Nice View Jokes
10 nice view jokes and hilarious nice view puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about nice view that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Nice View Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.
What is a good nice view joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
Switzerland is a great country, with amazing views and nice people
And their flag is also great, which is a huge plus.
Turning into stone
There were two boys taking a walk through the woods. They eventually cam upon a nice calm river. While they are enjoying the view they notice a woman standing in the n**..., bathing. Immediately after seeing her one of the boys runs back through the woods. The other boy chased him and when he catches up he asks,"Why did you run away from the river?" The boy replies,"My mom said that if I stare at n**... women I will turn into stone and I felt something getting hard!"
Canadians are always viewed as nice and polite but so help me, if they invade the US...
They'll be sorry.
I was driving home last night and as I looked in my rear view mirror I saw a big van which said 'Ambulance' on the front with sirens blaring trying to pass me.
Yeah nice try I thought, I'm not moving, it's clearly a fake. The word 'Ambulance' is always written backwards on real ones.
My hotel room has a partial water view!
I would have preferred oxygen but hydrogen is nice, too.
Three women share a birthday and celebrate it together
For their 40th birthday they go to the Lakeview restaurant because the waiters are cute and wear tight pants.
For their 50th birthday they go to the Lakeview restaurant because the prices are reasonable and it has a good wine list.
For their 60th birthday they go to the Lakeview restaurant because its quiet and has a nice view.
For their 70th birthday they go to the Lakeview restaurant because its wheelchair accessible.
For their 80th birthday they go to the Lakeview restaurant because they've never been there before.
A man who'd just died is delivered to a local mortuary...
... and he's wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.
The mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed, pointing out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'
The woman returns the next day and to her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.
She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied.. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?'
To her astonishment, the mortician presents her with the blank check, 'There's no charge.'
'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit,' she says.
'Honestly, ma'am,' the mortician says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'
'So I just switched the heads.'
A Mexican man sneaks across the border to watch his favorite football team play...
...and makes it all the way to the stadium. He doesn't have tickets so he finds a large pole to climb up on and jumps down into the top of the bleachers to get a bird-eye view of the game.
After the game was over and his buddies ask him how the game was back in Mexico he replies:
"I don't know why you all don't think Americans are nice. As soon as I sat down everyone turned around, looked at me, and started singing 'Jose, can you see?'"
There were a few sandwiches sitting on the table...
Although they were quite small, they looked absolutely titillating. The sign near them said they were free, so why not?
I grabbed a roast beef one, bit into it, and suddenly I heard a little voice telling me how good I looked, and how well I was dressed. I shortly realized it was coming from the sandwich. Confused, I grabbed another sandwich, this time ham and cheese. Same thing. It was telling me how nice I smell and how my hair is very well styled. Although very nice to hear, I was dumbfound. After all, how can a sandwich talk? Whatever.
I then noticed another tray of sandwhiches...but kind of out of view. I walked over and man...these looked like the best things ever made. I picked one up, but the moment I laid hands on it, it started cursing at me, called me ugly, fat, etc. Taken aback, I tossed the sandwich down and went to one of the caterers.
"What is wrong with these sandwiches? The first two I had were very nice and friendly...but the third was very rude and disrespectful..."
The caterer responded, "Oh, only the first two trays were complimenttray..."
A man who just died is delivered to the mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit...
.... The mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit.
She gives the mortician a blank check and says, "I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing."
The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.
She says to the mortician, "Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?"
To her astonishment, the mortician presents her with the blank check.
"There's no charge," he says.
"No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!" she says.
"Honestly, ma'am," the mortician says, "it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.
"Then it was just a matter of switching the heads"
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