Newest Jokes
67 newest jokes and hilarious newest puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about newest that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the newest jokes for a laugh! From the freshest Chuck Norris jokes to the oldest golf jokes, we've got the newest-found jokes that will make you chuckle. Don't miss out on our collection of the newest jokes!
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Funniest Newest Short Jokes
Short newest jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The newest humour may include short latest jokes also.
- What is the most unrealistic part of the newest james bond movie? A Brit with a full petrol tank.
- On my way for the latest porsche presentation.. the airport officials requested the purpose of my flight.
I wrote down "I'm here for the newest 911".
Best regards from Guantanamo. - Matt LeBlanc was just announced as the newest presenter on BBC's Top Gear It may be a challenge for him, on his last show it's like he was always stuck in second gear
- Did you hear about this year's newest fad diet coming out of New York and New Jersey? The swim-fast diet.
- Marvel Cinematic Universe just announced their newest addition to their 2015 film that will be released in 2019 starring a transgender hero. Auntman
- People don't realize that vandalizing Trumps Hollywood Star is a bad thing It guarantees him the newest and shiniest star on the walk. Art of the the Deal
- Heard a rumor that Iron Man is going to be the newest Disney Princess... ...they're always on the lookout for a strong Fe male character.
- The newest iPhone 6 Plus has an excellent battery life, thanks to... ...the energy generated by the perpetual motion of Steve Jobs rolling in his grave.
- Marvin the Martian destroys the nba stars single handedly in the newest SpaceJam movie It's a Martian-Scores-Easy film
- "Let us gradually stand and recognize our newest member of Overeaters Anonymous... ...and welcome him into the folds."
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Newest One Liners
Which newest one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with newest? I can suggest the ones about youngest and newly.
- Unites Airlines newest in-flight cuisine Chinese Takeout
- The newest form of birth control is putting a rock in one shoe... ...It makes you limp.
- Babies The best part about babies is you can just preorder the newest model.
- Have you tried Gatorade's newest sports drink, F5? It's very refreshing
- Did you guys hear the newest song from the band Stewed Fruit? It's my jam.
- What do you call Roger Stone's newest tattoo? A Trump stamp.
- What did the pee club say to it's newest member? You're in.
- Did you hear about Fallout Boy's newest headwear? Yeah, now their selling Uma Turbans
- The newest Presidential Fitness award will go to kids who.. do not sweat while they eat.
- What do you get when you cross a duck and a cat? A Chinese restaurant's newest entree!
- My first son, Killian, was just born. Say hi to the world's newest Killianaire.
- Have you heard about the newest broom prototype? It's sweeping the nation!
- Rick and Morty's newest rhythm game has been announced Introducing..
Dance Harmony - Cat always order the newest hipster IPA... Gets called purr-tentious.
- What's the newest sport to be added to the Olympics? Mental gymnastics.
Delightful Fun Newest Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about newest you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean oldest jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make newest pranks.
Activision stated that there would be no loot boxes or weapons tied behind something you have to pay for in the newest CoD
Lol who is buying that.
In the Supreme Court of Composition...
"Your honor, this man has - with malice aforethought - clearly, wantonly, and remorselessly copied my newest song's Time Signature.
You might call this a clear-cut-case of Four-Forgery."
Meet your newest employee. My salary shall be 5000 bucks.
(TKZS = a state-run c**... collective farm.)
A man walks in the TKZS' boss office and says: "Meet your newest employee. My salary shall be 5000 bucks."
The boss laughs straight at his face: "Comrade, the average salary here is 150 bucks. I don't make 500. Why would I pay you 5000?"
„Cuz I can talk to animals. Don't believe me? Let's walk around the farm.
They reach the cow, she says "Moo!" and boss asks cockily "What'd she say?"
„She said she gives 30 litres of milk daily. She also says you and the mayor split 10 litres between you and book only 20. The boss looks a bit worried now and says „Come with me, I wanna show you the pigsty. They get there, the sow says „Oink! and boss waits for our guy's answer.
„Piggy says she gave birth to 6 piglets, but you and the mayor got one each, and booked only 4.
TKZS boss sizes up our guy and then says „Welcome aboard, let's go sign the papers.
They make their way to the office building and while they pass the goat, the goat goes „Meeh!
Boss says „Don't listen to her. Me and the mayor were a bit drunk.
3 priests at lunch
So three priests are out to lunch.
One priest goes off about his problem with bats at his church,
"I've tried everything to get rid of them, they just won't leave."
The second priest relates to the first,
"I know! I've tried everything! Cats, spray, noise, light. They just won't go away."
The third priest says,
"Well, I baptized my bats; confirmed them and made them the newest members of my parish, haven't seen one since."
My boss bought an new car...
My boss bought a new sports car and parked it on his space while I was walking by him. I congratulated him to his newest purchase.
He said: "Well, if you work hard, set yourself goals, do overtime and work with determination, I will be able to buy an even better one next year."
I lied to my wife about what I was doing.
I told her I was laminating copies of my newest novel. But that was only a cover for my story.
The newest studies show that...
approximately 50% of all armless people have no rights, yet none acts.
Password security questions for the depressed
What is the name of your least favorite child?
In what year did you abandon your dreams?
What is the maiden name of your father's mistress?
At what age did your childhood pet run away?
What was the name of your favorite unpaid internship?
In what city did you first experience ennui?
What is your ex-wife's newest last name?
What sports team do you fetishize to avoid meaningful discussion with others?
What is the name of your favorite canceled TV show?
What was the middle name of your first rebound?
On what street did you lose your childlike sense of wonder?
When did you stop trying?
"You know the newest cars drive themselves. And they found that by turning an equal amount left and right, you end up going straight."
"I swear, officer."
Why does Matt Damon refuse to have s**... in his newest movie?
Because he's Bourne again.
My newest relationship is on the rocks
But I can't complain, I knew it was whisky from the beginning.
Arnold Schwarzenegger is actually a talented composer with a love for classical music!
His newest album is titled, "I'll Be Bach."
People tell me that you shouldn't buy bootleg products because the quality isn't very good...
I disagree. I recently purchased a copy of the black keys newest album from a guy on the street. The quality of their #1 hit "Pyrite on the Ceiling" was superb.
Covering the newest trump scandle in class
Teacher: there are some things that guys compare in the locker room
Me: like hand size
A 30 year old man is playing the newest Pokémon game when he hears, "you shouldn't be playing that..."
He quickly responded, "Forgive me, Father, but the 90s are over."
Why did the producers of 007 films use government debt to fund their newest film?
Because interest in the Bond is so low.
"We're happy to announce NASA's newest mission will allow us to LITERALLY touch our own Sun!"
"Before we continue, please welcome our strangely-excited sponsors, the Catholic Church!"
The NRA showed Trump and Obama the newest NRA advertisement and asked what they thought. At the same time, Trump and Obama sternly said...
"Stick to your guns."
Regarding the newest m**... studies...
Dear Pilots,
Please don't fly high.
Newest t**... slogan
Did you hear the latest slogan for tampons?
"We're not #1 , but we're right up there "
Comcast's newest commercial really gave me a laugh.
They boasted their fast internet speeds, lower prices, and amazing customer service. Not to mention how they boasted supporting net neutrality.
Are there two companies named Comcast?
If only Microsoft had named their newest operating system "X" instead of 10
they could've sued Apple for copyright infringement
The newest big disruption
Comedians are getting more and more competition from Politicians
Bethesda released a working title of their newest installment in flagship series-
Fallout: Roseanne.
I asked my local car dealer if the car he was showing me was his newest one.
He replied by saying, you can look around, but your mileage will vary .
My newest girlfriend broke up with me after we lost a one legged race fundraiser.
She says we got off on the wrong foot.
My 8-year-old's newest joke: What did the one-legged man with OCD say when he opened the closet?
Hi, jean!
When I grow up and have kids in a couple of decades. I won't be worried when the day comes they ask for for the newest released M rated game. I'm confident I won't even need to play its unsuitable.
I mean I've played GTA 5 before.
The newest sci-fi movie on Netflix is about a death match between E.T. and a nerd with no social life.
Alien versus Redditor.
Recruit at the KGB
The KGB had found their newest recruit, but before he could join, he had to go through three tests. First, he had to down an entire bottle of v**... in one sitting, then shake hands with a bear, then s**... and sleep with a lady. The recruit easily downs the v**... in a matter of seconds, then is put in a cage with a bear. Intense screaming, bear growling, and shouting can be heard for the duration of 20 minutes, but the cage goes quiet and recruit finally emerges from the cage, bruised up and covered in claw marks. He then asks, "so where's this lady I'm supposed to shake hands with?"
Another Soviet joke
Nixon is visiting Brezhnev. Brezhnev shows off the newest Soviet technology: a payphone that can call h**.... So Nixon puts in a quarter and calls h**..., talks to the devil Then he returns to the US and is told that the US als has this technology but it costs $1000 per phone call. He gets angry and asks why does it only cost a quarter in the USSR.*sir, you see in the USSR it's a local call.*
A doctor was examining his newest patient
As testing went on, the doctor said "I'm not quite certain what's wrong with you yet, but I think it may be the result of heavy drinking."
So the patient said "That's OK, Doc- I'll just come back when you're sober!"
