Ninety Jokes
34 ninety jokes and hilarious ninety puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ninety that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article brings a smile to the face of any reader. Read on to discover ninety of the funniest jokes ever told by a ninety year old! Take a break from your day and have a laugh as you read twenty different jokes from an age-defying and wisecracking grandpa named Barnes.
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Funniest Ninety Short Jokes
Short ninety jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ninety humour may include short eighty jokes also.
- Pearl jam tried to warn us about Ticketmaster in the Nineties. We didn't listen. Probably because we couldn't understand what Eddie Vedder was saying.
- How many dubstep fans does it take to wash a car? One hundred and one. Two to wash it, one to dry it, and ninety eight to talk about how dirty it was.
- My grandmother is pushing ninety. She's so strong, bless her. It's just annoying that the bus had to break down.
- My Nana's ninety three, but she's living the dream. The one where you go out in just your underwear and your teeth fall out.
- I was thinking about Billy Mays the other day... I decided he's in heaven partying like it's nineteen ninety-nine ^(plus shipping and handling.)
- I have to stand directly in front of my ninety-four year old grandfather and repeat myself many, many times to get his attention. And he isn't even deaf. He's just a trifle hard of caring.
- The Chili's theme song from the late nineties would make a far better anthem for the 'Amber Alert'. *sings* I want my baby back, baby back, baby back...
- I have this condition, I wake up at ten to nine every day... Doctor says it is nothing serious just a mild case of ten-to-ninetis.
- My grandmother is an amazing woman. Ninety three years old and she doesn't need glasses. She drinks straight out of the bottle.
- What do you get when you mix the Twelve Days of Christmas with Ninety-nine Bottles of beer on the wall? A year in prison if there's any justice.
Share These Ninety Jokes With Friends
Ninety One Liners
Which ninety one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ninety? I can suggest the ones about sixty and sixty nine.
- If you're ever cold, stand in a corner. It's always ninety degrees
- Ninety-eight percent of lawyers... give the other two percent a really bad name.
- What's the best place in a room to get warm? The corner. They are ninety degrees.
- If you want to be smart, get a degree. If you want to be right, get ninety degrees.
- Are you cold? You should go to the corner, its ninety degrees over there.
- I had to quit drinking. I was tired of waking up in my car... ...going ninety.
- How much does a moil get paid for circumcision? Ninety-nine dollars plus tips.
- Ninety two percent of cross-eyed teachers have difficulty controlling their pupils.
- Hillary has been outsourcing jobs since the nineties. It's true. Ask Monica.
- I am right ninety eight percent of the time - who cares about the other three percent.
- I'm rhyme free.. ..Since ninety-four
- What do errant Jewish golfers shout? Three ninety eight!
- Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
Ninety Year Old Jokes
Here is a list of funny ninety year old jokes and even better ninety year old puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you "The Social Network" twins when they are ninety years old? The Wrinklevoss Twins
Playful Ninety Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group
What funny jokes about ninety you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean forty jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make ninety pranks.
Lenin in Warsaw
A Soviet filmmaker makes a film called Lenin in Warsaw. Everybody shows up for the premiere. The film opens—on Lenin's wife, Krupskaya, n**..., having mad s**... with another man. And then another. And another. And so on. The film continues in the same vein for ninety minutes.
Finally, the lights come up and the director takes questions from the audience.
First question: Very interesting movie, comrade, but—where was Lenin?
The director answers: In Warsaw.
A Chinese woman storms into a bank and up to the front of the line.
She slams her hand down on the counter and demands the teller's attention.
"My stock," she says, "yesterday was worth one hundred dollar a share! Now is ninety five! Why? You try to rip me off?"
The teller smiles and says "No ma'am. Fluctuations."
The lady's face turns a bright shade of crimson and she screams "We'll fluc you white people too!"
There once was a woman who had 100 children....
She named each of them after numbers in the order they were born. There was a fire and all of them died except Ninety.
Ninety went off to have kids of her own. They were very kind and loving. One day they found an injured dog. They took it home and nursed it back to health. They hid the dog and never told their mother afraid she would kick the dog out . In fact they never told anyone. To keep from arousing any suspicions they named the dog "This" so the name could be used in conversation.
One day This ran away. They never saw This again. No one else knew about This. No one even knew a dog named This existed.
Only Ninety's kids will remember This.
A Soviet filmmaker makes a film called Lenin in Warsaw.
Everybody shows up for the premiere. The film opens—on Lenin's wife, Krupskaya, n**..., having mad s**... with another man. And then another.
And another. And so on. The film continues in the same vein for ninety minutes.Finally, the lights come up and the director takes questions from the audience.First question: Very interesting movie, comrade, but—where was Lenin? The director answers:
In Warsaw.
A Japanese guy goes into a bank...
...and exchanges some Yen for $. The banker gives him a hundred dollars and the Japanese guy leaves. He comes back the next day to exchange the same amount of yen but only gets ninety dollars. Upon questioning, the banker says "fluctuation." So the Japanese guy yells "Fluck you too, white guy!"
Walking through the jungles of Africa, a man comes across a pygmy standing next to a ferocious dead lion.
So the man approaches the pygmy and asks him, " Did you kill that lion ? "
"Yes", says the pygmy, "I killed it with my club."
Impressed by the tiny fellow, the man exclaims, "Wow! How big is your club ?"
The pygmy looks up at the man and says, "There are about ninety of us."
Did you hear the one about the astronaut m**... for ninety minutes in orbit?
He came full circle.
Ninety-sixing is how dyslexic people perform the s**... position where both partners are conducting o**... s**... on each other at the same time.
A 97 year-old man marries a 28 year old woman...
2 weeks after the honeymoon, his wife gets pregnant. The doctor asked,
"You're ninety seven years old! How do you do it?"
The man replies, "You just gotta keep that motor turning."
A year later, the mans wife is pregnant again. The doctor asks,
"You're ninety eight years old, how do you do it?"
The man again replied with, "You just gotta keep that motor turning.".
Two years go by, and the mans with is pregnant a third time. The doctor asks,
"You're one hundred years old, how do you do it?".
The man says, "you just gotta keep that motor turning."
The doctor replied with "you'd better change the oil because this one came out black."
