girls at the party run away from the scrawny kid, screaming and laughing and pointing.
The muscular friend sees this and comes over to his scrawny friend. "Dude," he says. "You have to put the potato in the front."
