No Dummy Jokes
86 no dummy jokes and hilarious no dummy puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about no dummy that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest No Dummy Short Jokes
Short no dummy jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The no dummy humour may include short dummy jokes also.
- Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the dummies house.
Knock knock... Who's there?
A chicken.
My 6 year old nephew's favorite joke. Tells it every chance he gets. - ChatGPT's favorite book is "Artificial Intelligence for Dummies," because it's a fun read!
- If I ever write a on how to become a ventriloquist, I would title it: Ventriloquism for dummies.
Credit to u/Mezz7778 - I have "pro-tools for dummies" right next to my toilet... You might say i'm an Avid reader.
- New Horizons probe discovers trees on Pluto! Reporters asked "how can you tell?"
And NASA said "from the bark, you dummies!" - How does one keep a grizzly away from their campsite? By setting up a bear-icade you dummies.
- Another terrible joke I made up, yay or nay? What cologne do dummys were?
O DeCoy...
Sounded funnier in my head - My blonde girlfriend called me today to say that she is tired of being surrounded by dummies. I keep telling her that the department store closes at 6pm.
- Why don't chicken coops have four doors? Because then they'd be chicken sedans, you dummies.
- Q:Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To visit his friend the d**....
M: Knock knock
Y: Who's there
M: Your friend the chicken!
[My 7yo told me this one and caught me off guard...]
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No Dummy One Liners
Which no dummy one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with no dummy? I can suggest the ones about dumb and your dumb.
- I've just seen the most confusing book... Ventriloquism for Dummies
- Just finished the book Eating for Dummies Boy was it hard to digest
- Why do ventriloquists seem so smart? Because they hang out with dummies every day
- I bought the latest edition of "Reading For Dummies" The pages were all blank!
- Heard my ex was dating a ventriloquist. She always loved dummys.
- I just started reading "Codependency for dummies" I can't put it down.
- Two guys walk into a bar 3rd guy: "You dummies never learn. Walk around."
- I read Smarties for Dummies. Fachidiot.
- I bought a copy of the bible for dummies Turned out it was just the bible.
- How do car companies measure the impact of a collision A c**... test, d**...
- I used to be a ventriloquist, until I lost my d**.... Now I'm just a schizophrenic.
- How does a blind man ask for a pair of scissor? He still can talk you d**...!
- How dare you say I'm dumb! Would a d**... get a 'A' on there IQ test? Hmm?
- It's time to elect a ventriloquist for President. Right now, all we have is the d**...!
- While learning CPR Chuck Norris brought the practice d**... to life.
No Dummy Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about no dummy you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean so dumb jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make no dummy pranks.
A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police officer pulled her over and walked up to the car.
The officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde's driver's license.
The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?"
Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You d**..., it's got your picture on it!"
The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom.
She held it up to her face and said, "Aha!
This must be my driver's license" and handed it to the blonde policewoman.
The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "You're free to go.
And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this."
As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, “All right! All you dummies fall out.”
As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention.
The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow.
I smiled and said, “Sure was a lot of ‘em, huh sir?”
While learning CPR Chuck Norris actually brought the practice d**... to life.
There is nothing fun about a f**..., but despite that, I had a good laugh at the following reaction by my two children.
We, along with a bunch of other relatives, were following the hearse of my late great aunt.
When my daughter, who always tends to focus on the morbid things in life raised the dreaded question, "Dad, what's going to happen to us when you die?"
My son who was busy texting one of his friends at the time barely glanced up from his phone.
"We'll go in the limousine d**...."
Marriage advice for dummies: Five worst things you can do
5 Abandon
4 Lie
3 Cheat
2 a**.
..
1 Forget to start the dishwasher
At the end of WW 2, three soldiers - an Italian, a Japanese, and a Pole - were facing a Russian firing squad.
The Russians decided to shoot the Italian first. They asked if he had any last words, and he yelled "Il Duce!" The squad leader then gave the command, "Ready... Aim...." and the Italian saw his life flash before his eyes, and remembered his home near Mt. Vesuvius, and yelled out, "Volcano!!!" The firing squad stopped and turned to scan the countryside, and the Italian ran away and escaped.
The Japanese guy took note of this, and when the firing squad leader said "Ready... Aim... ", he yelled out "Earthquake!!!" This distracted the firing squad, and he also escaped.
The Polish guy was last, and being no d**..., he picked up on what the two other guys did to escape. So the Russian said, "Ready... Aim..." and the Polock yelled out, "Fire!!!"
Mathematician and engineer in the desert..
An airplane crashed in the middle of the Sahara, and an engineer and mathematician are the only survivors. They start walking and after a couple of days they are near death. An angel comes down and says "I am your guardian angel, and I am going to give you a chance to live. I am going to put cases of water a mile away. But here's the catch...you have to go half way to the water and stop, half way and stop all the way to the water." The two say "Oh thank you, thank you angel!" and walk a half mile and stop, then a quarter mile and stop. Finally, they are 20 steps away, then 10, until they are taking baby steps. The mathematician suddenly shouts in frustration "this is all a cruel joke! We will never actually reach the water! We are going to die!!" The engineer says "Relax d**..., we're close enough already..", and he reaches down and grabs a bottle.
A guy walks in a bar asks the bartender
"Isn't that Bush sitting over there?" Guy walks over and says:"Wow,this is a real honor.What are you doing here?"
Bush:"We're planning WWIII.
Guy:"Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush:"Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis and one bicycle repairman."
Guy exclaimed:"Bicycle repairman! Why kill a bicycle repairman?"
Bush turns to Powell,punches him on the shoulder and says:"See, d**...! I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"
Two Blondes on a Street
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You d**..., it's me!"
The ventriloquist...
...and his d**... were getting big laughs with their repertoire of blonde jokes.
Midway through the act, a blonde woman in the audience stood up and yelled, "This is offensive! Is it right to stereotype people by their race? No! Is it right to stereotype people by their religion? No! So why is it okay to stereotype women by their hair color? I'm a blonde, and I'M not s**...!"
"I'm sorry, Miss," said the ventriloquist. "I certainly didn't mean any offense."
"You stay out of this, buddy," said the blonde. "I'm talking to that little smartass on your knee!"
Historians recently discovered evidence that h**... was a ventriloquist.
Apparently he would sneak out some nights with his d**... who was a violinist. He would bring the d**... to small concert venues and ventriloquize the violin music, interjecting humorous anti-Semitic remarks in between songs. To avoid being recognized, we wore a fake mustache, and called his act A Doll Fiddler.
Ted Cruz is going to be in a movie
d**... Does Dallas
"For Dummies"
In an effort to reinvigorate my interest in reading, I decided to visit Barnes and Noble. I walked past the romance section, I strolled by the mystery books, until I came across the "For Dummies" series.
For those that don't know, *For Dummies* is a series that explains things in a simplistic manner, so that anyone can try to understand them.
I found *Java for Dummies.* That's great! I wouldn't mind learning how to code.
I found *Violins for Dummies.* That's fantastic! I'd love to learn violin.
Then, I came across *Athletic Scholarships for Dummies.*
I never realized they came in any other way.
Pie aren't square, d**...!
Pie are round! Duh.
-my dad.
Saw an Alabama fan the other day
He was wearing a t-shirt that said "I Bleed Crimson" I walked up to him and said "You big d**..., we all do"
Why did the Elton John wax d**... get down voted?
Because it was fake and gay.
Do you know what happened when Chuck Norris learned CPR?
He brought the d**... to life.
The Sheer Nightgown
A husband walks into Victoria's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price -- the sheerer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts for the sheerest item, pays the $500, and takes it home. He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.
Upstairs the wife thinks (she's no d**...), 'I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll do the modeling n**..., return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself.'
She appears n**... on the balcony and strikes a pose.
The husband says, 'Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it!'
(edited for multifariousness.)
Boy: "Isn't the principal a d**...!
Boy: "Isn't the principal a d**...!"
Girl: "Say, do you know who I am?"
Boy: "No."
Girl: "I'm the principal's daughter."
Boy: "And do you know who I am?"
Girl: "No,"
Boy: "Thank god!"
How Britons shower.
The same as you, d**....
First, we get nice and wet.
Then we get the tea.
How Jews Shower
Same as you d**...!
First they get nice and wet,
and then they get gassed to death.
What did the dolphin say to the frog?
Eeeee eeee eeeee ieeeee eeee eee. Dolphins don't talk d**....
I shouldn't have agreed to be a cowboy's target d**... for lasso throwing practice.
How did I get roped into this?
What does a r**... call their cousin?
Practice d**...
What did the mannequin's friend say to him when he got an F on his English essay?
You d**....
A Squirrel in Sitting in a Tree Eating Some Nuts When Suddenly the Tree Starts to Shake Violently.
He looks down and sees an elephant climbing the tree.
The squirrel says "hey elephant, what are you doing?"
The elephant replies "I'm climbing this tree to eat some pears!"
"You d**...," says the squirrel, "this is a pine tree... there's no pears up here."
The elephant says "I know, I brought my own!"
A Catholic priest was drowning......
A Catholic priest was drowning in a ocean when suddenly a boat supported and asked the priest " do you need some help? You are drowning!""
He replied "No thank you God will save me"
Then another boat came and asked the priest " do you need some help? You are drowning!"
He replied "No thank you God will save me"
Then the priest died and asked God " God I believed in you why didn't you save me?"
To which god replied "I sent you 2 boats you d**..."
Knock !!!!
My daughter told me this one. I hadn't heard it before.
daughter: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Me: I don't know.
daughter: She was going to visit the d**....
Me: ?
daughter: Knock, knock
Me: Who's there?
daughter: The Chicken
Me: :/
How do ya catch a fish under da computer?
With the internet, d**...!
My ventriloquist d**... said he hates having his life led by someone else.
I said, "Speak for yourself."
Of course.
Two blondes are walking along and they find a compact (for make-up) on the sidewalk.
The first blonde picks it up, opens it and looks in the little mirror.
Oh! , she says. This person looks very familiar!
The other blonde grabs the compact, looks in the mirror and says,
Well of course, you d**.... It's ME!
I've never felt more like a d**... ...
Than when I found out my proctologist is also a ventriloquist.
An athlete is about to start the four hundred metre race. He sets himself ready at the starting blocks and the starter p**... fires.
As he's half way through the race he peaks around to see how his apponents are doing.
To his suprise, they're all miles behind.
Bizzarly, one seems to be actually running backwards. One is walking on his hands, making slow progress. Two are piggy backing each other, taking turns, and another is simply standing on the starting line.
He reaches the finish line and claims first place. He approaches the race official and asks, "what's going on? I thought this would be competitive."
"Oh, the real race is later today", the race official replies, "that was the d**... run".
A guy walks into a bar...
He says "ouch!" the bartender says "what happened" the guy says "I walked into your bar!"
The tender comes around and see's a piece of rebar sticking out of the wall. "Yikes, here come take a seat at the bar and ill pour you a drink"... He turns around to see the man sitting on the ground beneath the rebar.
"What the heck are you doing?"
"Well im sitting at your bar d**...!"
The bartender raises his eyebrows and grabs a putty knife and a container from behind the counter, next he pushes the rebar back into the drywall and hands the guy the two things.
"Well, if you are going to sit at my bar you might as well get plastered".
A mannequin in the store fell over and broke the glass panel..
What a d**....
What do you say when a mannequin sneezes?
Shut up, d**....
My little friend went into 1.st class yesterday
I said you d**..., we are in tourists class
I tried ventriloquism once but everyone thought I was crazy.
Possibly because I forgot to bring my d**....
Fighting Big Guys for Dummies
I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, I'm going to mop the floor with your face.
I said, You'll be sorry.
He said, Oh, yeah? Why?
I said, Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well.
Bazinga!!
My uncle was a ventriloquist d**.... He died drinking furniture polish.
It was a slow death but a beautiful finish.
What do you call a cow...
...w/ no legs? Ground beef.
...w/ 1 leg? Stake.
...w/ 2 legs? Lean beef.
...w/ 3 legs? Tri-tip.
...w/ 4 legs? A cow, you d**....
...w/ 4 legs in the air? High stakes.
...w/ 5 legs? Chernobull.
...w/ no hind legs? An udder drag.
...w/ a twitch? Beef jerky.
I could keep going but I've milked this joke dry
Little Sally comes home from school munching on a big bag of candy...
Her mother says, "Where'd you get the money for that!?"
Sally laughs and says, "Little Johnny bet me five dollars I couldn't climb up the flag pole! I did it, and I won!"
Her mother shakes her head. "You d**...! He was just trying to get a peek at your p**...!"
"Oh no!" Little Sally says, embarrassed.
But the next day, she comes home with two bags of candy.
Her mother says, "Did Little Johnny pay you to climb the flag pole again!??"
"Yes!" says Little Sally. "But I sure fooled him! I didn't even wear any p**...!"
I went to my son and asked
What is Matthew McConaughey's favorite bread and he said
All white all white all white
And I said no you d**...
It's all rye all rye all rye
Icefishing
An ice fisher makes a hole in the ice, puts his fishing rod in and suddenly he hears a voice "There are no fish here".
So he moves a bit further away, makes another hold, puts his lure in and hears again "There are no fish here".
He looks up and asks "God? Is that you"
The voice grumbles "No, d**..., I'm the ice rink groundskeeper".
Driving past a corn field I planted and told my wife how great it feels to see the fruits of my labor
She paused for a few seconds before replying, "(OP), those are vegetables, d**...."
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the d**...'s house. Knock knock.
(Who's there?)
The chicken.
(As told by my 4th grader today)