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Newton Jokes

146 newton jokes and hilarious newton puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about newton that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Check out these hilarious Newton jokes that bring the famous physicist to life! From puns involving fig Newtons to Sheldon’s Websters, these physics puns will have you in motion with laughter.

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Funniest Newton Short Jokes

Short newton jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The newton humour may include short kelvin jokes also.

  1. "For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.." - Newton's Law "Shredded cabbage and carrot make a great salad." - Cole's Law
  2. Why did Isaac Newton's son know so much about gravity? The apple didn't fall far from the tree.
  3. Wayne Gretzky, Wayne Newton, and Wayne Brady are all chasing after you. Which one is going to catch you first? I don't know, but they are gonna get ya, one Wayne or another.
  4. A teacher asked a student," Tell me the 1st Law of Newton" "I don't remember the whole line, just the last part"
    "Ok tell the last part"
    "... and this is called the 1st Law of Newton
  5. if Newton heard someone suggest his corpse could move without an external force acting upon it... ...he would roll over in his grave.
  6. Newton said "The greater the mass, the greater the force of attraction" Yet here I am. Still single.
  7. What does Cam Newton have in common with a Fig Newton? They are both soft and crumble under pressure.
  8. What happened when Isaac Newton met the apple? He found the apple was a surprisingly down-to-Earth kinda guy.
  9. I suppose we should have seen the Newton-Leibniz conflict coming. Calculus has always been derivative
  10. Why did people hate talking to Newton? Because he approached each conversation with too much gravity

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Newton One Liners

Which newton one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with newton? I can suggest the ones about gravity and quantum.

  1. Newton's third law of Emotion. For every male action, there is a female overreaction.
  2. Did you hear that Apple Guy died? R.I.P. Isaac Newton
  3. Why is Newton the most alcoholic scientist ? Because there are 10 N/cm² in a bar.
  4. Why didn't Isaac Newton drink wine? He knew better than to drink and derive.
  5. Isaac Newton: "Gravity exists" *drops mic*
  6. Which newton's law creates the most noise? Newton's mother-in-law.
  7. I'm going to name my unborn son "Newton" He's going to be an absolute unit!
  8. Sir Isaac Newton dies Everybody: ma
  9. What's the worlds most forceful fig? The Fig Newton.
  10. What did Newton say when that apple fell on his head? O mg
  11. Newton walks into a bar The bar walks into Newton
  12. What is worse then sweat on olivia newton John? Come on Eileen
  13. How did Isaac Newton formalize calculus? He went out on a lim.
  14. What's Newton's first law? You don't talk about Newton!
  15. Newton. But where is Oldton?

Isaac Newton Jokes

Here is a list of funny isaac newton jokes and even better isaac newton puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • An apple falls on Isaac Newton's head He shakes his fist at the sky and says, "There should be a law!"
  • Today we celebrate the birthday of a man who changed the way we see and understand the magic of the universe. Happy Birthday Isaac Newton.
  • Why do I think Sir Isaac Newton was such a chill guy? I don't know, he just seemed pretty down-to-Earth to me.
  • Inspiration to look up to Sir Isaac Newton was only 23 when he discovered the law of gravity.
    T-pain was only 22 when he rhymed mansion with wiscansin.
  • Isaac Newton's theory. Isaac Newton was outside trying to explains the forces of the world and then it hit him.
  • An apple didn't fall on Isaac Newton's head. He missed the gravity of the situation.
  • Intelligent Minds Albert Einstein: Genius mind
    Isaac Newton: Extraordinary mind
    Bill Gates: Brilliant mind
    You: Never mind
  • As Isaac Newton once proposed, "everything in the universe is attracted to one another." So... How about it?
  • You know, I frankly don't find Isaac Newton's work all that original. I mean, half of his works were all derivatives anyway.
  • Why didn't Isaac Newton dodge the apple? He didn't understand the gravity of the situation.

Newton Physics Jokes

Here is a list of funny newton physics jokes and even better newton physics puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Chuck Norris has proven Newton's third law of physics, there is no force equal to a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick.
  • What is Newton's Religion. Math, Astronomty, Physics...
    you name it.
  • Physics would have been much more easier if the TREE instead of the APPLE would have fallen on Newton
  • Chuck Norris made Newton write 3 laws of physics just to break them... he was having a boring weekend.
  • Why would Isaac Newton be a bad lawyer? Because he only knows the laws of physics.
  • What did Olivia Newton-John say to her doctor? Lets get physical!
Newton joke, What did Olivia Newton-John say to her doctor?

Cam Newton Jokes

Here is a list of funny cam newton jokes and even better cam newton puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • If the United States is serious about stopping Kim Jong Un Just send in Cam Newton - he'll overthrow Kim.
  • Why does Cam Newton always take a bus to practice? He can't finish a drive
    (Yeah, late superbowl joke. I sowwie)
  • What did the headline read for Cam Newton's Car Accident? Another Cam Newton Drive Ends In Turnover
  • Why is Cam Newton's house so dirty? He doesn't pick up after himself.
  • Cam Newton isn't really a sexist... He's just getting a jump on his Presidential Campaign.
    Newton '20
  • Cam Newton Just signed a contract with McDonalds. He will be promoting turnovers.
  • What is the definition of choke? CAM NEWTON

Fig Newton Jokes

Here is a list of funny fig newton jokes and even better fig newton puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What scientific principle is demonstrated when cookies fall out of the cupboard? Fig Newton's law.
  • I know Jesus can turn water into wine... But can He turn figs into Newtons?
    (Probably a repost but im high and this funny to me right now)
  • When it comes to Newtons... Go fig or go home!
  • What is a physicist's favorite cookie? Sig-fig Newtons
Newton joke, What is a physicist's favorite cookie?

Cheerful Newton Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!

What funny jokes about newton you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean neutron jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make newton pranks.

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are playing hide and seek.

Einstein counts down while the two hide. Pascal immediately runs for it, but Newton just draws a square around himself and stands there.
As he turns around he proclaims "Found you, Newton!"
"No, you found one Newton on a square-metre. You found Pascal."

Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton, and Blaise Pascal are playing hide and seek

Einstein starts counting and Pascal runs off and hides, but Isaac Newton just stands in front of him and draws a square on the ground. When Einstein opens his eyes he says I found you Isaac , but Isaac Newton responds no you found a Newton over a square - you found Pascal!

Einstein, Tesla, Newton, and Pascal are all playing Hide 'N Seek

It is Einstein's turn to be it. So he covers his eyes and slowly counts to 20.
Tesla climbs up a tree, Pascal jumps behind a bush, and Newton stands right where he is and draws a 1m x 1m square around him.
"...eighteen, nineteen, twenty! Ready or not, here I come!" exclaims Einstein. Of course, Newton is the first person he sees so he tags him. "Gotcha, Newton!"
To which Newton responds, "Nope. Pascal!"

Newtons 3rd law of emotion

Newton's 3rd law of emotion is, for every male action there is a crazy àss female overreaction.

A friend asked me, "Did you know Isaac Newton died a v**..."?

I replied, "What colour?"

Totally Nerdy Joke: Einstein, Newton, and Pascal playing hide and seek

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are playing hide and seek. It's einstein's turn to count. Pascal runs away and hides under some bushes. Newton draws a large box in the dirt and stands inside it. Einstein finishes counting, sees Newton and declares "Aha! Newton, I found you!" Newton replies "No, you found one Newton per square meter. You found Pascal."

Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing hide and seek...

Einstein is seeking, so Pascal runs to go hide. Newton stays where he is and draws a 1 meter by 1 meter square in the dirt and stands in the middle of it. Einstein turns around and immediately spots Newton. "Newton!" he exclaims "I found you!"
Newton smiles and replies "You didn't find me, you found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!"

scientific joke

Scientists were playing hide and seek. Einstein was seeker.
Amongst the other scientists, Newton did not hide and stood in a 1 meter square.
Einstein: I found you Newton, I-spy
Newton: I am not Newton, as I am standing in 1 mtr square, I am newton per meter square: I am Pascal
!@#$%^&*()

Isaac Newton couldn't become a surgeon ...

because blood is non-Newtonian!

Do you know who Newton is?

A mother asks little Johnny "do you know who Newton is?"
Little Johnny replies "no"
She says "if you paid attention in school, you would know who he is"
Little Johnny says "do you know who Candy is?"
Mom says "no"
Little Johnny says "if you paid attention to dad, you'd know who she is"

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal play hide-and-seek

Einstein decides to be the seeker and begins counting. Pascal immediately runs to a closet and hides inside. Newton doesn't run or try to hide. Instead he takes some tape, makes a box on the ground, and steps inside. Einstein finishes counting and turns around to see Newton standing like an idiot.
"I found you Isaac, great hiding spot," says Einstein.
"You didn't find me," Newton replies. "You found one Newton per square meter. You found Pascal!"

Einstein, Sir Issac Newton and Pascal are playing hide and seem

Pascal, Sir Issac Newton and Einstein are playing hide and seek and its Einstein's turn to seek so he turns around and starts counting and Pascal runs off and hides, but Newton only takes a few steps, stops and draws a one meter by one meter box around him. Einstein finishes counting and turns around and says "Newton I found you!" Newton responds by saying "No Einstein you found a Newton over one square meter, you found Pascal!"

Einstein, Newton & Pascal are playing hide and seek

Einstein starts counting "1...2...3..." and Pascal immediately runs away to hide. Instead of hiding Newton knees down and draws a square of one meter side length. Then he steps inside of it. Einstein finishes counting and turns around. He instantly yells "Newton I have found you!" But Newton replies: "No, what you see is one Newton over one square meter - so what you have found is one Pascal."

Einstein, Pascal, and Newton are playing hide and seek...

Einstein volunteers to be it so he closes his eyes and counts to 30. As he is counting, Pascal runs off to hide, but Newton draws a square (1x1 metre) and stands inside it. Einstein finishes counting and turns around and sees Newton. He says, "Newton, you're it. I found you." But then Newton says, "No, you found one Newton over a square metre; therefore, you've found Pascal!"

Nerd joke.

Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing a rousing game of hide and seek. Einstein begins to count to ten. Pascal runs and hides. Newton draws a one meter by one meter square in the ground in front of Einstein then stands in the middle of it. Einstein reaches ten, uncovers his eyes, and exclaims Newton! I found you! You're it! Newton replies You didn't find me. You found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!

Newton, Einstein and Pascal are playing hide and seek...

Einstein is it and starts counting. Pascal immediately runs off and hides. Newton just stands there and draws a 1 meter by 1 meter square and sits there waiting for Einstein to finish counting. When Einstein finishes counting, he immediately sees Newton, exclaiming, "You're it!" Newton only smiles and says, "You didn't find me, you found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!"

Sir Isaac Newton died a v**....

The Gravity of this Situation.

What was wrong with Newton when an apple fell on his head?

He was the only one who understood the gravity of the situation.

Einstein, Newton and Darwin are having a small argument.

Newton, a bit annoyed, says "Guys, I don't think you understand the gravity of the situation".
Einstein replies, "I think I do relatively understand it."
On which Darwin says, "Please don't let this evolve into a big fight, aight?"

Hurricane Newton is due to hit Mexico in a few hours time.

Damage is expected to run into the dollars.

Newton, Einstein and Pascal are playing hide and seek

While Einstein is counting down from 100, Pascal runs and hides. Newton stands in pain view, and carefully measures out a meter square, then stands in it.
When Einstein turns around, he exclaims "Newton you're supposed to hide so I can't find you" . Newton replies "you found a Newton over a square meter, you found a Pascal"

If I didn't Newton any better...

I'd swear you're Leibnitzing to me.

What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the dead baby in my microwave?

Isaac Newton died a v**...

What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death?

Isaac Newton died a v**....
Repost.

Why Newton laws were not from Asian countries?

Because they have durian...

My friend told me I was smart enough to be the next Isaac Newton...

Well Newton died a lonely v**... so clearly I'm doing something right

In an objective point of view, fat women are more attractive than skinny woman.

According to Newton, the heavier an object is, the more it attracts other objects.

What is the difference between Issac Newton and the baby that I just killed...

...Issac Newton died a v**...

This is a Science Joke: Boyle, Pascal and Newton wanted to play Hide and Seek

So Boyle closed his eyes and started counting, Pascal went to hide, and Newton just stood there and drew a square with a side of 1 meter.
When Boyle opened his eyes, he found Newton, and said "Newton I found you".
To which Newton Replied: "No I'm not Newton, I'm Pascal, Because Pa=N/m^2 "

Physics Joke

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are all hanging out and bored so they decide to play hide and go seek. Einstein decides to count first, and as they are counting Pascal leaves to hide in a bush. Newton on the other hand draws a box under himself and just stands there. When Einstein is done counting he walks up to Newton and is like,"Newton, you're not even hiding". Newton then says,"Ah, but you found Newtons over meters squared! You found a Pascal!!".

Einstein, Newton and Pascal...

... were playing hide and seek. Einstein started counting so Pascal ran off to hide, but Newton simply drew a square on the floor and stepped in it. Einstein shouted "Ha, found you!", to which Newton simply replied "Nope, 1 Newton per square metre, you found Pascal!"

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are playing hide and seek.

Einstein, the seeker, turns around and begins his count to 50. Pascal immediately runs off. Newton, however, takes a marker and draws a meter-by-meter square on the ground. When Einstein finishes his count, he turns around and sees Newton standing in his square. When Einstein exclaims that he found Newton, Newton responds with, "No, one Newton over a square meter is a pascal!"

Sapiosexuals

If sapiosexuals existed, Sir Isaac Newton would not have died a v**....

Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein and Blaise Pascal are playing hide and seek

Einstein is counting down while Newton and Pascal are trying to hide. Pascal jumps into the bushes and Newton walks a few steps, picks up a stick, draws a square on the ground and just stands there. Einstein turns around and instantly spots Newton.

- Found you Newton, you lose!
- Now wait a minute good sir, can't you see what I drew below me? I am a Newton on a square meter so technically you found Pascal.

Isaac Newton died a v**.... That means I have one up on history's greatest scientific genius.

Because I'm not dead.

Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek.

Einstein is it, closes his eyes, counts to 10 then opens them.
Pascal is no where to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He's sitting in a square drawn on the ground, a meter to a side.
Einstein says Newton, you're terrible, I've found you! Newton says No no, Einy. You've found one Newton per square meter. You've found Pascal!

Humanity is losing its genuises..

Aristotle died, Newton passed away,
Eisntein died.. and I'm not feeling well today.

Why did Newton invent calculus?

He wanted to test his limits.

-Do you know the third law of Newton?

-Dude, I'm a physicist, not a lawyer.

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are playing hide and seek.

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are playing hide and seek, with Einstein seeking. As he counts down, Pascal goes and hides in the bushes but Newton stands in front of him, takes out a piece of chalk, and draws a square around himself on the ground. When Einstein reaches 0, he looks up and sees Newton and declares, "I've found Newton!"
Newton replies, "No you haven't. You've found one Newton over a square meter. You've found Pascal!"

Why did Isaac Newton die a v**...?

Because he respected girls limits

Apparently Newton wasn't the first to invent calculus, it was Leibniz.

So Newton's work was merely derivative

What would Newton be called if he ever went into space?

New, since the concept of weight does not exist in space.

Isaac Newton: *slaps roof of car*

Car roof: *slaps Isaac Newton*

Why did Sir Isaac Newton bet on the Patriots?

Because he knows that force equals Massachusetts.

Isaac Newton took his son to an apple tree.

When an apple fell on his sons head, Newton said, "Well son, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree."

The problem with quotes is that they mostly aren't historically accurate

- Isaac Newton

I think I just disproved gravity!

This research is going to have Issac Newton floating in his grave.

Newton is dead v**...

All his life he studied the laws of attraction, without understanding the gravity of his situation

Just thought of a physics joke in class

One day, Newton adopts a dog to play catch with his apple, naming it Theta. Busy with writing the *Principia*, Newton doesn't notice that Theta has been p**... all over the lawn. When he finally steps outside and sees the mess, he energetically graps his shovel and gets to work.
A visitor asked the neighbor, "Why is the lawn all messed up?", and the neighbor replied, "Oh, Newton's just expending energy. He's madcos(θ).
(Kinetic Energy=Fdcos(θ))

Einstein, Pascal and Newton are playing hide and seek...

and it's Einstein's time to seek.
He counts to 20, opens his eyes and turns around, only to find Newton standing in a chalk-drawn square on the floor. Einstein asks why he didn't hide, because now he's been found and already lost.
But Newton replies 'No you haven't because I, Newton, am standing in a 1m squared square.'
'You've found Pascal'

Newton knew about the laws of motion when he was 33, while we knew them when we were 14.

I guess that makes us smarter than him.

One day , the scientists decided to play hide and seek. When the seeker started to count , everybody but Newton went hiding. Newton drew a square 1m each side right behind the seeker and stepped into it. The seeker found him immediately and declared "Newton, Newton". But Newton refused to lose.

He said: This square covered an area of 1m2. I'm a Newton on 1m2. So I'm Pascal.

Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek.

It's Einstein's turn. He counts till ten and opens up his eyes.
Pascal is nowhere to be seen.
Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein with a chalk in his hand. He's sitting on a box he's drawn, one metre a side.
Einstein: Newton you're terrible, I can see you!
Newton: No No Einy, you've found one Newton per square metre. You've found Pascal!

Newton joke, Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek.

jokes about newton