Noon Jokes
58 noon jokes and hilarious noon puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about noon that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Be the life of the party with this collection of Noon Jokes! Get ready to make friends and family laugh with these witty jokes, ranging from puns to stories to observational humor. Check out the best of High Noon, Uncle Noon, Noon League, Noon at Ngayon, plus jokes for both 9am and 9pm, and especially those meant just for Fridays!
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Funniest Noon Short Jokes
Short noon jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The noon humour may include short daytime jokes also.
- Deaf people aren't known to be very rational They have trouble making sound decisions.
- I challenge you to a battle of wits at high noon! Do you accept? Yes you say?! Well consider yourself mentally challenged.
- What is the creature that walks on four legs in the morning, three legs at noon and two in the evening? A cat in a minefield.
- Boss, I'm sorry I didn't show up until noon today, but… …this morning I unexpectedly became a father .
Well then congratulations, is it a boy or a girl ?
I won't know that for nine months . - What do you call it after cowboys eat beans at high noon? A toot-out at the O.K. Corral.
(Don't be mean. Inspired by my 2 month old.) - My liberal friend asked me why we think owning gun is a God given right when noone in Bible had one. I corrected him that Paul had epistle...
- I could retire today and live happily for the rest of my life.... so long as I die by noon, thursday.
- Day and Noon run into each other and Day says, Bye Noon! Noon replies with: It's high Noon.
I made this im proud of myself- - Take everyone's eye lids and noone bats an eye. Take everyone's brains and everybody loses their minds.
- Why did the samurai lose the duel at high noon? Because he brought a sword to a sho-gun fight.
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Noon One Liners
Which noon one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with noon? I can suggest the ones about 00 pm and hour.
- Noone actually dreams in color. It's just a pigment of your imagination.
- What do you call a fist fight at noon? A lunchbox
- Why do Texans duel at high noon? They distrust clocks.
- Lots of people talk about werewolves... But noone ever asks whenwolves
- Noone laughed when i fell while skating. But the ice sure cracked up.
- Life hack If you sleep till noon you only have to pay for two meals instead of three.
- Why do funerals always happen before noon? It's the perfect time in the mourning
- Business idea Souvernir Shops in abortion clinics - so noone leaves empty handed
- How do you greet an anti-vaxxer before noon? Good mourning.
- If the narwhal bacons at midnight, what does it do at noon? It bakes off.
- 12:00 PM on 4/20... It's high noon
- Two skeptics walk into a bar.. I'd tell you what happens next but noone knows
- At what time in the day do rockets eat and why? At noon because they take LAUNCH.
- Why did noone understand the programmer? He was talking in code.
- There are 2 piranhas in a tank Noone told them how to drive it
High Noon Jokes
Here is a list of funny high noon jokes and even better high noon puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Whay doesn't McCree eat at lunch buffets? It's high noon, and Justice ain't gonna serve itself.
- I had a really hot dream last night... I was in the middle of the desert, high noon, next to an erupting volcano, wearing a parka.
- When do cowboys smoke? At high noon.
- If noon is at 12 o' clock, when is high noon? 4:20pm
- What's snoop dogg's favorite time of day? High Noon.
- When do cowboys like to smoke w**...? High noon.
Cheeky Noon Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
What funny jokes about noon you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean midnight jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make noon pranks.
What's darker than 3am in the morning?
12' noon in the cotton fields.
How do you know its noon on an Apple Watch?
The screen stays black when you check the time.
Why did Amelia c**... her car?
She was told to put her hands on the wheel at 10 and 2, but it was noon.
A Texas farmer was touring England. He happened to meet an English farmer and asked him, "What size farm do you have?"
The Englishman proudly announced, "Thirty-five acres!"
"Thirty-five acres?" the Texan scoffed. "Why, I can get in my truck at 8:00 AM and start driving and at noon, I am still on my farm. I can eat lunch and start driving again and at 5:00 PM I am still on my farm.
"Ah, yes," the Englishman nodded in understanding. "I had a truck like that once."
Two house fires break out at noon on a Wednesday and destroys two families' homes. One family lives in a capitalist country and the other lives in a socialist country. Though the fires were nearly identical, only the family living in the socialist country dies in the fire...
Because in the capitalist country, the parents had jobs and the kids were in school.
The CEO of a big company got abducted...
The abductors released a message through the PA system:
"Prepare ten million by noon or we burn him alive!"
The employees frantically decided to gather, and one proposed to pitch in together in order to help out.
Some pitched in five litres, some pitched in ten.
I have a noon appointment with the horse doctor
How that horse became a doctor I do not know
I decided to trim my p**... in the ever popular landing s**... style.
I look like a sundial at noon when I lay down now.
I asked my friend to pick a number between 1 and 10
He said "OK but I can't right now". "Why not?" I replied. "Because" he said "it's only noon"
What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs in the evening?
I don't know, but I trapped it in my bedroom. Send help.
Whats the best time to get Arrested
At noon
Because the
*Hands are up*
All times after noon are to be banned for a f**... on Friday.
It will be a day of mourning.
A woman rushes into her house one morning and yells to her husband, "Sam, pack up your stuff. I just won the lottery!"
"Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?"
"Whatever. Just so you're out of the house by noon!"
A man wins the lottery
He bursts into his bedroom and screams to his wife WOW, I won! I finally won the lottery! Pack your bags quick . The woman all excited replied should I pack for cold or hot weather? To which the man said I don't care as long as you are out of my house by noon
I told my friend: I have an appointment with an ophthalmologist today by noon.
Then he asked me: and then what?
Well, I said, then I'll see...
My Grandad was the best drummer in the world
He used to practice 18 hours a day, seven days a week, every day of the year.
Morning, noon, and night he'd be b**... away with his sticks, so dedicated he was, he didn't even have a set of drums, preferring instead to play on old biscuit tins, bottles, anything he could lay his hands on.
He was still playing right up till the moment he died aged 86 when my grandmother stabbed him in the neck with a fork.
Two cars crashed close to a bar at noon...
One driver died instantly. The other was thrown out of the windscreen, hit the ground, and broke several bones. He screams and shouts for help.
A man that was drinking at the bar leaves and sees the scene. He goes close to the screaming man and asks:
\- No one has arrived yet?
\- No! AHHHH! AHHH! AHHHH! - the driver shouts in pain
\- Not even the ambulance?
\- No! AHHHH! AHHH! AHHHH! - the driver shouts in agony
\- Not even the insurance company?
\- No! AHHHH! AHHH! AHHHH! - the driver shouts in suffering
\- Then you wouldn't mind if I lay there with you, would you?
We celebrate Christmas early in our household.
We have to, I'm usually s**... by noon.
