No Water Jokes
36 no water jokes and hilarious no water puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about no water that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest No Water Short Jokes
Short no water jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The no water humour may include short water boils jokes also.
- My friend just told me, 'I hope you die in a deep hole filled with water'. I know he means well.
- I was confused why there are so many stories about vampires in Europe, but not in Africa. Then I remembered that vampires are killed by holy water.
They bless the rain down in Africa. - I told my boss that three companies were after me and I need a raise.... My boss asked what companies?
Gas, water and electricity. - You can tell the gender of an ant by dropping it in water. If it sinks it's girl ant, If it floats it's boy ant.
- My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water" I know he means well...
- Today I learned that if you're in a canoe and it flips over in the water.... .....you can safely wear it on your head....because it's capsized.
- The best beginner pet is a Hamster. They live for 5 days and don't require any food or water.
- Just been challenged to a water fight by next door brat kids... Popped on here to check messages while the kettle boils.
- What weigh more, a gallon of water or a gallon of butane? The gallon of water. Butane is a lighter fluid.
^obligatory ^not ^my ^joke - President Biden has announced water is now only legal in three states. Solid, liquid and gas.
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No Water One Liners
Which no water one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with no water? I can suggest the ones about drinking water and no fuel.
- Why does France have so many river? Water follows the path of least resistance.
- Bud light has always been trans... It's water that identifies as beer.
- RIP boiling water You will be mist.
- This idiot on the treadmill at the gym. Just put a water bottle in the Pringles holder.
- Yo momma is so fat ... She took a jump in the pool, they found water on Mars.
- What do a glass of water and an Atheist have in common? Jesus can make them both wine.
- How do you jump higher on a water bed? You fill it with spring water.
- Jesus may have walked on water... But Stephen Hawking can run on batteries
- Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked
- Today I learned boiling water was really smart. It has like, 100 degrees.
- How do you make a water bed more bouncy? Add spring water
- What's the opposite of Holy Water? Nestle
- What do you get when you put jelly into Flint, Michigan's water supply? Pb & J.
- Why isn't Holy Water used in vaccines ? Because, you can't take the Lords name in vein.
- The earth is 80% water. None of that water is carbonated. The earth is flat.
No Water Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about no water you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bottle water jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make no water pranks.
An Englishman, Frenchman and a Soviet go to an art exhibition.
They come to a marble bust of Adam and Eve. The Englishman says "Look at their calm repose, their stiff upper lip. They must have been English."
The Frenchman says "Look at their nakedness, their natural artistic beauty. They must have been French."
The Soviet goes "No no. They have no food, no water, no clothes and no shelter, and they're told they live in a Paradise. They're obviously Russian!"
Joke best told with very bad accents
Jewish Business
A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was trudging through the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried towards it, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand selling ties.
The Taliban asked, "Do you have water"
The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5"
The Taliban shouted, "Infidel! I do not need an over-priced tie! I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!"
"OK, OK" said the old Jewish man, "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need. Shalom."
Muttering, the Taliban staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead, and said "Your f***ing brother won't let me in without a tie!"
Two men were lost in a desert...
Dehydrated and dying, the men see a mirage of hundreds and hundreds of tents up ahead. As they get closer, they realize it's not a mirage, but a huge market.
The men stagger into the marketplace, begging everyone around for water, but the first few tents sell only jelly.
Moving on into the market, the men beg and plead for water but the next tents only sell cake.
As the men move forward they're surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of tents selling icecream only, with no water in sight.
The men finally exit the cluster of tents still dehydrated, and dying.
The first man turns to the other and says, "Is it just me, or was that really odd?"
The other man replies, "Yeah. It WAS a trifle bazaar..."
There was a farmer who grew watermelons...
He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his water melon patch at night and eat his watermelons. After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next day, the kids show up and they saw the sign which read, "Warning! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide." The kids ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the farmer's sign. When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermelons are missing, but the sign next to his read, "Now there are two!!!"
A man is in the desert..
and he hasn't drink or eat in a few days. Suddenly, this magical fairy appears, but she has no water or food. She gave him all she could. The man finishes the bottle of warm liquid quickly and asks for another bottle. The fairy gives him another bottle and the man finished it quickly. The man asks for a third bottle, but the fairy says,"Sorry, you'll have to wait until next month."
Where can you find an ocean with no water?
On a map.
Let's try a joke I learned in the Philippines
A Filipino woman and her husband, an American, wake up the morning after their wedding and decide to take a shower together. In the middle of their fun, the water cuts out (as sometimes happens in the Philippines). The wife cries out, "Ay! Walang tubig!" ("Oh no! No water!" in Tagalog).
The husband replies, "Babe, you're wonderful, but if I'm being completely honest, it's not big, it's a little below average."
A thirsty man from Michigan went to California to find something to drink
Because no water is better than Michigan water.
A man decided to go to the pool.
A man decided to go to the pool. Just after getting there, he was ready to take a dive right in. Before he could do anything though, the lifeguard ran over to him urging him to stop.
"Sir, what on Earth do you think you are doing? There's no water in the pool!" He exclaimed.
"Oh, that's okay." The man replied." I can't swim!"
What has rivers but no water, forest but no trees and cities but no people?
A map.
In a survival situation, if there is no water, you can drink your own u**.......
... So just in case, I ALWAYS take a bottle of it wherever I go.
Why are ghosts always dehydrated?
They have a lot of boos but no water
What do you call a shower with no water?
A g**....
Jimmy has 7 apples, 4 oranges and no watermelons. What does Jimmy have?
Brain Damage.
How are there shells in the Middle East where there is no water?
ISIS brought their shells
A man named Martin is lost in the desert and came upon an oasis.
Upon stumbling into camp and drinking hastily from the well, the sheik of the oasis steps out of the largest tent and orders his guards to arrest him. The sheik explains that Martin has drunk from the precious little water left to the oasis and can either fight to the death with the sheik or dig and dig in the hot desert with no water till he finds another well. Martin, figuring he has no chance of surviving the digging, takes on the sheik.
The sheik, an expert fighter, pities him and offers him a shot of v**... to calm his nerves before facing his death. Martin, in his drunken stupor, takes up the sheik's sword and lops the sheik's head off with no warning. The whole oasis cries out in joy at the death of the tyrannical sheik and informs him that now he had become sheik himself, but Martin had already dozed off and not heard any of it, so they left him alone till he came to.
And on that day, the v**...'d Martin, he was sheik and not stirred.
Why can't black people swim?
Because there is no water in Africa.
A man named Nate
So, once upon a time in a poor country there was an earthquake. A rock slid down a hill and crushed a town's well. Now the town could not get fresh water and wasn't going to be able to live long. So they tried to move the rock. They got the biggest tree they could find and tried to pry it up, but it didn't budge. Finally, on the second day with no water a man named Nate went to move the rock. He lifted it up with relative ease and moved it. Then the town had fresh water again.
Morale: Better Nate than Lever.
A favorite joke of the Swiss (although any country combo will do)
A group of Austrians, embarrassed of the Swiss engineers, approach them with a request to build a bridge in the Sahara. "We want to build the most beautiful bridge, with perfect precision, workmanship, and quality to last a thousand years".
The Swiss Engineers, intrigued by the challenge, go to work. Six months later, they present the Austrians with their timeless bridge in all its glory!
"Hahaha, you dumb Swiss, there's no water in the Sahara, we made you build a useless bridge", teased the Austrians with great fervour. "Now tear it down"
Reply the Swiss engineers: "We would, but there's a group of Austrians fishing off it".
Two explorers are lost in the desert...
...they're dying of thirst, and have been wandering for days. Finally, off in the far distance, they see a camp of beautiful tents. Hoping that it is not a mirage, they crawl desperately towards it. On arriving, they find that it's a market. They stagger up to the first tent they see, and say to the shopkeeper "Water, please! Water, we're dying of thirst!"
The shopkeeper says to them "I am sorry, my friends- I have no water. All I have is this bowl, full of jelly, sponge and custard, topped with cream and s**... chocolate."
Perplexed, but undeterred, the explorers stagger to the next stand, only to be met with the same answer. At all of the dozens of stands in this market, all they are offered are these bowls, not a drop of water to be had.
As they leave the market, one explorer says to the other "Well, that was very strange".
The second explorer replies: "Yes, it was a trifle bazaar".
A man is walking in a desert for several days.
Clearly he's dehydrated and on the brink of death. A tie salesman happen to find him and the man requests water.
"I have no water but I can sell you this tie for $15"
"I want no tie I need water I've been here for days!"
"How about $10?"
"Please I just need some water"
"Last offer! $5 dollars for a tie"
"I just need some water"
"Ok, ok clearly I see you suffering. There's a restaurant a mile north from here"
When the man gets there he asks a waitress for some water. the waitress replies
"I'll be happy to help you but you need a tie for any service"
