No Strings Attached Jokes
113 no strings attached jokes and hilarious no strings attached puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about no strings attached that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest No Strings Attached Short Jokes
Short no strings attached jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The no strings attached humour may include short friends with benefits jokes also.
- A friend gave me a free guitar the other day, but I've been having trouble playing it I guess I can't complain though, it's not often someone just gives you something with no strings attached
- For sale: Guitar
Yoyo
puppet
Kite
£5 for the lot
Genuine reason for sale
No strings attached - For Sale... Parachute: $300.
Slightly stained.
Used once; never opened.
No strings attached. - TIL the company Tampax donates their slightly defective tampons to women's prisons No strings attached
- My yo-yo business is failing, and I don't know why! People usually love a no strings attached policy!
- My wife saw an ad in a window Which said "tampons 50cents"
Is that true, she asked the shopkeeper...
Very true, he said...."no strings attached" - I made a dating app for marionettes, and it failed. Everyone wanted No Strings Attached dating.
- The old woman who lived in a shoe wasn't the sole owner. There still were strings attached.
- I shouldn't have bought balloons from a salesman with commitment issues. There were no strings attached.
- Walking down the street today someone handed me a free air guitar... No strings attached...
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No Strings Attached One Liners
Which no strings attached one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with no strings attached? I can suggest the ones about nymphomaniac and hooking up.
- Go bungee jumping for free! No strings attached.
- Does anyone want to buy a broken yo-yo? No strings attached
- Free parachute No strings attached!
- I'm giving away parachutes for free. No strings attached.
- I'm thinking of giving away my broken marionette. No strings attached
- I've got a parachute for sale. Never been used. Cheap. No strings attached.
- I'm giving away a broken puppet. No strings attached.
- I always thought about playing the guitar But there were just too many strings attached
- I'm selling a guitar for £5 No strings attached.
- Just bought a guitar. The sale felt a little dodgy, lots of strings attached.
- Why can't puppets have one night stands? There's always strings attached.
- Free Bungie Jumping Lessons No strings attached!
- Broken puppets for sale... No strings attached.
- I'm giving away my old marionette for free No strings attached
- A local music shop is giving away free guitars! No strings attached!
No Strings Attached Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about no strings attached you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean two strings jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make no strings attached pranks.
Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence–a life sentence.
Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.
Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.
Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.
Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "rings":
* The Engagement Ring
* The Wedding Ring
* The Suffe-Ring
* The Endu-Ring
A parrot was in a pet shop with a string attached to each leg when a man walked in looking to buy a pet.
A shopkeeper came over and started to try and sell him a dog when the man noticed the parrot.
He asked what the strings were for and the shopkeeper replied, "Well, if you pull the right string the parrot says, 'Polly wanna c**...'. If you pull the left string it says, 'my name's Sam'".
The man being of the inquisitive nature tried both and thought it was really neat, but was still curious.
So he asked what would happen if he pulled both strings, the parrot piped up, "I'd fall off the perch you idiot!"
A woman once wanted me to father her child no strings attached.
In other words, "I like your genes, but I don't like what you've done with them." I agreed but with one condition. She had to put it up for adoption.
Why do people who like b**... shy away from anonymous one-night stands?
There's no strings attached.
Two doctors
One night a man and a woman are both at a bar knocking back a few beers. They start talking and come to realize that they're both doctors. After about an hour, the man says to the woman, "Hey. How about if we sleep together tonight. No strings attached. It'll just be one night of fun." The woman doctor agrees to it.
So they go back to her place and he goes in the bedroom. She goes in the bathroom and starts scrubbing up like she's about to go into the operating room. She scrubs for a good 10 minutes. Finally she goes in the bedroom and they have s**... for an hour or so.
Afterwards, the man says to the woman, "You're a surgeon, aren't you?" "Yeah, how did you know?" The man says, "I could tell by the way you scrubbed up before we started." "Oh, that makes sense", says the woman. " You're an anesthesiologist aren't you?" "Yeah", says the man , a bit surprised. "How did you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
Pinocchio is walking down the street...
...and he runs into a wizard, who says, "Hey, Pinocchio, give me five bucks and I'll turn you into a real boy."
"What's the catch?" Pinocchio asks suspiciously.
"No catch," the wizard replies, "Just give me five bucks and I'll turn you into a real boy, no strings attached."
5 boxes for a dollar...
A woman walks into a drug store to buy tampons. She notices a group of tampons stacked on a table in the corner with a sign on them saying, "5 boxes for a dollar."
Well, the woman just can't believe this price so she asks the clerk if it was correct.
He replies, "Oh yes, 5 for a dollar."
She says, "That can't be right!"
The clerk responds, "Oh yes, it's right!! 5 boxes for a dollar, no strings attached."
The chairman of Perdue Chicken goes to the Vatican to meet the pope.
Jim Perdue, CEO of Perdue Chicken, goes to the Vatican to meet the pope. He says "Pope Francis, it is an honor to meet you. As you know, I am a devoted Catholic, and I'm bringing a generous donation today - 2 million dollars - and in return I simply ask you hear a proposal."
Pope Francis says, "yes, of course."
Jim Perdue says "I propose you change all references of bread to chicken. For example, 'Give us this day out daily chicken.' And instead of bread-based Eucharist, you could give chicken nuggets."
Pope Francis says, "sir, that is really not a feasible proposal."
Perdue says, "tell you what, I'll donate the $2 million no strings attached, but if you implement my proposal, I'll donate another $20 million."
The Pope merely thanks him and leaves the room.
The next day, at a meeting with his cardinals, the pope says, "Exalted cardinals of the Roman Catholic Church... we need to discuss the Wonderbread account."
An Arab wandering through the Sahara
finds an old bronze lamp. When he uncorks it, out comes a genie dressed in black, with side curls a yarmulke.
"Oy, someone has *finally* freed me from that prison! I will grant you *1 wish*."
"You covetous Jew, you will give me *3* wishes!"
"It is 1 or I give you nothing, you vile Arab!"
So the Arab thinks and says,
"I know what I *really* want, more than anything. And it is to be wanted—nay!—*needed* by beautiful young women all the world over!"
And *p**...!* the Jewish genie turns him into a t**.... The lesson here is that when you do business with a Jewish genie, there is going to be a string attached.
Black guy and Jewish Genie
A black man is walking along the beach one day, when he finds a bottle. He picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Jewish Genie.
"I vill grant you 3 vishes"
Without hesitating, the man says "I wanna be White, Tight, and out of sight!"
*p**...*
He turns into a t**... ....
What's the moral of the story?
You never get anything from a Jew, without a string attached.
What is pinocchio's favourite kind of s**...?
No strings attached.
My wife just got an IUD. She says her period will only last about a day now.
I said, "there's gotta be strings attached."
Did you hear the amusement park was offering free bungee jumping?
No strings attached!
Free Bungee Jumping Offer for next 48 hours!
No strings attached!
A man is getting ready to go on a business trip...
He has been suspicious of his wife cheating on him. So he places under his bed a spoon attached to a string that hangs on the metal frame with a bowl of milk under it. He measures the weight of his wife in bed alone to make sure it is not in the milk unless there is more weight.
The man leaves and comes home after a few days and looks under his bed to find a bowl of butter.
Pinocchio signed up for Tinder
He wants a relationship with no strings attached.
EXCLUSIVE OFFER: 1,000 tampons for only $5
No strings attached.
The musical doctor
Man: Doctor Doctor I need a cure for my depression.
Doctor: Music is great therapy, here, I'll loan you my old guitar, it's broken but you should get some use out of it.
Man: Hang on, why would you lend me your guitar just like that? Is there some sort of hidden clause in this?
Doctor: Don't worry, there's no strings attached.
ba dum tss.
A man is selling a marionette doll...
And someone comes up to him and offers to buy it. "Actually," says the man, "I'll give it away for free."
"Really?" Asks the customer, suspicious. "What's the catch?"
The man says, "No strings attached!"
What do you call a relationship that never works out between guitarists?
No strings attached
I just received a discount offer for a brand new guitar...
... no strings attached!
Guitar for sale
No strings attached
s**... Pun Joke for Guitarists
She wants the D...major. So I picked her up in a barre. f**... was much easier that way. And yeah, the f**... was easier, but there's always strings attached.
Offer: free guitar
No strings attached
The UK announced it's removing tax from t**... sales.
Though there will undoubtedly be strings attached.
Why was Pinocchio a womanizer?
He only got into relationships with no strings attached.
How do puppets have s**...?
No strings attached.
Why do tampons have strings attached?
So you can floss after you eat.
Alt ending: So the c**... can bungee jump.
I bought a broken marionette the other day
No strings attached.
How did the rock concert fail?
There were no strings attached.
I got a great deal on a Kite, no strings attached!
It flew away.
My mate sold me a guitar for £5...
No strings attached
The little old woman who lived in a shoe...
...wasn't the sole owner - there were strings attached.
Why can't you ever build a great relationship with an archer?
Because at the end of they day they don't want any strings attached!
Why did I give a stranger my broken guitar?
There were no strings attached
Why isn't Pinocchio in a serious relationship?
Because he wants no strings attached.
A woman sees a sale sign that says "Tampons: 3 boxes for $5"
Wanting to take advantage of the deal, she goes into the store. The sales attendant immediately comes up to her and asks if he can help her, she says, "Yes, I saw a sign outside that said you have a sale going for tampons, are they really just $5 for three whole boxes?
The sales attendant replies," Yes ma'am, they're three boxes for $5, and there are no strings attached."
Hooked up the other day
The girl was a marioneteer. She wanted something more, but I prefer s**... with no strings attached.
I might be the worst puppeteer...
But at least I 'm trustworthy. My shows have no strings attached.
A man returns to the music shop with his new guitar
He goes up to the manager and complains "How could you sell this to me?"
The manager responds "What's the problem? We sold you a guitar, no strings attached!"
A computer programmer is called to code a video game.
He says, "I'll work for free. No strings attached. Except for this one."
Selling a broken puppet for $1...
no strings attached!!!
My friend gave me his favorite guitar as a gift.
Couldn't play it though, there were no strings attached.
A guy gave me a guitar for free
No strings attached!
What do you call a lime with strings attached?
Limewire
To give away - One broken guitar...
No strings attached.
I like my women how I like my bananas:
No strings attached.
My wife asked if I would donate my kidney to her if she ever needed it. I said I would but there's strings attached.
..and veins and arteries.
The sign on the music shop read "Get Your Free Guitar Now! No Terms and Conditions applied".
Bob quickly got hold of one of them and unpacked the package. He was surprised to see that the guitar lacked strings.
I guess you could say:
"There were no strings attached."
My city is handing out free healthcare products to women,
Free tampons? No strings attached.
A really kind old man tried to sell me an expensive marionette for $5
I thought this was a great offer and bought it straight away, but now I understand what he meant by "$5, no strings attached".
Did you hear that the prices of tampons have gone down recently?
Yeah, no strings attached!
What did the saxophone player say at the p**... convention?
Who wants to have some sax? No strings attached!
Tampons on sale
A woman goes into the drug store and notices a large stack of tampons in the corner with a sign above saying: "Special Offer, Five Boxes for $2.50"
She says to the assistant. What's the catch"?
The assistant replies "It's a genuine offer, five boxes for $2.50, no strings attached.
I was going to try this yo-yo diet I keep hearing about, but I couldn't commit to it.
There were too many strings attached
Woman goes to a doctor with a t**... lodged inside her...
Doctor: So how did this happen?
Woman: I don't know, I mean I didn't get them from the store as usual, I saw a special deal on eBay, a hundred boxes for $1!
Doctor: A hundred boxes for $1? Didn't that sound suspiciously cheap to you?
Woman: Well I thought that too, so I checked the entire listing and it said plain and clear
One hundred boxes of tampons for $1...
...no strings attached!
Yo-yo insurance;
No strings attached!
I bought a guitar the other day. The guy selling it to me have me a great deal. Do you know why?
There were no strings attached.
Are you looking for no strings attached s**...?
Contact my ex wife, she seems to be giving out an awful lot of that.
You ladies who only use tampons should really give pads a try. I'll even send you a sample for free.
No strings attached
I like my women like my Roomba
Ready to s**... anywhere anytime, without any strings attached.
Hello, sir. I'd like a banana.
With no strings attached.
I created an dating app for marionettes and it failed!
They were all looking for No Strings Attached.
As a frugal shopper, I was thrilled when I saw a great deal on used tampons. Best part?
No strings attached
Trump cuts a deal after impeachment
He gives up his fortune, is not allowed to work or invest in any industry that he was previously in, and only has a very minimal amount of money to get himself started.
Everybody thought he would end up under a bridge or jumping off a bridge in no time, but love him or hate him, he is one stubborn, determined s**....
He opens up a small business, something he never even imagined all these years ago, but thinks he can still apply his core values to, bungee jumping.
The day comes he is ready to open, so he brings his sign out the front. Bungee jumping: Adults $400, Children $300. Black's and Mexicans: free, no strings attached.