Nipples Jokes

What are some Nipples jokes?

As a man, I've renamed my nipples Thoughts and Prayers.

...because they're useless.

Kinda scared for 2017

Because 2+0+1+7 is 10 - the exact number of nipples Hitler would have if he had 8 more

I once dated a girl with twelve nipples

Sounds weird, dozentit?

A husband and wife celebrate their 30th anniversary

That night, the wife comes out of the bathroom naked and starts playing with her nipples.

"What did you think the first time you saw these 30 years ago?"

"I wanna to suck them dry," he says.

She crawls onto the bed, "What did you think when you saw all this 30 years ago?"

"I wanted to screw your brains out, baby," he says with a smile.

She giggles, teasingly, "What are you thinking now?"

"I think I did a pretty good job at both."

My brother lost his eyesight in a motorboating accident.

Her nipples were pierced.

I once met a woman who had 12 nipples

That's sounds good...
Dozen titο»Ώ

A grandmother goes to the doctor

A grandmother goes to the doctor and asks: "Where is the heart?"
The doctor answers: "2 centimetres below the nipples"
Next day in the newspaper: "Woman tries to commit suicide and shoots herself in the knee"

The thing about ice skating ...

No matter how good you are, the hardest part is always your nipples.

A recent survey reported that three quarters of men don't know how to turn on the dish washer...

I find that licking her nipples and a light gentle fingering usually does the trick...

I was homeschooled growing up but I don't like to tell people that.

What I do like to tell people is that I had a teacher in high school that used to let me put her nipples in my mouth.

I'm kinda terrified for 2015

2 + 0 + 1 + 5 = 8.
The EXACT number of nipples Hitler would've had if he had 6 more nipples!

A couple had been married for sixty years.

They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife remarks, Just think, sixty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.
"I know, the old man replies. We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds sixty years ago. Well, says his wife, Let's relive some old times. Whereupon the two strip to the buff and sit back down at the table. You know, honey, the old woman says, My nipples are as hot for you today as they were sixty years ago. I'm not surprised, he responds. One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal.

What do you call a Latin popstar with big nipples?

Areola Grande

If a woman tells you her nipples are pierced...

...the only logical response is, "I don't believe you.".

I hear its great for your skin!

A woman is reading through a magazine. She comes across an article that says "if you take a bath in milk it gives you softer more supple skin." She decides it is a good idea so she leaves a note on her door for the milkman to leave her 25 gallons of milk. The milkman shows up and says "ma'am you sure its not 2.5 gallons?" She says "no 25 is right". The milkman said " may I asked what your going to do with 25 gallons of milk?" She replied " I am going to take a bath in it." The milkman then said " ok, do you want that pasteurize?". She said" no just get it up to my nipples I can splash it on my face from there."

I've been thinking about getting cat faces tattooed around my nipples,

but I'm not sure how my boyfriend feels about titty tats.

What does the gingerbread man have for nipples?


What does an 80 year old woman have between her thighs that an 18 year old woman doesn't?

Her nipples.

Getting a bit worried, is this normal?

One of my nipples is a different colour than the other two

A sad story

A boy was jelous of his baby brother, so he put poison on his mother's nipples. The next day, the gardener died.

What do you call a cow with no nipples?

Udderly pointless

Old couple celebrates their 50th anniversary

An old couple celebrates their 50th wedding anniversary in their home.

Just think," the old man says, "we were sitting here at this same breakfast table, naked as jaybirds, 50 years ago."

Well," the old lady snickers, "what do you say, should we get naked?"

The two immediately strip to the buff and sit back down at the table.

You know, honey," the little old lady says slyly, "My nipples are still just as hot for you as they were 50 years ago."

I'm not surprised," replies the old man. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!"

What do you call Tinkerbell's nipples?


What are those small bumps around women's nipples?

It's Braille for "Suck Here"

What do you call several hundred Native Americans without nipples?

The Indian Nippleless 500

An old woman is visiting the doctor

"Where exactly in the body is the heart?" she asks.

"About 2 cm under the nipples." the doctor answers.

Headline of the newspaper on the next day:

"Woman tried to commit suicide. Shot herself in the knee instead."

How are ceiling fans and nipples similar?

They go up in winter and down in summer.

What do Adam Levine's nipples and corduroy pillowcases have in common?

They're making headlines!

How do you tell if your wife is faking it?

Next time during sex. Grab her by the nipples and squeeze.

Whatever sound she subsequently makes is genuine.

Those bumps on womens nipples...

are braille for suck right here.

Your momma so old...

powdered milk comes out her nipples.

What does a policeman say to his nipples?

You're under a vest.

I once dated a girl who had 12 nipples.

Sounds pretty crazy, dozentit?

What pop star has the biggest nipples?

Areola Grande

What do you call a plastic surgeon that specifically focuses on nipples?

A manippleator

What's the worst way to pick up chicks?

By the nipples.

Do you have hair around your nipples?

Is it particularly in the hair-eola?

... I came up with this the other night while half asleep. Be gentle.

Yur mom is so fat

Her nipples look like bologna slices.

Hey! tell your nipples to stop staring at my eyes.

How to make Nipples jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Nipples to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Nipples? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Nipples pick up lines to share with friends.

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