No Socks Day Jokes
19 no socks day jokes and hilarious no socks day puns to laugh out loud. Read holiday jokes about no socks day that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest No Socks Day Short Jokes
Short no socks day jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The no socks day humour may include short wearing socks jokes also.
- [Bad joke] The other day my sister asked me what the difference between cellular division and a sock is To which I replied 'Nothing, they both involve mitosis'
- Franks wife was going away... She told him to put on a clean pair of socks everyday,
After 7 days he couldn't fit his shoes on. - Tomorrow is downs syndrome Awareness Day You're supposed to wear crazy socks.
I'm just going to wear extra jeans. - Borrowed a pair of my stepdad's socks the other day He said to be careful as they were his lucky golfing socks.
They have a hole in one. - Did you hear about the guy who put on a clean pair of socks every day of the week? By Friday he could hardly get his shoes on.
- All the kids at daycare were wearing each other's socks today when we picked our son up Must've been a busy trading day at the Sock Market
- MY friends are like second-day socks... They come through in a pinch, but they really stink sometimes.
- One time I had to blow my nose and didn't have Kleenex, so I used a sock. Sadly, that wasn't the only thing I had used the sock for that day.
- Today is Saint Nikolaus Day, which, in some cultures, is when people leave their shoes outside their door and wake up to candy inside them What's next? We'll start getting presents in our socks?!
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No Socks Day One Liners
Which no socks day one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with no socks day? I can suggest the ones about socks and snow day.
- If every day is a gift... ... then today is socks.
No Socks Day Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about no socks day you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean workers day jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make no socks day pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Polish joke
A Polish man named Wojciech was fed up with being called a dumb p**... by every one he met. So one day he decided to pretend to be German. Wearing Liederhosen, knee socks and a feathered cap, he walked into a shop and told the man behind the counter:
"Hello my name is Rolf and I would like to buy some schnitzel, some saurbraten, some pretzels and some beer."
The counterman said "Get outta here you dumb p**...!".
Wojciech cried, "No no no! I am German! Don't you see my Liederhosen? Why do you think I am Polish?"
The counterman says "This is a hardware store."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman hadn't had s**... with her husband in 10 years, yet she berated him every day for their lack of children. Finally having enough, he told her to put a sock in it!
She's due in July.
A young blonde, leaving home for a one week visit to New York
A young blonde, leaving home for a one week visit to New York, was told by her mother to put on clean socks every day. By the end of the week she couldn't get her shoes on.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The rich lady comes home after a day of shopping,
when she stumbles on one of her many servants in the hallway. She looks at him head to toe, and demands:
\- Come here.
The servant, heads down, obeys.
\- Take off my jacket.
Hands shaking, he obliges.
\- Now... Take off my dress.
Slowly, he does so.
\- Hm... Now take off my socks and my garter belt.
He does so, not saying a word.
\- Now... My bra and my p**...!
Looking down and shaking, he obeys.
\- Now, if I get you wearing my clothes ever again, I will fire you once and for all, do you understand?!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Portrait Artist
A rich woman wants to commission a well-renowned artist to paint a portrait of her. She arranges to meet with him to discuss terms.
She tells him, "Price is no object, but I have only one condition. I want you to paint me in the n**...."
This takes him a bit by surprise, as he is a married man, "Uh, I apologize ma'am, but I don't think I can agree to that-"
"I'll pay you ten thousand dollars," she interrupts him.
Again he is taken aback and considers, "Well... Let me ask my wife first, and if she consents then we have a deal."
They agree and he goes home. The next day, the artist returns. He gives the lady the verdict, "All right, my wife says it is fine, but you'll have to let me keep my socks on so I have somewhere to wipe my brushes."
A rancher dies and leaves everything to his wife
She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.
For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.
One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return.
Two o'clock and no hired hand.
Finally he returned a round two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her..
"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots."
He did as she asked, ever so slowly.. "Now take off my socks."
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
"Now take off my skirt."
He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light. "Now take off my bra.." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."
Converting Units:
1. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi
2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton
3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope
4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond
5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram
6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong
7. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling
8. Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon
9. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz
10. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower
11. 4 nickels = 2 paradigms
12. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
13. 1 million-million microphones = 1 megaphone
14. 2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
15. 365.25 days = 1 unicycle
16. 2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds
17. 52 cards = 1 decacards
18. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 FigNewton
19. 1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen
20. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
21. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin
22. 10 rations = 1 decoration
23. 100 rations = 1 C-ration
24. 2 monograms = 1 diagram
25. 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 IV League
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Irish Painter
An Irish painter by the name of Murphy, while not a brilliant scholar,
was a gifted portrait artist.
Over a short number of years, his fame grew and soon people from all
over Ireland were coming to the town of Miltown in County Clare, to
get him to paint their likenesses.
One day, a beautiful young English woman arrived at his house in a
stretch limo and asked if he would paint her in the n**.... This being
the first time anyone had made such a request he was a bit perturbed,
particularly when the woman told him that money was no object; in
fact, and she was willing to pay up to 10,000 pounds.
Not wanting to get into any marital strife, he asked her to wait while
he went into the house to confer with Mary, his wife. They talked
much about the Rightness and Wrongness of it. It was hard to make the
decision but finally his wife agreed, on one condition.
In a few minutes he returned.
"T'would be me pleasure to paint yer portrait, missus," he said "The
wife says it's okay.
"I'll paint you in the n**... all right; but I have to at least leave me
socks on, so I have a place to wipe me brushes."
