No Diet Day Jokes
106 no diet day jokes and hilarious no diet day puns to laugh out loud. Read holiday jokes about no diet day that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest No Diet Day Short Jokes
Short no diet day jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The no diet day humour may include short diets jokes also.
- Two days into my diet I removed all the junk food from my house.... .....and it was delicious
- I've decided to go on the "England World Cup Diet" It only lasts 5 days and you lose loads!
(England fan here using humour to cope with the pain...) - I just started a diet. Here's a recap of Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house It was delicious
- I recently tried the fruitarian diet, where you can only eat things that fall from trees I only lasted a day. All I had was 3 apples and an owl.
- Dave : How's the diet going? Dave : How's the diet going?
Karen : Well, today's my cheat day
Dave : What does that mean?
Guy in bed : Don't worry about it - My former roommate was overweight so he asked me for a diet idea. I told him to stop eating after 8 PM. He had dinner at 7 PM that day, and died of starvation a few days later.
- A diabetic friend I was talking to my diabetic friend the other day. He said, "this new high sugar diet I'm on is great! I lost 30 pounds already. Cost me an arm and a leg though..."
- New Diet.. DIET Day 1: Remove all the sweet food from the fridge.
I did that. It was delicious.. - I'm on the beer and whiskey diet Last week I lost three days.
- I started this absolutely amazing 30 day diet! I already lost 15 days!
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No Diet Day One Liners
Which no diet day one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with no diet day? I can suggest the ones about diet plan and balanced diet.
- I'm on a whiskey diet... I've lost three days already.
- Not to brag, but I finished this 14 day diet... in 3 hours and 38 minutes.
- I started a diet two weeks ago So far I've lost 14 days
- Don't worry about straying from your diet today. It's Tom Brady's cheat day, too.
- I'm on the Gin & Tonic diet and its going great.... so far I've lost 2 days.
- I've been on a tequila diet... And I've lost 4 days already
- I am doing a new Whiskey diet and it is working. So far I have lost 7 days
- What is the most popular day to start a diet? Tomorrow
- So, I've recently started a whiskey diet... I've lost three days already.
- I don't want to brag about my 14-day diet but I've completed it in 4 hours.
- Diet Day 1: Just removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.
- Diet - day 1: I have removed all bad food from the house…it was delicious.
- I know a guy who has dates almost every day He says they are part of his fruity diet.
- I'm starting a new diet. It's called 2 Dollars a day until the end of the month.
- I don't mean to brag but I finished my 14 day diet ...in 3 hours and 20 minutes.
No Diet Day Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about no diet day you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean no sugar jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make no diet day pranks.
A blonde is overweight so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day and repeat for two weeks and you'll lose at least five pounds." When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. The doctor exclaims, "That's amazing! Did you follow my diet?" The blonde nods. "I thought I was going to drop dead every third day from all the skipping!"
Signs You're No Longer in College...
You no longer know what time fast food drive-thru windows close.
Your potted plants stay alive.
You pay at least a dollar more than the minimum payment on your credit card bill.
Your friends' hook-ups and break-ups are now marriages and divorces.
You attend parties that the police don't raid.
You're not expected to leave the room when the adults are talking.
You refer to college students as "those kids."
You drink wine, scotch and martinis instead of just beer, beer and beer.
You feed your dog Science Diet instead of leftover pizza.
At 6 a.m., you're putting your contact lens in instead of taking them out.
Naps are no longer weekday options.
Dating involves dinner and a movie, not keggers and Ecstasy.
Grocery lists contain more than toilet paper and potato chips.
You leave parties because you have a busy day tomorrow, not because the EMS guy has strapped you down.
Leading up to the wedding (NAME) has been on a whiskey diet. His lost three days already.
I'm on the snake diet. It's the one where you lie on the floor all day, eat 25% of your body weight, and hiss at anyone who comes near you.
A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.
A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.
I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds.
When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.
Wow, that's amazing! the doctor says.
Did you follow my instructions?
The blonde nods…
I'll tell you, I'd thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
From hunger, you mean? said the doctor.
No, from skipping, replied the blonde.
A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins...
...that
could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day, his
supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way
back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly
stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting
gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.
Skip a Day
During an annual physical, a doctor tells his overweight patient, "You need to lose some weight, so try this diet. I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, I expect you will have lost five to ten pounds."
When the man returns, he's lost over 20 pounds. The doctor says. "Great job, did you follow my instructions?"
The man nods "I did, but I thought was going to drop dead every third day."
"From hunger?" asked the doctor.
"No, from skipping."
e**... your ears for this one
A woman asks her husband to start taking those pills that will help him achieve an e**.... He agrees. The next day, she asks if he got the pills. "Picked 'em up today. Here you go honey," and tosses her a bottle of diet pills
Thought I'd share a favorite on my cake day
Gandhi used to walk barefoot on most days, neglecting modern footwear, and eventually grew a strong set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather weak and with his odd diet, suffered from very, very bad breath. To others he smelled atrocious, this super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Chinese herbologist
A man with an embarrassing condition walks into a bar one day, sad and depressed. He orders a shot, then another, and then another. Finally, the bartenders asks him "hey, what's wrong buddy?". The man replies "I've got this really embarrassing condition, and no doctor has ever been able to figure out how to cure it". The bartender says "well, why don't you tell me about it?".
"Ok", says the man, "you see.....whenever I f**..., it comes out HONDA!!!". I've tried everything, changed my diet, stopped drinking beer and eating beans...everything!".
The bartender says "have you tried Chinese herbology?".
"No", says the man.
"Well", says the bartender, "there's a Chinese herbologist right around the corner; it wouldn't hurt to give him a shot".
So, the man goes to see the Chinese herbologist and tells him all about his problem. "Ahhh...", says the herbologist, "you have an abscess in your tooth, you must go to the dentist".
Well, the man hasn't seen a dentist in years and is reluctant to go, but he decides he has to do something about his farts. After his exam, the dentist tells him, yes indeed you have an abscess. The dentist performs the surgery to fix the abscess, and the man's farts return to normal. "This is miraculous!", thinks the man. He goes back to the herbologist to find out how he could possibly know that he had an abscess. "Ah...says the herbologist", ancient Chinese proverb! "Abscess make the f**... go honda!".
A man goes to a bar every night at 5:30...
He sits down and orders 3 beers. One day, the bartender asks, "Hey man, what's with the 3 beers? Why not just order one glass?" The man says, "My brothers and I made an agreement that wherever we are in the world, at 5:30 every night, we'll 'share a beer,' to remind each other of our bond. 1 for each of us." The bartender is touched and gives them to him for free. One day, the bartender notices that the man only orders 2 and assuming that one of the brothers passed away, offers his condolences, to which the man laughs and says, "Nobody died, I just gave up beer. I'm on a diet."
Im trying the new v**... diet...
Lose 3 days every week
i went on a diet for a week
and lost 7 days
Basic Foods
My girlfriend has been getting canker sores, so she went to the doctor. The doctor said," Have you been eating many acidic foods lately?" She said," Yes I've been eating a fair amount of tangerines everyday." The doctor replied," I recommend more basic foods in your diet. Try to have at least one Pumpkin Spice Latte a day."
I started this new whiskey diet.
I've lost 4 days already!
When it comes to my diet, I don't do cheat days
I do cheat years.
I went on a diet for 10 days. You know what I lost?
10 Days
I've lost 50 lbs in five days on the Susan Atkins Diet!
That's the diet where you let someone with more of a stomach for it do all the eating and then you take the credit for it.
A relationship is like a diet.
Every once in a while you deserve a cheat day.
I eat bits of metal all day...
It's my staple diet.
If James Bond movies were about food...
These could be their titles:
* On Her Majesty's Secret Recipe
* Donuts are Forever
* Octopie
* Moonbaker
* The Spy Who Loved Meat
* License to Grill
* GoldenPie
* Diet Another Day
* All The Food In The World Is Not Enough
* Cashew Chicken Royale
My philosophy about relationships is the same as my diet...
If I work really hard at it, once a month I should get to have a cheat day.
When's the best time of day to start a diet?
4:00
For:Klock
v**... diet
I tried. It worked. I lost 3 days in 1 week.
I just started the tequila diet and I'm making great progress!
I've already lost 2 days!
Started dieting finally!
I've started dieting finally! In 2 Weeks, I lost 14 days!
My wife and I started dieting a week ago...
She proposed that we should have a cheat day today....
She brought home KFC & I brought home my secretary!
From my hospital bed, i'm wondering when will i ever begin to understand women.
I've been on this new v**... diet.
It's great, I've lost 3 days already!
Newest Diet for the New Year
In two weeks lose 14 days
Diets are like relationships...
They get easier if you allow yourself a cheat day
Two days into my diet I removed all the junk food from my house....
...now I'm eating from my trashcan.
I'm on a beer diet
I've already lost 4 days this week!
Lions are strictly on a vegan diet.
They consume about 10 to 15 pounds of vegans a day.
Cheating!!!!
Rod's Wife and Rod Started dieting a week ago.
She proposed that they should have a cheat day today...
She brought home a burger & Rod brought home his Secretary..
From his hospital bed, Rod is wondering when men will ever begin to understand women.😀😜😀😜
I went on a 30 day diet...
I already lost 15 days.
A Blonde Goes On A Diet
A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet."I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds."
When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
"From hunger, you mean?" said the doctor. "No, from skipping," replied the blonde.
My girlfriend asked me how my diet was going
I told her using more s**... as an incentive has been really effective thus far.
She responded quizzically, saying, we haven't been having more s**... than usual.
So, long story short, my girlfriend dumped me when she found out when I have been doing on my cheat days.
I kept a diet for a month...
All I lost were 30 days.
I don't mean to brag, but I just finished a 30 day diet
in just 5 hours and 37 minutes.
So now that Thanksgiving is over I have started a 30 day diet...
So far, I've already lost 5 days!
Problems in bed
A man and his wife have been having some problems in bed so one day the woman tells her husband, "Maybe you should get some pills to help you out."
He agrees.
When he gets home from work she asks him if he got the pills.
He replies, "Yeah, here you go," and with this he throws her a bottle of diet pills.
Clickbait- new report identifies most diets fail if they start on this day:
Tomorrow
I started a 30-day diet on New Year's Day.
So far I've lost 14 days!
Why are the Patriots terrible at dieting?
Because for them, everyday is a cheat day.
This man has a pain in his eye every morning...
He has a daily morning routine, he wakes up, washes his face, brews his coffee, he mixes it with a spoon, and drinks it. For some reason he always has a pain in his eyes.
So one day he goes to the doctor after becoming fed up of the pain. The doctor first asks him about his diet, and the man replies that he's been eating healthy. The doctor asks him about his routine, so he gives the man some props to recreate it. So the man proceeds to wash his face, brew his coffee, mix it with a spoon, and drink it.
The doctor sighs and asks, Have you ever taken out the spoon before you drink your coffee?
Humans produce around 1/4th the energy that all the life on earth produces per day. The biomass of the Earth produces around 200 terawatts of energy per day, in sugars.
And apparently so does my diet.
I am on a gin and tonic diet
So far I lost 3 days
After 2 week of diet..
I lost 14 days already.
I've decided to go on the "England World Cup Diet."
It only lasts 5 days and you lose loads!
I'm trying the new diet where all you are allowed to each day is 27 feet of spaghetti.
It's called The Whole Nine Yards.
Finally !! 6 weeks without any sugar. Running 5 miles each day. stopped eating dairy and flour. The change in my body has already been fantastic! I feel great! Eating a healthy diet that is completely gluten-free and sugar-free. And working out for up to 2 hours every day! Lost 10Kgs.
I don't know whose status this is, but I was really proud of them so I decided to copy and paste it.
I just finished my 14 day diet
in less than 4 meals.
I've been on a diet for 2 weeks...
...and I can proudly say that I have lost 14 days of happiness.
I went on a 14-day diet.
All I lost was 2 weeks.
I went on a vegan diet once
In 2 weeks I lost 14 days
3 months of thorough dedication, proper diet and workout sessions but now the time has come, it is cheat day
can't wait to sleep with my girlfriend's sister.
My mom sent me sweets, but I'm on diet, so I eat all of them in one day and be on diet whole month
[Modern problem require Modern Solution]
The best diet is the v**... diet...
Lose 3 days in one week..
Today marks 4 weeks of isolation. Been running 2.5 miles a day, drinking 2 gallons of water, cut out ALL meat, sugar, dairy and flour. I feel great! Zero alcohol, a healthy vegan diet, gluten free, caffeine free, sugar free and a 30 minute home workout each day.
I have no idea who originally posted this, but I am really proud of them so I decided to copy & paste!
Today marks 5 weeks of isolation...
I'm walking 2 miles a day, no meat, dairy or flour. Eating fresh vegetables and home cooked meals every day. The change has been fantastic! I feel great!
Zero alcohol, a healthy diet, gluten free, caffeine free, sugar free and a 1 hour home workout each day! Lost 20 lbs and gained muscle mass. I've even cut my screen time in half and am reading a book a week.
I have no idea who wrote this, but I am really proud of them so I decided to copy and paste.
George loved to eat watches
Every day for breakfast, lunch, and dinner George would eat his favorite brand of watch.
Feeling fancy? A Rolex does the job better than any restaurant.
Special occasion? A grandfather clock would fit any event perfectly.
Going on a diet? Apple watches are the way to go!
His family didn't see it though, they thought he was crazy for his bizarre choice of food. They decided to stage in intervention in order to help him quit.
We're worried about you, George his wife said, you need to stop. This isn't good!
Well, I don't see what that problem is, George defended, tell me what's wrong with them!
Well, George, his sister interceded
They're just too time consuming
Due to health concerns, my doctor recommend I go on a strict vegetarian diet, and practice portion control.
I am happy to announce that I am down to one vegetarian a day, as they are surprisingly filling.
