No Filter Jokes
67 no filter jokes and hilarious no filter puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about no filter that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest No Filter Short Jokes
Short no filter jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The no filter humour may include short no chill jokes also.
- My ex wife died so I went to the cemetery and to honor her, I poured a fine, 12 year old bottle of scotch on her grave. But first I filtered it through my kidneys.
- Just been in to starbucks and the barista was wearing a face mask I asked "Why are you wearing a surgical mask?"
She said "I'm not, it's a coughy filter." - Coughy Filter Joke The barista at Starbucks was wearing a face mask.
Me: Why are you wearing a surgical mask?
She said: I'm not, it's a coughy filter. - My ex-wife passed away so I went to the cemetery to honor her. I brought a 20 year old bottle of fine scotch and poured it over her grave But first I filtered it through my kidneys.
- I noticed a barista working alone in a small shop was still wearing a mask. She said, "this is a coughy filter"
- My wife said she's leaving me because I keep making coffee without the filter. The judge agreed Apparently it's grounds for a divorce
- I went into a Starbucks earlier and asked the barista why they were wearing a surgical mask. They replied: "I'm not, it's a coughy filter"
- Tinder is for rookies Go to Facebook marketplace and search for wedding dresses. It'll show you recently divorced females in your area. From there you can filter by size
- Our grandchildren in 2060 "Grandma, why did you look like a dog when you were a teen?"
I really hate that filter. - Yo mama's so ugly..... When she tries to use a Snapchat filter, her face doesn't get recognized.
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No Filter One Liners
Which no filter one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with no filter? I can suggest the ones about no sugar and no cap.
- Why do people in Beijing smoke so many cigarettes? To get a breath of filtered air.
- I don't get the purpose of an air filter It just sits there and collects dust.
- Typical day with a zero social filter 4 year old. kijk
- TIL You can watch the sun through a telescope without any filters. Only twice though...
- Not sure why I bought this air filter machine It just sits there collecting dust.
- Instead of colorizing photos, in 50 years we will be removing filters. Shhhh...
- Why do so many people smoke in China? So that they can breathe in filtered air.
- Ever since masks became mandatory... ...I only drink *filtered* coffee.
- How do you filter out dumb girls on Tinder? Say you're 5 foot 12
- Why does bottled water cost more than coke? It costs more energy to filter out the coke
- Patient: Doctor, can you cure my body image issues? Doctor: Have you tried using filters?
- Hey girl, are you a sieve? 'Cause you've been filtering out all my messages.
- I don't have a low paying job I have a gold digger filter
- I poured wine on my ex's grave filtered through my kidneys.
- Why do Chinese smoke so much? At least the cigarette smoke goes through a filter....
No Filter Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about no filter you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean no emotion jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make no filter pranks.
I feel bad for single guys out there. Snap chat filters make 2s look like 10s. Good luck.
A Russian captain and an American captain debate which country builds the best submarines...
They are standing at a harbor and they've been arguing for hours. The American says "Our subs have such efficient air filter systems that they can stay underwater for months at a time".
The Russian replies:"A few months? Laughsble. Our Russian subs have such advanced air filters that they can stay submerged for up to a year"
As the American opens his mouth to voice his reply, he's suddenly interrupted as a massive submarine surfaces right in front of them.A man steps out, looks at them and screams: "Heil h**..., have we won ze war?"
I put coffee in my aquarium filter.
The water wasn't any cleaner, but the fish swam REALLY FAST.
Sad loss
I woke up early as the sun shined brightly through my bedroom window. Usually the light was filtered though the leaves of a beautiful old elm tree that had been in our backyard for generations. Yesterday we had to cut her down as she had been stricken with Dutch Elm Disease. I slowly wiped a tear away then thought to myself, "Why am I being so sentimental over a tree, it's just a simple piece if wood?" My wife sensing that something was wrong asked, "What's the matter honey?" I responded, "Oh nothing, I just never thought mourning wood could be so hard." She enthusiastically sat up and said, "Well, let's have a look. I'll be the judge of that."
What's Instagrams favorite thing to drink?
Filtered water!
Why do Marlboro cigarettes have white filters in America, but yellow filters in Europe?
So Keith Richards can tell which continent he's in.
Bono heated and cooled his v**... over and over, filtering it to try and get the perfect taste. But distill hasn't found what he's looking for.
Have you ever been fooled by the MAF method?
MAF = Make-up + Angle + Filter
Why does flint never get any likes on their Instagram pictures?
Cause they don't use a filter.
Why do girls like to use the dog filter?
Because they like to think they're loyal
Where others used to bloat f**... features or apply some filters to make someone look ugly.
I could proudly boast #NoFilter
So I Heard Facebook has got a new fake news filter.
All I wanna know is when they're gonna get the real one.
I spent some time yesterday pondering whether I was actually a small strainer used to filter out ink-based writing objects.
You could say I was a little pen-sieve.
Humans need 7 filters.
2 for the eyes, 2 for the ears, 2 for the nostrils and a big 1 for the mouth.
A farmer retires, and passes on the family farm to his son.
Without interest in growing crops, the son sells half the land to buy an excavator.
The son has the dream of striking it rich, without years of toiling as a farmer.
He begins to spend all day on the remaining land with the excavator, moving dirt, and filtering its contents, looking for gold.
The father, horrified at the result of the land, approaches his son, "You were supposed to use this land to farm! What happened?"
The son replies, "It's mine now!" and goes back to digging.
Macduff was on his deathbed.
He called on his good friend, Macleod, to visit him before he died. "Macleod," he said, "take that bottle of whisky on the bedside table. It's a Macallan 1951, brewed the year I was born. You'll never find a finer Scotch. When I am buried, I want you to pour it on my grave."
Macleod nodded solemnly, and then asked,
"Can I filter it through my kidneys first?'
I got fired from Starbucks for not changing the coffee filters.
It was grounds for dismissal.
Snapchat's new Congressional Testimony filter definitely...
...hit's the mark
Ben was a fifth grader notorious for his lack of filter.
One day, he walked into class 10 minutes late. "What took you so long, Ben?" asked the teacher. "Sorry miss, there was construction happening in a w**... nearby so all the roads were blocked."
Suddenly, all the girls in the class, disgusted at Ben, rose up to protest against his v**... rhetoric. "Simmer down, you s**...", Ben replied "they are not taking applications yet."
A start-up company was deciding over something to manufacture
Something local that wouldn't cost much.
They figured filtered water would fit this category.
After running it through all the bodies of the company, they decided on making bread. The water market was oversaturated.
An eighty year old man is in the hospital waiting room about to be a first time father.
The nurse comes out of the opperating room as say "Good news sir your wife just gave birth to twins. You have two healthy baby boys. "
The old man stands up excitedly takes off his hat and says to the nurse "It just goes to show you even if you have snow on the roof you can still have a fire in the furnace!"
The nurse replied: "Well you better change your filter because the babies are black"
Technology has come far for girls.
You now have the option for an instant real time choice of various picture filters as makeup instead of your original makeup or double up!
Samsung's phones front cameras are like mothers
They make you feel pretty, but deep inside you know there is a beauty filter being applied to your pics.
Axel Voss walks into a bar.
Axel Voss walks into a bar.
"Bartender I am celebrating a victory in the European Parliament. Get me some very expensive drink."
"Sir, this is The Inventor's Bar - our drinks are named after inventions: the harder they are to invent, the more expensive the drink is. I would recommend Perpetuum Mobile Brandy, Squared Circle v**... or Halting Problem r**... for you."
"Do you have something even more luxurious?"
"Yes sir, try our most expensive beverage: try the Content Filter Which Tells Parody From Plagiarism Cognac!"
My daughter wanted to use a Snapchat filter on my face, but I wouldn't let her...
I said, It would make me feel E-mask-ulated.
Nature's selection for our placement of hair is a weird thing.
Can't grow a beard for s**..., but enough a**... hair to turn diarrhea into filtered water
A 75 year old man with all white hair is dating a 22 year old girl. His girlfriend is pregnant. After the birth he asks the nurse well nurse, how did I do? The nurse replied you did great she had twins. The old man responded A little snow on the roof and I still got a fire in the furnace
To This the nurse replied Well you may want to clean the filters because those babies are black