Newlywed Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Newlywed jokes. There are some newlywed previously jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these newlywed matrimony puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Giggle-Inducing Newlywed Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends

Talking to women

A newlywed man was talking with an old war veteran about what to excpect in his upcoming marriage. After talking about several different topics the veteran turns to the newlywed and says the most complicated thing that you will come across in marriage is communication. Puzzled the newlywed askes why that is so. The veteran explains by saying that talking to a woman is a lot like walking in a minefield. You hope its clear but you never know when you are going to set her off.

the newlyweds go to the hotel swimming pool...

The guy goes to the diving board and performs a 2 1/2 sommersaults with 2 twists backwards.

-"Whoa, that was impressive," says the wife when the man comes back.

-"I was a double medallist in London olympics, dear".

So the woman dives in and does 90 lenghts of the pool in 2 1/2 minutes.

-"Baby, that WAS impressive", says the husband.

-"I was a prostitute in Venice, dear"

Newlyweds

A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'

'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'

A newlywed Asian couple are on the first night of their honeymoon and have saved it for marriage

The husband says to his wife, "What do you want to do? We can try anything you want."

The wife says, "I want 69."

The husband replies, "You want beef with broccoli?"

jokes about newlywed

This husband wins the fight every time.

A newlywed couple are having their first big fight since being married. Things start getting heated when the husband angrily says "You know I'm right, I'm twice as smart as you!" Furious, the wife asks incredulously "What the heck, how could you say that!" The husband responds, "Well, just look at who I married compared to who you married, and tell me who is smarter!"

Use this one with caution in your own marriage :-)

newlyweds

On their wedding night as the recently married couple undress, the groom takes his pants off and hands them to her.

"Try them on"
"They're too big"
"Exactly and now you know who wears the pants"

She then takes off her panties and tosses them to him.

"Put them on"
"I can't get in them. They're too small"
"And you won't be getting in them until you change your attitude"

Did you hear about the newlywed couple that didn't know the difference between KY Jelly and silicone caulk?

The glass fell out of their windows.

Newlywed joke, Did you hear about the newlywed couple that didn't know the difference between KY Jelly and silicone

Newlyweds mistook Vaseline for putty.

All their windows fell out.

Terrible diseases...

A newlywed couple on their honeymoon prepares to see each other naked for the first time.
The husband exposes his knotted and twisted feet. He explains, "I had tolio as a child."
The wife asks if he means polio. He says, "No, it only affects the toes."
He removes his pants and reveals deformed knees. He admits, "I had kneesles, too."
Finally, he pulls off his boxers. In shock, the woman gasps, "Oh no -- smallcox, too!"

What's the worst possible city to visit with yout newlywed spouse during your honeymoon?

Split, Croatia

What do you call a Welshman with a sheep under his arm?

A newlywed.

You can explore newlywed bride reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean newlywed bridal dad jokes. There are also newlywed puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

A newlywed couple got into a fatal car crash.

At least they smashed in the end.

What do you call it when a newlywed foot fetishist cheats on their spouse?

Getting off on the wrong foot.

A newly-wed couple were lying in bed...

A newly-wed couple were lying in bed.

Suddenly the wife wakes up screaming, MY HUSBAND IS HOME!

The naked husband leaps out the window.

A newlywed couple is returning home after their wedding.

The husband can't get the key into the lock to unlock his door. The wife sneers and says, "Well, that's a nice start"

What do you call newlywed zombies on their wedding night?

A dead bedroom.

Newlywed joke, What do you call newlywed zombies on their wedding night?

What's the difference between a newlywed Danish couple and Batman's parents?

One couple are Wed Danes and the other are Dead Waynes.

DISEASE

A newlywed couple on their honeymoon prepares to see each other naked for the first time. The husband exposes his knotted and twisted feet. He explains, "I had tolio as a child." The wife asks if he means polio. He says, "No, it only affects the toes." He removes his pants and reveals deformed knees. He admits, "I had kneesles, too." Finally, he pulls off his boxers. In shock, the woman gasps, "Oh no -- smallcox, too!"

A man asked his newlywed friend upon his return to work How did you spend your honeymoon?

The man replied Well we started out on the Riviera....but she slipped off the hood, so we finished on the driveway!

Three generations were having brunch together

The grandson looks over at his newlywed wife and asks her, "Will you pass the honey, honey?" She giggles and passes the honey.
The father, not to be outdone, looks over to his wife and asks, "Will you pass the sugar, sugar?" She laughs, "You old charmer," and passes the sugar.
The Grandfather looks up, makes eye contact with his wife of 55 years and asks, "Will you pass the tea... bag?"

The resemblance was uncanny!

A newlywed man was in the garage working on his motorcycle. His new wife came out of the house and watched him work for a few minutes before saying, Now that we are married, you should probably sell that motorcycle.

The man's face went pale and he looked as if he might throw up.

Are you okay? Whats the matter? begged his wife.

He managed to get control of himself. For a minute there, you sounded like my ex-wife.

Your ex-wife? the woman exclaimed. You never told me that you were married before!

I wasn't, he said.

The whole family are having breakfast together when…

The young Grandson looks over at his 18 year old newlywed wife and asks her, "Will you pass the honey, honey?" She giggles and passes the honey.


His father, not to be outdone, looks over to his beautiful wife and asks, "Will you pass the sugar, sugar?" She laughs, "Your still a charmer," and passes the sugar.


The Grandfather looks up, makes eye contact with his wife of 55 years and asks, "Will you pass the tea... bag?"

Newlyweds and their problems

A young couple got married and the wife couldn't cook. But they were still in the honeymoon phase, so the first night after they got home, the husband comes home from work and the wife says "I'm sorry I burned dinner." So the husband says "That's all right honey let's just make love."


The second night, he comes home from work and she says "I'm sorry honey, I messed up dinner." He says "That's all right honey, let's just go to bed wink wink."


The third night he comes home and she's sitting on the radiator. He asks what she's doing? and she answers "Warming up supper."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the newlywed minister puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working newlywed fiancee piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes