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Newfie Jokes

42 newfie jokes and hilarious newfie puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about newfie that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Looking for a good laugh? Check out our collection of Newfie jokes! These hilarious jokes are sure to get you laughing out loud.

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Funniest Newfie Short Jokes

Short newfie jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The newfie humour may include short aye jokes also.

  1. Two newfies are walking down a path... They see a sheep tangled up in a fence. The one says "man, I wish that was a pretty lady" to which his friend replys "i just wish it was dark"
  2. An American asked the Newfy scubadiver, "Why do you jump into the water backwards?"
    To which the Newfy replied, "If we jumped forwards, we'd still be in the boat."
  3. A Newfie walks into a doctor's office... And says
    "Doc b'y, I tinks I got dat H2N2 disease." Doctor replied
    "ummm...don't you mean H1N1?"
    Newfie says
    "No b'y, dis is twice as bad as dat!"
  4. The most Canadian joke i know How did the newfie die of ice fishing?
    He got hit by the zamboni!
  5. Why was the Newfie excited when he heard Quebec might leave Canada? It wouldn't take him as long to drive to Toronto
  6. Give a Newfie a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a Newfie to fish, He'll draw unemployment all winter long.
  7. Late for work. A newfie rolls into his factory job at 10:30. The floor manager comes up to him and says:
    "You should have been here at nine o'clock,"
    The newfie responds:
    "Why, what happened?"
  8. Newfie joke of the day is window I know lottery tickets are a waste of money, but I just might win-dow
  9. Did youhear about the Newfie abortion clinic? It's so busy there's a twelve month waiting list.
  10. Yesterday, a plane crashed in a cemetary in Newfoundland There is already 823 deads, but the number will grow as Newfies keep digging.

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Newfie One Liners

Which newfie one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with newfie? I can suggest the ones about lake and recruiter.

  1. What is long and hard on a Newfie? Grade 1.
  2. How do you get a one armed newfie out of a tree? Wave.
  3. newfie joke How did the newfie injure himself raking leaves?
    He fell out of the tree
  4. How can you tell if a newfie is gay? He eyes da b'ys.
  5. Why do Newfies want Québec to separate? So it's a shorter drive to Toronto!
  6. Why do most newfie men have beards or mustaches? They wanna look just like their mothers.
  7. Newfie word of the day: defeat Jesus Murphy mudder shouts, yer shoes go on de feet.
  8. Why can't a Newfie count to 4? Because the tree always gets in the way.
  9. What do you call a newfie who likes boys and girls? Well he's probably bysexual.
  10. One newfie tells another newfie that there's a beautiful woman nearby. "Which boy?"
  11. Why did the Newfie put condoms on his ears? So he wouldn't get hearing aids
  12. A newfie sits next to a c**... on a greyhound bus And says "So, where you be headin'?"
  13. 12 Newfies are r**... a German chick She screams: nein, nein, nein
    So three left.
  14. How did the Newfie get his wife pregnant? ...and you call us s**....

Newfie joke, How did the Newfie get his wife pregnant?

Delightful Fun Newfie Jokes for a Roaring Good Time

What funny jokes about newfie you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dock jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make newfie pranks.

Newfie Joke

A Newfie was standing at a bar and a beautiful woman was beside him so he leans over and says,
"You remind me of my little toe"
She replies, "What? You Mean I'm small and cute?"
He says, "No. I'll probably bang you on the coffee table
later when I'm drunk."

John sees a "boat for sale" sign and decides to go take a look...

Behind the sign the there is only an old tractor and a beat up truck, so he goes to the door and an old newfie answers.
John says "I'm interested in the boat you have for sale"
The newfie looks confused and says "no bye, I ain't got no boat for sale."
"But" John says, "you have a sign out by that old truck and tractor..."
"Aye," replies the newfie, "and dere boat for sale!"

Tragedy in Eastern Canada

Canada's Worst Air Disaster occurred earlier today when a Cessna 152, a small two-seater plane, crashed into a cemetery early this morning in central Newfoundland.
Newfie search and rescue workers have recovered 826 bodies so far, and expect that number to climb as searching continues through the evening.

Air tragedy in Newfoundland...

A two-seater single engine Cessna 152 crashed in foggy conditions near the Gander airport, crashing into the nearby cemetery.
Newfie rescue squads have recovered 385 bodies so far, and that number is expected to climb as digging continues.

A wife asks her newfie husband to stop by the grocery store on the way home...

She tells him, "pick up a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, get a dozen"

He comes home later with 12 loaves of bread

2 newfies go fishing

So they go to the local marina and rent a small boat. After trying several spots they find a good spot and land many nice fish.
The guy in the front says to his buddy:
" This is a great spot, we should mark it"
So his pal pulls a sharpie marker out of his coat and draws a big X on the bottom of the boat.
"That ain't gonna work, siily" says the guy in the bow.
"Why not?" Asks the other guy. Bow guy responds:
"We might not get the same boat next time"

Two Newfies are driving down a country road when...

...they see a goat with its head stuck in the fence. The first Newfie says to the other, let's pull over! So they get out of the car and the first Newfie starts having s**... with the goat. "Your turn" he says. The second Newfie sticks his head in the fence.

Canada's worst air disaster occurred earlier this morning when a Cessna 152 (a small two-seater plane) crashed into a cemetery in central Newfoundland.

Newfie search and rescue workers have recovered 825 bodies so far, and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.

A Newfie walking around

A Newfie is walking around with his new pair of shoes but only one is tied. He trips and a guy goes to him and says you need to tie your other shoe the Newfie respond with it's fine I know what I'm doing .
After walking for a bit longer the Newfie trips again, the same guy says you really should tie your other shoe the Confused Newfie says but I read the bottom of the shoe and it says Taiwan

Cessna 152 has c**... landed into Newfie cemetery.

85 bodies recovered in the rescue effort so far!

A poet and a Newfie die

They are met by St. Peter at the pearly gates. St. Peter says that to get in they must make a poem that says Timbuktu. For the poet this was simple and he said ; I was walking in the desert sand. When I came across a caravan. Camels walking two by two. Destination Timbuktu
For the Newfie this was very hard because he new nothing about Timbuktu or even where it was. It took him three days, but he finally came up with one and he said ; Tim and I a hunting we went. Found three maidens in a tent. Since they were three and we were two I buck one and Tim buck two

Newfie joke, A poet and a Newfie die