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Noah Jokes

109 noah jokes and hilarious noah puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about noah that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Noah Short Jokes

Short noah jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The noah humour may include short liquidation jokes also.

  1. Why did the polar bears on Noah's Ark hang out near the insects? They were looking for the ark tick.
  2. Who was the best financier in the Bible? Noah. He floated his stock while the whole world was in liquidation.
  3. Why do writers hate the bible? It has terrible characters, Noah is the only one with an arc.
  4. What type of lights were on Noah's Ark? You'd think it would be floodlights, but in reality it was the Israelites!
  5. Why was Noah a great economist? He kept his stock afloat while everything else was in liquidation.
  6. Who was the greatest financer in the bible? Noah, cause he floated his stocks while the rest of the world was in liquidation.
  7. Mom: "How was school today, Noah?" Noah: "It was awesome! Today we made explosives!"
    Mom: "Very interesting. What will you do in school tomorrow?"
    Noah: "What school?"
  8. Too much water joke God: Noah, what do you think of the great flood I used to purge all the evil on Earth?
    Noah: Too much water.
  9. An English teacher asked their students: "Of all the characters in the Old Testament, who do you think is the most developed?" A student responded, "Noah, because he has the largest story Ark."
  10. Noah was fishing one day off the side of the ark. Suddenly he looked around and yelled out, "Can someone bring me the *other* worm?"

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Noah One Liners

Which noah one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with noah? I can suggest the ones about aquatic and testament.

  1. Where did Noah keep his bees? In the ark hives
  2. i think the story of Noah's life was a bit boring But it did have a nice arc
  3. How do we know Noah kept bees All the evidence was in the ark hives
  4. If you want to know how many bees Noah had... Check the ark hives.
  5. Why did Noah have so much difficulty fishing on the ark? He only brought two worms.
  6. If anyone of you here needs an ark.. I noah guy
  7. What did God say to Noah? Do a backup, I'm going to format it.
  8. Do you need an Ark? I Noah guy.
  9. If you ever need to fit 2 of every animal on a boat... I Noah guy.
  10. Torrential rainfall? Rising floodwaters?! No escape?!! Don't worry... I Noah guy.
  11. You need an Arc? I Noah guy.
  12. What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark? Flood lights
  13. Need to build an Ark? I Noah man...
  14. And then the God said: "Noah, make a backup. I'm going to format"
  15. Why hasn't Noah's Ark been found? Because it's Noah to be found.

Noah Flood Jokes

Here is a list of funny noah flood jokes and even better noah flood puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What did God say to all the animals during the Greaf Flood? Don't worry. I Noah guy
  • What did Noah use to see at night on the Ark? Flood lights.
  • God: Earth is going to be flooded. Someone should build an ark. Jesus: I Noah guy who can do it
  • If you need a boat when it starts flooding... I Noah guy.

Trevor Noah Jokes

Here is a list of funny trevor noah jokes and even better trevor noah puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Trevor Noah Joke about Herschel Walker It’s just gonna be like, They’re storming the Capitol! Oh no wait, wait, it’s Herschel Walker’s kids. It’s all of his kids.
  • Trevor Noah needs to go back to Africa and spend some quality time with his family.

    It's important that, no matter where you are in life, you never forget who you are and where you came from.
  • Who is the best known South African comedian besides Trevor Noah? Elon Musk
Noah joke, Who is the best known South African comedian besides Trevor Noah?

Noah joke, Who is the best known South African comedian besides Trevor Noah?

Unearthly Funniest Noah Jokes to Tickle Your Sides

What funny jokes about noah you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean biblical jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make noah pranks.

Why was Noah a great businessman?

He floated his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

After the Great Flood

After the Great Flood, Noah sends the animals to go forth and multiply.
A pair of snakes stayed behind. Noah asked, why they stayed.
The pair of snakes replies We can't multiply, we're adders ...
so Noah builds them a log table

Dear Noah

Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said you were leaving at 4:00.
Sincerely,
The Unicorns

Who are the greatest financiers in the bible?

Noah, all his stock was afloat when the rest of the world was in liquidation, and Pharaohs' daughter, who went to the bank and found a little prophet.

My little sister's sick burn

She's 7, which makes this so much better.
Her: Hey /u/Teeplaysgames, wanna know why Mom named Noah (our brother) Noah?
Me: Sure, why?
Her: Because the first time she saw him, she yelled "NOO! AHHHH!" and the doctor just wrote that down.

Why was Noah the best businessman?

He floated his stock while the rest of the world was in liquidation.
The greatest journalist? Samson. He took two columns and made an impression on everyone.

Corny jokes!

Q: Why can't a bicycle stand on its own?
A: Because it's two-tired.
Q: What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises?
A: It becomes daytrogen.
Q: Where did Noah keep his bees?
A: In the Ark Hives!
Q: Can February March?
A: No, but April May.
Q: What is it called when you kill a friend?
A: Homiecide
"Fish tanks are s**...!"
"Why?"
"Fish don't even have any militaries!"

How do you build a boat?

Well Im not sure, but I do Noah guy.

Do you need help transporting a lot of animals overseas?

Because I Noah guy

Italian Jesus

An Italian Jesus was asked what he was going to do about all the animals.
He replied
'Do you noah that-a guy with the arc?'

Where does Noah store his bees?

The ark-hives.

What did Moses say to the guy who wanted a boat

I Noah guy

Do you need an arc that can hold a lot of animals?

I Noah guy.

Anyone know someone who owns an ark?

I think I Noah guy...

What did Noah tell his son while they were fishing?

Better get this right, I only have 2 worms.

What did the aardvark say to Noah?

What do you mean you only brought two ants!?

What did Noah name the carpentry supply store he set up in Little Rock?

Ark-n-Saw.

Why didn't Noah let the Tasmanian devil in?

He was not an archdevil.

Noah...

The original Pokemon Master.

What did God say to Noah?

"Make a backup, I need to re-format this."

Someone once told me "What is right is not always popular and what is popular is not always right, think about how crazy people thought Noah was."

So I set aside my reservations and had s**... with my daughters

Why was Noah such a compelling character?

He had a good ark.

How do you know that Noah was white?

No black guy could go 40 days on a boat without eating chicken.

Noah and the Two Snakes.

Noah, after settling his ship down and letting loose the animals aboard his Ark unto the world, noticed a pair of snakes that were left behind.
"Well, what are you guys still doing here?" Asked Noah.
"Remember how you said 'go forth and multiply' ?" One of the snakes replied.
"Yes..." Noah responded, looking deeply confused.
"We can't, we're adders."

Why was Noah the best business man in the bible?

He floated his stock while everyone else was being liquidated

Which bird did Noah regret taking on the ark?

The woodpeckers.

When Noah reached land, he threw open the ark doors and said, "Go forth and multiply".

When all the animals cleared out, only a pair of confused looking snakes remained.
"Didn't you hear me? Go forth and multiply!" Said Noah, annoyed.
"We can't" replied one of the snakes. "We're adders".

What did Noah say after he let the dinosaurs in?

Welcome to Jurassic Ark

I just read the bible, really good book. Had a lot of character development

In my opinion, the Noah Arc was the best part

I like how when people in the Bible, like Noah, hear voices, it's "God speaking to them"

But when I hear voices I'm "Clinically insane"

You want an ark?

I Noah guy!

As the animals left the ark, Noah told them to go forth and multiply. After some time, he came upon two snakes who were just lying there sunning themselves...

So Noah asked them, Why aren't you multiplying?
The snakes replied, We can't, we're adders.

Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?

Noah - he was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

What do you call the place where Noah took all the pigs from the Arc?

Arkham

Noah was feeling bored on the Ark

His wife said, "Why don't you go outside and fish for a little?"
Noah agreed, grabbed his fishing pole and went out on the deck to fish.
He comes back in 10 minutes later, sits down, and pouts.
His wife asks him, "Why did you stop fishing?" and he says,
"I ran out of worms."

The most successful investor was Noah.

He floated stock, while everything else around him went into liquidation.

How did Noah figure out that his son isn't very smart ?

He built an aquariam on the Ark to save the fish.

God said let it rain for forty days and forty nights and Noah said...

That'll be good for the plants.

Why didn't they ever play cards on the Ark?

Because Noah was standing on the deck

Does anyone need an Ark?

If so contact me, I Noah guy.

Where did Noah put the penguins on the ark?

In the arctic section.
Note: my 7 yr old grand daughter made this up on the spot, after I told her this joke:
Where did Noah put the bees on the ark?
In the archives.
I think she's pretty clever.

Noah

I was just born and my dad asked my mom, "Do you have a name in mind?"
My mom said, "No, uh..."

Who's the best character in the Bible?

Noah, he has the best ark.

Need an ark to save two of every animal?

I noah guy.

Noah sent his animals to 'go forth and multiply'

A pair of snakes replied 'we can't multiply, we're adders' -- so Noah built them a log table.

After the waters receded, Noah commanded all the animals to "Go forth and multiply!"...

The ark quickly emptied, except for two small snakes, who stayed behind.
When Noah asked them why, they replied, "We can't multiply. We're adders."
Noah, being the resourceful man he was, immediately got busy cutting down trees and building a large table with the unfinished lumber therefrom.
And he saw that it was good.
The snakes were overjoyed when Noah picked them up and placed them on it. Noah and the snakes both knew that even adders could multiply on a log table.

Where did Noah keep his bee keeping manual.

In his Ark Hives.

A man is doing a crossword and asks his wife for help.

Husband: Body of water, three letters.
Wife: Bay.
Husband: Flying insect with stinger, three letters.
Wife: Bee.
Husband: To hush someone, four letters.
Wife: shhh.
Husband: Boat Noah built, three letters.
Wife: Ark.
Husband: DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO

Two Married Unicorns are Lying in Bed

The husband Unicorn, without looking up from his newspaper, says big storm's a brewin . The wife Unicorn then replies, well then I'm glad we didn't go on that cruise with your whack job friend Noah!

There are two great financial geniuses in the Bible

One was Noah, who floated his stock while everyone else had to go into liquidation.
The other one was pharaoh's daughter, who went to the bank of the Nile and drew out a prophet.

After The Flood...

After the flood, satisfied his work was done, Noah was inspecting the Ark one last time when he came across a pair of snakes.
"Why are you still here?" he asked in surprise. "It's safe now. Go forth! And multiply!"
The snakes stared at him in confusion.
"But....we're adders."

When Noah's Ark settled safely after the flood, he opened the doors and commanded the animals, Go forth and multiply."

All the animals departed from the Ark, except for two snakes in the back. Noah proclaimed again, Go forth and multiply, but the snakes stayed put. Perturbed, Noah asked them, Why have you not followed my command?
* We can't multiply. We're Adders. *

Need to build an Ark?

I Noah guy…

Snakes can't multiply!

After the waters receded, Noah commanded all the animals to "Go forth and multiply".
The ark quickly emptied except for two small snakes, who stayed behind.
When Noah why, they replied - we can't multiply, we are adders.
Noah immediately got busy cutting down trees and building a large table with the unfinished lumber therefrom.
The snakes were overjoyed when Noah picked them up and placed them on it. Noah and snakes both knew that even adders could multiply on a log table.

Who on earth is Noah Fence..?

And why do people keep mentioning him whenever they annoy me?

What do you call someone who refuses to "open up and say ah?"

Noah.

God: Noah, it's time to build another boat.

Noah: Oh, so soon! But hey, you are the boss. So the same, animals, two by two?
God: Actually no. We forgot the fish last time so this time this will be just for the fish.
God (again): Also, build it with more than one deck.
Noah: Big boat, only fish and several levels. Got it boss!
God: And another thing. Not just any fish. I want only Carp on the new boat.
Noah: So, let me get this right God.
You want a "Multi Storey
Carp Ark!"....

Do you need a boat of biblical proportions built?

Because I Noah guy. I hear he's a fantastic Arkitect.

Why didn't Noah do any fishing while he was on the ark?

He only had two worms.

Noah had just landed the ark.

After all the animals had disembarked he went back in to look around and there were two snakes in the corner crying. He said what's going on? I told you to go fourth and multiply.
They replied but we're adders!

Noah joke, Noah had just landed the ark.

jokes about noah