Niece Jokes

92 niece jokes and hilarious niece puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about niece that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Looking to make your niece smile on her special day? Check out this article for funny niece jokes that are guaranteed to put a smile on your favorite relative's face. From happy birthday niece jokes to aunt niece puns and mysterious masquerade jokes, you'll find the perfect joke for any niece of any age. Plus, discover an unexpected disclaimer for all the jokes.

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Funniest Niece Short Jokes

Short niece jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The niece humour may include short nephew jokes also.

  1. I told my teenage niece to go get me a phone book... She laughed at me, and said
    "Oh uncle J you're so old. Just use my phone."
    So I slammed her phone against the wall to kill a spider.
  2. My niece told me this joke: What's the difference between Chanukah and a dragon? Chanukah is always eight nights.
    A dragon sometimes ate knights.
  3. Every family has that weird, slightly perverted uncle. Not me, though! I just have some really hot nieces who won't let me buy them beer.
  4. From my 9 year old niece... What is it called when a chicken is staring at a salad? Chicken sees a salad.
  5. What kind of table is good for your health? A vegetable!
    This joke was made by adorable 8-year-old niece!
    It wasn't. It was made by a 27 year old. Me. It was made by me.
  6. I phoned in sick today "Exactly how sick are you?"
    "Well, I'm in bed with my 12 year old niece."
  7. Have you heard about these new corduroy pillows? They've really been making headlines.
    -courtesy of my 8 year old niece.
  8. My niece dropped this joke on me today: Why did the king go to the dentist? He needed to get a new crown
  9. Joke told by my 8 years old niece: At what time do most people go to the dentist? Tooth hurty
  10. My niece is a sophomore at West Point. She's already had five majors, and three Captains and two Lieutenants.

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Niece One Liners

Which niece one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with niece? I can suggest the ones about sister and granddaughter.

  1. My niece calls me ankle... I call here knees
    We are a joint family!
  2. Why did the mermaid wear sea shells? Cause she was too big for B- shells!
  3. I used to be an Uncle like you... ...Until I took an arrow to the niece.
  4. What's a cats favorite color? Purrrple!
    (Told by my 5yo niece.)
  5. My niece asked me to pretend I'm a bicycle. I said I'm two tired.
  6. Why did Jesus's nieces and nephews hate his wife? Because she was the Aunty Christ.
  7. What is the scariest plant? Bam-boo
    From my seven year old niece
  8. What happened to the guy after he tripped? broccoli fell out of his pocket.
  9. I found a way around the Chai niece sense or ship [Not removed]
  10. My niece stabbed me with a red crayon today... It drew blood
  11. What do you call your sibling's daughter that lives in Alaska? Brrr-niece
  12. My niece has been eating very liberally lately and she now suffers from body positivity.
  13. Yesterday my niece told me this one and I couldn't stop laughing 6538
  14. Niece Tried to guess the definition of a Capitalist "Someone who types in all cap."
  15. My brothers daughter runs a very specific business It's a niece-market really

Niece Nephew Jokes

Here is a list of funny niece nephew jokes and even better niece nephew puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • [OC] I'm gonna name my daughter Vaccine... That way she will have to explain to her nieces and nephews why she is Auntie Vax.
  • Having a baby girl? You should name her Artica. It's awesome because all her nieces and nephews will have an Aunt Artica.
  • October You will know how much your niece's and nephew's will love you when you ask for candies from their bag and they pick the good one or the bad one.
  • Do you know where nieces and nephews come from? Aunt holes
  • If Jesus had a s**... change, what would their nieces and nephews call them? Auntie Christ
  • A r**... couple gets pregnant, what will they have? Either a niece or a nephew.

Aunt Niece Jokes

Here is a list of funny aunt niece jokes and even better aunt niece puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Did you know there is a specialty gift store for aunts? It's a very niece market.
Niece joke, Did you know there is a specialty gift store for aunts?

Niece joke, Did you know there is a specialty gift store for aunts?

Quirky and Hilarious Niece Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.

What funny jokes about niece you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean baby sister jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make niece pranks.

My niece comes up with the best kid jokes. Why did the scientist remove his doorbell?

He wanted to to win the **Nobel Prize!**

My nieces joke

I was telling my little niece some jokes, and she loved them and started making up her own, but she doesn't quite understand how jokes work yet.
Her: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Me: I don't know, why DID the chicken cross the road?

I think my niece has a burgeoning slip 'n slide addiction

Once you go down one, it's just a slippery slope.

My sister and her husband just split up, so I got my 8 year old niece the new "Divorce Barbie"

She comes with half of Ken's stuff.

My six year old niece made up this joke. I think she may be a comedic prodigy.

Why did the sweater go to boot camp?
To warm up!

My 6 year old niece told me this one.

What do you call an alligator who likes to wear vests?
( •_•)>⌐■-■
An investigator

My eight year old niece told me this. I think it's pretty funny!

An elephant is passing by an apple tree, and he spots a monkey up there. He asks the monkey,
"Hey monkey, what are you doing up there?"
*"I'm gonna eat bananas now."*
"s**... monkey, you are sitting on an apple tree!"
*"s**... elephant, I got bananas in my pocket."*

i kiss my niece on her cheek

I lovingly gave my niece a kiss on her cheek upon seeing her at a family get-together. Afterwards, I noticed her wiping her cheek. Are you wiping off my kiss? , I asked her. No , she smartly replied, I'm just rubbing it in!

My niece told me this one, she technically messed up the joke, but I thought it was a hilarious and unexpected take on the original

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Orange who?"
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Orange who?"
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Orange who?"
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Banana who?"
"Banana you glad I didn't say orange?"

My 8 year old niece told me I could share her joke with you guys, but I had to give her the credit. Her name is Brooklyn.

Do you know how to make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it.

What's worse than raining cats and dogs?

Hailing taxi cabs!
Got this from a joke book my niece got for Christmas. Most of them were groaners but this one actually made me laugh!

What is the difference between dragons and dinosaurs?

Dinosaurs aren't old enough to smoke. Told to me by my niece at christmas.

Pink Fluff...

What's pink and fluffy?
Pink Fluff
What's Blue and Fluffy?
Pink Fluff holding it's breath.
(My niece told me this)

My niece was born with no eyelids, bless her heart, but the doctors were able to replace them with surgically removed f**......

Only side effect is she's a little c**...-eyed now.

What do you call a disembodied nose?

Nobody nose.
My 8-year-old niece claims she made this up. I have my doubts.

Mouse and elephant are on their way to the pool.

*Told* *by* *my* *adorable* *niece.*
Elephant: b**...! I forgot my swim trunks!
Mouse: Don't worry, I brought a spare.

Why did 2pac go to the gym?

So he could become 8pac.
To clarify, my 11 year old niece told me this. Thought this sub needed to lighten up a bit.

What's the difference between a train and a teacher?

A train goes choo choo and a teacher says, Spit that gum out!
Hat tip to my nine year old niece, who has better jokes than I do.

They should make Star Trek toilet paper... you can help wipe Klingons off Uranus.
(been a while since this one's been around. Just heard it again today from my 5 year old niece)

A mother of twins went into labour and passed out.

A mother of twins went into labour and passed out. She woke up hours later to find her (not so bright) sister carrying her twins. Nervously the new mother asked her sister whether the children has been named. To which the sister replied yes. The new mother shocked and scared then asked the sister what she named the children to which she replied she named the niece Denise. The mother feeling a little better then asked what she had name the boy to which she replied Denephew.

Why did the elephant paint itself lots of different colors.

So that it could hide in the crayon box. Courtesy of my 4 y/o niece.

"Am I mentioned in the will?" the nephew asked anxiously.

"You certainly are" , replied the lawyer.
Right here in the third paragraph your uncle says:
To my niece Sarah I bequeath a hundred thousand dollars,
to my cousin Janice fifty thousand dollars,
and to my nephew Charles, who was always curious to know if he was mentioned in my will, I say "Hi, Charles"

My five year old niece told me this one... What do you call a 60 foot platypus?

A platybus!

Ya know you're from Tacoma when...

Your niece sees velvet ropes and says "Ooh , that's some really nice police tape"!

The music teacher at the school my niece goes to was out sick 2 days last week. The school had a dog fill in for her.

He was a sub woofer.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Me:I don't know why?
6: He didnt, he got hit by a truck!

What did h**... get his niece for her birthday?

An easy bake oven.

Do you know any jokes?

**Her:** "Do you know any jokes?"
**Me:** "No."
**Her:** "I'll teach you one."

"Knock! Knock!"
**Me:** "Who's there?"
**Her:** "Ash."

"Now ask, Ash: who?"
**Me:** "Ash: who?"
**Her:** "Please cover your mouth when you sneeze."
**Me: rekt**

What did the head say to the brush?

Comb over hair.
My thanks to my niece who made this up. She is seven. Pretty good imo.

I came walking in from the kitchen, and asked my niece for the phone book.

She laughed and called me an antique, then proceeded to give me her phone.
Long story short, the spider's dead, and she's in the living room crying.

I took my niece to the zoo the other day...

The only animal there was a small, scruffy looking dog.
I called the zookeeper over.
"What's with the scruffy old dog? Why is that the only animal?"
"It's a Shih-Tzu"

Why does everyone like the mushroom?

Because he is a fungi.
Thanks to my niece for making me chuckle today.

My nieces are darlings...

My nieces are darlings said Sid.
I'm obliged to do whatever they bid.
As I tucked them in bed,
I asked "What's to be read?"
"Uncle Remus!" they cried, so I did.

My niece wouldn't eat the beef tongue because it came out of the mouth of an animal.

I then prepared her an egg...

Been playing Minecraft with my niece.

There's a creature called a Mooshroom. It's a cow with a fungal infection. Just like my sister.

My sister was bother my 5 year old niece while she was playing roblox on her iPod

My niece got fed up and said, "You better stop or I'm gonna buy this for real!" *Selects random IAP*

What do you call a big pile of kittens?

A Meowtin.

/told by my 7 year old niece this morning. I lol'ed pretty hard.

A special day in February

I asked my 10 year old niece what special day is coming up in February.
"President's Day."
"What does President's Day mean?" I expected her to tell me something about Obama or Bush or Clinton.
Instead, she says, "President's Day is when the President steps out of the White House, and if he sees his shadow, we get another year of b**...."

My long-distance Chinese girlfriend ghosted me.

The last thing I said to her was that I was going to watch Winnie The Pooh with my 4 year old niece...

A Man walks into a bar and Orders 3 shots of Whisky, The Bartender asks "What's got you down" The man says I just found out my Niece is gay. The next day he orders 4 shots of Whisky The Bartender asks What's got you down now?

The man says "I just found out my son is gay." The next day he orders 6 shots of whisky The Bartender says "Got anybody who likes Women?" The man says My wife does.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the forgetful idiot's house.
*Knock knock
Who is there?
The forgetful idiot. Sorry i forgot where my house is, can you help me?

After his rich uncle's death, he was very anxious about his uncle fortune.

"Am I mentioned in the will?" he asked repeatedly.
"Of course you are," replied the solicitor.
Right here in the second page your uncle says:
"To my niece Sally, I bequeath $123,000; to my cousin Thomas, $55,000; and to my nephew Ricky, who was always asking too know if he's mentioned in my will, HELLO RICKY - I didn't forget to mention your name, did I?"

(This is tru) yesterday, I was with my niece, and she came round the corner on her bike with stabilisers, 'look dad, no hands', 'that's coz you have 4 wheels millie' said her dad, 'and you're always scared when I go no hands' and then he said:

'I have 4 wheels in my car too'

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To social distance.
(Credit to my 10 year old niece for coming up with this one.)

It was my nieces birthday so I asked her mother what present I should get her. She said 'you can't really go wrong with Frozen stuff'.

So I got her a bag of peas.

I took my 8 year old niece to the zoo last week...

..we were walking around the various cages and enclosures when all of a sudden she yells, Look Uncle John! It's a frickin' Elephant!
I was shocked and slightly angry, as everybody was looking at us. What did you just call it? I asked.
It's a frickin' Elephant, it says so on the picture! she said, ... and so it did, A F R I C A N Elephant.

Why did the kangaroo cross the road?

It was hopping mad!
*My 5 year old niece made this up. I don't get it. She's been repeating it and giggling the whole day. I have to pretend to understand it.*

From my niece, who doesn't know why grownups are laughing at her joke...

All of Snow White's seven dwarfs were in a hot tub, feeling happy.
So Happy got out.
She's six. Don't know where she heard this.

My niece just showed me a picture of her new girlfriend dressed in hockey gear, pads, mask and all

I said "She looks like a keeper"

Blowing up a Balloon.

My niece had a p**... baby that spent 2 weeks on a ventilator because her lungs were not fully developed yet. She continued to have breathing problems as a toddler and needed to you inhalers to get enough oxygen.
On her 3rd birthday, she insisted on helping her mom decorate for her party. And despite her chronic breathing issues, that little girl was able to blow up a balloon faster than the entire United States Air Force.

Niece joke, Blowing up a Balloon.

jokes about niece