No Sleeve Jokes
134 no sleeve jokes and hilarious no sleeve puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about no sleeve that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest No Sleeve Short Jokes
Short no sleeve jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The no sleeve humour may include short sleeve jokes also.
- People always ask me how I sneak chocolate into the cinema. Well ... I got a few Twix up my sleeve.
- I saw my son eating chocolate even after I confiscated all his Halloween candy. I asked him where he got that from. He said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."
- I almost got busted for shoplifting candy today... But I got out of it. I've got a couple of twix up my sleeve.
- Chinese magican Did you hear about the Chinese Magican who did magic with Chocolate?
I heard he had loads of Twix up his sleeve. - I bought a shirt and some neckwear from Ebay that used to belong to the guy from the Mamas & the Papas All the sleeves are brown and the tie is gray
- Did you hear about the magician that had chocolate in his shirt? He had some Twix up his sleeve
- I asked a pregnant woman if I could feel the baby She said that I could, but once I started rolling my sleeve up past my elbow she ran away. Rude.
- Starting this Thursday, some movie theaters will not allow large bags inside the theater But thank god I have a few twix up my sleeve
- Did you hear about the chocolate bar burglar?! The police are trying to catch him, but he's always got a few Twix up his sleeve!
- If a arm covered in tattoos is called a "sleeve", what do you call a full body covered in tattoos? A mistake.
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No Sleeve One Liners
Which no sleeve one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with no sleeve? I can suggest the ones about no neck and no arm no leg.
- I steal candy bars using slight of hand... You could say I have a few Twix up my sleeve
- I'm a pro at shoplifting candy bars. How, you ask? I got a few Twix up my sleeve.
- How do you get a Jewish Girl's number? Roll up her sleeve!
- Did you hear about the candy magician? He's got a couple of twix up his sleeve
- How did the chocolatier escape police custody? He had a few twix up his sleeve.
- When it comes to stealing chocolate bars... I have a couple twix up my sleeve
- I asked a Jewish girl for her number. She rolled up her sleeve.
- What do you call a short sleeved British shirt? A tea-shirt.
Please don't hurt me. - Guy puts candy bar in shirt His dad always said to keep Twix up your sleeve.
- Have you heard about the chocolate box thief? He's always got a few Twix up his sleeve.
- My principal doesn't allow guns in school... ...So i had to put on a long sleeve shirt
- What do you call a shirt missing its sleeves? An ampu-tee.
- What do you call a group of white people A sleeve, because that's what crackers come in.
- I've got an ace up my sleeve (It's me i'm ace)
(and i'm in these sleeves) - I got this Jewish girl's number She rolled her sleeve up
No Sleeve Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about no sleeve you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean missing arm jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make no sleeve pranks.
My daughter learned to count!
My daughter woke me around 11:50 last night. My wife and I had picked her up from her friend Sally's birthday party, brought her home, and put her to bed. My wife went into the bedroom to read while I fell asleep watching the Braves game.
"Daddy," she whispered, tugging my shirt sleeve. "Guess how old I'm going to be next month."
"I don't know, beauty," I said as I slipped on my glasses. "How old?"
She smiled and held up four fingers.
It is 7:30 now. My wife and I have been up with her for almost 8 hours. She still refuses to tell us where she got them.
The Magician and the Parrot
There was magician on a cruise ship, and he was really good.
He was performing the highlight of his show when a parrot walked onstage and squawked, ''It's in his sleeve!''
The magician chased the bird away.
The next day the magician was performing his highlight again (in front of a smaller audience) when the parrot walked onstage and declared, ''It's in his pocket!''
The next day, as he was performing the highlight, he saw the parrot in the crowd. But before the parrot could ruin the magic trick, the boat crashed into a rock and sank.
The magician was lucky enough to find a board to hang on to. On the other end of the board was the parrot.
They stared at each other for three full days, neither of them saying anything, when suddenly the parrot said, ''I give up, what'd you do with the ship?''
There was once a magician on a cruise ship who performed mainly sleight of hand tricks
. He had a regular spot on the ship's cabaret evening entertainment. He was actually quite a good magician, but his routines were regularly ruined by the onboard parrot who would fly around squawking out and giving away his secrets like:
"IT'S UP HIS SLEEVE, IT'S UP HIS SLEEVE!"or
"IT'S IN HIS POCKET, IT'S IN HIS POCKET!"or
"IT'S IN HIS MOUTH, IT'S IN HIS MOUTH!"
The magician was getting pretty sick of this and threatened to kill the parrot if it ruined his act one more time. That evening right at the c**... of his act, just as he was about to disappear in a puff of smoke, the ship hit an iceberg and sank in seconds.
Amazingly, the magician and the parrot were the only two survivors. The magician was lying on a piece of driftwood in a daze. As he opened his eyes he could see the parrot staring at him out of its beady little eye.
The parrot sat there for hours just staring at him and eventually said,
"OK, I give up, what did you do with the ship?"
What did the Mexican say with one sleeve rolled up and one sleeve not?
Not even, homes
Jewish jokes.
1: How do you pick up a Jewish girl? - A dustpan
2: How do you get a Jewish girl's number? - Roll up her sleeve.
Three pregnant women are sitting in a doctors.
Three pregnant women are sitting in a doctors waiting room knitting. Mom 1 checks her watch and takes a pill "Vitamin C, good for mom, good for baby." Mom 2 takes a pill and says, "Vitamin A, good for mom, good for baby." Mom 3 takes a pill and says, "Thalidomide...I can't knit sleeves."
The greatest salesman....
So the greatest salesman of all time sees a potential customer and stops him. The customer tells the salesman that he is in a hurry, the salesman tells him that he is selling energy drinks so he can get faster to his destination. I dont have time for this, says the customer. Time!! I'm selling Citizen, Bulova, Mont Blanc. No thanks, says the customer i'm in a hurry got to go to the office. Office!!! says the salesman, I got Desks, Computers, Laptops, Pen. STOP BOTHERING MEEE!!! I do not feel well. SICK!! Says the salesman, Panadol, Tylenol, Peptobismol... OK!! says the customer, do you sell guns??, GUNS!!! I have Magnum, 9mm, Shotguns..
Give me a 9mm.. and bam.. shoot the sales man twice in the chest.... KEVLAR!!!!! Long sleeve, short sleeve, no sleeve.... :/
A Canadian in New York
A Canadian is drinking in a New York bar when he gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Canadian baby boy weighing 25 pounds.
Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Canuck just shrugs, "That's about average up North, folks... like I said, my boy's a typical Canadian baby boy."
Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "WOW" were heard.
Two weeks later the Canadian returns to the bar.
The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of that typical Canadian baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth, aren't you? Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. We were gonna call you. So how much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds."
The bartender is puzzled and concerned. "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born."
The Canadian father takes a slow swig from his Molson beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says,
"Had him circumcised".
Pilot Choice
As the crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him. Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear.
Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt.
All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause. As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve.
"Excuse me, General," she asks quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?"
The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door, on any flight I choose."
Help With An Old Joke
Please help me figure out the punch line of the following joke:
Did you hear about the young woman who had a date with the big butter and egg man? Next morning she was telling her friends about him: Young Woman-- And is he generous! Why he bought me the most adorable mink coat! Friend (skeptically) -- And just what did you have to do for it? Young Woman -- Just shorten the sleeves, honey!
The post about the Auschwitz survivors reminded me about this. An old jewish man...
An old Jewish man played the lottery every day, and finally after a lifetime of buying tickets, he wins big. The very first thing he bought was a giant golden statue of Adolf h**... and put it on display in his front lawn.
Of course, the man became a local celebrity. He just won the lottery and everyone was coming by his house to congratulate him. A local news reporter stopped by and asked the old man, "Sir, congratulations on winning so much money! But I have to ask... What's with the giant statue of h**... on your front lawn?
The old man smiles... he rolls up his sleeve, reveals his forearm and says "Well... he DID give me the winning numbers.
(Yeah, I see you cringing)
If World War One were a bar fight.
Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in the middle of a pub when Serbia bumps into Austria and spills Austria's pint. Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit because there are splashes on its trouser leg. Germany expresses its support for Austria's point of view. Britain recommends that everyone calm down a bit. Serbia points out that it can't afford a whole suit, but offers to pay for the cleaning of Austria's trousers. Russia and Serbia look at Austria. Austria asks Serbia who it's looking at. Russia suggests that Austria should leave its little brother alone. Austria inquires as to whose army will assist Russia in compelling it to do so.
Germany appeals to Britain that France has been looking at it, and that this is sufficiently out of order that Britain should not intervene. Britain replies that France can look at who it wants to, that Britain is looking at Germany too, and what is Germany going to do about it? Germany tells Russia to stop looking at Austria, or Germany will render Russia incapable of such action. Britain and France ask Germany whether it's looking at Belgium. Turkey and Germany go off into a corner and whisper. When they come back, Turkey makes a show of not looking at anyone.
Germany rolls up its sleeves, looks at France, and punches Belgium. France and Britain punch Germany. Austria punches Russia. Germany punches Britain and France with one hand and Russia with the other. Russia throws a punch at Germany, but misses and nearly falls over. Japan calls over from the other side of the room that it's on Britain's side, but stays there. Italy surprises everyone by punching Austria. Australia punches Turkey, and gets punched back. There are no hard feelings because Britain made Australia do it. France gets thrown through a plate glass window, but gets back up and carries on fighting. Russia gets thrown through another one, gets knocked out, suffers brain damage, and wakes up with a complete personality change.
Italy throws a punch at Austria and misses, but Austria falls over anyway. Italy raises both fists in the air and runs round the room chanting. America waits till Germany is about to fall over from sustained punching from Britain and France, then walks over and smashes it with a bar stool, then pretends it won the fight all by itself. By now all the chairs are broken and the big mirror over the bar is shattered. Britain, France and America agree that Germany threw the first punch, so the whole thing is Germany's fault . While Germany is still unconscious, they go through its pockets, steal its wallet, and buy drinks for all their friends.
A Parrot and a magician on a ship
A Magician, who performs magic tricks on a ship had a parrot which helped him perform his tricks. One day, the parrot died so the magician replaced him with a new one.
On the night of his first show, the parrot would keep giving away his tricks "It's in the hat"..."it's up his sleeve"..."It's under the table"..fustrated, the magician cut his show short. Shorlty after, there was a hurricane and the ship sunk, the magician and the parrot managed to get them selves onto a raft.
The first day passed and not a word was spoken, the magician and his parrot were sat there lookign at each other waiting for help. As day 2 arrised, the parrot is looking around confused and fustrated. Eventually, the parrot turns to the magician and says "Alright, i give up. What have you done with the ship".
Long Sleeve Woven Shirts
If you try to get the best quality long sleeve woven shirt, then you have to make sure that good attempts are made by you to get the perfect one.
A man on fire
A man is filling up his car tank with gasoline and accidentally gets some on his hand. He doesn't notice it, so when he gets into his car he lights a cigarette. His arm instantly catches on fire. The man sticks his arm out the window and begins to wave it around attempting to blow out the flames crawling up his sleeve. A policeman sees the man struggling with his arm on fire and arrests him on the spot for an unlicensed firearm.
Did you hear about the magician who could make a full breakfast appear out of nowhere?
He has some Trix up his sleeves.
:D
I told my wife I need to sign up for concealed carry classes...
She asked me, "Why do you need to sign up for concealed carry classes?"
I told her, "It's getting cold outside, every time I put on a long sleeve shirt I am carrying two concealed guns."
She look at me and said, "Honey, marshmallow canons aren't real guns, you'll be fine."
:(
An Irishman was drinking in a bar in London when he gets a call on his cell phone.
He orders drinks for everybody in the bar as he announces his wife has just produced a typical Irish baby boy weighing 25 pounds.
Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at
25 pounds, but the man just shrugs, "That's about average up our way, folks... like I said… my boy's a typical County Clare baby boy."
Two weeks later the man returns to the bar.
The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of that typical Irish baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth, aren't you?
Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in two weeks; so how much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds."
The bartender is puzzled and concerned. "What happened? He was 25 pounds the day he was born."
The father takes a slow swig of his Jameson Irish Whiskey, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly say, "had him circumcised."
Did you hear about the blonde woman who has three hours of footage of raw chicken on her iPhone?
The cooking instructions said remove sleeve and film.
My friend and I are going to see a movie.
As we enter the theatre, we see a sign that says "no food or drink permitted."
Quietly I say, "I have a way to get around this."
To which he says, "How? It's not like we have a purse or huge pockets to hide things in."
I replied, "I've got a couple Twix up my sleeves."
One Wish
A man was walking along the beach when he found an old bottle buried in the sand. He picked it up and cleaned it with his sleeve. Whereupon a genie appeared and offered him one wish.
"Well my family lives in Australia. It would be great if there was a bridge between here and Australia so I could drive and visit them."
"What!" cried the genie. "Have you any idea what building such a bridge would involve? The gigantic pillars all the way to the sea bed? The hundreds of gas stations to be supplied? The chaos to the shipping lanes? Are you sure there isn't anything else you'd like?"
The man thought for a moment. "Y'know, I've never had much luck in my relationships. Could you give me a complete understanding of women?"
The genie replied, "Was it four lanes you wanted or six?"
I decided to hand out free Twix bars to people passing by on the street.
I did this for about 10 minutes, then someone noticed I had no more in my hand.
"Aww, was that your last one?" they asked.
I replied "Don't worry, I have more Twix up my sleeve."
An illusionist was employed to entertain the guests of a cruise ship.
He had a handful of good tricks he performed quite well and because there was a new audience every other week or so, he didn't have to worry about coming up with new ones. The trouble came when the Captain's talking parrot, after watching the same show time and time again, started to figure the tricks out and then proceed to ruin the shows by shouting out loud things like: - There's a mirror on the side of that box! He's hiding the card up his sleeve! and so on. The illusionist was outraged but could not do anything to the Capitan's beloved pet.One unfortunate night the ship sunk. All that was left was a lifeboat with the parrot on one end, and the illusionist, on the other end, giving the bird occasional spiteful looks. After two days of drifting, during which the parrot wouldn't take his suspecting look off the angry but exhausted man, the bird finally exclaimed: OK, OK, I GIVE UP !!! WHERE IS THE SHIP ???!!!
A man and a young boy are walking through a deep, dark forest...
The young boy tugs on the man's sleeve and says "I'm scared."
So the man says, "You think *you're* scared, I have to walk out of here alone."
Hear about the serial killer who was actually quite sensitive?
He wore other people's hearts on his sleeve.
How did the teacher solve the integral of dx/(x^2((x^2)-4)^1/2)?
I guess he had a few trig sub his sleeve
Running around pulling up people's sleeves,
Because I have the right to bare arms.
Saul, the Jewish Lottery Winner
So Saul, a 90-year-old Jew, wins the $300 million lottery. He's at the news conference to accept the check, and the reporters ask him if there's anyone he'd like to thank.
"Yes," he says solemnly. "I'd like to thank my brother Eli for lending me the $5 to buy the ticket, and my brother David for driving me to the Circle-K to buy the ticket.
"Lastly, I'd like to thank Adolph h**...."
The silence was sudden and complete; you could hear a pin drop.
Finally a reporter raises a shaky hand and asks, "D-did you j-just say you w-wanted to thank H-h**...?"
"Yes, of course," Saul replies.
"Whatever for?"
Rolling his sleeve up, Saul points to the inside of his forearm. "For the NUMBERS!"
We hired a teenage girl at my hardware store
I was showing her around the aisles when I picked up something off the shelf and pointed it at my self and made a beeping sound.
I said, "This is a stud-finder" and laughed.
She pulled up her sleeve, showed me her FitBit and made a beeping sound. She said, "This is a p**...-meter."
I had to get a open carry license
To wear a short sleeve shirt
What's your number?
A jewish girl and a man walks into a bar. They hit it off and the man asks for the girls number. She lifts her sleeve.
A 90 year old man wins the Powerball for 400 million dollars..
He arrives at the press conference, accepts his giant check and teary eyed with joy proceeds to take questions from the media storm. First reporter asks "What is your full name?" He replies his name is Ira Mandelbaum. Second reporter asks "What are you going to do now?" Ira replies "First, I am going to buy all of my children their own homes. Next, I am going to buy myself a nice car. Then I am going to set-up college funds for my grandchildren. After all the I am going to build a huge statue of h**... in my front yard." The reporters all get quiet until someone finally says "Sir, you just said you wanted to build a tribute to h**..., why on earth after all he had done to our people would you do this?" Ira pauses, looks him in the eye, rolls up his sleeve and says "Simple, he gave me the numbers."
An elderly Jewish woman
wins the lottery, $30 million after taxes. She goes to her Rabbi to discuss what to do with the money.
She first says, "I'd like to spend $10 million on myself and my family."
The Rabbi replies, "It would be good to enjoy your winnings, and family is important."
She then says she'd like to donate another $10 million to the synagogue and the charity they run, since the synagogue has always been there for her, she'd like to give back.
The Rabbi says they could always use the money.
Then she says "I'd like to spend the last $10 million on a ten-foot golden statue of Adolf h**...."
Naturally the Rabbi is quite horrified. "Why would you want to memorialize such a monster?" he cries.
She rolls up her sleeve and responds, "He gave me the winning numbers."
Why did Napoleon wear sleeves?
For his armies
My friends think im a magician when I make chocolate disappear...
But little do they know, i'v got a few Twix up my sleeve...
How do you get a jew girls number?
Lift up her sleeve...
A man is found dead surrounded by 53 bicycles. How did he die?
He had an ace up his sleeve.
You would never tell a Nudist....
I bet you're hiding something up your sleeve
What's the difference between a musician and a s**... bomber?
A musician wears his heart on his sleeve.
A s**... bomber wears his spleen on your shoes.
So a holocaust survivor wins the lottery...
So Moishe wins the lottery, reporters start asking this Holocaust survivor about his plans for the money. without hesitation he says he is going to commission a statue of adolf h**...... the reporters are stunned and ask why a survivor of such an atrocity would do such a thing. Moishe rolls up his sleeve - "he gave me the winning numbers"
God Doesn't want any of my coats to have sleeves...
I call it Man-in-a-vest destiny
[Offensive] One from the pub again: an old Jewish man wins the lottery...
It's a big old lottery, and he has to go up on stage to accept it.
His speech? He thanks his mum, his dad, his family, and then h**....
Everyone's all riled up. They ask: why h**...?
He rolls up his sleeve, flips his arm over, and tells the crowd: "Well, he gave me the numbers."
A man went to visit his doctor because his arm is hurting.
"Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?" the man pleads.
The doctor rolls up the man's sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk.
"Hello, Doctor," says the arm. "Could you lend me twenty bucks please? I'm desperate!"
"Aha!'' says the doctor. ''I see the problem. Your arm is broke!"
Three pregnant women are knitting in the Doctor's waiting room.
The first one pops a pill and says, *"Vitamin A, good for mommy, good for baby."*
The second one pops two pills and says, *"Vitamin C, good for mommy, good for baby."*
The third one pops three pills and says, *"Thalidomide. I can't knit sleeves."*
I found out I can't cross the border while wearing a long sleeve shirt...
Apparently, you aren't allowed to carry concealed weapons across the border.
I always go shoplifting for chocolate bars using slight of hand.
I certainly have a few Twix up my sleeve.
How many child laborers does it take to make a leather jacket?
Just one of you don't mind short sleeves.
Why do left-handed people make their smileys like this (:
So they don't get ink on their sleeve !
John, who lost his leg because of the war.
John was sitting on a bench eating a poptart, with one of his arms on the inside of his shirt instead of through his sleeve. One of his friends came up and said, "Oh man, a pop tart?! That looks delicious! Where'd you get it!" John responded, "At the store down the street, but be careful, in this economy it'll cost you an arm and a leg."
Stopped by the police
I spilled some gas on my sleeve while gassing up one day. Got back on the highway and lit up a smoke and started my sleeve on fire. I put my arm out the window but the flames did not go away. I sped up to 70 then 80 when I noticed the flashing lights behind me. The cop says "looks like I'm going to have to write you a couple of tickets " I said I know I was speeding but what else?"
"Possession of a firearm sir "
People think they're being polite when they sneeze into their sleeves, but really
it' snot
An old Jew
An old Jew who survived the German concentration camps is living in America. Every Monday he goes to his local convenience store and buys a lotto ticket. One day he hits a winner and wins big. The first thing he buys is a life size statue of Adolph h**... to put in his living room. His family and friends are shocked. They can't understand his decision and think that he's losing his marbles. Finally his grandson asks him "Grandpa, why did you buy a statute of that horrible man and put it in your living room?" The old Jew gets down on one knee, rolls up his sleeve and replies "well son, old Adolph gave me the winning numbers."
What did the terrible fat Magician say to the audience?
I may not know any magic but I do have a few Twix up my sleeve.
How do you find out a Jewish girl's number?
Roll up her sleeve and look for the cuts.
Did you hear about the magician that only performed illusions with chocolate?
He always had a few Twix up his sleeves.
How to get a female jew's number...
Pull up her sleeve...
Police arrested me after my sleeve caught fire at my barbecue
i**... possession of a firearm
Why do r**... wear t-shirts with the sleeves cut off?
They have the right to bare arms.
What did the Red Hot Chili Peppers do when their producer said he didn't like their new tracks?
They bought long sleeve shirts.
Why did the magician with a speech impediment buy a candy bar?
Because he wanted to have a few Twix up his sleeve.
Two old Jews, sitting on a park bench ...
The one old guys says, "Simon, you just won the lottery! What are you going to do with all that money?"
Simon replies, "Well, I was thinking of going back to the old country and putting up a big statue in the town square."
"That sounds nice. A statue of whom?"
"I'm going to put up a big statue of Adolph h**...."
"WHAT?? Are you meshuggeneh!!?? He killed 6 million Jews!! Why on Earth would you put up a statue of h**...???"
"Oh, I owe everything to h**...! Look ... [rolls up his sleeve] ... he gave me the winning numbers!"
Did you guys hear about the cereal p**...?
He had trix up his sleeve
3 pregnant women in a lobby
Three pregnant women in a lobby are knitting. The first one stops and takes a pill. "It's iron" she says "I want my baby to have strong muscles"
They continue knitting except for woman number 3 who is looking confusedly at her knitting.
The second woman stops to take a pill. "It's calcium. I want my baby to have strong bones."
They continue knitting except for the third woman who starts taking fistfuls of pills. The first two women stop and wait for her explanation.
"Oh it's just thalidomide...I don't know how to knit sleeves"
So this man walks into a bar
And sits down alone, and orders a drink. He empties his glass and the bartender leans over and asks if he would like another. The man opens his wallet and looks at the small photo displayed in the clear sleeve, and after a moment he puts it down and accepts the bartenders offer. This goes on throughout the evening and after his fourth drink he orders one more. The bartender leans to him and says "alright sir, I'll give you another, on the condition that you tell me what that photo is of". The man smirks to himself and says "well, it's a photo of my wife. I always bring it with me when I drink. I know it's time to go home when she starts lookin good"
Magicians have rabbits in their hats because they have Trix up their sleeves. I'm sorry
I refuse to play poker with my friend because he has a tattoo of Jim Carrey from 1994 on his forearm.
He's always got an ace up his sleeve.