Nightclub Jokes
68 nightclub jokes and hilarious nightclub puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about nightclub that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Stuck for a laugh on a night out? Check out these hilarious nightclub jokes. From jokes about the macarena to breakdancing and even the Grammies, there's something to make everyone chuckle - even the nightclub bouncer!
Quick Jump To
Funniest Nightclub Short Jokes
Short nightclub jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The nightclub humour may include short club bouncer jokes also.
- I saw this really fit girl in the nightclub last night and she was wearing a chessboard patterned shirt... So, I made a move on her.
- A black man takes a girl home from a nightclub... She says, "Show me it's true what they say about black men." ;)
So he stabs her & steals her purse. - Police have confirmed that the man who tragically fell from the roof of an 18th floor Nightclub... He was not a bouncer.
- Did you hear about the new nightclub that opened called "Erectile Dysfunction"? No? I'm not surprised; it was a complete flop. Nobody came.
- Headline News The police have confirmed that the man who fell from the roof of a nightclub and died was not a bouncer.
- What would be the best way to visually depict the number of nightclubs in my city? I'm thinking I should use a bar graph.
- I started a nightclub for men with erectile dysfunction. It was total flop.......nobody came
- An ego and super-ego went to a nightclub. The bouncer said "You're not coming in without id!"
- I went to a really trendy nightclub in town. The doorman said, Sorry mate, you've had too many.
I said, Drinks?
He said, Birthdays. - A 2020's Nightclub Nightclubs in 2050 will have a 2020's theme night, with masks as dress-code, a maximum occupancy of 6, and a bartender behind a wall of pyrex.
Share These Nightclub Jokes With Friends
Nightclub One Liners
Which nightclub one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with nightclub? I can suggest the ones about clubbing and country club.
- What did the gay deer say leaving the nightclub? I can't believe I just blew 50 bucks!
- What do you call a guy who gets drinks for a fat girl in a nightclub? A bartender
- What did the sign say outside the amputees' nightclub? wybx03nhJZYhK2Y
- I opened a new nightclub called "Erectile Dysfunction" It was a complete flop
- What do you call a Monty Python-themed nightclub? The CopaCaerbannog
- Cemeteries are like popular nightclubs. Everyone's dying to get in.
- Why was the pc gamer denied entry into the nightclub? It was exclusive.
- Did you hear about that nightclub for birds? Was Rave'n
- What is the criteria to join a nightclub for ghosts? No body is allowed in
- What did the architect do at the nightclub? He raised the roof.
- I met my wife in a nightclub. I thought she was at home with the kids.
- Q: Why didn't the number 4 get into the nightclub? A: Because he is 2 square
- A nightclub near me won an award for "The weirdest entry policy" Which is no small feat.
- I hate that salad can't get into nightclubs... Like, come on man, lettuce in
- Why are there no nightclubs on Venus? They shut down because they had a toxic atmosphere
Pulse Nightclub Jokes
Here is a list of funny pulse nightclub jokes and even better pulse nightclub puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Where do gay skeletons party? At No-Pulse Nightclub.
- Interesting Interesting they called the nightclub 'Pulse', but nobody seems to have one...
- They reopened Pulse nightclub... But they renamed it flatline...
Gather Around for Heartwarming Nightclub Jokes and Uplifting Humor
What funny jokes about nightclub you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean clubs jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make nightclub pranks.
Did you hear they built a nightclub on the moon?
It's a far out location, but it lacks atmosphere.
Two tens walked into a nightclub. One walked out. How many hot chicks were left?
Two. A ten and a nine ain't bad.
A man tries to get into a classy nightclub
but gets stopped by the bouncer. "You have to have a tie to get in here bro," says the bouncer. Distraught the man goes to his car and searches for a tie but can only find jumper cables. He wraps them around his neck and goes back to the club. "Can I get in now?" he asks. "Yea ok," says the bouncer, "But don't start anything!"
One of my favourite jokes. Might take a minute to sink in...
I saw a guy having an epileptic fit in a nightclub. Everyone was just standing around watching, pointing at him and talking about it. "Look!! That guy's having a fit!!" etc...
I said "Why don't you take a picture? It'll last longer."
Two men arguing
I was in a nightclub queue when two blokes in front of me started arguing.
o**... pushed the other and said, "Four, nine."
The other man pushed him back and said, "Sixteen, twenty-five."
A bouncer reached for his walkie-talkie and said, "I need some help at the door. We've got a couple of men squaring up."
A black man picks up a girl from a nightclub...
Back at his house, she says: "show me what they say about black men is true..."
So he stabs her and runs off with her purse.
"Coming up on tonight's news, hear about the tragic case of 10 people who lost their lives trying to escape a fire at the nightclub everyone's been dying to get into."
*Disclaimer: No pun in ten dead.
I was at a nightclub
They played just dance I just danced
They played twist I twisted
They played jump I jumped
They played come on Eileen, I was kicked out of the club
Santa walks into a nightclub...
"h**..., h**..., h**...."
I'm starting a nightclub to cater to people infected with AIDS
It's called "Hi Five" in Roman Numerals (h**...)
My sister dropped her daughter at a nightclub last night.
She said the drinking and dancing brought the labor on.
I went to a nightclub the other evening and saw a t**... ventriloquist. She was really good.
I never saw her lips move.
I was dancing with a girl in a nightclub.
"What are we going to do after this?" I asked her.
She said, "How does s**... sound?"
I said, "Soggy."
My Night Out On The Town
Last Night, I went to a really fancy nightclub downtown. The doorman said, Sorry mate, you've had too many.
I said, Drinks?
He said, Birthdays.
I went out to a nightclub
They played the Twist, so I did the Twist.
They played the Cha-Cha Slide, so I did the Cha-Cha Slide.
They played Come On Eileen.
I'm banned from that nightclub, but I got a sweet restraining order.
I was at a nightclub with a popular friend.
He said, "Would you like to see the DJ's box?"
I said, "No, thanks. I don't condone violence."
The condensed version...
A Phillipino, a Korean, a Chinese fella, a Burmese lady, and a Vietnamese guy all go to a nightclub. The doorman stops them and says, "I can't let you in without a Thai."
Julius Caesar goes to a nightclub with his friends
While there he breaks off from his group of friends to talk to an attractive young woman. His friends don't see him for the rest of the night, and the next morning they're all eager to find out what happened. So when they next see him they ask him what happened.
"Vidi, vici, veni" replies Ceasar.
Many years ago I tried to get into the local nightclub on a saturday night, but the guy on the door wouldn't let me in because I wasn't wearing a tie.
Many years ago I tried to get into the local nightclub on a saturday night, but the guy on the door wouldn't let me in because I wasn't wearing a tie. So I went back to my car and wrapped my jumper leads around my neck, and tried my luck again. The guy on the door said "o.k, you can come in, but don't start anything"
A man calls his Asian friend to come to the nightclub.
"Why are you calling me over? I'm busy" The friend asked.
"The doorman told me, 'I can't let you in without a Thai'"
She's n**....
A taxi driver spot a girl hailing for a cab outside a nightclub. She was completely n**.... He stopped and she went into the taxi.
Throughout the drive, the girl noticed that the driver kept looking at her with the front mirror. "Hey man, never see a hot n**... girl before huh? Why don't you keep your eyes on the road", she said.
Then, the driver stopped driving before turning around and stare at her intensely.
"Nah, I'm just wondering where you keep the money for my cab, b**...!"
A woman was caught with drugs in her hand by a cop while in the bathroom of a nightclub
The woman swears that the drugs are not hers and promises that, "They aren't mine - I found them here and I tried to flush them down the toilet. However, every single time I flush the drugs down the drain they just keep re-appearing magically in my hands or my pockets!"
The cop, obviously in disbelief, tells the woman, "Show me."
So the woman tosses the bag of drugs into the toilet, then flushes it. The bag swishes down. The cop then stares at the woman's empty hand as the bag is flushed down.
"Well," says the cop, "where are the drugs now?"
"What drugs?"
A pair of sunglasses and a set of jumper cables were lined up waiting to get into a nightclub.....
The bouncer was letting everybody in front of them in but when they get to the velvet rope the bouncer says: Sorry fellas, I can't let you in.
Feeling dejected the sunglasses said Why not?
The bouncer replies Well for a start, you're off your head and your mate here looks like he could start something.
No tie, no entry
Guy decides to go to a swanky new nightclub. He gets to the door and the bouncer stops him. "You have to have a tie to get in".
Guy goes back to his car to see if he has a tie laying around. No dice. So he takes his jumper cables and ties them around his neck.
Goes back to the door, bouncer looks him over, says "ok, you can go in, just don't start anything ".
A man asks for v**... in a club(true story)
So I work at a nightclub and a guy approaches me and asks how much does a bottle of v**... cost, I replied with 80 euros.
The man then said "can I buy half a bottle for 40 euros" .
Me : no sir, but I can give it to you for free if you'd like.
Man : oh really! Are u joking!
Me : Yes, but you started it.
*That joke almost got me fired... but it was worth.
