Nickel Jokes
118 nickel jokes and hilarious nickel puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about nickel that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover some light-hearted jokes related to the element nickel! Read up on puns, riddles, and more that involve nickel and its chemical counterpart tellurium, and get your daily dose of humor for only five cents.
Funniest Nickel Short Jokes
Short nickel jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The nickel humour may include short nickle jokes also.
- If i had a nickel for every existential crisis it wouldn't matter because money is a social construct and existence is meaningless
- If I had a nickel for everytime I didn't understand how Brits keep track of money... I'd have 4 bob, 6 shillings, 2 quid, a crown, a sovereign, and 5 thripince.
- If I had a nickel for every time a girl didn't find me attractive... Girls would find me attractive
- If I had a nickel for every time I was called hot, I would be the U.S.A 28.7 trillion dollars in debt
- Let's change things up a bit. I thought I found a quarter inside one of my shoes. That would have been strange enough on its own, but it turned out to be a nickel, which made even less cents.
- If I had a nickel for every time I got kicked out of a restaurant... Maybe I wouldn't have to keep stealing the food
- Me :well, you know, change is inedible Her : I think you mean inevitable
Me : *spitting out nickels* nope - If I had a nickel for every time someone called me a racist... I could quit my job at the NYPD
- Hi, my name is Cage and if I had a Nickel for every time i told a funny joke... I would be Nickeless Cage.
- A math teacher asks a kindergartener: "Tommy, if you have a nickel in one pocket, and a quarter in the other, what do you have?" "someone else's pants"
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Nickel One Liners
Which nickel one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with nickel? I can suggest the ones about penny and copper penny.
- Did you know all dogs are made up of only 3 elements? Calcium, nickel, neon
- What's one nickel minus one nickel? Wait never mind that makes no cents.
- If I had a nickel for every time some didn't understand me I'd make more cents.
- If i had nickel for every time a woman thought i was ugly They would find me atractive
- If I had a nickel for every time my ex wife cheated on me She would have taken that too
- If I had a nickel for every time someone said I was bad at math, I'd have $264.13.
- If I had a nickel for every time my roommate stole from me He would have an extra $50.
- My parrot is allergic to nickel so I bought him a Nickeless Cage.
- If I had a nickel every time I was called an idiot... I'd have 4 cents
- What do you call a person that has a penny, a dime, and a quarter? Nickel-less
- If I had a dollar for every funny joke on this sub... ...I'd have a nickel.
- Quarters and nickels fall from the sky... Me: what is this?
Climate: change. - If I had a nickel for every nickel I have... Oh wait, I do. Nevermind.
- If I had a nickel for every gender... I'd have ten cents and a dead meme
- How I traveled around the world without spending a nickel. I paid in dimes.
Nickel Element Jokes
Here is a list of funny nickel element jokes and even better nickel element puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a birdcage made out of every periodic element except nickel? A Nicolas Cage.
- What is large amount of element Nickel called? Macroni
- What elements does Bill Clinton hate the most ? Molybdenum Nickel Calcium
Fun-Filled Nickel Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What funny jokes about nickel you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean aluminum jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make nickel pranks.
How many Nickelback fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
.... Trick question! There's no such thing as Nickelback fans.
(I will be hated by few)
Nickelback walks into a bar...
Nickelback walks into a bar...there's no punch line because ruining music isn't funny.
If I had a nickel...
If I had a nickel for every economics test I passed, I'd have 7 cents.
Two opposing candidates for county office...
... happened to be sitting next to each other in the local diner.
One turned to the other and said, "You know why I'm going to win this election? Because of my 'personal touch.' For example, I always tip waitresses really well and then ask them to vote for me."
"Oh, really?" replied the other. "I always tip a nickel and ask them to vote for you."
My pet rabbit, Nickel, just died. So I buried him in the yard.
Now I just have a Nickel-less cage.
How to get rich
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37. Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."
I bought a candy bar in Canada for a dollar and I got one nickel back.
I told the cashier to keep it because I don't care much for their music.
If I'd had a nickel for every time I've been financially irresponsible...
I'd probably still be in debt right now.
"I made $200.05 giving BJ's to people yesterday."
"Who gave you a nickel?"
"Everyone did."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a blind man and a poor man stealing?
I paid for this joke and I don't get the punchline. I want my nickel back.
Why did the nickel jump of the building but the dime did not?
Because the dime had more cents.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If I had a nickel for every time I j****d off...
I'd be a jizzillionaire!
You have a dime in one hand and a nickel in the other. What are you?
Broke.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I bought c**... music for 5 cents today, but the guy ripped me off.
As he ran off, I yelled "Hey, I want my nickel back!"
If I had a nickel for every racist thing I've ever said
I'd have a small loan of a million dollars.
Boss makes a dollar, I make a nickel.
I'd prob'ly make more if I tickled his pickle.
If I had a nickel for every time someone tried to get me to buy something...
I'd be able to afford whatever they're selling
If I had a nickel for everytime Brexit happened...
I'd have £2.
If I had a nickel for every time I entered a store with a really long line to just buy some gum...
I'd have enough money to buy some gum
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If I had a Nickel for every terrible Canadian rock band, I know I'd at least get a nickelback.
I'll let myself out.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Johnny was made fun of...
Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being s**.... Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime Little Johnny always takes the nickel. One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel's bigger?" Johnny grins and says, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've made $20!"
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If Katt Williams had a nickel for every time he's been arrested...
He'd put them in a sock and beat someone with it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If I had a nickel each time I had s**....
I'd have a 12$/hr job!
If I got a nickel from Apple every time one of my lightning cables broke...
...they'd still be operating out of a garage.
Johny was offered a nickel or a dime...
Johny was bullied by all the other second grade students. Every day, they would offer him either a dime or a nickel. Every time, he took the nickel. The kids would all laugh at him every time he took the nickel. One day a kid asked him why he always took the nickel, even though the dime was worth more. He quietly responded, "If I take the dime, they will stop offering me the money. I've made $20 already!"
A nickel and a penny decided to tell macabre jokes on their comedy tour...
They called it "Six Cents of Humor"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If I had a nickel for every time my wife ran-off to blow some dude
I'd technically be a p**...
Nickelodeon - Casually ask your daughter who that actress' is...
Then take your laptop to the bathroom.
If I had a nickel for every time I said "If I had a nickel",
I'd have two nickels
If I had a nickel for every watermelon I've chucked at my neighbors window.
I still wouldn't have enough bail money for a vandalism lawsuit.
If I had a nickel for every time someone called me....
I'd still be broke and alone.
A Rabbi's son asks him for a dollar
The Rabbi said, "50 cents! , what do you need a nickel for?
I can't believe how many of Nickelback songs have never become famous
It's completely off the charts.
If I had a nickel every time the Jets lost...
I could afford a ticket to the game!
Little Johnny was sitting on the porch with his sister
He said, "Look, there's a quarter in the street!"
His sister jumped up and ran into the street to get the money and was promptly squashed by a truck. And Little Johnny just laughed and laughed, because he knew it was only a nickel.
It costs 6 cents to make a nickel....
I guess you really have to spend money to make money
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If I had a nickel for every time someone got on my nerves
I'd have a sock full of nickels to beat them with
(yes, I know, a little dark)
If I had a nickel for every time my wife forgot to unplug her curling iron
I still wouldn't have a house.
Nickelback walks into a bar....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Boss makes a dollar
I make a nickel, so I wait til I'm at work to tickle my pickle
If I had a nickel
If I had a nickel for every time I hit my head, I'd have brain damage.
You can borrow five cents and no one will ask you to return them.
Apparently, people don't like a nickel back.
My pants so baggy...
I get a nickel every time I walk into the grocery store.
Did you hear about the nickel and the penny that got fused together and is haunted?
The coin has the sixth cents
if i had a nickel for every time i couldn't do math...
I'd have, like, 9033 cents!
If I had a nickel for every time my mom dropped me as a baby
We would've had enough for the hospital bill
Jukebox remorse: How would've people in the 50s responded to the song *Photograph*?
Hey, I want my Nickel back!
The CEO of a large cooperation was giving advice to a junior executive.
"I was young, married and out of work," he lectured. "I took the last nickel I had and bought an apple. I polished it and sold it for a dime. The next day I bought two apples, polished them and sold them for ten cents each."
"I see," said the junior executive. "You kept reinvesting your money and grew a big business."
"No," said the CEO. "Then my wife's father died and left me a fortune."
So a man one day gains the ability to make a car made of coins.
It's acceleration was a quarter faster than a dragster, the frame costed mere pennies, and the interior was full nickel, but people didn't think it made cents.
A news reporter rushes to the man in awe, asking, but does it even have brakes? The man simply looked back and said "Of course. It stops on a dime."
I found a nickel in the driveway but my sister kicked it away.
I'm Nicholas.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If I had a nickel for every gender...
I would have 10 cents and a lot of counterfeits.
Dollar bill With a COIN !! :D
"I was reading in the paper today that Congress wants to replace the dollar bill with a coin. They've already done it. It's called a nickel" -Jay Leno
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How can you potentially kill someone with some Potassium, Nickel & Iron
With a KNiFe
How do you find the richest person in South America?
You roll a nickel down the street.
Why isn't a psychic coin a nickel?
Because it has a sixth sense! :)
A Nickelodeon fan and a Namco enthusiast walk into a bar.
The Nickelodeon fan says to him, "Yo, do you dig Doug?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If I had a nickel for every time I gave someone my two cents...
I'd have 60% g**... margins.
If I had a nickel for every typo I made..
I'd probably have a lot more than 5 sense.
If I had a nickel for everything I forgot
I'm not sure how much I'd have
If i had a nickel for evertime someone said that they were proud of me
I would have 4 nickels
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If I had a nickel for every time Patrick Star said something s**......
>!I have 3 dollars.!<
If I had a nickel for every time someone called me young...
I could buy a lollipop.
I'm Vietnamese and if I got a nickel for every time someone asked me if I do nails...
I wouldn't have to do nails anymore.
Nickelback...
more like give me all my money-back! Am i right guys?
How much did the German, fistbump-loving, traditional baker charge for his coin collection?
Pump per nickel.
