Noon Jokes
55 noon jokes and hilarious noon puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about noon that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Be the life of the party with this collection of Noon Jokes! Get ready to make friends and family laugh with these witty jokes, ranging from puns to stories to observational humor. Check out the best of High Noon, Uncle Noon, Noon League, Noon at Ngayon, plus jokes for both 9am and 9pm, and especially those meant just for Fridays!
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Funniest Noon Short Jokes
Short noon jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The noon humour may include short daytime jokes also.
- Deaf people aren't known to be very rational They have trouble making sound decisions.
- What is the creature that walks on four legs in the morning, three legs at noon and two in the evening? A cat in a minefield.
- Boss, I'm sorry I didn't show up until noon today, but… …this morning I unexpectedly became a father .
Well then congratulations, is it a boy or a girl ?
I won't know that for nine months . - What do you call it after cowboys eat beans at high noon? A toot-out at the O.K. Corral.
(Don't be mean. Inspired by my 2 month old.) - My liberal friend asked me why we think owning gun is a God given right when noone in Bible had one. I corrected him that Paul had epistle...
- Day and Noon run into each other and Day says, Bye Noon! Noon replies with: It's high Noon.
I made this im proud of myself- - Why did the samurai lose the duel at high noon? Because he brought a sword to a sho-gun fight.
- I have a noon appointment with the horse doctor How that horse became a doctor I do not know
- Whay doesn't McCree eat at lunch buffets? It's high noon, and Justice ain't gonna serve itself.
- How do you know its noon on an Apple Watch? The screen stays black when you check the time.
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Noon One Liners
Which noon one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with noon? I can suggest the ones about 00 pm and midnight.
- Noone actually dreams in color. It's just a pigment of your imagination.
- What do you call a fist fight at noon? A lunchbox
- Why do Texans duel at high noon? They distrust clocks.
- Lots of people talk about werewolves... But noone ever asks whenwolves
- Noone laughed when i fell while skating. But the ice sure cracked up.
- Life hack If you sleep till noon you only have to pay for two meals instead of three.
- Why do funerals always happen before noon? It's the perfect time in the mourning
- Business idea Souvernir Shops in abortion clinics - so noone leaves empty handed
- How do you greet an anti-vaxxer before noon? Good mourning.
- If the narwhal bacons at midnight, what does it do at noon? It bakes off.
- 12:00 PM on 4/20... It's high noon
- Two skeptics walk into a bar.. I'd tell you what happens next but noone knows
- At what time in the day do rockets eat and why? At noon because they take LAUNCH.
- Why did noone understand the programmer? He was talking in code.
- There are 2 piranhas in a tank Noone told them how to drive it
High Noon Jokes
Here is a list of funny high noon jokes and even better high noon puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I had a really hot dream last night... I was in the middle of the desert, high noon, next to an erupting volcano, wearing a parka.
- When do cowboys smoke? At high noon.
- What's snoop dogg's favorite time of day? High Noon.
Cheeky Noon Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
What funny jokes about noon you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean anon jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make noon pranks.
It's Saturday morning and John's just about to set off on a round of golf...
It's Saturday morning and John's just about to set off on a round of golf when he realizes that he forgot to tell his wife that the guy who fixes the washing machine is coming around at noon. So John heads back to the clubhouse and phones home.
"Hello?" says a little girl's voice.
"Hi, honey, it's Daddy," says John. "Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Fred."
After a brief pause, John says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Fred, honey!"
"Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!"
"Okay, then. Here's what I want you do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout in to Mommy and Uncle Fred that my car's just pulled up outside the house."
"Okay, Daddy!" A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. "Well, I did what you said, Daddy."
"And what happened?"
"Well, Mommy jumped out of bed and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went out the front window and now she's all dead."
"Oh, my God! What about Uncle Fred?"
"He jumped out of bed too, and he was all scared, and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool. But he must have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he's dead too."
There is a long pause.
"Swimming pool? Is this 555-3097?"
TIFU by falling asleep on the john at noon.
I meant Job. I fell asleep on the Job. :D :D
My good habits: - Eat; - Sleep till noon; - Wait new season of the show.
A man visits a dentist
He has horrible pain in his mouth.
The dentist examines him, and says, "There is extensive damage in here, what is your diet like?"
The man says, "Hollandaise sauce. Morning, noon and night. I eat it on everything."
"Well, the damage seems very extensive, but I think I can fix it. You will need several root canals, and then I will install a chrome plate."
"A chrome plate? That seems really severe."
"Don't worry, you will be able to eat anything you want. No problems."
"Even hollandaise? I really love that sauce."
"Why sure, there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise."
Why did the T-Rex get hammered at noon?
Because he's a Wino-saur!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did Amelia c**... her car?
She was told to put her hands on the wheel at 10 and 2, but it was noon.
A Texas farmer was touring England. He happened to meet an English farmer and asked him, "What size farm do you have?"
The Englishman proudly announced, "Thirty-five acres!"
"Thirty-five acres?" the Texan scoffed. "Why, I can get in my truck at 8:00 AM and start driving and at noon, I am still on my farm. I can eat lunch and start driving again and at 5:00 PM I am still on my farm.
"Ah, yes," the Englishman nodded in understanding. "I had a truck like that once."
Two house fires break out at noon on a Wednesday and destroys two families' homes. One family lives in a capitalist country and the other lives in a socialist country. Though the fires were nearly identical, only the family living in the socialist country dies in the fire...
Because in the capitalist country, the parents had jobs and the kids were in school.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sun and I
I can wake up at sunrise.
**
condition apply
**
If
**
If sun can rise at noon.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The CEO of a big company got abducted...
The abductors released a message through the PA system:
"Prepare ten million by noon or we burn him alive!"
The employees frantically decided to gather, and one proposed to pitch in together in order to help out.
Some pitched in five litres, some pitched in ten.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I decided to trim my p**... in the ever popular landing s**... style.
I look like a sundial at noon when I lay down now.
I asked my friend to pick a number between 1 and 10
He said "OK but I can't right now". "Why not?" I replied. "Because" he said "it's only noon"
Whats the best time to get Arrested
At noon
Because the
*Hands are up*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
All times after noon are to be banned for a f**... on Friday.
It will be a day of mourning.
I told my friend: I have an appointment with an ophthalmologist today by noon.
Then he asked me: and then what?
Well, I said, then I'll see...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My Grandad was the best drummer in the world
He used to practice 18 hours a day, seven days a week, every day of the year.
Morning, noon, and night he'd be b**... away with his sticks, so dedicated he was, he didn't even have a set of drums, preferring instead to play on old biscuit tins, bottles, anything he could lay his hands on.
He was still playing right up till the moment he died aged 86 when my grandmother stabbed him in the neck with a fork.
Two cars crashed close to a bar at noon...
One driver died instantly. The other was thrown out of the windscreen, hit the ground, and broke several bones. He screams and shouts for help.
A man that was drinking at the bar leaves and sees the scene. He goes close to the screaming man and asks:
\- No one has arrived yet?
\- No! AHHHH! AHHH! AHHHH! - the driver shouts in pain
\- Not even the ambulance?
\- No! AHHHH! AHHH! AHHHH! - the driver shouts in agony
\- Not even the insurance company?
\- No! AHHHH! AHHH! AHHHH! - the driver shouts in suffering
\- Then you wouldn't mind if I lay there with you, would you?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
We celebrate Christmas early in our household.
We have to, I'm usually s**... by noon.
