Nickel Jokes
118 nickel jokes and hilarious nickel puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about nickel that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover some light-hearted jokes related to the element nickel! Read up on puns, riddles, and more that involve nickel and its chemical counterpart tellurium, and get your daily dose of humor for only five cents.
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Funniest Nickel Short Jokes
Short nickel jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The nickel humour may include short nickle jokes also.
- If i had a nickel for every existential crisis it wouldn't matter because money is a social construct and existence is meaningless
- If I had a nickel for everytime I didn't understand how Brits keep track of money... I'd have 4 bob, 6 shillings, 2 quid, a crown, a sovereign, and 5 thripince.
- If I had a nickel for every time a girl didn't find me attractive... Girls would find me attractive
- If I had a nickel for every time I was called hot, I would be the U.S.A 28.7 trillion dollars in debt
- Let's change things up a bit. I thought I found a quarter inside one of my shoes. That would have been strange enough on its own, but it turned out to be a nickel, which made even less cents.
- If I had a nickel for evey time I didn't know what was going on... I'd be like, "where are all these nickels coming from?"
- If I had a Nickel for every terrible Canadian rock band, I know I'd at least get a nickelback. I'll let myself out.
- If I had a nickel for every time I got kicked out of a restaurant... Maybe I wouldn't have to keep stealing the food
- If Katt Williams had a nickel for every time he's been arrested... He'd put them in a sock and beat someone with it.
- Me :well, you know, change is inedible Her : I think you mean inevitable
Me : *spitting out nickels* nope
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Nickel One Liners
Which nickel one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with nickel? I can suggest the ones about penny and copper penny.
- Did you know all dogs are made up of only 3 elements? Calcium, nickel, neon
- If I had a nickel for every time I thought of you I'd start thinking about you.
- What's one nickel minus one nickel? Wait never mind that makes no cents.
- If I had a nickel for every gender... I would have 10 cents and a lot of counterfeits.
- If I had a nickel for every time some didn't understand me I'd make more cents.
- If I had a nickel for every time I failed a math test... I'd have 27¢
- How can you potentially kill someone with some Potassium, Nickel & Iron With a KNiFe
- If i had nickel for every time a woman thought i was ugly They would find me atractive
- If I had a nickel for every time my ex wife cheated on me She would have taken that too
- Why did the Jews wander in the desert for 40 years? Because one of them dropped a nickel.
- If I had a nickel for every time someone said I was bad at math, I'd have $264.13.
- If I had a nickel for every time my roommate stole from me He would have an extra $50.
- My parrot is allergic to nickel so I bought him a Nickeless Cage.
- If I had a nickel every time I was called an idiot... I'd have 4 cents
- If i had a nickel for every math test i've failed.. I'd have 17 cents.
Nickel Element Jokes
Here is a list of funny nickel element jokes and even better nickel element puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a birdcage made out of every periodic element except nickel? A Nicolas Cage.
- What is large amount of element Nickel called? Macroni
- What elements does Bill Clinton hate the most ? Molybdenum Nickel Calcium
Fun-Filled Nickel Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What funny jokes about nickel you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean aluminum jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make nickel pranks.
How many Nickelback fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
.... Trick question! There's no such thing as Nickelback fans.
(I will be hated by few)
Nickelback walks into a bar...
Nickelback walks into a bar...there's no punch line because ruining music isn't funny.
Two opposing candidates for county office...
... happened to be sitting next to each other in the local diner.
One turned to the other and said, "You know why I'm going to win this election? Because of my 'personal touch.' For example, I always tip waitresses really well and then ask them to vote for me."
"Oh, really?" replied the other. "I always tip a nickel and ask them to vote for you."
How I traveled around the world without spending a nickel.
I paid in dimes.
If I had a nickel for everytime i was told I waa bad at math...
I'd have 23 cents.
My pet rabbit, Nickel, just died. So I buried him in the yard.
Now I just have a Nickel-less cage.
How to get rich
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37. Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."
If I'd had a nickel for every time I've been financially irresponsible...
I'd probably still be in debt right now.
"I made $200.05 giving BJ's to people yesterday."
"Who gave you a nickel?"
"Everyone did."
If I had a nickel for everytime I was asked for...
...Change, I still wouldn't give it to the homeless guy
What do your mom and the Baltimore Police have in common?
They both like giving nickel rides to black men!
Why did the nickel jump of the building but the dime did not?
Because the dime had more cents.
If I had a nickel for every time I j****d off...
I'd be a jizzillionaire!
You have a dime in one hand and a nickel in the other. What are you?
Broke.
If I had a nickel for every time I had s**......
... I'd be a very cheap h**....
If I had a nickel for every racist thing I've ever said
I'd have a small loan of a million dollars.
Boss makes a dollar, I make a nickel.
I'd prob'ly make more if I tickled his pickle.
If I had a nickel for every time someone tried to get me to buy something...
I'd be able to afford whatever they're selling
Law of attraction to females
If I had a nickel for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
If I had a nickel for everytime Brexit happened...
I'd have £2.
If I had a nickel for every time I entered a store with a really long line to just buy some gum...
I'd have enough money to buy some gum
Little Johnny was made fun of...
Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being s**.... Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime Little Johnny always takes the nickel. One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel's bigger?" Johnny grins and says, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've made $20!"
If I had a nickel each time I had s**....
I'd have a 12$/hr job!
If I had a nickel for every gender...
I'd have ten cents and a dead meme
If I got a nickel from Apple every time one of my lightning cables broke...
...they'd still be operating out of a garage.
If I had a dime for every nickel I had
I would have three cents
Johny was offered a nickel or a dime...
Johny was bullied by all the other second grade students. Every day, they would offer him either a dime or a nickel. Every time, he took the nickel. The kids would all laugh at him every time he took the nickel. One day a kid asked him why he always took the nickel, even though the dime was worth more. He quietly responded, "If I take the dime, they will stop offering me the money. I've made $20 already!"
Nickelodeon - Casually ask your daughter who that actress' is...
Then take your laptop to the bathroom.
If I had a nickel for every time I said "If I had a nickel",
I'd have two nickels
If I had a nickel every time I masterbated...
I'd have a jar of sticky nickels.
A little boy swallows a nickel.
His mother panics and starts hitting him hard on the back. Suddenly he coughs up two dimes. She doesn't know what to do so she calls her husband.
"Junior swallowed a nickel, and when I patted him on the back he coughed up two dimes. What do I do?" she cried.
"Keep feeding him nickels!" the father said.
If I had a nickel for every watermelon I've chucked at my neighbors window.
I still wouldn't have enough bail money for a vandalism lawsuit.
If I had a nickel for every time someone called me....
I'd still be broke and alone.
A Rabbi's son asks him for a dollar
The Rabbi said, "50 cents! , what do you need a nickel for?
Back in my day, you could walk into a convenience store with a nickel and get three licorice sticks and some soda.
Now? CCTVs everywhere.
I can't believe how many of Nickelback songs have never become famous
It's completely off the charts.
If I had a nickel every time the Jets lost...
I could afford a ticket to the game!
Little Johnny was sitting on the porch with his sister
He said, "Look, there's a quarter in the street!"
His sister jumped up and ran into the street to get the money and was promptly squashed by a truck. And Little Johnny just laughed and laughed, because he knew it was only a nickel.
If I had a nickel for every time someone got on my nerves
I'd have a sock full of nickels to beat them with
(yes, I know, a little dark)
A math teacher asks a kindergartener: "Tommy, if you have a nickel in one pocket, and a quarter in the other, what do you have?"
"someone else's pants"
If I had a nickel
If I had a nickel for every time I hit my head, I'd have brain damage.
You can borrow five cents and no one will ask you to return them.
Apparently, people don't like a nickel back.
What concert only costs 45cents ?
50 cent, featuring nickel back
A Mexican man puts two quarters and a nickel into a vending machine to buy a soda
but the price is 65 cents. Instead of dispensing the soda the machine it reads "DIME" so the man leans in and says Quiero una Coca
My pants so baggy...
I get a nickel every time I walk into the grocery store.
Did you hear about the nickel and the penny that got fused together and is haunted?
The coin has the sixth cents
If I had a nickel for every time my mom dropped me as a baby
We would've had enough for the hospital bill
The CEO of a large cooperation was giving advice to a junior executive.
"I was young, married and out of work," he lectured. "I took the last nickel I had and bought an apple. I polished it and sold it for a dime. The next day I bought two apples, polished them and sold them for ten cents each."
"I see," said the junior executive. "You kept reinvesting your money and grew a big business."
"No," said the CEO. "Then my wife's father died and left me a fortune."
If I had a nickel for every time a homeless person asked me for change...
I would still say no.
If I had a nickel for every nickel I have...
Oh wait, I do. Nevermind.
So a man one day gains the ability to make a car made of coins.
It's acceleration was a quarter faster than a dragster, the frame costed mere pennies, and the interior was full nickel, but people didn't think it made cents.
A news reporter rushes to the man in awe, asking, but does it even have brakes? The man simply looked back and said "Of course. It stops on a dime."
I found a nickel in the driveway but my sister kicked it away.
I'm Nicholas.
Dollar bill With a COIN !! :D
"I was reading in the paper today that Congress wants to replace the dollar bill with a coin. They've already done it. It's called a nickel" -Jay Leno
Q: What do Nickelback and racism have in common?
A: Both are fun to joke about, but I wouldn't want to see either in real life.
If i had a nickel for evertime someone said that they were proud of me
I would have 4 nickels
If I had a nickel for every time Patrick Star said something s**......
>!I have 3 dollars.!<
If I had a dollar for every funny joke on this sub...
...I'd have a nickel.
Hi, my name is Cage and if I had a Nickel for every time i told a funny joke...
I would be Nickeless Cage.
If I had a nickel for every time someone called me young...
I could buy a lollipop.
I'm Vietnamese and if I got a nickel for every time someone asked me if I do nails...
I wouldn't have to do nails anymore.
Nickelback...
more like give me all my money-back! Am i right guys?
How much did the German, fistbump-loving, traditional baker charge for his coin collection?
Pump per nickel.
If I had a nickel for every time someone called me a racist...
I could quit my job at the NYPD
Why did the Penny go to the Nickel for dating advice?
The penny saw the nickel take two dimes to his quarters.
If I had a nickel for every time I accidentally hit enter instead of a comma
I bought a used universal remote at a flea market
The volume down button was broken but it only cost a nickel.... I couldn't turn it down.
