no arms and legs Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious no arms and legs puns

I just flew in from Chernobyl

And boy are my arms legs.

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So God creates Adam...

...and soon after he notices that Adam is lonely.

God says "Do not fear, my child. For I will create a partner to accompany you and man from this time forth. She will be known, as a woman."

God continues "She will be obedient, loyal, passionate and nurturing."

Adam hesitates..

"What is this gonna cost me?" Adam asks.

God responds "An arm and a leg."

Adam retorts "What can I get for a rib?"

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I saw a one legged man with no arms at the ATM today...

He asked me to help him check his balance....
So I pushed the fucker over.

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A woman wants to find a husband so she puts out an ad "I'm looking for a man that won't hit me, won't run away, and can satisfy me."

A week later she hears a very loud knock at the door. She answers it and it is a man with no arms or legs, he says "I won't beat you, I have no arms. I won't run away, I have no legs."

She replies "And how do you know you can satisfy me?"

He grins and says "Did you hear me knocking?"

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A husband sends a text to his wife.

Honey, I got hit by a car outside of the office. Tina brought me to the hospital. They have been taking tests and doing x-rays. The blow to my head is very strong, may be serious. Also, I have 3 broken ribs, a broken arm, a compound fracture on my left leg and they may have to amputate the right foot.

Wife's Response:
Who is Tina?

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What has 4 legs and 1 arm?

A Pitbull coming from the childrens play ground

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A girl with no arms and no legs is sitting on the beach crying

A man walks up to her and says "What's wrong?" She replies "I've never been kissed before." So the man kisses her, but she starts crying even more. He says "What's wrong? I thought you wanted to be kissed." This time she replies "Yea, but I've never been fucked before." The man thinks for a second, and has an idea. He picks her up by her sides, and throws her as far as he can into the ocean. He yells to her "Well, you're fucked now!"

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God said to Adam "I'm going to make you a woman"

God: "She's going to clean for you, cook anything you want whenever you want it, always look beautiful, never be bad tempered, give you children, always obedient, and she'll never argue with you."
Adam: "That sounds great, but what'll it cost me?"
God: "Oh, an arm and a leg."
Adam: "That's a bit steep. What can I get for a rib?"

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A man wakes up in the hospital after a serious accident

He shouts "Doctor, Doctor I can't feel my legs!"

The Doctor replies, "I know, we amputated your arms."

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Did you hear what happened to the guy whose left arm and left leg got chopped off?

He's dead.

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A woman posts an ad in the news paper that looks like this…

'Looking for man with these qualifications; won't beat me up; or run away from me and is great in bed.'
The next day her door bell rings, looking down on her doorstep was a man with no arms and legs.
He says Hi, I'm Bob. I have no arms so I won't beat you up and no legs so I won't run away.
She says, What makes you think you are so great in bed?

He smiles and says how do you think I rang your fucking door bell?

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I'd like to thank my legs for supporting me

My arms for always being by my side and my fingers... I could always count on them.

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Ranji is a 9yr old boy living in Namibia.

Can you spare just $2.00? Ranji is a 9yr old boy living in Namibia. He has only 1 leg, 1 arm and 1 eye. Each day he has to ride 7 miles to school along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes and only 1 pedal. If you send us just $2, we will send you the video - its hilarious.

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Husband send a text to his wife

Husband's text:
>Honey, I got hit by a car outside the office.
Paula brought me to the Hospital.
Doctors presently doing tests and taking X-rays.
Severe blow to my head but not likely to have any lasting effects. Wound required 19 stitches.
I have three broken ribs, a broken arm and compound fracture in the left leg. Amputation of my right foot is a possibility.
Love you.

Wife's response:
>Who's Paula?

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What do you call a kid with no arms, no legs, and an eyepatch?

Names

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Vader has a pretty sweet suit.

It must have cost at least an arm and a leg.

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I would like to thank my arms

For always being by my side

I would like to thank my legs for always supporting me

And I would like to thank my fingers because I can always count on them

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What is brown and has got four legs and an arm?

A Rottweiler on a children's playground.

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I have 3 eyes, 5 legs and 6 arms, what am I ?

A liar

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Man sat on a towel on a beach. He had no arms or legs.

3 Women walked past & felt sorry for him.
First one said "You ever had a hug?" He said "No"
so she hugged him & walked on.
The second woman said "You ever had a kiss?" He said "No"
so she kissed him & walked on.
Third said "You ever been fucked?"
He said "No" as his eyes lit up... she said "You will be when the tide comes in."

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Can you spare just $2.00? Ranji is a 9yr old living in Namibia, he only has 1 leg, 1 eye and 1 arm. Each day he has to ride 7 miles to school along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes and only one pedal....

If you send just $2.00, you get the video for it. It's fucking hilarious.

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Shout out to my arms for always being by my side...

& my legs for being there every step of the way

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A guy wakes up in hospital after surgery and complains he can't feel his legs

"I know" said the doctor.
"We had to amputate your arms"

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Can you spare just $2.00?

Can you spare just $2? Djimon is a nine year old boy living in Kenya. He has only one leg, one arm and one eye. Each day he has to ride seven miles to school along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes and only one pedal. If you send us just $2, we will send you the video – it's fucking hilarious.

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How much does a red lightsaber cost?

An arm and a leg



^^

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I saw a guy at an ATM with no arms, and a peg leg

He asked if I would help him check his balance... so I pushed him over

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For my cake day, a joke...

Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor. The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."
Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?"
The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."

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I have 2 heads, 5 arms, 372 legs, and 6684324 eyes. What am I?

A liar

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Two men are climbing a mountain. One of them slips and falls.

"Oh my god are you alive?!? Can you hear me?!?"

-- "Yes, I'm alive."

"Did you break your legs?"

-- "No, my legs are fine."

"Did you break your arms?

-- "No, they're OK."

"Well, thank goodness, climb back up!"

-- "I can't."

"Why not?"

-- "I'm still falling."

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If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks

Cost me an arm and a leg!

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I have 600 legs, 30 arms, a pair of wings, and 1000 eyes. What am I?

A liar.

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What do you call the boy with no legs and no arms?

Names.

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Local ads...

A woman places an ad in the local newspaper. Looking for a man with three qualifications: won't beat me up, won't run away from me, and is great in bed.
Two days later her doorbell rings. Hi, I'm Tim. I have no arms so I won't beat you, and no legs so I won't run away.
What makes you think you are great in bed? the woman retorts.
Tim replies, I rang the doorbell, didn't I?

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Please, it's for the children

Can you spare just $2.00?

Ranji is a 9 year old boy living in Namibia. He has only 1 leg and 1 arm and 1 eye. Each day he has to ride 7 long miles to school along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes and only 1 pedal.

If you send us just $2.00, we will send you the video...it's fucking hilarious!

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What has four legs and one arm?

A pitbull terrier in a childrens' playground

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What are the most funny No Arms And Legs jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about No Arms And Legs? Well, here are the best No Arms And Legs dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and No Arms And Legs pick up lines to share with friends.

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