No Comma Jokes
115 no comma jokes and hilarious no comma puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about no comma that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest No Comma Short Jokes
Short no comma jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The no comma humour may include short comma jokes also.
- What is the difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac? A comma.
A literalist takes everything literally. A kleptomaniac takes everything, literally. - Commas can change the meaning of a sentence. Example:
I like to eat apples. ---> I like to eat commas. - What's the difference between a cheetah and a comma? A cheetah has claws at the end of its paws, and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause
- A man has been found guilty of overusing commas The judge warned him to expect a very long sentence.
- I came home to an intervention put on by my ex-lovers, my mom and my dad. And this is why we need the oxford comma.
- My girlfriend said she hates being on her period. I told her it was better than being in a comma.
- Saw a sign at a farm that said, "duck, eggs." I was contemplating the use of the comma when it hit me.
- What's the difference between an ER doctor and an editor? One has patients with comas, the other has patience with commas.
- Back in the day, excessive use of commas was considered a very serious crime. It usually resulted in a long sentence.
- My friend was in a comma The doctor said "Do you mean coma?" and I replied "No, it's just a short rest."
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No Comma One Liners
Which no comma one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with no comma? I can suggest the ones about punctuation and oxford comma.
- If not using commas was a crime would it result in long sentences?
- Things I hate: lists, Oxford commas, and irony.
- There are 3 things that I love: The Oxford Comma, irony, and missed opportunities.
- I never learned proper grammar because of the accident. I was in a comma.
- Jeff, a semicolon, and an Oxford Comma walk into a bar. They both had a great time.
- If I had a puppy I'd name it comma. Why? Because of its small pause.
- I love cooking dogs and children. But I hate using commas.
- My 3 Fevorite Things are: Eating My Cats and Not Using Commas
- Commas matter Let's listen to the doors.
Vs.
Let's listen to the commadoors - After years of saving, I finally have a comma in my bank account! $ -1,250
- I hate recursion, irony, and the Oxford Comma.
- Which punctuation mark gets the most rest? A comma
- Why did the period and and semicolon break up? Because they had nothing in comma
- Learn the use of comma, save a wedding. Do your best man.
Do your best, man. - What do you call a convention for English teachers? Comma-Con
No Comma Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about no comma you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bad grammar jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make no comma pranks.
In the sentence of life, the devil may be a comma - but never let him be the period.
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Luigi the Fisherman
No one in this town could catch any fish except this one little old Italian man. The game warden asked Luigi how he did it.
Luigi said, "Comma down tomorrow...we go fish"
Once they got to the middle of the lake Luigi took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it in the water. After the e**... fish started floating to the top of the water He took out a net and started picking up the best ones.
"Luigi!" said the game warden, "You know that's i**...!" "I'm going to have to arrest you now."
Luigi took out another stick of dynamite, lit it and handed it to the game warden and said,
"Hey! are you gonna talk or fish?"
Did you hear about the poor chap who got smashed in the head by a grammar textbook?
He remains in a comma.
TIL That commas save lives
Let's eat Tim!
Let's eat, Tim!
The mans friend
Man 1: my friend recently came out of a comma
Man2: don't you mean a coma?
Man 1: no, it was only a short break
I am really, bad at using, commas.
Amoeba Joke
Person One: What's the difference between you and an amoeba?
Person Two: What?
Person One: A comma.
Person Two: ?
Person One: An amoeba is a single-celled organism with no brain.
You are a single, celled organism with no brain.
Come on, Grandma!
Thank goodness for commas.
Remember where to put your commas kids...
There's a big difference between helping your old uncle Jack, off his horse...
Why wasn't Boy George any good at English?
because he always put 5 commas before chameleon.
How do punctuation marks get freaky?
The comma sutra
Why do the Germans use commas in place of decimal points?
Because it makes 6,000,000 seem like a much smaller number.
What do you call it when Christopher Walken uses too much punctuation?
"...a, Tragedy, of, the Commas!"
Did you know that commas can change the meaning of a sentence?
For example : Mr.Walter is in a comma
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My nickname in the North Pole is 'comma'
I had s**... with Santa's wife and separated the clauses
A comma is the difference between
"Yesterday, I met the strippers, Donald Trump, and Hillary Clinton."
and
"Yesterday, I met the strippers, Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton."
Why did the semicolon think the comma was pregnant?
It was missing it's period.
I need Some Jokes For My Best Friend.
I need Some Jokes For My Best Friend. He is On Comma :(
Here's my review of EA
Sorry EA but if you want the review it'll be $5.99 for each letter and $7.99 for each punctuation and comma
A prisoner was half way through his ten to twelve stretch when he was beaten and fell into a comma
, which helped him finish his sentence.
What do you call the inverted comma of a jealous girlfriend?
A possessive's apostrophe
The inventor of the Oxford Comma has died.
Tributes have been lead by JK Rowling, his wife and the Queen of England.
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s**... positions for grammar n**...
There was once a book written in ancient India about s**... positions using punctuation marks.
It was called the comma sutra.
Why did the punctuation mark have such an easy time going out with other punctuation marks?
It was a comma dating.
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Did you know using too many commas is now i**.......
You can end up with a very lengthy sentence.
What three things would you bring if you were stranded on a deserted island?
Irony, the oxford comma and a missed opportunity
The real joke is in the commas
A panda walks into a café. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots in the air.
"Why?" asks the confused waiter, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.
"I'm a panda," he says at the door. "Look it up."
The waiter turns to the relevant entry and, sure enough, finds an explanation:
"Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves."
What do you call three consecutive commas in a text conversation?
Trying to make a point.
Little Johnny was learning about punctuation
The teacher was explaining all of the different punctuation marks.
She listed the comma, question mark and when she got to period; Little Johnny raised his hand.
He asked: Why are periods so important?
The teacher responded: Well, they are a fundamental part of the written language; why do you ask?
Little Johnny replied: Yesterday my sister said she missed a period and my Mom fainted, my Dad started yelling and the next door neighbor shot himself
There was a time when I used a comma at the end of a sentence.
It was the worst period of my life.
What's it called when a woman gets her period early?
A comma
Commas save lives
I love to cook my family and my pets.
I'm on my period
Oh wait, nevermind, it's just a comma
I didn't get accepted to Oxford.
I got all of my commas from the University of Phoenix.
I just got a new job with a 6 figure salary!
and only 2 of the figures are after a comma.
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Found a better reason for commas than accidentally helping uncle j**... a horse.
"f**...' A, baby" and "f**...' a baby".
28 consonants, 3 vowels, a question mark and 1 comma went to court
They're awaiting their sentence
Colons can drastically change the meanings of sentences, far more than commas.
For example,
I come in a car
I come in a colon
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My three favourite things
My 3 favourite things are eating my family and not using commas
Commas are important people
Unless you consider them human, too.
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"You dirty-mouth pigs! In this country we dont talk about our dirty s**... lives in public"
Two men with strong accents are having a conversation on the bus and a lady behind then eavesdrops.
"Emma comma first. Den I come. Den two esses acomma together. I come once-a-more. Two esses, dey comma together again. I comma again and pee twice. Den I comma one last time."
"You dirty-mouth pigs! In this country we dont talk about our dirty s**... lives in public" says the lady.
"hey what´sa matter for you" says the man. "Ima justa tellin ma frienda how to spell "Mississippi."
My last paycheck had a comma...
between my first and last name.
What would it be called if all punctuation was distributed equally?
Comma - unism
An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars.
A question mark walks into a bar?
My dad text me saying, "Don't try to be someone you're not."
It hurt when he added, "Oops, forgot the comma after 'someone'."
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Commas in a sentence can change everything.
I helped my uncle jack, off a horse.
I helped my uncle j**... a horse.
"Come on mom!"
Yet another lesson in the importance of commas.
call me Mr. comma
because I'm after but.
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My four favorite things
My four favorite things are chicken p**... pie and omitting commas.
Why did Punctuation ruin Santa's marriage?
Because a comma seperates two clauses
The comma button on my keyboard has an intermittent fault.
It doesn't work for short pauses.
What do you call a pause between meals?
A food comma.
I've got another example of the importance of Oxford commas:
I passed a headstone the other day which read, "Here lies Tyler Goetz, a lawyer and a good man."
I just can't believe the three of them agreed on such ambiguous syntax.
I once knew a guy who would always use periods rather than commas.
He was a peri-od dude.
Why do communists not use commas?
Because they show owner ship
I just had a really bad day today
I got into a car accident and my girlfriend left me... I didn't forget a comma with the "and" conjunction, she left through the front windshield of my car.
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Did you hear that someone published a s**... guide for grammar n**...?
It's called the Comma Sutra.
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Things I love
I love eating my parents and not using commas
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Why do s**... cells look like commas and apostrophes?
They often interrupt periods and lead to contractions.
Please practice safe text.
Use a comma & you won't miss a period.
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My three favorite things are eating my family
and not using commas
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My three favorite things are eating my family
and omitting commas.
If I had a nickel for every time I accidentally hit enter instead of a comma
A man was in a terrible accident, and his wife asked for his prognosis
Well, Mrs. Smith, your husband went into a short period of suspended animation.
Oh my God! He went into a Coma?
No, it was for only a few seconds. I'd call it more of a comma.
Common English Mistakes
Common English Mistakes
-mixing up there, their, and they're
-using the wrong too, to, or two
-putting commas in the wrong place
-enslaving innocent people and stealing their riches
-using apostrophes for plurals