Nicely Jokes
44 nicely jokes and hilarious nicely puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about nicely that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Nicely Short Jokes
Short nicely jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The nicely humour may include short politely jokes also.
- So Tekashi69 could face life in prison Which is nice because we might finally get to see a mumble rapper completing a sentence
- So I told my wife she'd look sexier with her hair back Apparently that's not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.
- I got jumped by five black guys in Baltimore... They were real nice. Car started right up, and they even helped me with directions back to the interstate.
- That's a nice ham you've got there... ... it'd be a shame if somebody put an 's' at the front and an 'e' at the end.
- I helped my neighbour with something this morning and she said, ''I could marry you!'', I couldn't believe it You do something nice for someone and they threaten to ruin your life in return
- What is Pac-Man's favorite cooking utensil? A wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok
- I just explained Google images to my mum... "Pick anything to search for" I told her.
"What about a nice cream pie?" She asked.
"Except that." I replied. - I asked my boss if I can come to work a little late today He said dream on. I think that was really nice of him.
- Switzerland is a great country, with amazing views and nice people And their flag is also great, which is a huge plus.
- During interviews he seems like such a nice guy, but the actor who plays Wolverine is a real phoney It's a huge act, man..
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Nicely One Liners
Which nicely one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with nicely? I can suggest the ones about lovely and neat.
- I like my women like I like my coffee I've never had coffee but it smells really nice
- I was feeling lonely, so I bought some shares. It's nice to have some company.
- Who wears a red suit and knows if you were naughty or nice? The spanish Inquisition.
- i think the story of Noah's life was a bit boring But it did have a nice arc
- What did 0 say to 8? Nice belt.
- The other day I held the door for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester.
- That's a nice sham you've got there... It'd be a shame if somebody
added an e - Sauron is a great name It has a nice ring to it
- What do you call a rapper that smells nice? Post Cologne
- i really like the name saturn it has a nice ring to it
- How does a girl greet Bill Cosby on their 2nd date? "Nice to meet you"
- Today I got slapped for telling a girl her hair smelled nice. I hate being a dwarf.
- What do you call a triangle with angles 42.0°, 69° and 69°? A Nice-osceles triangle.
- I went to a place in France last week It was nice.
- I met a nice guy online. He says he's from South Korea. I think he might be my Seoulmate
Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Nicely Jokes
What funny jokes about nicely you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean gently jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make nicely pranks.
My car broke down this morning, so I looked under the bonnet and saw a bat sitting on the engine. Amazingly, he said, Hello Dave! You're a handsome fellow and very nicely dressed, too!" I realised the problem straight away.
Bat flattery
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
h/t to my 8 year old daughter.
Literally the guy you asked for
A woman looking for a relationship places an ad, saying, Looking for a guy that won't beat me, won't run away on me and will satisfy me nicely. Am good looking, excellent cook.
Three days later, there's a loud knocking at her door. Behind it there's a guy with no arms and no legs, smiling expectantly. Dear Amy, he says, I have no arms so I couldn't even beat you if I tried. I have no legs and I can't run away on you. I'm your guy.
That's very nice, says Amy, surprised, but how will you be able to satisfy me?
His smile widens, You did hear the knocking, didn't you?
A man brings his friend home after work for dinner unannounced
When he tells his wife, she starts screaming:
"I've not done my makeup, I've not dressed up nicely, the house is a mess and I haven't had time to wash the dishes! I'm too tired to cook for both of you, and I haven't done the day's laundry yet! Why on Earth would you bring him here?"
"Because he's considering getting married"
A woman, tired of living alone, decides to put an ad in the local paper.
She asks for three things:
1. A man who will treat her nicely,
2. A man who won't leave her, and
3. A man who is good in bed.
Several weeks go buy without a result, and the woman is resigned to life without a man who can embody those qualities. Then, the doorbell rings and she opens it to find an armless, legless man in a wheelchair. He says, "I'm here about the ad in the paper. As you can see, I have no arms, so I can't beat you, and I have no legs, so I can't run away from you." The woman is skeptical, and asks, "Yeah, but are you good in bed?" The man answers, "How do you think I rang the doorbell?"
A boy is sitting in class learning about logarithms
The teacher asks the class, "how do we change bases?"
The boy excitedly raises his hand and says, "ask her nicely"
Since COVID-19, I have the body of a 50 year old, the brain of a 40 year old and the heart of a 25 year old.
All tucked away nicely in my freezer!
I told my wife to make sure the coconut oil is mixed nicely with the kale
so I can easily scrape it into the garbage.
Since other people liked the Turkish joke I translated, here's another one
Nasreddin Hodja was on his deathbed. He called her wife and told her to dress up nicely and wear makeup. She was confused about why he wanted that, so she asked him why.
Well, when the reaper comes he might like you more and take you with him instead of me.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My Polish friend asked how do you get d**...' from Richard?
I told them to ask nicely
How to tell someone they have a bad breath nicely ?
"Oh boy I am bored lets brush our teeth"
The origin of CrossFit can be traced all the way back to ancient Rome.
Take Jesus for example, he fit nicely on that cross.
I took Blondie to the movies
Just as the movie was about to start, she got up to leave.
"Where are you going?" I whispered. "The movie is about to start."
"I have to go outside," she said.
"Why on Earth do you have to go outside right now?"
"The movie man said to silence my cell phone," she pointed at the screen.
"So why do you have to leave?" I asked again, as nicely as I could. "I left it in the car, duh."
"Okay. Go ahead. I'll save you some popcorn."
Why do you have to dress so nicely when riding a unicycle?
Because attire is the most important thing about a unicycle
Two Drunks and a Dog
Two extremely drunk men were stumbling toward home after leaving the bar one night. As they staggered through the backstreets they noticed a dog sitting on his front porch giving his tackle a hearty tongue bath. One of the men turns to the other and says
"You know, I wish I could to do that."
To which the second replies
"I bet if you ask him nicely he very well might let you."
Nicely asked my wife where we should go for dinner and she gets all mad.
She said "that's the last time I'm cooking for you!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was talking to my friend about nicknames...
Like how Maddie is short for Madeline or Alex for Alexander
- But wait, how do you get d**...' from 'Richard?'
You ask nicely
My friend is agoraphobic...
..it pairs nicely with his obsessive nudism.
What do you call an arrogant person who always dresses nicely?
Clothes-minded
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Richard: "Hi, I'm Richard, or d**...' for short"
Guy: "How do you get d**...' from Richard?"
Richard: "You ask nicely"
Tarzan comes home after a hard day and asks Jane to mix him a martini
He's hardly sat down before he's finished it and he asks Jane to mix him another, and being a caring, nurturing mate she does so. Again Tarzan makes it disappear and asks (nicely enough, to be fair) for still another one.
At this, Jane arches a delicate eyebrow and says "Three martinis? Before dinner?"
"Jane, you don't understand," sighs Tarzan. "It's a jungle out there!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is the etymology behind deriving the nickname d**...' from the name 'Richard?'
You ask him nicely.
Wait, did I do that right?
I really enjoy a nicely deconstructed Black Forrest cake
It's fantastic, I just leave out the cream, the chocolate, the sponge and the cherries, allowing me to enjoy the wholesome Kirsch
In honor of The Walking Dead returning, What do zombie cows crave?
Graaaains! GRAAAAINS!
[Also, I like to think it's zombie cows who are keeping the grass so nicely trimmed in The Walking Dead universe]
My novel is coming along nicely.
With all the pages numbered, all I have to do is fill them in.
I managed to fool someone into having a brain transplant.
This body fits quite nicely.
Finally, 2016 ends nicely
It is safe again to go in public toilets
How do tennis players prefer their steak?
Wimbledon and nicely served.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What says a shark after eating a surfer?
Nicely served, on a plate.
