Newfoundlander Jokes
27 newfoundlander jokes and hilarious newfoundlander puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about newfoundlander that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Newfoundlander Short Jokes
Short newfoundlander jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The newfoundlander humour may include short jokes also.
- Did you hear about the new Silence of the Lambs sequel that's set to take place in Newfoundland? It's going to be called Ewes Be Quiet.
- Hear about that helicopter that crashed into a Newfoundland cemetery? So far they've recovered over 80 bodies.
- Cessna 172 crashes into Newfoundland cemetery. Rescuers have recovered hundreds of dead so far.
- Yesterday, a plane crashed in a cemetary in Newfoundland There is already 823 deads, but the number will grow as Newfies keep digging.
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Newfoundlander One Liners
Which newfoundlander one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with newfoundlander? I can suggest the ones about and .
- What is james bond called in Newfoundland? 007:30
- What does the Newfoundland fisherman do on a day off? Net fix and chill
- What drink do they serve at the Newfoundland seal hunt? Canadian Club
- What do you call a dog cartographer? Newfoundland
- How can you tell if a Newfoundlander is gay? He eyes the b'ys.
Newfoundlander Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about newfoundlander you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make newfoundlander pranks.
The time Newfoundland went to war with Quebec
One time Newfoundland and Quebec went to war. A Newfie, being patriotic, signed up to fight and went into basic training. Now, Newfoundland was a poor province and the army didn't have enough guns so the guys was told to just pretend to have gun and shout "bang, bang".
Eventually he finished training and his unit was deployed. He still didn't have a gun so when they went up against the Quebeckers he did the only thing he knew, he pretended he had a gun and went "Bang, bang." Amazingly, when he did this the Quebeckers he was aiming at would fall down. So he kept going "Bang, bang" and was very effective as a soldier. He was a good shot.
Then, he looked up and saw a big Quebecker coming down the hill towards him. So he aimed and went "Bang, bang". The guy kept coming. "Bang, bang" - no effect. "Bang, bang" - no effect.
Eventually the Qiuebecker ran right over him and continued down the hill going "Tankity, tankity, tankity".
That's my plan and I'm sticking to it.
This is the transcript of a radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95.
Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a Collision.
Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States' Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that YOU change your course 15 degrees north, that's one five degrees north, or countermeasures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.
Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
The US Navy
Transcript of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. This radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on 10-10-95.
Americans: "Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision."
Canadians: "Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision."
Americans: "This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course."
Canadians: "No, I say again, you divert YOUR course."
Americans: "THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS ABRAHAM LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH. THAT'S ONE-FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP."
Canadians: "This is a lighthouse. Your call."
4 months ago a group of scientists from England...
...discovered copper wire in a dig 50 meters below the ground and concluded that their must have been wired technology 500 years ago in that area. 2 months later a group of scientists from Australia dug 100 meters into the ground and found copper wire and concluded that there must have been wired technology 1000 years ago in that area. Last month a group of scientists from Newfoundland dug 200 meters into the ground and found nothing....baffled by the discovery they concluded that there must have been wireless technology 2000 years ago in that area!
The Execution
A Torontonian, an American and a Newfoundlander are involved in a grisly crime and are all sentenced to death. The executioner told them that they would each get to choose the method by which they would die.
Their choices were: lethal injection, electric chair or by hanging.
The American was afraid of needles and didn't want to be hanged. The American chose the electric chair.
He sat in the chair and they pulled the switch and nothing happened. The executioner said that if this happens a second time that he could go free.
They tried a second time and again nothing happened so they set him free.
The guy from Toronto was also afraid of needles and didn't want to be hanged so he too chose the electric chair.
Once again, the chair didn't work and he was free.
Next it was the Newfoundlander's turn to pick how he was to be executed.
He said "I'm afraid of needles, the electric chair won't work so you're going to have to hang me".
Tragedy in Eastern Canada
Canada's Worst Air Disaster occurred earlier today when a Cessna 152, a small two-seater plane, crashed into a cemetery early this morning in central Newfoundland.
Newfie search and rescue workers have recovered 826 bodies so far, and expect that number to climb as searching continues through the evening.
Air tragedy in Newfoundland...
A two-seater single engine Cessna 152 crashed in foggy conditions near the Gander airport, crashing into the nearby cemetery.
Newfie rescue squads have recovered 385 bodies so far, and that number is expected to climb as digging continues.
A man gets pulled over in Newfoundland
The cop looks at his licence, looks at the man, looks at the licence again and looks at the man once more.
Cop - sir, you need to be wearing glasses!
Man - I have contacts.
Cop - sir, I don't care who you know, you need to be wearing glasses!
A man from quebec and a man from Newfoundland meet in a bar....
A man from Quebec and a man from Newfoundland meet in a bar, one of them finds a lamp, he rubs it and a genie comes out, he grants the two with one wish each.
the guy from Quebec says "i want a big, 40 foot wall arround the entire province"
the genie claps his fingers and says "here, done"
the one from Newfoundland aks "is your wall waterproof?"
"uhh yeah?" responded the guy from quebec
"fill her up"
Canada's worst air disaster occurred earlier this morning when a Cessna 152 (a small two-seater plane) crashed into a cemetery in central Newfoundland.
Newfie search and rescue workers have recovered 825 bodies so far, and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.
I tried to translate a joke from Canadian
Did you hear about the war between Nova Scotia and Newfoundland?. ? The newfies were throwing grenades the Nova Scotians were pulling the pins and throwing them back
My 91 year old Canadian Grandmother just told me this joke.
Two Newfoundlanders were driving to Toronto.
They passed a sign that said: Toronto LEFT.
Distraught, they turned around and drove back home.
A man goes to the doctor and tells the doctor
"Please doc you have to help me. Everywhere I touch my self it hurts. If I touch my leg, ow that hurts, if I touch my arm, ow that hurts. If I touch my head ow that hurts.
Doctor looks him over and asks him " Sir where are you from?"
The guys says "I from Newfoundland"
The Doctor says "Son your fingers broken!"