The Best 50 Nightclub Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Nightclub jokes. There are some nightclub party jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these nightclub ladyboy puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Nightclub Jokes and Puns

Did you hear they built a nightclub on the moon?

It's a far out location, but it lacks atmosphere.

Two tens walked into a nightclub. One walked out. How many hot chicks were left?

Two. A ten and a nine ain't bad.

A black man takes a girl home from a nightclub...

She says, "Show me it's true what they say about black men." ;)

So he stabs her & steals her purse.

Nightclub joke, A black man takes a girl home from a nightclub...

A man tries to get into a classy nightclub

but gets stopped by the bouncer. "You have to have a tie to get in here bro," says the bouncer. Distraught the man goes to his car and searches for a tie but can only find jumper cables. He wraps them around his neck and goes back to the club. "Can I get in now?" he asks. "Yea ok," says the bouncer, "But don't start anything!"

One of my favourite jokes. Might take a minute to sink in...

I saw a guy having an epileptic fit in a nightclub. Everyone was just standing around watching, pointing at him and talking about it. "Look!! That guy's having a fit!!" etc...

I said "Why don't you take a picture? It'll last longer."

Two men arguing

I was in a nightclub queue when two blokes in front of me started arguing.

One guy pushed the other and said, "Four, nine."

The other man pushed him back and said, "Sixteen, twenty-five."

A bouncer reached for his walkie-talkie and said, "I need some help at the door. We've got a couple of men squaring up."

high five

I've just read that actor Orlando Bloom punched Justin Bieber last night during an argument at a nightclub in Spain.

Orlando complained that his hand was pretty sore today.

Apparently the entire nightclub had queued up to high-five him.

Nightclub joke, high five

Did you hear about the new nightclub that opened called "Erectile Dysfunction"?

No? I'm not surprised; it was a complete flop. Nobody came.

Did you hear about that nightclub for birds?

Was Rave'n

What did the sign say outside the amputees' nightclub?


A black man picks up a girl from a nightclub...

Back at his house, she says: "show me what they say about black men is true..."
So he stabs her and runs off with her purse.

You can explore nightclub grammies reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean nightclub swinger dad jokes. There are also nightclub puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

"Coming up on tonight's news, hear about the tragic case of 10 people who lost their lives trying to escape a fire at the nightclub everyone's been dying to get into."

*Disclaimer: No pun in ten dead.

I was told the Highlander was stopping by a Mexican nightclub

When I showed up to the party, there was only Juan.

I was at a nightclub

They played just dance I just danced

They played twist I twisted

They played jump I jumped

They played come on Eileen, I was kicked out of the club

What do you call a guy who gets drinks for a fat girl in a nightclub?

A bartender

Santa walks into a nightclub...

"Hoe, hoe, hoe."

Nightclub joke, Santa walks into a nightclub...

I'm starting a nightclub to cater to people infected with AIDS

It's called "Hi Five" in Roman Numerals (HIV)

My sister dropped her daughter at a nightclub last night.

She said the drinking and dancing brought the labor on.

Why are there no nightclubs on Venus?

They shut down because they had a toxic atmosphere

I went to a nightclub the other evening and saw a topless ventriloquist. She was really good.

I never saw her lips move.

I was dancing with a girl in a nightclub.

"What are we going to do after this?" I asked her.

She said, "How does sex sound?"

I said, "Soggy."

Why couldn't 4 get into the nightclub?

Because he was too square.

I went to a really trendy nightclub in town.

The doorman said, Sorry mate, you've had too many.

I said, Drinks?

He said, Birthdays.

My Night Out On The Town

Last Night, I went to a really fancy nightclub downtown. The doorman said, Sorry mate, you've had too many.

I said, Drinks?

He said, Birthdays.

Q: Why didn't the number 4 get into the nightclub?

A: Because he is 2 square

I went out to a nightclub

They played the Twist, so I did the Twist.

They played the Cha-Cha Slide, so I did the Cha-Cha Slide.

They played Come On Eileen.

I'm banned from that nightclub, but I got a sweet restraining order.

I saw this really fit girl in the nightclub last night and she was wearing a chessboard patterned shirt...

So, I made a move on her.

What did the architect do at the nightclub?

He raised the roof.

I was at a nightclub with a popular friend.

He said, "Would you like to see the DJ's box?"

I said, "No, thanks. I don't condone violence."

I opened a new nightclub called "Erectile Dysfunction"

It was a complete flop

The condensed version...

A Phillipino, a Korean, a Chinese fella, a Burmese lady, and a Vietnamese guy all go to a nightclub. The doorman stops them and says, "I can't let you in without a Thai."

What did the gay deer say leaving the nightclub?

I can't believe I just blew 50 bucks!

What do you call a nightclub that caters specifically to lesbian circus performers?

A clown-dyke bar.

A nightclub near me won an award for "The weirdest entry policy"

Which is no small feat.

I met my wife in a nightclub.

I thought she was at home with the kids.

Why was the pc gamer denied entry into the nightclub?

It was exclusive.

Julius Caesar goes to a nightclub with his friends

While there he breaks off from his group of friends to talk to an attractive young woman. His friends don't see him for the rest of the night, and the next morning they're all eager to find out what happened. So when they next see him they ask him what happened.

"Vidi, vici, veni" replies Ceasar.

I was in a nightclub the other night, and a girl said to me,

"Wwhat have you got on? It smells really nice."

I said, "Well, I've got a hardon, but I don't think you could smell it."

Many years ago I tried to get into the local nightclub on a saturday night, but the guy on the door wouldn't let me in because I wasn't wearing a tie.

Many years ago I tried to get into the local nightclub on a saturday night, but the guy on the door wouldn't let me in because I wasn't wearing a tie. So I went back to my car and wrapped my jumper leads around my neck, and tried my luck again. The guy on the door said "o.k, you can come in, but don't start anything"

A man calls his Asian friend to come to the nightclub.

"Why are you calling me over? I'm busy" The friend asked.

"The doorman told me, 'I can't let you in without a Thai'"

What is the criteria to join a nightclub for ghosts?

No body is allowed in

I started a nightclub for men with erectile dysfunction.

It was total flop.......nobody came

She's Naked.

A taxi driver spot a girl hailing for a cab outside a nightclub. She was completely naked. He stopped and she went into the taxi.

Throughout the drive, the girl noticed that the driver kept looking at her with the front mirror. "Hey man, never see a hot naked girl before huh? Why don't you keep your eyes on the road", she said.

Then, the driver stopped driving before turning around and stare at her intensely.

"Nah, I'm just wondering where you keep the money for my cab, Bitch!"

A woman was caught with drugs in her hand by a cop while in the bathroom of a nightclub

The woman swears that the drugs are not hers and promises that, "They aren't mine - I found them here and I tried to flush them down the toilet. However, every single time I flush the drugs down the drain they just keep re-appearing magically in my hands or my pockets!"

The cop, obviously in disbelief, tells the woman, "Show me."

So the woman tosses the bag of drugs into the toilet, then flushes it. The bag swishes down. The cop then stares at the woman's empty hand as the bag is flushed down.

"Well," says the cop, "where are the drugs now?"

"What drugs?"

A pair of sunglasses and a set of jumper cables were lined up waiting to get into a nightclub.....

The bouncer was letting everybody in front of them in but when they get to the velvet rope the bouncer says: Sorry fellas, I can't let you in.

Feeling dejected the sunglasses said Why not?

The bouncer replies Well for a start, you're off your head and your mate here looks like he could start something.

No tie, no entry

Guy decides to go to a swanky new nightclub. He gets to the door and the bouncer stops him. "You have to have a tie to get in".
Guy goes back to his car to see if he has a tie laying around. No dice. So he takes his jumper cables and ties them around his neck.
Goes back to the door, bouncer looks him over, says "ok, you can go in, just don't start anything ".

A 2020's Nightclub

Nightclubs in 2050 will have a 2020's theme night, with masks as dress-code, a maximum occupancy of 6, and a bartender behind a wall of pyrex.

A man asks for vodka in a club(true story)

So I work at a nightclub and a guy approaches me and asks how much does a bottle of vodka cost, I replied with 80 euros.
The man then said "can I buy half a bottle for 40 euros" .
Me : no sir, but I can give it to you for free if you'd like.
Man : oh really! Are u joking!
Me : Yes, but you started it.

*That joke almost got me fired... but it was worth.

Headline News

The police have confirmed that the man who fell from the roof of a nightclub and died was not a bouncer.

Police have confirmed that the man who tragically fell from the roof of an 18th floor Nightclub...

He was not a bouncer.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the nightclub bartend jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working nightclub orlando piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes