Nixon Jokes
37 nixon jokes and hilarious nixon puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about nixon that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Nixon Short Jokes
Short nixon jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The nixon humour may include short president jokes also.
- What is the difference between Washington, Nixon and Trump? George Washington couldn't tell a lie.
Richard Nixon couldn't tell the truth.
Donald Trump can't tell the difference - In US Presidential History: Washington could not tell a lie, Nixon could not tell a truth... and Trump can not tell the difference
- George Washington: "I cannot tell a lie!"; Richard Nixon: "I cannot tell the truth!"; Donald Trump: ... "I cannot tell the difference!"
- What did Richard Nixon say after he tried to make dinner at the White House for the first time? I am not a cook
- What is the difference between the War on Drugs and a cow? You can't milk a cow for 50 years. (Nixon declared it in 1971)
- Nixon: "I bet you can't run a more scandal-ridden presidency than me" "Hold my beer"
"Sure.. Wait this isnt beer" - You know what Nixon did wrong? He only broke into the watergate hotel once. He should have done it everyday. Then it would have been normal. Yes, you got it, jokes on you.
- What's the difference between Richard Nixon and Trump?? Nixon had a problem with Kissinger -- Donald had a problem with Grabbing-her.
- With Nixon tattooed on Roger Stone's back... Inmates will soon get to see a criminal and a liar no matter which side of him they're facing
- Richard Nixon makes a really awful dinner for his wife. He defends himself by saying "I am not a cook".
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Nixon One Liners
Which nixon one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with nixon? I can suggest the ones about richard nixon and presidential.
- Why didn't Richard Nixon prepare his own food? Because he's not a cook.
- What did Nixon say when asked to help with the presidential dinner? "I am not a cook!"
- What do you call it when Richard Nixon hides the toothpaste? Colgate
- What did Richard Nixon say when he bumped into Gerald Ford? Pardon me.
- Why is Nixon a bad chef? Because he is not a cook.
- What did Nixon say when his pasta got criticized? I am not a cook.
- Richard Nixon's favorite vegetable Arooooogula
- What is Nixon's absolutely favorite vegetable? Ahhhh-ruhh'galaaaa.
- What's Nixon's favorite salad green? Arrruuuuuuuuuugula
- What do you call Richard Nixon in a Roald Dahl book? ImPEACHment!
- What's Richard Nixon's favorite game? I spy.
- What does Nixon's Head use to thicken up étouffée? A roooooooux!
- What is Nixon's favorite topping ARUUUUUUUUGALA
- What's former US President Richard Nixon's favorite vegetable? AROOOOOOOgula.
- For my birthday I asked for a white noise machine. They gave me the Nixon tapes.
Richard Nixon Jokes
Here is a list of funny richard nixon jokes and even better richard nixon puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why did Nixon have a reputation for not being punctual? He is, after all, the late Richard Nixon.
- Let it be known that the movie d**...... ...is NOT about Watergate or Richard Nixon.
Amusing Nixon Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends
What funny jokes about nixon you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean impeachment jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make nixon pranks.
Clinton on the Titanic
Reagan, Nixon and Clinton are on the Titanic.
The ship hits the iceberg and sinks slowly.
Everybody starts screaming, panicking, etc.
Reagan shouts: "Women and children first."
Nixon goes: "Screw the women!"
Clinton replies: "Do you think we have time!?"
American presidents are on a sinking ship!
Ford says: What do we do?
Bush says: Man the lifeboats!
Reagan says: What lifeboats?
Carter says: Women and children first!
Nixon says: Screw the women!
Clinton says: You think we have time?
Fidel Castro and 11 Presidents
Fidel Castro survived 11
Presidents of the United States
-Eisenhower
-Kennedy
-Johnson
-Nixon
-Ford
-Carter
-Reagan
-Bush
-Clinton
-GW Bush
-Obama
But he couldn't take 15 days of Trump
In the 1970s, as manager of Baskin Robbins', my mom was tasked to create new flavors related to Richard Nixon...
Her choices, as she told me, were 'ImPeachments & Cream' and 'Watermelon-Gate' (as a sorbet).
Both were denied.
This is actually true.
Trump marched into the white house
When trump became president obama was waiting for him at the white house.
Trump! You have to run around the entire white house while I time you, we have a little leaderboard said obama
Ok, im fast, the fastest. When i run you cant even see me trust me! Replied trump, incidentally what are the other presidents times?
Obama looked at his notebook, well I took 8:23
, clinton took 8:40, nixon took 10:10 and bush did 9:11.
A man walks into a t-shirt store...
There are 3 shirts on display.
The first has a picture of Richard Nixon with a white mustache. Below the picture is titled "Got Milk."
The second tee shirt has a picture of Ronald Reagan with a white mustache. It is entitled "Forgot Milk."
The third tee shirt has a picture of Monica Lewinsky with a white mustache. It is entitled "Not Milk."
Another Soviet joke
Nixon is visiting Brezhnev. Brezhnev shows off the newest Soviet technology: a payphone that can call h**.... So Nixon puts in a quarter and calls h**..., talks to the devil Then he returns to the US and is told that the US als has this technology but it costs $1000 per phone call. He gets angry and asks why does it only cost a quarter in the USSR.*sir, you see in the USSR it's a local call.*
