Ninety Year Old Jokes
12 ninety year old jokes and hilarious ninety year old puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ninety year old that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Ninety Year Old Short Jokes
Short ninety year old jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ninety year old humour may include short sixty year old jokes also.
- I have to stand directly in front of my ninety-four year old grandfather and repeat myself many, many times to get his attention. And he isn't even deaf. He's just a trifle hard of caring.
- My grandmother is an amazing woman. Ninety three years old and she doesn't need glasses. She drinks straight out of the bottle.
- What do you "The Social Network" twins when they are ninety years old? The Wrinklevoss Twins
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Ninety Year Old Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about ninety year old you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sixty years old jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make ninety year old pranks.
Whose point is it anyway?
A ninety-year-old man went to the doctor and said, "Doctor, my eighteen-year-old wife is expecting a baby."
The doctor said, "Let me tell you a story. A man went hunting, but instead of a rifle, he picked up an umbrella by mistake. When a bear suddenly appeared and charged at the man - he picked up the umbrella, shot the bear, and killed it."
The man said, "Impossible. Someone else must have shot that bear."
The doctor said, "My point exactly!"
So
Just before the f**... services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, How old was your husband? Ninety-eight, she replied. Two years older than I am.
So you're ninety-six, the undertaker said.
She responded, Hardly worth going home, is it?
Patient: "Doctor, do you think that I shall live until I am ninety?"
Doctor: "How old are you now?"
Patient: "40"
Doctor: "Do you drink, gamble, smoke or do you have any other vice?"
Patient: "No. I don’t drink. I don’t gamble. I don’t smoke. I have no vice."
Doctor: "Then why do you want to live for another fifty years?"
A 97 year-old man marries a 28 year old woman...
2 weeks after the honeymoon, his wife gets pregnant. The doctor asked,
"You're ninety seven years old! How do you do it?"
The man replies, "You just gotta keep that motor turning."
A year later, the mans wife is pregnant again. The doctor asks,
"You're ninety eight years old, how do you do it?"
The man again replied with, "You just gotta keep that motor turning.".
Two years go by, and the mans with is pregnant a third time. The doctor asks,
"You're one hundred years old, how do you do it?".
The man says, "you just gotta keep that motor turning."
The doctor replied with "you'd better change the oil because this one came out black."
Happiest old man or what
An old man of ninety was sitting on a park bench crying. A policeman
noticed this and asked him why he was crying.
"Well," says the old fellow, "I just got married to a twenty-five year old
redhead. Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast and then we make
love. In the afternoon she makes me a wonderful lunch and then we make love.
At dinner time she makes me a wonderful supper and then we make love."
The policeman looks at the old man and says, "You shouldn't be crying!
You should be the happiest man in the world!"
So the old man says, "I know! I'm crying because I don't remember where I live!"
A rich old man goes golfing with his friends
And he brings along a gorgeous young lady.
"Well guys, meet my new fiancée" he says, full of pride. And for the rest of the afternoon the friends can't take their eyes off the beauty.
After the round of golf the rich man goes up to the bar to order drinks for the group. One of his friends accompanies him and quietly asks: "how did you manage to hook up with such a beautiful young lady? You're seventy. She must be at least fourty years younger than you!"
"I lied about my age"
"And she believed you!? How old did you say you were?"
"I told her I was ninety"
Geriatric problems
Three old men are sitting on the porch of a retirement home. The first says: "Fellas, I got real problems. I'm seventy years old. Every morning at seven o'clock I get up and I try to urinate. All day long I try to urinate. They give me all kinds of medicine but nothing helps."
The second old man says: "You think you have problems. I'm eighty years old. Every morning at 8:00 I get up and try to move my bowels. I try all day long. They give me all kinds of stuff but nothing helps."
Finally the third old man speaks up: "Fellas: I'm ninety years old. Every morning at 7:00 sharp I urinate. Every morning at 8:00 I move my bowels. Every morning at 9:00 sharp I wake up."
Saw a joke about an elderly couple who were getting a divorce, reminded me of this old gem.
The elder couple are in divorce court. Everything is basically going as per usual except both of the soon to be divorcees are well into their nineties. After seeing all the paperwork, the judge ask, "Now folks, help me understand this. You've been married for over 70 years! Why are you getting a divorce?"
"Well, you honor", says the man, "we've actually wanted this for a long time. But we decided to stay together for the children."
"You stayed together all these years for you children?"
"That's right," said the soon to be ex-wife "and the last one just died!"
Three old men are sitting on the porch of a retirement home.
The first says, "Fellas, I got real problems. I'm seventy years old. Every morning at seven o'clock I get up and I try to urinate. All day long I try to urinate. They give me all kinds of medicine but nothing helps."
The second old man says, "You think you have problems. I'm eighty years old. Every morning at eight o'clock I get up and try to move my bowels. I try all day long. They give me all kinds of stuff but nothing helps."
Finally the third old man speaks up, "Fellas, I'm ninety years old. Every morning at seven o'clock sharp I urinate. Every morning at eight o'clock I move my bowels. Every morning at nine o'clock sharp I wake up."