Nico Jokes

Why is Nicolas Cage's radio so loud?

He doesn't know how to turn things down

Nicola Sturgeon is being shown around an Edinburgh hospital when one of the patients sits up in bed and exclaims:

"Fair fa' your honest sonsie face, great chieftain o' the pudden race!"
Before Nicola can respond, another patient responds: "Wee, sleekit, cowerin', timorous beastie! O what a panic's in thy breastie!"
while a third one chimes in with "Some hae meat and cannae eat, and some w**... eat that want it!"
She turns a puzzled face upon her doctor e**... and says "Is this the psychiatric ward, then?"
And he replies, "Och, no...
"It's the Burns Unit!"

So Nicole Scherzinger has gone from Lewis Hamilton to Ed Sheeran... Guess orange really is the new black.

3 nicotine addicts are out fishing in a boat. They have 4 cigarettes, but nothing to light them with.

So they throw one cig overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Nicolas Maduro walked into a bar and asked the bartender for a beer

"That'll be 1.254,430,197 bolivars, sir!"
"1,279,722,978 bolivars?! No one can afford a 1,327,003,407 bolivar beer!"

How does nicolas cage answer his phone?

"Yes, I'll do your movie!"

What did Nicolas Cage say when his daughters grades came through?

Oh God, not the B's!

So Nicole Scherzinger has went from Lewis Hamilton to Ed Sheeran...

Well, you know what they say...
Orange is the new black.

What did OJ say to Nicole just before he killed her?

*Your waiter will be with you in a moment, ma'am*.
(was reading an OJ post in another sub and remembered this one.)

How would Nicolas Cage win a rap battle?

By using verbal judo

So Nicolas Cage plays the human Johnny Blaze...

But Nicolas Rib-Cage plays the ghost rider

What is Nicolas Cage's least favorite band?

The BEE Gees