No One Cares Jokes
43 no one cares jokes and hilarious no one cares puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about no one cares that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest No One Cares Short Jokes
Short no one cares jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The no one cares humour may include short nobody asked jokes also.
- 2 monkeys sat on a branch, one says "ooh ooohh aha ha aha!" The other says "careful, that's hot."
- A man walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees. The clerk carefully counts 13 bees out onto the counter.
That's one too many! says the customer.
The clerk replies It's a freebie . - I just killed a huge spider running across the floor with my shoe I don't care how big the spider is, no one steals my shoe
- I just killed a massive spider crawling across the floor with my shoe. I don't really care how big the spider is, no one steals my shoe.
- Two cows on a hill. One cow ask the other, have you herd of the mad cow disease? The other cow says, yeah, but why do I care? I'm a helicopter!
- Two cows are grazing in a field... One turns to the other and asks "Have you heard all this talk of mad cow disease?"
The other replies "Why should I care? I'm a helicopter" - What's the difference between a fruit and a vegetable? One likes men and the other is disabled.
EDIT 2: I apologise if this offends some people. In 2017, you cannot be too careful. - What do a farm and hospital have in common? Too many vegetables for one person to take care of.
- I just killed a huge spider crawling along the floor with my shoe... I don't care how big a spider is, no-one steals my shoe...
- Two cows are standing on a hill.... One turns to the other and says "Hey, aren't you worried about mad cow disease?"
The other replies, "Why should I care? I'm a helicopter!"
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No One Cares One Liners
Which no one cares one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with no one cares? I can suggest the ones about nobody likes and said no one ever.
- It's my cake day and no one cares I feel caked…pied….I mean desserted
- Who the heck cares about learning the Roman Numeral system? I for one...
- 5 things that no one cares about 1. Lists
- I once made an apathetic club. No one cared enough to attend the meetings, though.
- Knock knock Who's there?
Baby yoda.
Baby yoda who?
Baby yoda only one I care about. - I don't care about the fashion. It comes in one year and goes out the other.
- Why does Metallica only care about one of their songs? Nothing Else Matters
- What's the one place in Thailand where people don't care? Phuket.
- Your opinion is like.. ..women's sport, its there but no one cares
- Furries are like Bane, No one cared who they were until they put on the mask.
- The number one problem in the world today is apathy. But who cares?
- Girls are like chocolates... Be careful about the ones with nuts in them!
- Scientists found a cure for... ... apathy, but no one seem to care
- You know the funniest thing about apathy? No one cares.
- A black mom and son jump off a cliff, who hits the ground first?..... No one cares
No One Cares Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about no one cares you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean nothing matters jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make no one cares pranks.
h**... walked in to a bar...
The bartenders says "whoa, h**... I thought you were dead"
h**... says "no, just hiding. I'm planning to kill the rest of the Jews and 5 clowns"
The bartender asks "why the clowns?"
h**... says "see no one cares about Jews"
A man walks into a bar and sees a man that looks like Adolph h**...
sitting at the end of the bar. He walks up to him and asks "are you really h**...?" The man stands up and says loudly, "Ja, ich bin Adolph h**.... I killed 6 million Jews and 1 Mexican." The man says, "wait, why did you kill a Mexican?" h**... says "Sehen Sie! See? That is what i mean, no one cares about the jews."
So I saw h**... walking down the street.
I asked him, "So h**...,what have you been doing recently?"
He said, " Well you see, this time I'm going to kill six million Jews and two clowns."
So I asked "Why the two clowns?"
He replied "See, no one cares about the jews!"
Trump walks into the Oval office, turns to his administrative team and says, I want to organise the deportation of 10,000 Muslims and one kitten.
Everyone looks around the table and, after a long silence, Mike Pence says. Mr. President, why do you want to deport a kitten? Trump smiles and turns to the rest of the table. You see, no one cares about the Muslims.
If you think no one cares about you...
Stop paying your bills and see how many people want to talk to you.
Best Read with a German Accent (Warning: Holocaust Joke)
One day during the war, h**... gathered his top advisers to hold a top secret meeting. He said "Ok, tomorrow ve vill kill 1,000 Jews and three hamsters". His advisors looked at one another, and one said, "But h**..., vhy ze three hamsters". h**... smiled at his advisers and replied, "You see, no one cares about ze jews!"
Two friends are having a conversation about World War 2
The holocaust wasn't that bad.
Of course it was!
I'm going to go out and kill a million Jews and one clown.
Why the clown?
See, no one cares about the Jews.
So I proposed a new bill to my congressman that would deport 1,000,000 Mexicans and 1 chicken
When he asked about the chicken I said "See no one cares about the Mexicans"
So my friend tells me "The holocaust wasn't that bad."
I say "Of course it was!"
He replies "I'm going to go out and kill a million Jews and one clown."
I say "Why the clown?"
He says "See, no one cares about the Jews."
h**... and his generals are going over his plans for the Jews.
"I'm going to kill 6 million Jews and a clown." One of his generals asks him why a clown. h**... responds, "See I told you no one cares about the Jews!"
Whats the difference between a driveway and a dead baby?
No one cares when you pull out of a driveway.
A girl goes to the doctor...
A girl asks her doctor "Are there many calories in s**...?". Doc replies "Look love, if you s**..., no one cares how fat you are!".
"No one cares about the jews"
"Yeah, they do"
"No they don't. During the holocaust i killed 3 jews and one clown"
"Why one clown?"
"See? No one cares about the jews"
An old and gold jokes
I'm gonna be a t**... & kill 1000 people and a monkey
Why do you wanna kill a monkey?
See ! No One Cares about the 1000 people
No one cares if you say you like kids. But it's when you're too specific people start to worry.
Like man, I really like 12 year olds
A man walks into a bar in Germany
He sits down and orders a beer, he is an American on holiday and he is looking around and he sees a guy that looks just like h**... so he goes over to him and says "excuse me but are your h**...?"
"Ja I am" replys h**...
The man says: "Well that's amazing you almost took over the world, what have you done since then?"
h**... responds "Oh a rally here a rally there, you know the normal stuff"
"We'll do you have any plans for a Fourth r**... or anything?" Asks the man
h**... says "Well I'm going to kill 6 Million Jews, and one clown"
The man looks puzzles and says
"Why the one clown?"
h**... says "see no one cares about the Jews!"
Johnny is in a bar
And sees h**... in a stool raising a glass of Jagermeister. Every few minutes h**... would raise his glass, toast and drink it back.
Johnny is watching this and after a few injections of liquid courage decides to approach him. h**..., what are you doing here?!
h**... responds, I am back! I am back and I am going to kill one million Jews and three clowns!
Johnny takes a drink and thinks to himself before responding why are you going to kill three clowns?
h**... hastily responds You see! No one cares about the Jews!
You are what you eat.
That's why no one cares about Africa.
What's the difference between age and blankets?
No one cares about bums having s**... under blankets
Girl adjusts her bra.
And no one cares but when a guy adjusts his everybody loses their mind.
h**... and Himmer walk into a bar...
The barman comes over, does a double-take, then askes them for a drink. h**... orders two brandys. After the barman returns and places the drinks in front of them he says-"I'm sorry, I don't mean to offend, but you guys look a lot like h**... and Himmler." h**... responds -" well that's because it is us." Shocked, the barman asks where have they been all this time, to which Himmler responds-"actually, we have been making preparations for our next plan. Would you like to hear it?" The barman says ok, so Himmler continues-"we plan on killing ten million jews and a dj." The barman asks -"why a dj?" to which Himmler turns to h**... and says-"see, no one cares about the jews."
A guy walks into a bar...
A guy walks into a bar, sits down and orders a beer. As he is sitting there he catches sight of the guy sitting next to him and notices the man looks exactly like Adolf h**.... The man ignores this at first and quietly drinks his beer.
After some time his curiosity gets the better of him, so he turns to the man and says, "Has anyone ever told you that you look just like h**...?"
To the guy's surprise, the man turns right to him and says in a thick German accent, "That is because I am h**...."
The guy just laughs this off and takes another drink, but the stranger keeps his serious expression and says, "It is true, I am h**.... The allies thought I killed myself, but I escaped and moved here to lie low."
The guy is understandably stunned, so putting his drink down he asks h**..., "If it's true, and you're h**..., then you're the most hated man alive--you killed six million Jews!"
"Well yes," says h**..., "but nobody cares about the Jews anyway."
They argue for a while after that about whether anyone cares about the Jews, before h**... finally says, "Tell you what. I'll prove to you right now that no one cares about the Jews. I will go around the world right now, round up six million more Jews, and kill every single one of them. Then I will find one clown, and I will kill him too."
Puzzled, the man asks, "Well what would you kill the clown for?"
Then h**... points at him and says, "See? You didn't care about the Jews either!"
h**... at a bar
A man walks into a bar and believes to see Adolf h**... sitting on a bar stool. The man walks up to the man, and in an unsure tone, asks: Are you Adolf h**.... At which point the following conversation ensues:
h**...: Why yes, I am
Man: I thought you were dead!
h**...: No, my friend. I have been in hiding all these years. I am slowly rebuilding my army. Soon we are going to rise up, kill three million Jews, and one clown.
Man: Why kill a clown?
h**...: See!! No one cares about the Jews.