noises Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious noises puns

A teenage girl was having sex with her boyfriend...

at her parent's house. Her father, after being woken by the noises, goes upstairs to check it out; and walks in on them.

"Dad!" she exclaimed in a panic "...I'm sorry"

The dad being, a dad, replies "hi sorry, I'm Dad!"

He then turns to the boyfriend and asks "Are you fucking sorry?"

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My laptop was making funny noises today, it sounded like it was singing...

Probably because it's a Dell

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What do we want?

Low flying airplane noises!

When do we want them?

NNEEEEOOOOWWWWW

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A girl is having sex with her boyfriend [NSFW]

At her parents house. Her father after being woken by the noises goes upstairs to check it out, and walks in on them.

"Dad!" she exclaimed in a panic "... I'm sorry"

The dad being a dad replies "Hi Sorry! I'm Dad!"

He then turns to the boyfriend and asks "Are you fucking Sorry?"

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My mate asked me why I have sex noises saved on my phone.

I said, It's for sound effects during sex.


He asked, Your wife a bit quiet in the sack?


I replied, No, I work in a morgue.

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A teenage girl was being intimate with her boyfriend

At her parents house. Her father after being woken by the noises goes upstairs to check it out, and walks in on them.

"Dad!" she exclaimed in a panic "...I'm sorry"

The dad being a dad replies "hi sorry, I'm Dad!"

He then turns to the boyfriend and asks "Are you fucking sorry?"

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WHAT DO WE WANT?!?!!

WHAT DO WE WANT?!?!?

LOW FLYING AIRPLANE NOISES!!!

WHEN DO WE WANT 'EM?!?!?

*NEEEEEYYYYOOOOOOOOWWWW*

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Little Johnny walks in on his parents having sex.....

his father sees him, but instead of saying anything, he gives Johnny a huge grin and thumbs up, then starts to really give it to the old lady. The next night, the father gets up to go to the restroom, and he hears noises coming from Johnny's room. He looks in the door, and Johnny is on top of his grandmother, really giving it to her. Johnny looks at his father, gives him a grin and says, "not so funny when it's your Mom, is it?"

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What do we want?!

Low flying airplane noises!

When do we want em?

NEEEEEEEOOOOOOWWWWWW

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What do we want?!

Low flying airplane noises!

When do we want them?!

NNNNEEEOOOOOWWWWWWW

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What do we want?? LOW FLYING AIRPLANE NOISES!!! When do we want them??

NNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW

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What's the difference between a deaf person and an Italian?

One talks with their hands and makes goofy noises at random volumes, and the other can't hear.

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What do we want?

LOW FLYING AEROPLANE NOISES!!!

When do we want them?

*Nyeeeeeeooooooowww!!!!*

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What's the difference between jesus and a hooker?

The noises they make as you're nailing them

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What do we want?! LOW FLYING AIRPLANE NOISES!

When do want them?!
NNNNNNEEEEEEOOOOOOOWWWW!!!

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What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?

*-Choking noises-*

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Fun Fact- Dogs make different noises according to where they are on Earth.

For example, a dog in Korea makes a sizzling noise.

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What do we want? Low flying airplane noises! When do we want it?

Nnnneeeeeeoooooooowwwew

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My mate asked me why I had sex noises saved on my iPod...

I said, "It's for sound effects during sex".

He asked, "Ah, is the wife a bit quiet in the bedroom?"

"No," I replied, "I work in a morgue."

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[NSFW] How do you know when your girlfriend is too young?

When you have to make airplane noises to put your dick in her mouth

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What do we want?

Race car noises.

When do we want them?

Neoooooooooooooooooooooow

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A NSFW joke I was told at work.

There a 3rd grade teacher and she is having her students make noises that farm animals do. She asks a white girl, "What sound does a cow make?" The girls responds, "Mooo." The teacher says, "Wonderful that is exactly right." The teacher then asks a Black kid, " What sound does a pig make?" He says, " Freeze Mother Fucker!"

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A class of 3rd graders return from their field trip to the farm and the teacher asks them, "what kind of noises did you hear at the farm?"

The first kid raises his hand and says, "I heard the cow go moo!"

The second kid raises his hand and says, "I heard the pig go oink!"

The third kid raises his hand and says, "I heard the farmer yell 'get off my tractor you little fucker!'"

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Blonde Guy

A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed,sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"

The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door.

Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closetfloor.

"You rotten bastard," says the husband. "My wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!!

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The Heart Attack

THE HEART ATTACK

A blonde gets home from work early & hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.
She rushes upstairs only to find her husband naked lying on the bed,
sweating and panting.
'What's up?' she asks.

'I think I'm having a heart attack,' - cries the husband..
The blonde rushes downstairs to use the phone, but just as she's dialling, her four-year-old son says
"Mummy mummy, aunty Shirley is hiding in the wardrobe & she has no clothes on"

The blonde slams the phone down and storms back upstairs into the bedroom
right past her husband..rips open the wardrobe door and sure enough, there is
her sister, totally naked and cowering on the floor.
'You rotten Bitch', she screams.
'My husband's having a heart attack, and you're running around
naked playing hide and seek with the kids!!'

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What do we want?! Low flying aeroplane noises! When do we want them?!

NNNNEEEOOOOOWWWWWWW

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Need a Break!

I urgently needed a few days off work, but, I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that I would do something crazy. So I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker asked me what I was doing. I told him that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss might think I was 'Crazy' and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the boss came into the office and asked, "What in the name of good GOD are you doing?"

I told him I was a light bulb.

He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days."

I jumped down and walked out of the office....

When my co-worker followed me, the Boss asked him, "And where do you think you're going?"

He replied, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark!"

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Little johnny wakes up one night hearing noises from his parents bedroom...

He opens the door to his parents room and sees mom, handcuffed to the bed's headboard, dad ramming her from behind. Johnny screams. Dad turns to looks at him, laughs and gives mom a slap on the bum for good measure. Johnny runs away, screaming. Once dad has finished mom off, he uncuffs her. She immediately says, 'You better go tell Johnny everything is OK, the shit he just saw could scar him for life". Dad rolls his eyes and begrudgingly agrees. Pulls on his robe and heads for Johnny's room only to find it's empty. He then heads for the TV room but when he passes the guest room, he notices the door is ajar, noises coming from inside. He opens the door to look in and sees Granny on her hands and knees, little Johnny fucking her from behind. Dad screams. Johnny turns around looks at him and says "Yeah, not so funny when it's your mom huh?"

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How do you know your girlfriend is too young?

You have to make airplane noises to get your dick in her mouth.

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[NSFW] A penguin goes to the car mechanic...

...to figure out why his truck keeps making such weird noises as he goes down the highway. When he arrived, the mechanic said that he'd take a look and it'd be about a half hour wait.

"Well that's okay," the penguin muttered to himself as he walked out of the shop, "I can find something to do for half an hour." He came across an ice cream shop and decided that there was no better way to spend his time than eating ice cream. Having flippers instead of fingers made enjoying the ice cream difficult, and by the time he was finished, a perfect half hour later, he had vanilla ice cream all over himself. Face, beak, flippers, belly-- everywhere.

He waddled back to the mechanic, right on time. "So what do you think?" The penguin asked.

The mechanic scooted out from under the car and, looking at the penguin, cleared his throat. "Well, it looks like you blew a seal."

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The Heart Attack

A blonde man gets home from work early & hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs only to find his wife naked lying on the bed, sweating and panting. 'What's happening!?' he asks.


'I think I'm having a heart attack,' - cries the wife. The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his four-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy Daddy! Uncle George is hiding in the closet & he has no clothes on."

The blonde slams the phone down and storms back upstairs into the bedroom right past his wife. Rips open the closet door and sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked and cowering on the floor. 'YOU SICK BASTARD!! My wife's having a heart attack, and all you're doing is running around naked and scaring the kids!!'

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A teenage girl was getting frisky with her boyfriend...

At her parent's house. Her father, after being woken by the noises, goes upstairs to check it out; and walks in on them.

"Dad!" she exclaimed in a panic "...I'm sorry"

The dad being, a dad, replies "hi sorry, I'm Dad!"

He then turns to the boyfriend and asks "Are you *fucking* sorry?"

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A bus full of politicians crashes in a deserted area

there was only one man that could see the accident. The farmer who owns the house nearby heard the noises and goesto take a look, calling the police and ambulance on the way. 30 minutes later a policeman knocks on his door and asks "Where are the people involved in crash?" The farmer says "Don't worry they were all dead so I buried them." The policeman gets confused and asks if he is 100% sure and farmer replies "Yeah some of them said things like "I'm alive, please stop!" but you know the politicians right? They are all fucking liars.

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A plane takes off with two hours delay. Once in the air a passenger asks the flight attendant:

"why did we take off so late?"

To which the flight attendant replies:

"well the pilot noticed some smoke and weird noises coming from the left engine and it took us a while to find another pilot willing to fly this plane."

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A bus full of politicians crashes in a big deserted area..

There was only one man that could see the accident. The farmer who owns the house nearby heard the noises and goes to take a look, calling the police and ambulance on the way. Half & hour minutes later a policeman knocks on his door and asks "Where are the people involved in crash?" The farmer says "Don't worry they were all dead so I buried them." The policeman gets confused and asks if he is 100% sure and farmer replies "Yeah some of them said things like "I'm alive, please stop!" but you know the politicians right? They are all fucking liars...!

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What are the most funny Noises jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Noises? Well, here are the best Noises dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Noises pick up lines to share with friends.

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