No Doubt Jokes
121 no doubt jokes and hilarious no doubt puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about no doubt that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest No Doubt Short Jokes
Short no doubt jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The no doubt humour may include short doubt jokes also.
- "Remember, son, a smart person always has doubts about something. Only a total idiot can be 100% sure about everything." "Dad, are you sure?"
"Absolutely." - I don't understand why Obama has to give his speeches behind bullet proof glass. I mean, I know he's black and all, but I doubt he'll shoot anyone.
- Girlfriend said that she slept with 61 men before. I doubt it, but she insisted that I was her sixty-second man.
- I don't see why Obama gave all his speeches behind bulletproof glass.. I know he's black and all but I doubt he'd actually shoot anyone.
- "These speakers didn't cost that much so I doubt they will work well" "that is a cheap stereotype"
- I ran into Rick Astley today. He borrowed my copy of Disney's "Up", but I doubt I'll ever see it again.
- Is Google a he or a she... Is Google a he or a she?
A: A she, no doubt, because it won't let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas. - My new cat is obsessed with sitting on the calendar, so I took that as an inspiration for his name I'm still doubting between Greg or Ian
- Has anyone else noticed During most of the speeches Obama gave, he was behind bullet proof glass? I know he was black and all, but I doubt he would of shot anyone.
- Why do nuns wear the same outfit every day? It's a habit.
(I made this one up. I doubt I am the first to do it. )
Share These No Doubt Jokes With Friends
No Doubt One Liners
Which no doubt one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with no doubt? I can suggest the ones about surely and unsure.
- What do you call an anti-vax babysitter? Mrs. Doubt Pfizer
- Without a doubt, my favourite Robin Williams movie is... ...Mrs Fire.
- My mother is anti vaxx Calls herself miss Doubt Pfizer
- What is an Anti-Vaxxer's favourite movie? Mrs. Doubt-Pfizer
- My favorite movie is without a doubt Mrs. Fire
- Among all the months there's one that leaves me doubtful. May
- Did you hear about the horse that doubted everything? He was a neighsayer.
- Where do Egyptians go when people keep doubting them? Into de-Nile
- I've started doubting myself a lot less recently... well at least I think I have
- I've heard that you should always be skeptical... but I have my doubts.
- Some people doubt my memory But I can remember last year as if it were yesterday.
- I was really doubtful that the scoliosis surgery would work... But now I stand corrected
- A sodium ion went to rob a bank. It was charged, without a doubt.
- My friend said that I doubted everyone's imaginations. You couldn't make it up.
- I'm sure I have an old Gwen Stefani song stuck in my head... There's No Doubt in my mind
No Doubt Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about no doubt you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean surely win jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make no doubt pranks.
A salesman rings the door bell and Little Johnny answers.
Salesman: "Can I see your dad?"
Johnny: "No, he's in the shower."
Salesman: "What about your mother? Can I see her?"
Johnny: "Nope. She's in the shower, too."
Salesman: "Do you think they'll be out soon?"
Johnny: "Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead."
As migration approached, two elderly vultures
As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip south, so they decided to go by airplane.
When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were carrying two dead raccoons. "Do you wish to check the raccoons through as luggage?" she asked.
"No, thanks," replied the vultures. "They're carrion."
Mujibar get a job in India
Mujibar was trying to get a job in India .
The Personnel Manager said, 'Mujibar, you have to show you are proficient in the English language. Please make a sentence using the words: Yellow, Pink, and Green.'
Mujibar responded, 'The telephone goes green, green, I pink it up, and say, Yellow! This is Mujibar.'
Mujibar now works at a call center. No doubt you have spoken to him.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Don't b**... Your Mother
Mrs. Rabin comes to visit her son Bernie for dinner.
He lives with a female roommate, Elaine. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Bernie's roommate is. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Bernie and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Bernie volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Elaine and I are just roommates.''
About a week later, Elaine came to Bernie saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote an email:
*Dear Mom
I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl from my house ; I'm not saying that you "did not" take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Your Loving Son
Bernie*
Several days later, Bernie received a response email from his Mom which read:
*Dear son,
I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Elaine, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Your Loving Mother*
Guilty and Depression!
A young woman took her troubles to a psychiatrist.
"Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date a nice guy, I end up in bed with him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week."
"I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter."
"For Pete's sake, NO!" exclaimed the woman. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward."
My psychic friend told me that she could tell me what my favourite band is...
I said No Doubt
Between the Boko Haram schoolgirl abductions and the recent Malaysia Airlines incidents...
I'm starting to doubt if we'll ever see an intact black box ever again.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Types of salaries
* The onion salary - the moment you touch it, you start crying
* The d**... salary - it doesn't help you at all, it makes you suffer, but you can't live without it
* The agnostic salary - you doubt its existence
* The magic salary - now you see it, now you don't
* The period salary - comes once a month and lasts for 4 days
* The impotent salary - when you need it the most, it lets you down
cheater husband
Woman to the priest, ' I doubt that my husband has been cheating on me... I have doubt on one woman. what should I do?'
Priest replied, 'Take your husband to that woman's doorsteps... and check if WiFi connects automatically'
What do you call a disembodied nose?
Nobody nose.
My 8-year-old niece claims she made this up. I have my doubts.
Why God never got a PhD
1. He had only one major publication.
2. It was written in Aramaic, not in English.
3. It has no references.
4. It wasn't even published in a refereed journal.
5. There are serious doubts he wrote it himself.
6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since
then?
7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
8. The Scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
9. He unlawfully performed not only Animal, but *Human* testing.
10. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it by drowning his
subjects.
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from
the sample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told his students to read the book.
13. Some say he had his son to teach the class.
14. He expelled his first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students
failed his tests.
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
who enjoys s**... more - man or woman?
A man and woman got into an argument over who enjoyed s**... more.
The man argued,"Of course men enjoy s**... more than women, no doubt about it!".
The woman replied,"Oh yeah? Well tell me this if your ears itch and you put in your finger inside and wiggle a bit and remove it, which feels better the ear or finger?
The Pope and Hillary Clinton
The Pope and Hillary Clinton are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leans towards Hillary and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in the crowd go wild with joy? The joy will not be a momentary display , but will go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice."
Hillary replied, "I seriously doubt that with one little wave of your hand that is possible; show me."
His Holiness then backhanded Hillary and knocked her off the stage! The crowd roared and cheered wildly and there was happiness throughout the land.
Jeb says hes good at fixing things and I don't doubt him...
People who voted in Florida during the 2000 presidential election know what I'm *talkin* about.
What do you call someone who loves Christmas but doubts the existence of God?
Eggnog-stic.
I have this song in my head I haven't heard in years. I'm pretty sure it's called "Don't Speak"?
On second thought, there's no doubt in my mind.
Did you hear that the band members of No Doubt have announced they are moving forward without Gwen Stefani.
It is reported they will now go by the name "Some Doubt".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dad: Why did the Grammar teacher slap you today?
Dad: Why did the Grammar teacher slap you today?
Son: I just wanted to clear my doubt. I asked her a valid question for which she had no answer, so she took out her frustration by being violent.
Dad : What was the question?
Son: I asked her why 'bra' is singular when it covers two things & p**...' plural when it covers only one
I'm suffering from a more rare kind of stomach ache.
It's called Indiegestion, I doubt you've heard of it before.
If I was Genghis Khan's personal advisor
Every time he had a moment of self doubt, I'd remind him he is Genghis Khan, not Genghis Khan't.
People doubt me when I mention how accepting Canada is towards the LGBT community.
But it's Trudeau.
1945. Lenin's ghost comes to visit Stalin
Stalin tells the undead Lenin: "See, comrade Lenin, you doubted that the Soviet people will follow me, but in fact they do!"
To which Lenin replies: "Increase the food rations, or else the Soviet people will follow me".
The cashier at my local grocery store hates me...
I'm always paying in 1$ bills and I use a lot of them. I attempted to calm her down with some humor.
"I'm an exotic dancer...and I'm really good at it", I said with a wink.
She replied with a glare, "I doubt that. If you were any good you'd be paying with $5's"
I thought about going to a psychic, but then I started having doubts and changed my mind
At that moment I received a text message that said "Well, that's too bad"
I had doubts about buying a big metal cabinet with a locking door for my guns
It turned out to be a safe purchase.
People question the Christmas present I got for my mother
They say a fridge is a terrible gift when she already has one. But when I saw here face light up upon opening it, all doubts where gone.
I just finished baby-proofing my condo.
I seriously doubt any of them are making it past the barbed wire and claymores.
I was at the store with my Dad...
We were in the store and passed by the condoms. He looks at them for a second, picks some up, and throws them to me.
He said "I know you've got yourself a girlfriend now, so I think it's about time you learn about protection. These are pretty great, I doubt that you would be here today if not for these!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Research shows that smoking p**... does not make you paranoid.
But I highly doubt it.
When in doubt ...
Wife : I doubt my husband has been cheating on me.... I have doubt on one woman we both know.... What to do?
Shrink: Take your husband to that woman's doorstep and see if his wi-fi connects automatically.
Leaving for the Crusades...
*Heard this a long time ago. Just found it again...*
All the good knights were leaving for the Crusades.
One knight told his best friend, "My bride is without doubt one of the most beautiful women in the world.
It would be a terrible waste if no man could have her. Therefore, as my best and most trusted friend, I am
leaving you the key to her chastity belt to use should I not return from the Crusade."
The company of knights were only a mile or so out of town when they noticed a cloud of dust approaching.
Thinking it might be an important message from the town the column halted.
A horseman approached. It was the knight's best friend yelling, "Hey, you gave me the wrong key!"
"Remember, Luke, a Jedi always has doubts about something. Only a Sith can be 100% sure about everything."
"Dad, are you sure?"
"Absolutely."
My grandmother has many religious statues, crosses, and cats in her house.
No doubt she's a Cat-holic.
Doubting wife!
My wife has absolutely no confidence in my ability to repair electrical items around the house.
Well, she's in for a shock!
I was at the train station.
The woman next to me said, "Is the next train from London to Edinburgh?"
I said, "I doubt it. I don't think trains are that long."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Remember son, everyone has doubts about something. Only an idiot is completely sure about everything.
"Are you sure dad?"
"Absolutely."
What's a matadors choice skin moisturizer?
"Olay"
(I made it up- unsure if I'm the first but I doubt it)
The Pope and Donald Trump are standing in front of a crowd...
The Pope turns to Trump and says, "Did you know that with a single wave of my hand, I can make this entire crowd go wild? Their joy will not be a momentary passing emotion either, but will live on in their hearts each time they tell someone of this day."
Trump replies, "What?! With one wave of your SAD hand? I doubt it."
So the Pope slapped him.
When people find out I work in a food tinning factory they always doubt my ability to do my job.
But I can.
Pregnant With Doubt
When the sergeant told our new commander that his driver could not participate in an upcoming field maneuver because she was pregnant, the enraged commander demanded to know just how pregnant she was.
The sergeant's reply: Completely, sir.
Structural Integrity.
What did the bridge engineer say when someone doubted his bridge's structural integrity?
"You're gonna have to truss me on this one."
You were there for me when I had my doubts, you always gave me guidance, and you always offered me options.
Thanks Google.
Lady of my dreams
The wife checked her husband's phone and found these names:
1. The tender one
2. The amazing one
3. Lady of my dreams
She got angry and called the first number to find out that was his mother.
Then she called the second number on which his sister replied .
When she dialed the third number her own phone rang !!!!
She cried until she could cry no more because she had doubted her innocent husband, so she gave him her whole month's paycheck to make up for her doubts and mistrust.
Once his mother came to know of the story, she sold all her jewelery and gave him the money as well.
Husband took the money and bought a gift for his mistress who listed under "Plumber John".
After a Year of use I can say without a doubt that the Nintendo Switch is the perfect console for Me
The Nintendo Sub was too under powered and the Nintendo Dom is more than I can handle.......
Next time I meet someone that says they are a cancer survivor...
I will say, "no doubt, my last girlfriend was a taurus."
A school teacher in Hyderabad was once asked, "Can you make a sentence without using 'E'?"
"I doubt I can. It's a major part of many many words. Omitting it is as hard as making muffins without flour. It's as hard as spitting without saliva, napping without a pillow, driving a train without tracks, sailing to Russia without a boat, washing your hands without soap. And, anyway, what would I gain? An award? A cash bonus? Bragging rights? Why should I strain my brain? It's not worth it."
Tim was planting a seed in the ground.
Jack: What kind of a seed is it?
Tim: A seed of doubt.
Jack: That's The worst joke I've ever heard......Or maybe the best...
I just got told I was the Worlds Most Pessimistic Person
I doubt I'll manage to win that title.
If there's any doubt about what parts of The Hunger Games match the books, we can be sure at least one thing is true to the series; The sound played after someone dies during the games.
That's definitely cannon.
During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?"
He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now."
I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense."
He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."
TIL that there's doubt on whether Pavlov ever actually did use a bell in his experiments or not.
I mean, after all, he did won the Nobel prize.
The lead singer of Smash Mouth is up late with a friend.
The lead singer of Smash Mouth is up late with a friend. His wife's not home; the past few nights she's returned past midnight with increasingly elaborate alibis. He's getting frustrated; he loves her, but he's not sure he can keep giving her the benefit of the doubt. His friend asks what he's going to do when she shows up. His face contorts in frustration. "When I see her face..."
He softens.
"Imma believe 'er."
I'm glad that baby shark in TX is safe, but I doubt the police will spend a lot of time punishing the thieves.
I figure they'd have bigger fish to fry.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two men die and arrived in heaven
Curious as to why others are here, they struck up a conversation.
Man 1: Bro how did you die?
Man 2: Due to cold, and you?
Man 1: I doubted my girlfriend with another guy, searched the entire house but found none. I felt too guilty and committed s**....
Man 2: Lol, I was in the fridge
I ran into Gwen Stefani on the street the other day
She said to me, nice weather we're having.
I replied, No Doubt.
A teenage boy is talking with his friends.
A teenage boy is talking with his friends.
One of them asks - "How would you react if you recognized your favorite actor or actress in the streets?"
He responds - "I doubt I'd recognize them."
"Why not?"
"Because I don't often look at their face."
Sam had amazing vocal skills, but was in doubt of them all the time. He got himself to sign up to a Talent Show for the first time. And finally in front of all the people
Samsung
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Man, I can never take free w**... from my best friend
bc i will always be in doubt that Rick rolled it
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I doubt that men were turned into stone only by looking at Medusa's face.
I'm sure they looked at her b**... too.
I have no doubt prince andrew will walk away from all of the accusations alleged toward him without any consequences
No sweat
My dad told me this one so i thought i might share
In a zen monastery far inside China, a conflicted discipule has his mind shrouded by a doubt that he's sure his master, Zhi, knows the answer.
He finds him, and asks:
– "Master Zhi, why does everybody say that we, chinese people, all look alike?"
He pauses for a second, looks at the pupil's eyes and answers:
– "I'm not Master Zhi"
The Pope and Donald Trump are standing in front of a large crowd.
The Pope says to Trump, Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!
Trump replies, I seriously doubt that, with one wave of your hand? Show me!
So the Pope slapped him.
A couple who work in the circus go to an adoption agency.
Social workers there raise doubts about their suitability.
The couple produce photos of their 50 ft motorhome, which is equipped with a beautiful nursery.
The social workers then are doubtful about the education that the child would get.
"We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin and computer skills."
Then there are doubts about raising a child in a circus environment.
"Our nanny is an expert in paediatric welfare and diet."
The social workers are finally satisfied.
They ask, "What age child are you hoping to adopt?"
"It doesn't really matter, as long as he fits in the cannon"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dave knows everyone joke
Dave was bragging to his boss one day, “You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.”
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, “OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?”
“No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.” So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise’s door, and Tom Cruise shouts,
“Dave! What’s happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!”
Although impressed, Dave’s boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise’s house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.
“No, no, just name anyone else,” Dave says.
“President Obama,” his boss quickly retorts.
“Yup,” Dave says, “Old buddies, let’s fly out to Washington,” and off they go.
At the White House, Obama spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, “Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let’s have a beer first and catch up.”
Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.
“Pope Francis,” his boss replies.
“Sure!” says Dave. “I’ve known the Pope for years.” So off they fly to Rome.
Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican’s St. Peter’s Square when Dave says, “This will never work. I can’t catch the Pope’s eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I’ll come out on the balcony with the Pope.” He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Making his way to his boss’ side, Dave asks him, “What happened?”
His boss looks up and says, “It was the final straw… you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, ‘Who the f**... is that on the balcony with Dave?’
Joe Biden and Donald Trump are standing in front of a large crowd.
As they are waving to everyone, Biden leans towards Trump saying,
Did you know, that with one little wave of my hand, I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? Also, this joy will not be merely a momentary display, like that of your followers, but will go deep into their hearts, and for the rest of their lives, whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!
Trump replies, I seriously doubt that, with one wave of your hand? Come on, show me!
So Biden slapped him.
Since most of us are stuck / bored in quarantine here are my top ways you can get high at home.
1. A ladder - This will get you the highest, no doubt.
2. A step stool - This won't get you as high but it is good for a quick, short high.
3. A Barstool - this one is a but more trippy and unsafe, but can work if you don't have safer ways to get high.