Newt Jokes
58 newt jokes and hilarious newt puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about newt that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Newt Short Jokes
Short newt jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The newt humour may include short gabe newell jokes also.
- A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. He asks for a coke and a mango juice for his newt Tiny.
The bartender asks Why is he called Tiny?
And the man replies Because he's my newt! - Man walks into a bar with a salamander. The bartender says, "Nice lizard. What's its name?"
"I call him Tiny because he's my newt." - I have a pet newt that I named tiny. My friend asked me why tiny. I told him it was because he was my newt.
- I walked into a bar with lizard on my shoulder. I said "One pint for me and one for my mate Tiny"
The bartender said, "Why do you call him tiny"
I said, "He's my newt." - So, a man with a baby newt on his head walks into a barber's... And says, "Short back and sides, axolotl off the top."
- A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder The bartender asks his name, the man replies Tiny. -Why Tiny? -Because he's my-newt.
- What are the chances of familiarising myself with a semiaquatic amphibian to the point of ownership? My newt.
- A lizard walks into the bar... A lizard walks into a bar pushing a baby in a stroller. What's your kid's name? asks the bartender. Tiny, says the lizard. Because he's my newt.
- How many witches does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but she'll change it into a newt.
- A guy walks into a bar with a little lizard on his shoulder. The bartender says "What's with the little lizard?" And the guy says "It's my newt."
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Newt One Liners
Which newt one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with newt? I can suggest the ones about new kid and frogs.
- I got a pet newt, and I named him Tiny Because he's my newt
- I have a pet newt. His name is Tiny. Know why he's named Tiny? …because he's my newt.
- "I have a newt named Tiny." "Why do you call it Tiny?"
"Because it's my newt." - I bought a gecko and named him Tiny because... he was my newt.
- I had a pet newt once. I called him Tiny. Because he was mynewt.
- Newt Gingrich would probably leave the presidential race... if he learned it had cancer.
- I bought the tiniest amphibian I've ever seen at the local pet store. He's my newt.
- I just bought a very tiny amphibian for a pet. It's my-newt!
- Why did the tadpole feel lonely?
Because he was newt to the area. - What happened to the lizard in the wizard's garden pond?
He had him newt-ered. - What did the Herpetologist text to his new girlfriend? Send Newts.
- Meet my new lizard friend... He's my newt!
- I adopted a Newt today. I called him Tiny. He's my newt.
- What did man say when he shrunk his Newt? That's minute
- What do you see at an amphibian impulse party? Newt on seconds.
Newt Gingrich Jokes
Here is a list of funny newt gingrich jokes and even better newt gingrich puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Yesterday, Bill Clinton endorsed Newt Gingrich's immigration policy Today he's endorsing Herman Cain's domestic policy.
- After seeing Newt Scamander in Fantastic Beasts, we will now see another Newt (Gingrich) in a new movie. A White House drama titled "Fanatic Beasts and Where to Find Them"
- Which former U.S. policitian is closely related to a lizard-like semiaquatic amphibian of the scientific family Salamandridae? Newt Gingrich.
- Your momma's so fat Newt Gingrich wants to send astronauts to colonize her.
Amusing Newt Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends
What funny jokes about newt you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean new zealand jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make newt pranks.
So, this guy walks into a bar with a Newt on his shoulder
The bartender says "that's a weird pet what's his name?"
The guy responds, "oh, his name is Tiny."
The bartender then asks "Well that's a weird name, why do you call him that?"
And the guys answers "because he's mynewt!"
A chap walked into a bar with a newt
On his shoulder and asks the barman for a pint of beer and saucer of milk for Tiny the barman fetches the drinks and puts them on the bar the man starts to drink the beer and the newt starts to lap the milk ,on seeing this the barman asks the man why do you call him Tiny.... the man replies Cosz he's my newt
Do you know who Newton is?
A mother asks little Johnny "do you know who Newton is?"
Little Johnny replies "no"
She says "if you paid attention in school, you would know who he is"
Little Johnny says "do you know who Candy is?"
Mom says "no"
Little Johnny says "if you paid attention to dad, you'd know who she is"
A woman walks into a bar...
A woman walks into a bar with her pet newt on her shoulder. She sits down on a stool and orders a beer. The barman looks at the woman and her newt and asks her, "What's his name?"
"Tiny." The woman replies.
"Why tiny?" The barman inquires.
"Because he's my newt."
Newton, Einstein and Pascal are playing hide and seek...
Einstein is it and starts counting. Pascal immediately runs off and hides. Newton just stands there and draws a 1 meter by 1 meter square and sits there waiting for Einstein to finish counting. When Einstein finishes counting, he immediately sees Newton, exclaiming, "You're it!" Newton only smiles and says, "You didn't find me, you found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!"
Newton, Einstein and Pascal are playing hide and seek
While Einstein is counting down from 100, Pascal runs and hides. Newton stands in pain view, and carefully measures out a meter square, then stands in it.
When Einstein turns around, he exclaims "Newton you're supposed to hide so I can't find you" . Newton replies "you found a Newton over a square meter, you found a Pascal"
A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder...
The bartender says "What a strange pet, what's his name?"
"Tiny." the man replies.
"What an odd name, why do you call him tiny?"
"Because he's my newt."
What did Newton say when that apple fell on his head?
O mg
if Newton heard someone suggest his corpse could move without an external force acting upon it...
...he would roll over in his grave.
A man walks into a bar, with a newt on his shoulder.
He passes the night trying to chat up every girl he sees, but sadly to no avail, since everyone is wierded out by his newt.
Finally, he sees a beautiful girl and strikes up a conversation with her. After a few moments of talking, she questions him about the newt.
"What's his name?" The girl ask him.
"Tiny" the man responds.
"Oh whys he named that?" The girl questions.
"Because he's my newt"
I came home with a salamander on my shoulder and my son, all excited, shouted, "What's his name!?
Smiling, I replied, Tiny!"
My kid laughed and asked, What an odd name, why do you call him Tiny?
I explained, Because...he's my newt!"
Newton walks into a bar
The bar walks into Newton
Why is Newton the most alcoholic scientist ?
Because there are 10 N/cm² in a bar.
Newton, Einstein and Pascal meet in Heaven.
They're bored, so Einstein suggests they play hide and seek. Einstein starts counting to 10. Pascal runs to find a good hiding spot, Newton on the other hand stays in place. He draws a 1 meter by 1 meter square with chalk on the ground and stands in it. Einstein finished counting, turns around, notices Newton and says: Ha, gotcha Newton! , but Newton just replies: Nah man, you got Pascal.
Newton Died a v**.... So in this instance atleast I'm better than Newton.
I haven't died yet.
Newton pushed against our understanding of science and math
But science and math pushed back
A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder…
The barkeep greets him, and says, Cool newt! What's its name?
The man responds, His name is Tiny
The barkeep asks, why is it called tiny?
The man answers, Because he's my-newt
How Newton came up with his laws
A cow was walking. Newton shouted at the cow and it stopped. He formed his first law: an object continues to move unless it's stopped .
Newton gave the cow a forceful kick and it made a sound, 'MA'. He formed his second law: force, F = MA .
The cow gave Newton a forceful kick back. He formed his third law: for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction .
A guy walks into a bar with a small lizard...
A guy walks into a bar with a small lizard on his shoulder. He says to the barman, "One for me and one for Tiny." The barman says, "Why do you call him Tiny?" And the guy says, "Cuz, he's my newt."
Newton said "The greater the mass, the greater the force of attraction"
Yet here I am. Still single.
Newton, Pascal and Einstein are playing hide and seek
Einstein starts to count.
Pascal runs off and hides in a bush, while Newton draws a square on the ground and steps into it.
Einstein finishes counting, turns around and sees Newton, "Ha, I have found you Newton!"
Newton however replies, "Nope. One Newton on one square meter is equal to one Pascal."
why did newton die a v**...
Because he wasn't integrals (into girls) (he invented calculus)
Three witches are standing around a bubbling caldron.
The first witch tastes the brew. "It needs an eye of newt," she says.
"Agreed" says the second.
"Aye," says the newt.
"Perfect," says the third.
