No Limb Jokes
107 no limb jokes and hilarious no limb puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about no limb that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest No Limb Short Jokes
Short no limb jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The no limb humour may include short limb jokes also.
- You are what you think you are Her: What do you do?
Me: Global prosthetics distribution.
Her: So you're an artificial limb salesman?
Me: I prefer 'international arms dealer'. - A guy walked into a prosthetic limbs store. He picked up a false shoulder, arm and wrist.
The store attendant asked "Would you like a hand with that?" - I'm a scientist who's researching b**... between humans and dogs… If you'd like more details, I'll be in my lab…
- My dad always told me to treat women like flowers. So I tore my girlfriend apart limb by limb to find out whether or not she loved me.
- If I ever find the guy who messed up my limb transplants, I'm going to kill him with my bear hands.
- I went to the prosthetic limb store to buy some new hands "Two of each hand please." I say to the man at the counter.
"We're all out of left hands sir." He responds.
"All right then." - Why did the knight stop fighting after all his limbs had been chopped of? He'd been unarmed and defeated
- As an amputee, I asked the doctor how much prosthetic limbs would cost. He said an arm and a leg.
- If an octopus is called an octopus because of its eight limbs, what would you call an octopus with only seven limbs? An amputee.
- Scientists thought they had found a limb of an ancient hominid... but it was just a fossil arm.
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No Limb One Liners
Which no limb one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with no limb? I can suggest the ones about no arm no leg and no arms and legs.
- I have 3 eyes, 6 heads and 15 limbs, what am I? A liar.
- What do you call a kid with an eyepatch and no limbs? Names.
- Why are prosthetic limbs so in fashion? Anyone can pull them off
- It's not a privilege for bears to have limbs. They have the right to bear arms.
- What do you call the deaf man with no limbs? Whatever you want.
- I'm gonna go out on a limb and say... "Look how high up in this tree I am".
- Why did the Chinese government confiscate all deer legs? Mistook them for moose limbs.
- The B in limb is silent Just like the p in bathwater
- There's a guy selling prosthetic limbs on my street. He's an arms dealer.
- Why did the limb doctor get arrested? Possession of arms
- Tree house builders get no respect... I mean they go out on a limb to build these things!
- What do you call a lap dance from a girl with 3 or less limbs? Amputease
- What do you call a limb that has been transplanted? A hand-me-down.
- How to lose a limb in star wars? Be a Jedi and a Skywalker.
- What do you call a gang of people paralyzed in all four limbs? Squadriplegic.
No Limb Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about no limb you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean no arms no legs jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make no limb pranks.
Blonde genies
A guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.
Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.
The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion, surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house.
Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet. He looks down and notices the floor is covered in $100 bills.
Next, there's a knock at the door, so he answers it.
Standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux k**... outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a sturdy limb, and hang him by the neck until he's dead.
As the k**... are walking away, they remove their hoods.
It's the two blonde genies!
One blonde genie says to the other, "I can understand the first wish--having all those beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to.
I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire.
But, why he wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me!"
What do you call...
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
Bill and Tom are working at the local sawmill.
One day Bill slips and his arm gets caught and severed by the big bench saw. Tom quickly puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Bill to the local hospital.
Next day, Tom goes to the hospital and asks after Bill. The nurse says, "Oh he's out in rehab exercising". Tom couldn't believe it, but there's Bill out the back exercising his now reattached arm. The very next day he's back at work in the saw mill. But a couple of days go by, and then Bill slips and severs his leg on the saw again. So Tom puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Bill off to hospital. Next day he calls in to see him and asks the nurse how he is. The nurse replies "He's in rehab again, exercising". Sure enough, there's Bill out there doing some serious work on the treadmill. Bill comes back to work in two days, fully recovered.
But, within a couple of days he has another accident and this time severs his head. Tom puts the head in a plastic bag and transports it and Bill to hospital. Next day he goes in and asks the nurse how Bill is. The nurse breaks down crying and says, "He's dead!" Tom is shocked, but not surprised. "I suppose the saw finally did him in?", sighs Tom. "No," says the nurse, "Some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated."
So a man loses an arm and a leg in an accident...
And he's talking to a friend. The friend points out to him an advertisement for incredibly realistic prosthetic limbs.
"Oh boy, those seem great! I can't wait to buy them!" He says, and he goes off to get them. The next day, he's talking to his friend, but he's still missing his limbs! "What happened, I thought you were going to buy them!" His friend said, confused. "Oh, I did," He replied, "But they cost me an arm and a leg."
more dad-jokes (the limb-less edition)
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?
Bob.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs at your front door?
Matt.
The neighborhood kids came to Timmy's house and asked if he could come out to play. "Shame on you kids," says Timmy's mom. "Don't you know Timmy doesn't have any arms or legs? He can't play with you."
"But we're playing baseball and we need a home base."
Did you hear the one about the dog with no limbs named joint?
Every morning his owner would take him out for a drag
I was very confused the other dah
I was discussing religion with a man and he claimed to be a "moose limb". Must be some kinda canadian thing I guess.
What's the difference between a fish and a piano?
A fish is any member of a paraphyletic group of organisms that consist of all gill-bearing aquatic craniate animals that lack limbs with digits, and a piano is an instrument.
A dark riddle.
What has four limbs in the morning, two limbs in the afternoon, and is dead by evening?
A disobedient s**....
I heard about this place that replaces your limbs with prosthetics...
But it'll cost you an arm and a leg!
The downside of robotic limb replacements is that they cost an arm and a leg
The upside of robotic limb replacements is that they cost an arm and a leg
Double limb transplants are so expensive
They cost an arm and leg
Oscar Pistorius
I'm gonna go out on two limbs and say he's guilty
A paraplegic gets hired to play a lead role in a horror film
The Silence of The Limbs
What's missing from star wars 7?
Nobody's limbs.
What do you call a potato with no limbs?
An amputater
What's the difference between a little guy with a p**... o' gold and a big gathering where people's limbs are falling off?
One's a leprechaun and the other's a l**...-con.
Did you hear about the soldier with 8 limbs?
He was army
Why did Gordon Freeman's vehicle dismember the metrocop and pulverize his limbs?
Because he was driving a Combine harvester.
How did the Americans know the latest s**... b**... was perpetrated by a Canadian Islamic extremist?
Because, at the center of the detonation site, they found a moose-limb.
Now that robots move
their limbs smoothly and with grace, i wonder how we're supposed to imitate them on the dance floor?
Why can't Jimmy ride his bike?
Because he has no limbs
Kinda dark, I know. It's just for those out there who would chuckle at this. ;D
What do you call a gangster with no limbs?
A crip
I hate how people treat amputees differently.
Just because they're missing a limb or two doesn't make them any less of a person.
Did you hear about the lawyer who tried to sue a shark for biting all his limbs off?
He didn't have a leg to stand on
What's the difference between a motivational speaker and a baseball player?
The baseball player has all of its limbs.
Did you hear about how much those new prosthetic limbs cost?
An arm and a leg.
I tried getting some prosthetic limbs the other day
But they cost an arm and a leg.
What do you call it when a weightloss contest participant loses a limb?
Dedicated
If Anakin lost a limb in II and Luke lost a limb in V, then in VIII
Rey WILL NOT lose a limb, because she already lost a Han.
I have at last fulfilled my dream of becoming arms dealer...
... by selling 3D printed prosthetic limbs for the needy.
What group of limbed people is the worst at karate
The deaf
What do you call a guy with no limbs in a pile of leaves?
Russell
After days of refusing, the boy finally worked up the courage to climb a tall tree
He really went out on a limb
So I heard a tree service worker tried to stuff one of his coworkers into a wood chipper....
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say he doesn't have a shred of decency .
Did you hear about the Marathon being held in Chernobyl for Victims whose Limbs have been amputated?
They're calling it the Nuclear Arms Race.
I'm starting a clothing company for people missing limbs. The name you ask?
AmpuTEES
What do you call a meteorologist with all of his limbs broken?
A weather four-caster
I have written a couple of academic papers on replacement limbs.
They are my prostheses.
What did the squirrel do to try and impress his date?
He went out on a limb.
So what do you do?
*I sell prosthetic limbs to various countries.*
So you're like a med rep, but for amputees?
*I prefer international arms dealer.*
Im gonna go out on a limb here...
... and say climbing this tree was a bad idea.
My friends asked me to swim in a lake full of piranhas...
I went out on a limb and said it hurt.
Have you heard of this bad doctor?
When people's limbs get cut off he replaces them, but with other animals' limbs.
One of his patients was really angry at this, and decided to call the doctor. After multiple profanities the patient said that if he finds the doctor he will kill him with his bear hands.
Scientists have now made cybernetic limbs available to the public!
Unfortunately, they'll cost you an arm and a leg.
What do you call a bird with no limbs?
A chicken nugget
I got thrown out of the amputee club for having all of my limbs
In my opinion that was an unfair dismemberment
What do you call it when you fall asleep and wake up without a limb?
Narcoleprosy
Did you hear about the new store where you can plug in robotic limbs?
It's great even though they charge an arm and a leg.
Amputate?
Doctor: Mr. Franco, I'm sorry to tell you that your leg has developed gangrene, and if we don't amputate immediately, you may die due to infection.
Shall I schedule the surgery?
Mr. Franco: Hmm... I'm gonna go out on a limb and say no.
In the future, if technology makes it possible to replace human limbs
And its common enough that you can buy them in stores, will midgets go to small arms dealers?
Yesterday this guy walks up on my lawn and gives me the finger.
I swear that's the last time I try to cut my tree limbs without gloves.
I'm beginning to regret getting all those prosthetic limbs...
It cost me an arm and a leg!
How do you know an amputee loves you?
He goes out on a limb for you.
My friend runs a very successful business making prosthetic limbs and exporting them worldwide.
He is an International Arms dealer.
If I ever find the doctor who s**... up my limb replacement surgery..
I'll kill him with my bear hands.
If I write with the wrong hand that I've lost a limb to Lefty Loathin' Larry...
Then the right hand is my left hand, and my right hand is what's left!
What do you call an Irish dwarf whose limbs keep falling off?
A l**...-chaun.
What do you call someone who sells synthetic limbs?
An arms dealer
So this guy absolutely hated pirates...
He wouldn't have anything to do with them. Eventually, we realized it wasn't all pirates. Just peg-leg pirates. Actually, it was anybody who had lost a lower limb. We later discovered he was lack-toes intolerant.
There was a fat guy at the gym the other day. He was r**... over his tired limbs.
I guess he really is a sore loser.
The other day I was climbing a tree with a friend
He was talking about life and I had some advice so I said alright I'm going out on a limb here...