Newly Wed Couple Jokes
11 newly wed couple jokes and hilarious newly wed couple puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about newly wed couple that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Newly Wed Couple Short Jokes
Short newly wed couple jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The newly wed couple humour may include short newly wed jokes also.
- A newly wed couple... Husband: Hun, I have a huge problem.
Wife: Stop saying it's yours, we are married it's OUR problem now.
Husband: I got your best friend pregnant, we are the parents! - How much s**... do couples have? Newly weds: "Tri-weekly."
After 10 years: "Try weekly."
After 30 years, "Try, weakly." - A newly-wed couple were lying in bed... A newly-wed couple were lying in bed.
Suddenly the wife wakes up screaming, MY HUSBAND IS HOME!
The n**... husband leaps out the window.
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Hilarious Newly Wed Couple Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about newly wed couple you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean married couple jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make newly wed couple pranks.
At my granddaughter's wedding, the DJ polled the guests to see who had been married longest.
It turned out to be my husband and I. The DJ asked us, What advice would you give to the newly-married couple?
I said, The three most important words in a marriage are, 'You're probably right.
Everyone then looked at my husband and he said, She's probably right.
A newly wed couple on their honeymoon night are in the bedroom getting undressed
A newly wed couple on their honeymoon night are in the bedroom getting undressed when she says.
"Darling, now that we are married, I have a little confession to make, I was a h**... before we met, are you OK with that"
He replies "Of course I am darling, we hadn't met then and to be honest it turns me on,so tell me more
She says "Well, my name used to be Brian and I played for St. Helens"
A newly wed couple have be living together for a few months.
Every morning the guy wakes up and lets out a long loud f**....
The wife says, one morning when you wake up you are going to blow out your insides.
A few months later it's thanksgiving and the wife is prepping the turkey. With a smirk on her face she takes the turkey guts and goes to the bedroom. Carefully puts it all in her husbands shorts.
A few minutes later she hears him scream like a little girl. 30 min later he shows up in the kitchen. Says, well hun, you were right. But thanks to vaseline and these two fingers i got it all back in!
So on their honeymoon,
the couple are about to make love when the bride says "Please be gentle, I'm a v**...".
Her newly wed husband looks stunned and says, "But, darling- before me, you've had three husbands... how could you have gone all this time without-"
"Well" sighed the woman, "my first husband was a gynaecologist, and he only wanted to look at it. My second was a psychologist, but he only wanted to TALK about it, and finally, my third husband was a professional stamp collector and he...
oh, I...
miss him, so much..."
Newly Weds Morgan and Adam have just moved into their new house....
and Morgan looks out the window and sees the neighbor's laundry hanging up to dry. "They need some new detergent, that laundry is still dirty!" The next morning Morgan wakes up and notices that the laundry is still dirty. This happens for the next couple of months, until one day she wakes up and sees that the laundry is clean. "She finally got new detergent!" Adam walks up behind her and says "Oh no, I just woke up early and cleaned the windows."
Etiquette for beginners
[adapted from a scene in the film Carry on Cruising]
A steward on a cruise ship is hesitating outside a door to a cabin with a p**... of coffee on a tray. The chief purser doing his rounds sees him and asks him what he's doing.
"Well sir, it's like this", the steward begins, "I'm completely new to this job and I'm a little worried as to what to do if I find passengers in a *delicate* state in their cabin, you see?"
The purser smiles and puts his hand on the young man's shoulder. "Ah", he says, "you just need to learn how to deal with such situations with a bit of dignity and blindness. I once knew a steward who walked in on a beautiful young woman completely n**... in the shower. Well, he just put the tray down on the side, said 'Excuse me, sir' and left without missing a beat. Do you see?"
The steward thinks for a moment and smiles "Yes, yes! That's very good that! I'll remember that!"
"Well, what are you waiting for then?" says the purser pointing out the still closed cabin door. "Get on with it, before that coffee gets cold"
The steward takes a deep breath, puffs out his chest, knocks and opens the door. Inside, he finds a newly wed couple on their honeymoon, in bed and very passionately engrossed in each other, and they clearly haven't noticed his arrival.
He hesitates before remembering what the purser told him, and decides to interrupt: "Hello there, which of you two fellahs takes sugar then?"
An 85 and 25 year old's wedding night...
Vet Friend of mine just sent this:
Robert , 85, married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old . . .Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Robert should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the expected knock on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Robert, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Robert takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, Jenny hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Robert, Again he is ready for more 'action'. Somewhat surprised, Jenny consents for more coupling. When the newly weds are done, Robert kisses his bride, bids her a fond good night and leaves.
She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha, you guessed it Robert is back again, rapping on the door and is as fresh as a 25 - year - old, ready for more 'action'. And, once more they enjoy each other. But as Robert gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, 'I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Robert.'
Robert, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Jenny and says: 'You mean I was here already?'
A bride asks her Mom to buy her a long blue nightgown for her wedding night.
When the newly married couple gets to the honeymoon suite, the nervous groom goes in the bathroom to undress giving the instructions for the bride not to peek.
She opens her suitcase disappointed to find her Mom not only bought the wrong thing, but also just wadded it up in her suitcase.
In frustration, the bride exclaims about her nightgown: Dang it! It's short, pink and wrinkled!!
The groom from the bathroom yells I told you not to look!