Newly Married Couple Jokes
7 newly married couple jokes and hilarious newly married couple puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about newly married couple that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Hilarious Newly Married Couple Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter
What is a good newly married couple joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
At my granddaughter's wedding, the DJ polled the guests to see who had been married longest.
It turned out to be my husband and I. The DJ asked us, What advice would you give to the newly-married couple?
I said, The three most important words in a marriage are, 'You're probably right.
Everyone then looked at my husband and he said, She's probably right.
A newly wed couple on their honeymoon night are in the bedroom getting undressed
A newly wed couple on their honeymoon night are in the bedroom getting undressed when she says.
"Darling, now that we are married, I have a little confession to make, I was a h**... before we met, are you OK with that"
He replies "Of course I am darling, we hadn't met then and to be honest it turns me on,so tell me more
She says "Well, my name used to be Brian and I played for St. Helens"
A newly married Deaf couple..
Soon realize that initiating s**... in the dark is quite difficult. The wife decides that if she wants to have s**... she will s**... him once so he knows. He replies, "and if you don't want to have s**... then s**... me fifty times".
A newly wed couple...
Husband: Hun, I have a huge problem.
Wife: Stop saying it's yours, we are married it's OUR problem now.
Husband: I got your best friend pregnant, we are the parents!
A newly married couple is anxious about their honeymoon...
The husband and the wife are both virgins, and come from very conservative families.
On their first night together, they uncomfortably undress in front of each other and lay in bed.
Not knowing what to do or where to start, the husband calls his mother for advice.
The mother says that they should snuggle, and that things should happen from there.
The couple does this, but nothing happens.
The husband calls his mother again. She gets frustrated and says, "Listen, just take the biggest thing you have and put it in her hairiest spot!"
The husband is quiet for a moment, then asks his mother, "I've got my nose in her armpit, now what?"
An 85 and 25 year old's wedding night...
Vet Friend of mine just sent this:
Robert , 85, married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old . . .Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Robert should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the expected knock on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Robert, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Robert takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, Jenny hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Robert, Again he is ready for more 'action'. Somewhat surprised, Jenny consents for more coupling. When the newly weds are done, Robert kisses his bride, bids her a fond good night and leaves.
She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha, you guessed it Robert is back again, rapping on the door and is as fresh as a 25 - year - old, ready for more 'action'. And, once more they enjoy each other. But as Robert gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, 'I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Robert.'
Robert, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Jenny and says: 'You mean I was here already?'
A bride asks her Mom to buy her a long blue nightgown for her wedding night.
When the newly married couple gets to the honeymoon suite, the nervous groom goes in the bathroom to undress giving the instructions for the bride not to peek.
She opens her suitcase disappointed to find her Mom not only bought the wrong thing, but also just wadded it up in her suitcase.
In frustration, the bride exclaims about her nightgown: Dang it! It's short, pink and wrinkled!!
The groom from the bathroom yells I told you not to look!
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