Newborn Jokes

Funniest Newborn Short Jokes

Short newborn jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The newborn humour may include short baby born jokes also.

1. What is the difference between Kevin McCarthy and a newborn baby? In a few months, the baby will be a speaker.
2. I tried to steal candy from a newborn baby, but he slapped my hand away. Turns out he wasn't born yesterday.
3. My mate's gambling is getting out of hand. He's just bet his newborn son in our game of poker.
   I thought, "I might have to raise him."
4. My wife was none too pleased when I named our newborn daughter "Jen". I don't know why, I think Jen Italia is a beautiful name.
5. The 40 year old health care worker who cares for newborns started questioning her career choices, then flipped out and left town I guess she was having a midwife crisis
6. What do you say when there's a newborn in the infirmary with a rattler? "ICU baby, shaking that thing"
7. A recent study has shown patient mortality rates increase with the age of the doctor Next week I have a surgical consultation with a particularly clever-looking newborn.
8. Name your newborn Cylinder so the day he finishes high school he'd become a Graduated Cylinder
9. My newborn son has decided that every fresh diaper is a clean canvas that he must paint immediately. He's a prolific shartist.
10. Billy is the perfect name for a newborn goat. As a child, it'll be "Billy the Kid." As an adult, it'll be a "Billy Goat."

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Newborn One Liners

Which newborn one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with newborn? I can suggest the ones about infant and infant baby.

1. I tried rocking my newborn daughter to sleep. Apparently she isn't a big Zeppelin fan.
2. What's a group of chubby newborns called? Heavy Infantry
3. My iPhone 8 Plus is just like a newborn baby ...except I drop it a lot less
4. My mother had me at a very young age. In fact, I was a newborn.
5. What does a female preacher feed her newborn child?
   Pastorized milk.
6. All newborns have cancer They don't have any hair
7. What did Harry say when the queen asked how black the newborn was? Just a lilibet
8. What do you call a newborn with 3 arms? Not mine
9. What do you call a newborn sandwich? A crossbread.
10. How do Chinese pick a name for their newborn? They kick a Can
11. I'm Proud Of My Newborn Son. Over these past 9 months he's really grown as a person.
12. What shatters faster than your smartphone screen? A newborn with osteoporosis.
13. Why are newborns bad drivers? ... because they only know how to go full swaddle.
14. What did the mother give to her clinically obese newborn baby? A wide birth
15. Why did Thom York buy a newborn a Mercedes? Because baby's got the Benz.

Newborn Baby Jokes

Here is a list of funny newborn baby jokes and even better newborn baby puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I wanted to name our newborn after my father but my wife said Dad is a weird name for a baby.
• Why did patrick swayze put his newborn's crib in the middle of the nursery? Because nobody puts baby in the corner.
• Newborn babies are like a lump of unmolded clay. They even make the same sound when you drop them.
• A woman gave birth in a Barnes & Noble. Out of habit, the parents looked over the newborn baby, then went home and bought a cheaper baby on Amazon
• Mrs. Bigger liked telling everyone her newborn baby boy was a lot bigger than she was... But he was really just a little Bigger.
• retired man joke There were two retired men. One of the men said
  "I feel like a newborn baby,".
  The other man asked why.
  The man said, " I have no hair, no teeth, and I just peed in my pants.
• I'm sorry, but your wife didn't make it. A doctor said while handing a man his newborn baby. The man hands the baby back and says, Sorry, but I don't do reposts.
• What do you call a newborn baby? Anything you want.
• My newborn baby boy can already juggle, speak full sentences and even ride a bike! He is infantly better than his sister...
• My friend's wife appeared in the room like a newborn baby... Screaming.

Newborn Son Jokes

Here is a list of funny newborn son jokes and even better newborn son puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• My computer notified me that my wife emailed me a picture of our newborn son since I was gone for a business trip "You've got male!"
• My friend Jay is going to name his newborn son "K" When I asked him why, he said he wanted to name him after himself.
• One of my old buddies, James King, named his newborn son Thin. I'm sure he wasn't thinking, but his son is.
• MR. and MRS. Tickle announced their newborn son's first name. Tes
  (say the son's full name for the joke to work)
• I asked my friend if he had a connection with his newborn son yet. He said no. The WiFi on babies is terrible.
• Our newborn son was circumcised. Seeing how bad the wound looks, we are worried he is not going to get ahead in life
• Holding the new iPad Mini is like holding your newborn son... Except I drop it a lot less.
• A mother names her newborn son Jkmno. How is it pronounced? Noel
• The black family across the street named their newborn son Dindu

Newborn Baby Boy Jokes

Here is a list of funny newborn baby boy jokes and even better newborn baby boy puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. The wife says, "Is it a boy or a girl?" The logician says... Yes.

Newborn Parenting Jokes

Here is a list of funny newborn parenting jokes and even better newborn parenting puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• There is something holy about every newborn child. Especially if the parents prevented with condoms.

Silly Newborn Jokes for a Good Time with Friends

What funny jokes about newborn you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean unborn baby jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make newborn pranks.