Newton Jokes
144 newton jokes and hilarious newton puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about newton that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Check out these hilarious Newton jokes that bring the famous physicist to life! From puns involving fig Newtons to Sheldon’s Websters, these physics puns will have you in motion with laughter.
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Funniest Newton Short Jokes
Short newton jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The newton humour may include short kelvin jokes also.
- "For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.." - Newton's Law "Shredded cabbage and carrot make a great salad." - Cole's Law
- Why did Isaac Newton's son know so much about gravity? The apple didn't fall far from the tree.
- Wayne Gretzky, Wayne Newton, and Wayne Brady are all chasing after you. Which one is going to catch you first? I don't know, but they are gonna get ya, one Wayne or another.
- A teacher asked a student," Tell me the 1st Law of Newton" "I don't remember the whole line, just the last part"
"Ok tell the last part"
"... and this is called the 1st Law of Newton - if Newton heard someone suggest his corpse could move without an external force acting upon it... ...he would roll over in his grave.
- Newton said "The greater the mass, the greater the force of attraction" Yet here I am. Still single.
- What does Cam Newton have in common with a Fig Newton? They are both soft and crumble under pressure.
- What happened when Isaac Newton met the apple? He found the apple was a surprisingly down-to-Earth kinda guy.
- I suppose we should have seen the Newton-Leibniz conflict coming. Calculus has always been derivative
- Why did people hate talking to Newton? Because he approached each conversation with too much gravity
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Newton One Liners
Which newton one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with newton? I can suggest the ones about gravity and quantum.
- Newton's third law of Emotion. For every male action, there is a female overreaction.
- Did you hear that Apple Guy died? R.I.P. Isaac Newton
- Why is Newton the most alcoholic scientist ? Because there are 10 N/cm² in a bar.
- Why didn't Isaac Newton drink wine? He knew better than to drink and derive.
- Isaac Newton: "Gravity exists" *drops mic*
- Which newton's law creates the most noise? Newton's mother-in-law.
- I'm going to name my unborn son "Newton" He's going to be an absolute unit!
- Sir Isaac Newton dies Everybody: ma
- What's the worlds most forceful fig? The Fig Newton.
- What did Newton say when that apple fell on his head? O mg
- Newton walks into a bar The bar walks into Newton
- What is worse then sweat on olivia newton John? Come on Eileen
- How did Isaac Newton formalize calculus? He went out on a lim.
- What's Newton's first law? You don't talk about Newton!
- Newton. But where is Oldton?
Isaac Newton Jokes
Here is a list of funny isaac newton jokes and even better isaac newton puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- An apple falls on Isaac Newton's head He shakes his fist at the sky and says, "There should be a law!"
- Today we celebrate the birthday of a man who changed the way we see and understand the magic of the universe. Happy Birthday Isaac Newton.
- Why do I think Sir Isaac Newton was such a chill guy? I don't know, he just seemed pretty down-to-Earth to me.
- Inspiration to look up to Sir Isaac Newton was only 23 when he discovered the law of gravity.
T-pain was only 22 when he rhymed mansion with wiscansin. - Isaac Newton's theory. Isaac Newton was outside trying to explains the forces of the world and then it hit him.
- An apple didn't fall on Isaac Newton's head. He missed the gravity of the situation.
- Intelligent Minds Albert Einstein: Genius mind
Isaac Newton: Extraordinary mind
Bill Gates: Brilliant mind
You: Never mind - As Isaac Newton once proposed, "everything in the universe is attracted to one another." So... How about it?
- You know, I frankly don't find Isaac Newton's work all that original. I mean, half of his works were all derivatives anyway.
- Why didn't Isaac Newton dodge the apple? He didn't understand the gravity of the situation.
Newton Physics Jokes
Here is a list of funny newton physics jokes and even better newton physics puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Chuck Norris has proven Newton's third law of physics, there is no force equal to a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick.
- What is Newton's Religion. Math, Astronomty, Physics...
you name it. - Physics would have been much more easier if the TREE instead of the APPLE would have fallen on Newton
- Chuck Norris made Newton write 3 laws of physics just to break them... he was having a boring weekend.
- Why would Isaac Newton be a bad lawyer? Because he only knows the laws of physics.
- What did Olivia Newton-John say to her doctor? Lets get physical!
Cam Newton Jokes
Here is a list of funny cam newton jokes and even better cam newton puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why does Cam Newton always take a bus to practice? He can't finish a drive
(Yeah, late superbowl joke. I sowwie) - What did the headline read for Cam Newton's Car Accident? Another Cam Newton Drive Ends In Turnover
- Why is Cam Newton's house so dirty? He doesn't pick up after himself.
- Cam Newton isn't really a sexist... He's just getting a jump on his Presidential Campaign.
Newton '20 - Cam Newton Just signed a contract with McDonalds. He will be promoting turnovers.
- What is the definition of choke? CAM NEWTON
Fig Newton Jokes
Here is a list of funny fig newton jokes and even better fig newton puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What scientific principle is demonstrated when cookies fall out of the cupboard? Fig Newton's law.
- I know Jesus can turn water into wine... But can He turn figs into Newtons?
(Probably a repost but im high and this funny to me right now) - What is a physicist's favorite cookie? Sig-fig Newtons
Cheerful Newton Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!
What funny jokes about newton you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean neutron jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make newton pranks.
Making your day...
Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are hanging out one afternoon.
Einstein is bored, so he suggests, "Let's play hide-and-seek. I'll be it!"
The others agree, so Einstein begins counting. "One... Two... Three..."
Pascal runs off right away to find a place to hide.
But Newton merely takes out a piece of chalk and draws a mid-sized square. He finishes and steps into the square just as Einstein shouts, "Ready or not -- here I come!"
Einstein looks up and immediately spots Newton standing right in front of him. He says, "I found you, Newton!"
Newton replies, "No, you found one Newton per square meter -- You found Pascal!"
Einstein, Newton and Pascal play hide and seek...
One day, Einstein, Newton, and Pascal meet up and decide to play a game of hide and seek. Einstein volunteered to be It. As Einstein counted, eyes closed, to 100, Pascal ran away and hid, but Newton stood right in front of Einstein and drew a one meter by one meter square on the floor around himself. When Einstein opened his eyes, he immediately saw Newton and said I found you Newton, but Newton replied, No, you found one Newton per square meter. You found Pascal! .
Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are hanging out one afternoon...
Einstein is bored, so he suggests, "Let's play hide-and-seek. I'll be it!" The others agree, so Einstein begins counting. "One... Two... Three..." Pascal runs off right away to find a place to hide, but Newton merely takes out a piece of chalk and draws a mid-sized square on the ground. He finishes and steps into the square just as Einstein shouts, "Ready or not, here I come!" Einstein looks up and immediately spots Newton standing right in front of him. He says, "I found you, Newton!" Newton replies, "No, you found one Newton per square meter. You found Pascal!"
Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are hanging out one afternoon.
Einstein is bored, so he suggests, "Let's play hide-and-seek. I'll be it!"
The others agree, so Einstein begins counting. "One... Two... Three..."
Pascal runs off right away to find a place to hide.
But Newton merely takes out a piece of chalk and draws a 1 meter x 1 meter square. He finishes and steps into the square just as Einstein shouts, "Ready or not -- here I come!"
Einstein looks up and immediately spots Newton standing right in front of him. He says, "I found you, Pascal!"
Einstein, Heisenberg, Pascal and Newton are playing hide and seek...
...Einstein covers his eyes and begins counting. While Heisenberg and Pascal run off and hide, Newton takes out some chalk and marks a square on the ground with a side length of exactly 1 meter, then sits down inside the square.
When Einstein is finished counting and sees Newton sitting on the ground, he yells, "Ha, I've found you, Newton!".
Newton however replies, "No you haven't! You've found Pascal!
(ɹǝʇǝɯ ǝɹɐnbs ɹǝd uoʇʍǝu 1 = lɐɔsɐd 1)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A friend asked me, "Did you know Isaac Newton died a v**..."?
I replied, "What colour?"
Not a joke; just something I'd like to address…
Since we're reposting the "Einstein, Newton, and Pascal" joke, it should be noted that the actual punchline is different from what's been used. It's supposed to go like this:
*Newton draws a 1 meter by 1 meter square on the ground and steps inside. Einstein comes up to him and cries out, "Aha! I found you, Pascal!"*
The joke just doesn't work when Newton has to explain it. Not only does it beat the reader over the head with the premise, but it takes away the absurdity/surprise factor. What's funny isn't that Newton made an unlikely and convoluted hiding spot, what's funny is that it worked. Also, if the audience wouldn't recognize that one Newton per square meter equals one Pascal, then it's probably not worth telling them this joke.
No harm intended by this post. Just trying to help…
scientific joke
Scientists were playing hide and seek. Einstein was seeker.
Amongst the other scientists, Newton did not hide and stood in a 1 meter square.
Einstein: I found you Newton, I-spy
Newton: I am not Newton, as I am standing in 1 mtr square, I am newton per meter square: I am Pascal
!@#$%^&*()
Isaac Newton couldn't become a surgeon ...
because blood is non-Newtonian!
Do you know who Newton is?
A mother asks little Johnny "do you know who Newton is?"
Little Johnny replies "no"
She says "if you paid attention in school, you would know who he is"
Little Johnny says "do you know who Candy is?"
Mom says "no"
Little Johnny says "if you paid attention to dad, you'd know who she is"
How much force does it take for the Carolina Panthers to lose a Playoff game.
One Newton
Einstein, Pascal and Newton were playing hide and seek...
...Einstein was counting, Pascal found a pretty good place to hide but Newton didn't have any luck. Einstein had almost finished and since Newton didn't had a hiding place gets a piece of chuck and draws around him an one meter square. Einstein turns around and saw Newton.
Einstein: "Ha! You're Newton, I found you!".
Newton: "I'm not Newton,you're wrong".
E: "Yes, you are. I know you pretty well. I see Newton!"
N: "Yes, you see Newton but what else do you see?"
E: "That you are standing on a square with approximately one meter side"
N: "OK, so what's newton over meter squared?"
E: "Pascal?!"
N: "There you go! You found Pascal!"
Why was Sir Isaac Newton buried at Westminster Abbey?
Because he was dead.
Einstein, Newton, and Pascal play hide-and-seek
Einstein decides to be the seeker and begins counting. Pascal immediately runs to a closet and hides inside. Newton doesn't run or try to hide. Instead he takes some tape, makes a box on the ground, and steps inside. Einstein finishes counting and turns around to see Newton standing like an idiot.
"I found you Isaac, great hiding spot," says Einstein.
"You didn't find me," Newton replies. "You found one Newton per square meter. You found Pascal!"
Isaac Newton's friend was 16 minutes late the first time they met.
At their second meeting, the friend was 8 minutes late. At this rate, said Newton, "you'll never be on time."
Two factory workers talking: Woman
Physics Teacher: Isaac Newton was sitting under a tree when an apple fell on his head and he discovered gravity. Isn't that wonderful?
Student: Yes sir, if he had been sitting in class looking at books like us, he wouldn't have discovered anything.
Two factory workers talking:
Woman: I can make the boss give me the day off.
Man: And how would you do that?
Woman: Just wait and see. She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
Boss comes in: What are you doing?
Woman: I'm a light bulb.
Boss: You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.
The man starts to follow her and the boss says: Where are you going?
The man says: I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark.
What was wrong with Newton when an apple fell on his head?
He was the only one who understood the gravity of the situation.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you know that Sir Isaac Newton remained a v**... until his death?
*until*
Einstein, Newton and Darwin are having a small argument.
Newton, a bit annoyed, says "Guys, I don't think you understand the gravity of the situation".
Einstein replies, "I think I do relatively understand it."
On which Darwin says, "Please don't let this evolve into a big fight, aight?"
Hurricane Newton is due to hit Mexico in a few hours time.
Damage is expected to run into the dollars.
If I didn't Newton any better...
I'd swear you're Leibnitzing to me.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death?
Isaac Newton died a v**....
Repost.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why Newton laws were not from Asian countries?
Because they have durian...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What if Issac Newton was a t**...?
It would be called an ATOMS APPLE.
Einstein, Newton and Pascal are hanging out one afternoon...
Einstein is bored, so he suggests a game of hide and seek and pretends to be "It". The others agree, so Einstein begins counting, "One...Two...Three.."
Pascal runs off right away to find a place to hide. But Newton merely takes out a piece of chalk and draws a mid sized square. He finishes and steps into the square just as Einstein shouts, "Ready or not! Here I come!"
Einstein looks up immediately and spots Newton standing right in front of him. He says, "I found you Newton."
Newton laughs and replies, " No! You found one Newton per square meter - you found Pascal."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend told me I was smart enough to be the next Isaac Newton...
Well Newton died a lonely v**... so clearly I'm doing something right
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Whats the difference between Isaac Newton and this baby I am holding?
Isaac Newton is still a v**...
In an objective point of view, fat women are more attractive than skinny woman.
According to Newton, the heavier an object is, the more it attracts other objects.
This is a Science Joke: Boyle, Pascal and Newton wanted to play Hide and Seek
So Boyle closed his eyes and started counting, Pascal went to hide, and Newton just stood there and drew a square with a side of 1 meter.
When Boyle opened his eyes, he found Newton, and said "Newton I found you".
To which Newton Replied: "No I'm not Newton, I'm Pascal, Because Pa=N/m^2 "
Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are hanging out one afternoon.
Einstein is bored, so he suggests, "Let's play hide-and-seek. I'll be it!"
The others agree, so Einstein begins counting. "One... Two... Three..."
Pascal runs off right away to find a place to hide.
But Newton merely takes out a piece of chalk and draws a mid-sized square. He finishes and steps into the square just as Einstein shouts, "Ready or not -- here I come!"
Einstein looks up and immediately spots Newton standing right in front of him. He says, "I found you, Newton!"
Newton replies, "No, you found one Newton per square meter -- You found Pascal!"
Why didn't Newton derive Group theory?
He wasn't Abel.
What did Newton said, when he was hit by a apple?
Ow!
Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are playing hide and go seek.
Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are playing hide and go seek. it's Einstein's turn to count so he covers his eyes and starts counting to ten.Pascle runs off and hides. Newton draws a one metre by one metre square on the ground in front of Einstein then stands in the middle of it. Einstein reaches ten and uncovers his eyes. He sees Newton immediately and exclaims "Newton! i found you! You are it!"
Newton Smiles and says "You didn't find me, you found a newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sapiosexuals
If sapiosexuals existed, Sir Isaac Newton would not have died a v**....
Einstein, Newton, and Pascal play hide and seek.
Einstein starts counting to ten.
Pascal runs to a nearby bush and hides.
Newton stands right behind Einstein, takes out a chalk, and draws a perfect one meter by one meter square on the ground around himself.
As Einstein reaches 10, he says,
"Ready or not, I'm coming to you! Or, in my frame of reference, *you're* coming to *me*!"
He turns around and sees Newton, so he yells,
"Haha! I've found Newton!"
Newton replies,
"Nah, you found a Newton over a square meter, that's Pascal!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If the United States is serious about stopping Kim Jong Un
Just send in Cam Newton - he'll overthrow Kim.
Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek.
Einstein is it, closes his eyes, counts to 10 then opens them.
Pascal is no where to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He's sitting in a square drawn on the ground, a meter to a side.
Einstein says Newton, you're terrible, I've found you! Newton says No no, Einy. You've found one Newton per square meter. You've found Pascal!
Einstein, Newton and Pascal play a game of hide and seek.
It's Einstein's turn to count so he covers his eyes and starts counting to ten.
Pascal runs off and hides. Newton draws a one meter by one meter square on the ground in front of Einstein then stands in the middle of it.
Einstein reaches ten and uncovers his eyes. He sees Newton immediately and exclaims "Newton! I found you! You're it!"
Newton smiles and says "You didn't find me, you found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!"
Humanity is losing its genuises..
Aristotle died, Newton passed away,
Eisntein died.. and I'm not feeling well today.
Why did Newton invent calculus?
He wanted to test his limits.
4th law of newton
A loose motion can't be done in slow motion
-Do you know the third law of Newton?
-Dude, I'm a physicist, not a lawyer.
You're It!
Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are playing hide-and-seek. It's Einstein's turn to be it, so he closes his eyes and starts counting, Eins, zwei, drei… Pascal runs off and hides under a big bush. Newton runs over to a nearby driveway, takes out some chalk, and draws a box around him that is one meter long on all four sides. As soon as Einstein opens his eyes, he sees Newton and says, What are you doing? I found you immediately, Newton!
Newton says, Nah-ah! I am one Newton per square meter, so I'm actually Pascal!
Brian May reminds looks a lot like Sir Isaac Newton..
..except that a guitar fell on his head.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did Isaac Newton die a v**...?
Because he respected girls limits
If Isaac Newton were alive today.
I think his favorite song would have been "Fat bottomed girls", by Queen.
He was the type of guy who could appreciate being attracted to large masses.
A fatalistic, Newton determinalist, and Calvinist walk into a bar
As was expected.
Apparently Newton wasn't the first to invent calculus, it was Leibniz.
So Newton's work was merely derivative
What does Newton and a school shooting victim have in common?
They both died as virgins.
Do you know what kind of computer Isaac Newton had?
An Apple!
What would Newton be called if he ever went into space?
New, since the concept of weight does not exist in space.
Isaac Newton: *slaps roof of car*
Car roof: *slaps Isaac Newton*
Why did Sir Isaac Newton bet on the Patriots?
Because he knows that force equals Massachusetts.
Isaac Newton was having a family reunion...
It turns out that his cousin Gravity is a really down to Earth guy
Once Einstein and Newton were playing Tic-Tac-Toe, it's game of '0' and '+'. However, neither of them won,
coz EOD it's a 'Zero Sum' game.
