Nod Jokes
31 nod jokes and hilarious nod puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about nod that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Nod Short Jokes
Short nod jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The nod humour may include short softly jokes also.
- Wife: You're shirtless? (husband nods)
Wife: And covered in...oil?
-Well, you know how you always say I never glisten?
Wife: Listen. You never listen.
-Oh - A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and asks for a beer The bartender nods,
"and how about one for the road?" - A lawyer walks into a bar The bartender looks at him and asks The usual?
The lawyer nods. The bartender then serves a glass full of ice.
Just-ice was served... - A blacksmith said to his new helper, "You see this piece of iron? When I nod my head, you hit it as hard as you can with your hammer." Those were his last words.
- A Greek man goes to a tailor to get some pants mended. The tailor takes one look at the pants and goes "Euripides?" The man nods. "Yeah. Eumenides?"
- Apparently most people lean slightly forward when they nod their head. Must say, I'm inclined to agree.
- A horse walks into a bar. The bartender nods at the horse and says "Hey"
The horse says "Sure, I'll have some of that" - Two men park next to each other in a parking lot. Each man eyes the others' car and nods.
"Honda, eh? Good make." says the first man.
"Agreed," said the other. "We seem to have an Accord." - A beekeeper said he wanted to train his hives to work with stitching and rope. I asked him if he really thought that would work, and he nodded and said May bee sew, may bee knot
- Two nuns are riding their bikes through a scenic cobbled street… One turns to the other smiling and asks Have you ever come this way before? The other nodded and said It's the cobblestones!
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Nod One Liners
Which nod one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with nod? I can suggest the ones about judgement and pass.
- What do you call a royal pig that is falling asleep? Prince Nodding Ham
- Nodding It has its ups and downs.
- Why do ducks nod their head when they walk? They're listening to duckstep!
- I was so tired during Hunger Games, I was nodding as much as Phillip Seymour Hoffman
- I was getting a haircut. The barber asked ''Is that good?'' I nodded. It wasn't.
Nod Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about nod you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean consent jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make nod pranks.
The blacksmith hires an apprentice
He instructed the boy, When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil. When I nod my head, you hit it with the hammer.
The apprentice did exactly as he was told, and now he's the new village blacksmith
The village blacksmith hired an enthusiastic new apprentice
His new apprentice was willing to work long, hard hours.
One day he instructed the boy, When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil. When I nod my head, you hit it with the hammer.
The apprentice did exactly as he was told, and now he's the new village blacksmith.
Two scientists are trying to find the best source of energy.
They realise that no one has tried asking the energy sources what *they* think.
So they go to a coal-fired power station, and they ask the coal, "What do you think of coal power?"
The coal says, "Well, I don't really like it, because they set me on fire, and it hurts." The scientists write this down.
Then they go to an oil-fired power station. They ask the oil, "What do you think of oil power?"
The oil says, "Well, I don't really like it, because they set me on fire, and it hurts." The scientists nod and write it down.
Then they go to a wind farm. They ask a wind turbine, "What do you think of wind power?"
The wind turbine just stands there and says, "I'm a huge fan."
I saw a lonely young man sitting at the bar
He was softly singing to himself *21 today, 21 today*.
Feeling sorry for the lad I bought him a beer.
With a smile and a nod of the head he sings *22 today, 22 today*!
It's the final day of the annual pirate convention, and the debate over the site of next years convention begins...
One pirate says, "how about ARRRbys!", many pirates nod in agreement.
Another pirate says, "how about ARRRkansas", even more pirates are pleased at that suggestion.
A third pirate says, "how about Boston!", a confused murmur spreads across the room, "stay with me here" says the pirate, "so we can pARRRk ARRRR cARRR in the hARRRRvard yARRRd!"
A cowboy buys a horse from the town pastor.
To make the horse go, you gotta yell, Thank God! And to make it stop, yell, Hallelujah," explains the pastor.
The cowboy thanks him and rides off. He rides all day and starts to nod off in the saddle when he notices he is about to ride straight over a cliff.
Quickly he yells to the horse, Hallelujah! Hallelujah! The horse grinds to a stop just at the edge of the cliff.
The cowboy wipes the sweat off his forehead, sighs and says, *"Phew, Thank God."*
An English speaker, a French speaker, a Spanish speaker, and a German speaker are in a park...
... when a man stands up on a table in front of them and asks if they can see him.
They all nod and say:
"Yes."
"Oui."
"Si."
"Ja."
An old blacksmith ...
... realised that soon he would not be able to work so hard. He picked out a strong young man to become his apprentice. The old fellow was crabby and exacting. "Don't ask me a lot of questions," he told the boy. "Just do whatever I tell you to do." One day the old blacksmith took an iron out of the forge and laid it on the anvil. "Get the hammer over there," he said. "When I nod my head, hit it real good and hard."
Now the town is looking for a new blacksmith.
The village blacksmith found an apprentice willing to work long and hard.
The blacksmith told the boy, "When I take the shoes out of the fire, I'll lay them on the anvil, and when I nod my head, hit it with the hammer." The apprentice did as he was told.
Now he's the village blacksmith.
A Jew, c**..., American and a Indian are sitting around a table
... and they're all sipping on their bourbon. They're all very rich and they c**... says " I think I will buy Apple. " And they all nod in approval save the jew.
Then the Indian says " I want to buy Google. " And they all nod in approval save the jew.
Then the American says " I want to buy Samsung " And they all nod in approval save the jew.
Then the jew shudders and says " sorry, not selling. "
A chinese couple, new parents, visit their doctor. "We're a little concerned about our son", the mother says...
..."He looks, well, caucasian!". The doctor has a look and agrees. " I see what you mean. Two wongs don't make a white". The parents nod. "By the way, what's his name?". The doctor asks. The father replies "Sum Ting Wong".
A wife and husband are going on a road trip
After a few hours, the wife decides thay she is tired
Wife: Y'know honey, i think i might take a nap
The husband gives her a nod, and after putting her chair into a comfortable position for sleeping, she dozes off
A while later, she wakes up,and notices that they are completely off road and in some place she doesn't recognize
Wife: Where the h**... are we!
Husband: I dont know, i just woke up Too
A young man approaches a fisherman standing in the river...
He waves to the fisherman and says, "Wow, great pole you've got there!"
The fisherman smiles, gives a slight nod, and says, "thank you!"
\- "And man, that's some of the coolest tackle I've ever seen!"
Smile, nod, "thank you!"
"Some high-quality bait, too."
Big smile... "thank you!"
The young man peers down into the river... "you know, the fish don't really come through here this time of year..."
The fisherman: "Yeah, I know."
\- "Well, what are you fishing for?"
The fisherman shrugs, "Compliments."
Instruction
The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard for long hours. The blacksmith immediately began his instructions to the lad: When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil, and when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer.
The apprentice did just as he was told. Now he's the village blacksmith.
Pirate Walks into a bar...
Bartender says - "Hey Pirate..." The Pirate walks over to the barkeep, and gives him a nod. The bartender says, "I don't mean to embarass you, but I noticed you've got a steering wheel attached to your c**...." The pirate looks down and says "ArrrH I know, and it be drivin me nuts!"
Girlfriend broke up with me for being handsome with long hair...
On her way out she says, you're always lion . All I could do was nod in agreement.
They say religion is the o**... of the masses
Makes sense, because when I go to church I nod off...
(This is actually a joke I made up. Thought I'd share)
Hit it on the head
The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard for long hours. The blacksmith instructed the boy, When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil; and when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer.
The apprentice did just as he was told. Now he's the village blacksmith.
Do people in other cultures really shake their head when they agree with something?
Yes, why nod?
What the best way to get drugs from a Scottish dealer?
Walk up to him, nod and say 'ken fit a mean?'
Why didn't Johnny Depp get an Oscar nod for Black Mass?
The nominee pool was w**...-nough already
What did the Kyptonian cheerleading coach say to the unenthusiastic yes-man?
Zeal before nod!
A Navajo woman asked me about a box of chocolates...
Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.
As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.
Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a white bag on the seat next to Sally. "What in bag?" asked the old woman. Sally looked down at the white bag and said, "It's a box of chocolates. I got it for my husband".
The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two, then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said: "Good trade."