Nightmare Jokes
127 nightmare jokes and hilarious nightmare puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about nightmare that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover funny and unique jokes about nightmares and the dream world! Have fun exploring the surreal and whimsical possibilities of lucid dreaming, creepy visions, and the Nightmare Before Christmas. Whether you're a dreamer or a traveler, these nightmare jokes will give you a good laugh.
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Funniest Nightmare Short Jokes
Short nightmare jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The nightmare humour may include short horror jokes also.
- Yesterday I had a nightmare that my tiktok account was deleted. For a second, I was really scared that I had a tiktok account.
- Why do black people always have nightmares? Because we shot the last one that had a dream.
- Jesus loves you. A beautiful sentiment to hear at church.
The stuff of nightmares in a Mexican prison. - Why do black people only have nightmares? Because we killed the one who had a dream.
Happy mlk day - I had a nightmare last night that my Tik Tok account was deleted It was scary, because for a second I thought I had a Tik Tok account.
- Why do African Americans always have nightmares? Because the last one to have a dream got shot
- I had a nightmare that my TikTok account got banned For a second, i was really scared that i had TikTok
- I feel bad for Anne Frank She had her diary published for all the world to read, which is every girl's worst nightmare!
And she didn't get paid for it, which is every Jew's worst nightmare. - I keep having bad dreams about an ancient Egyptian mummy attacking me while I'm cooking. I call them my... Rameses kitchen nightmares.
- Girl told me she had a dream that I made love to her I mean, technically, she didn't say "dream," she said "nightmare," but close enough.
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Nightmare One Liners
Which nightmare one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with nightmare? I can suggest the ones about horror story and fright.
- Chuck Norris had a nightmare The nightmare ran into its moms room crying
- What's a gay crocodile's worst nightmare? Gatoraids.
- My horse has insomnia and keeps every one awake. She's a nightmare
- What's a lemon worst nightmare? Lemonaids
- Why do black men have nightmares? We killed the only one who had a dream.
- What's a homophobic child's worst nightmare? A monster coming out of the closet
- I used to own a nocturnal horse... She was a nightmare.
- I'm trying to raise a horse but she has insomnia. It's a nightmare.
- Why was Freddy Krueger late for work? Cause traffic is a nightmare on Elm Street.
- Bought a cheap horse over the weekend. Problem is she sleeps all day. What a nightmare.
- I had a terrible nightmare last night that I ate a muffler. Today, I'm so exhausted.
- What's a cucumber farmers worst nightmare? Squatters.
- What do you call a horse with insomnia? A nightmare.
- All of my wet dreams are nightmares I call them scream and creams
- My son throws his linen off his bed every time he has a nightmare. He's scared sheetless.
Worst Nightmare Jokes
Here is a list of funny worst nightmare jokes and even better worst nightmare puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I feel sorry for Anne Frank... First she gets her diary published, which is every girl's worst nightmare, but on top of that she doesn't get any money from it, which is every Jew's worst nightmare.
- So last night I had to do every married man's worst nightmare, defrost the fridge. Or as she likes to call it, foreplay.
- What's a paralympian's worst nightmare? Testing positive for WD-40
- What is a minimalist's worst nightmare? A mansion.
- What's a whale's worst nightmare? Being compared to Amy Schumer
- "ITS ALIVE, ITS ALIVE!!!" - Frankenstein's dream A necrophilliac' worst nightmare.
- Last night, I had the worst nightmare ever It wasn't even remotely terrifying.
- What type of customer is Target's worst nightmare? Expert marksmen/gun enthusiasts.
- Whats a Pirate's worst nightmare? A small chest... with no boooooty.
Happy Thursday. - What's an Alcoholic Islamic extremists worst nightmare? A-Locked-Bar
Nightmare Before Christmas Jokes
Here is a list of funny nightmare before christmas jokes and even better nightmare before christmas puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Have ever seen a bunch of people running through a mall to the stores to do Christmas shopping like an angry mob? Now that's the REAL Nightmare Before Christmas.
- What do you call a horse in pyjamas? A nightmare.
- What did the Nightmare Before Christmas Tree say before it fell? TIMBURTON!!!!!!
- Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton split up What a nightmare, just before Christmas as well.
Travel Nightmare Jokes
Here is a list of funny travel nightmare jokes and even better travel nightmare puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- As a dyslexic, travel can be a nightmare Sorry, wrong bus.
Uproarious Nightmare Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about nightmare you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean scary jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make nightmare pranks.
Chuck Norris gives Freddy Krueger nightmares.
Last night I had a horrible nightmare about Gloria Gaynor.
At first I was afraid; I was petrified.
Why do black people only ever have nightmares?
Why do black people only ever have nightmares?
Because the last one to have a dream got shot.
What is a pirate's worst nightmare?
A sunken chest and no b**....
Groaner
Running out of sausage is a busy pizza maker's wurst nightmare.
Yo mama is so ugly that she gave Freddy Krueger nightmares.
I just moved in to a new flat with two girls...
I just moved in to a new flat with two girls, it's been a bit of a nightmare to be honest. The first one has really bad OCD, whenever she goes in to a room she has to turn the light switch on and off 17 times. That's nothing compared to the other one, she's got epilepsy
Last night I had a nightmare that ann coulter died and came back to haunt me...
...she was a coultergeist
Bill Cosby is a lot like Freddy Kruger. They both come in your nightmares.
Why do black guys always have nightmares?
Because we killed the only one with a dream.
I had a nightmare that I was the Michelin man
I woke up feeling tired from that one.
What do you call a scary horse?
A night-mare.
I still have nightmares....
I still have nightmares about the time I gave my Eskimo friend a house warming gift...
What kind of horses only come out after dark?
Nightmares!
I had a scary dream about a horse last night
Man what a nightmare
Pepsi: Well THAT was the PR nightmare of the century.
Fox News: Hold my beer.
United Airlines: Jinx, owe me a Coke?
Pepsi: For reals?
Sean Spicer: Make it a double.
I had a dream that I ordered a package and it never came...
...It was a logistical nightmare.
What kind of horses go out after dusk?
Nightmares!
What is a s**... b**... worst nightmare?
Pocket dials
Bill Gates woke up ...
Oh my God!!! - Bill said...
What a nightmare, I dreamed that I was a milionaire!
Watching TV is a nightmare nowadays. Violence, fighting, cursing, swearing.
And that's just to get the remote.
My wife said she had a nightmare last night.
She said, "We were in the supermarket and I was looking through the cans of soup. I turned around and you were n**... behind me having s**... with a t**... p**...!"
"That' so far-fetched," I said. "We never shop together."
What do you call a nightmare about paper?
A bad ream!
I wake up from a nightmare that I am taking a math test...
and find out that I am taking a math test.
Why did Jackie Kennedy go to McDonalds?
Because Jack in the Box gives her nightmares.
What's happening in this country? School children dressing like w**......
-and w**... dressing like school children. It's a nightmare!
You don't know whether to carry candy or cash.
Yo momma so ugly...
... Even Freddy Krueger has nightmares.
A s**... addict had a nightmare...
...he dreamed he was being chaste.
So there is a dad balloon, a mum balloon, and a son balloon.
The son balloon gets a scary nightmare so he goes to sleep with his mum and dad. The mum and dad take up too much of the bed so he can't sleep there. He comes up with a plan and let's a little bit of air out of both the balloons and sleeps in between them.
Next morning, the dad and mum balloon have a talk with the son balloon. They say son, you've really let us down
How do you describe someone who can't wake up during a nightmare?
Shaken not stirred.
You ever hear the one about the nocturnal horse?
It's was a nightmare
Why did the supply chain manager wake up in the middle of the night with a cold sweat?
He was having a logistical nightmare.
Local police have reported finding a body in the river. They say it's hideous, bloated and the smell is indescribable. It's ruin of a face is reportedly the stuff of nightmares. Obviously I'm really worried.
Just drop me a text and let me know you're okay.
I always have nightmares
I found a breed of female horses that's up all night
I woke up in panic and told my wife of a nightmare where my brain ran away
She said No, d**.... It's all in your head
I have nightmares about getting head from my ex
Thinking about it keeps me up at night.
A man went to the doctor's in an awful state. Cuts and bruises to his face and a suspected broken arm.
What happened to you? asked the doctor.
It's my wife, she had one of her dreadful nightmares.
Do you mean she did this to you while she was asleep?
Oh no, doctor, it was when she shouted out in her sleep, 'Quick, get out, my husband's coming home,' that, without thinking, I jumped out of the window.
I had this horrible nightmare last night!
It was just horrifying, I was on a boat in a lake, when suddenly my boat tipped over! As I fell into the lake I realized it was orange, orange crush infact! Tasted delicious, but after a minute I started sinking, I was going to drown in a lake of orange crush!
That's when I woke up and realized, it was just a fanta-sea
Had a nightmare that I was a muffler last night,
Woke up exhausted.
I had a nightmare
I had a nightmare were I dreamt someone had stolen my Tik tok acount .
For a second I was really worried that I had a tik tok acount .
So I've been watching Gordon Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmare clips, but one video wouldn't load
There was a problem with the server
What's a pirate and a p**...'s worst nightmare?
Sunken chest, and no b**...
Why do black people only have nightmares
Because the last black person to have a dream got assassinated
I was recently in a car accident and had to have both my legs amputated.
After the c**... pretty much everything went to s**.... I started getting nightmares from the stress, I lost my job from being unable to work, even my wife left me.
Honestly it feels like I dont have a leg to stand on at the moment.
Being stuck inside for a long time due to Covid, my wife started having recurring nightmares about how our house is made of celery.
Doctors think it is stalk home syndrome.
I have a female Horse who sleeps during the day.
She's such a nightmare!
It's been a nightmare trying to find a keynote speaker for our first ever Impostor Syndrome conference..
Everyone I've asked has told me that they don't deserve to be there.
- Your Honor, I beg you. I have a wife and three children. I cannot go back to this nightmare.
\- I'm sorry, Mr. Smith. You served your time and you are now a free man.
Teacher: children, what's your biggest fear?
Tom (5): snakes!
Emily (6): lions!
Stanley (5): the unbelievable senselessness of life, and that we will all die a terrible death in our nightmares!
Lilly (6): Stanley!
If I find out who stole my copy of MS Office, I'll kill you...
I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom I can tell you I don't have money, but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you give my MS Office back now that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you, but if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you and I will kill you.
You have my Word!
In London, British scientists created a frog embryo without a head, a breakthrough that could lead to the production of headless human clones to provide organs and tissue for transplant, as well as horrific nightmares for the rest of my life.
