Ninety Jokes
26 ninety jokes and hilarious ninety puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ninety that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article brings a smile to the face of any reader. Read on to discover ninety of the funniest jokes ever told by a ninety year old! Take a break from your day and have a laugh as you read twenty different jokes from an age-defying and wisecracking grandpa named Barnes.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Ninety Short Jokes
Short ninety jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ninety humour may include short eighty jokes also.
- Pearl jam tried to warn us about Ticketmaster in the Nineties. We didn't listen. Probably because we couldn't understand what Eddie Vedder was saying.
- My grandmother is pushing ninety. She's so strong, bless her. It's just annoying that the bus had to break down.
- My Nana's ninety three, but she's living the dream. The one where you go out in just your underwear and your teeth fall out.
- I have to stand directly in front of my ninety-four year old grandfather and repeat myself many, many times to get his attention. And he isn't even deaf. He's just a trifle hard of caring.
- The Chili's theme song from the late nineties would make a far better anthem for the 'Amber Alert'. *sings* I want my baby back, baby back, baby back...
- I have this condition, I wake up at ten to nine every day... Doctor says it is nothing serious just a mild case of ten-to-ninetis.
- What do you get when you mix the Twelve Days of Christmas with Ninety-nine Bottles of beer on the wall? A year in prison if there's any justice.
- Lawyers really aren't so bad, it's just ninety-nine percent of lawyers that make the rest look bad.
- What do you "The Social Network" twins when they are ninety years old? The Wrinklevoss Twins
Share These Ninety Jokes With Friends
Ninety One Liners
Which ninety one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ninety? I can suggest the ones about sixty and sixty nine.
- Ninety-eight percent of lawyers... give the other two percent a really bad name.
- If you want to be smart, get a degree. If you want to be right, get ninety degrees.
- I had to quit drinking. I was tired of waking up in my car... ...going ninety.
- How much does a moil get paid for circumcision? Ninety-nine dollars plus tips.
- Ninety two percent of cross-eyed teachers have difficulty controlling their pupils.
- Hillary has been outsourcing jobs since the nineties. It's true. Ask Monica.
- I am right ninety eight percent of the time - who cares about the other three percent.
- I'm rhyme free.. ..Since ninety-four
- What do errant Jewish golfers shout? Three ninety eight!
Playful Ninety Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group
What funny jokes about ninety you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean forty jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make ninety pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Lenin in Warsaw
A Soviet filmmaker makes a film called Lenin in Warsaw. Everybody shows up for the premiere. The film opens—on Lenin's wife, Krupskaya, n**..., having mad s**... with another man. And then another. And another. And so on. The film continues in the same vein for ninety minutes.
Finally, the lights come up and the director takes questions from the audience.
First question: Very interesting movie, comrade, but—where was Lenin?
The director answers: In Warsaw.
There once was a woman who had 100 children....
She named each of them after numbers in the order they were born. There was a fire and all of them died except Ninety.
Ninety went off to have kids of her own. They were very kind and loving. One day they found an injured dog. They took it home and nursed it back to health. They hid the dog and never told their mother afraid she would kick the dog out . In fact they never told anyone. To keep from arousing any suspicions they named the dog "This" so the name could be used in conversation.
One day This ran away. They never saw This again. No one else knew about This. No one even knew a dog named This existed.
Only Ninety's kids will remember This.
Walking through the jungles of Africa, a man comes across a pygmy standing next to a ferocious dead lion.
So the man approaches the pygmy and asks him, " Did you kill that lion ? "
"Yes", says the pygmy, "I killed it with my club."
Impressed by the tiny fellow, the man exclaims, "Wow! How big is your club ?"
The pygmy looks up at the man and says, "There are about ninety of us."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear the one about the astronaut m**... for ninety minutes in orbit?
He came full circle.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ninety-sixing is how dyslexic people perform the s**... position where both partners are conducting o**... s**... on each other at the same time.
A 97 year-old man marries a 28 year old woman...
2 weeks after the honeymoon, his wife gets pregnant. The doctor asked,
"You're ninety seven years old! How do you do it?"
The man replies, "You just gotta keep that motor turning."
A year later, the mans wife is pregnant again. The doctor asks,
"You're ninety eight years old, how do you do it?"
The man again replied with, "You just gotta keep that motor turning.".
Two years go by, and the mans with is pregnant a third time. The doctor asks,
"You're one hundred years old, how do you do it?".
The man says, "you just gotta keep that motor turning."
The doctor replied with "you'd better change the oil because this one came out black."
There was a Woman with 100 children...
She named each of them after numbers in the order they were born. There was a fire and all of them died except Ninety. Ninety went off to have kids of her own. They were very kind and loving. One day they found an injured dog. They took it home and nursed it back to health. They hid the dog and never told their mother afraid she would kick the dog out . In fact they never told anyone. To keep from arousing any suspicions they named the dog "This" so the name could be used in conversation. One day This ran away. They never saw This again. No one else knew about This. No one even knew a dog named This existed.
Only Ninety's kids will remember This.
Ninety
There was once a woman who had 100 children. She named each of them after numbers in the order they were born. There was a fire and all of them died except Ninety. Ninety went off to have kids of her own. They were very kind and loving. One day they found an injured dog. They took it home and nursed it back to health. They hid the dog and never told their mother afraid she would kick the dog out. In fact they never told anyone. To keep from arousing any suspicions they named the dog "This" so the name could be used in conversation. One day This ran away. They never saw This again. No one else knew about This. No one even knew a dog named This existed. Only Ninety's kids will remember This.
Happiest old man or what
An old man of ninety was sitting on a park bench crying. A policeman
noticed this and asked him why he was crying.
"Well," says the old fellow, "I just got married to a twenty-five year old
redhead. Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast and then we make
love. In the afternoon she makes me a wonderful lunch and then we make love.
At dinner time she makes me a wonderful supper and then we make love."
The policeman looks at the old man and says, "You shouldn't be crying!
You should be the happiest man in the world!"
So the old man says, "I know! I'm crying because I don't remember where I live!"
There once was a women who had a hundred children..
There once was a woman who had a hundred children. She named each of them after numbers, in the order they were born. All of them died except for Ninety.
Ninety went off to have some children of her own. Her kids were very kind, and one day they found an injured dog. They took the dog home but never told their mother, fearing she would kick the dog out. In fact, they never told anyone about the dog. To further keep the puppy secret from the world, they named the dog This, so that its name could be used in conversation without arousing suspicion.
One day the dog ran away, and they never saw This again. But nobody else knew about This. Nobody knew that a dog named This had even existed.
Only Ninety's kids will remember This.
