New Zealanders Jokes
72 new zealanders jokes and hilarious new zealanders puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about new zealanders that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest New Zealanders Short Jokes
Short new zealanders jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The new zealanders humour may include short new zealand jokes also.
- I once asked a New Zealander how many girlfriends he's had. But he fell asleep while counting.
- A new Zealand joke Why do New zealand race horses run faster than other race horses?
They saw what happened to the sheep - Only a few weeks left before Election Day in the US and I am still undecided... ...if I should move to Canada or New Zealand.
- New Zealand scientists have discovered two new uses for sheep... Meat and wool.
(Exchange for Welshmen if need be) - What is the difference between New Zealand and the United States? In New Zealand the sheep have four legs
- Why do New Zealand farmers now wear kilts? Because the sheep have gotten used to the sound of zippers
- Why do New Zealanders always do well at rowing? Because it combines the two things they are best at,
sitting down,
and going backward.... - Do you know why New Zealand has banned blind people from bungee jumping? It kept scaring the life out of the seeing eye dogs.
- To all the "I'm moving to Canada" people out there, you're being ridiculous. You won't be far enough to escape the nuclear fallout. Shoot for New Zealand or Australia.
- Oscar Pistorius was keen to get a new bathroom door.... but his girlfriend was dead against it.
Source: Scorch-O-Rama cafe, Wellington, New Zealand
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New Zealanders One Liners
Which new zealanders one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with new zealanders? I can suggest the ones about kiwi aussie and kiwi.
- How does a New Zealander find a sheep in long grass? Rather enjoyable
- New Zealand scientists have discovered two new uses for sheep Meat and wool.
- Nothing ever happens in New Zealand… It hippens.
- What do you call a sunburnt New Zealander? A strawberry kiwi.
- How does a New Zealander find a sheep in long grass? Irresistible.
- What is a New Zealanders favourite love song? I cant help falling in love with ewe..
- What do you call a new-zealander with multiple girlfriends? A shepherd
- Why do they wear skirts in New Zealand? Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.
- Where do New Zealanders bury lobsided people? Asymmetry
- What do you call a smart Australian? A New Zealander
- What did the Rabbi from New Zealand say? Hey Bro
(Read in your best Kiwi accent) - What's a New Zealander's favorite car? The Kia Ora.
- Why Lord of The Rings was shot in New Zealand? Because there are no Two Towers in U.S.A.
- A bad uber driver drove from New Zealand to Australia. He got two stars.
- What language does a New Zealander Rabbi use to greet people? HeyBru
Hilarious Fun New Zealanders Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
What funny jokes about new zealanders you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean new yorker jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make new zealanders pranks.
What's the worst part about being a p**... in New Zealand?
Competing with the sheep.
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman... (long joke)
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, an Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a v**... Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ghanaian, an Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, 2 Africans and you...
walk into a fine restaurant.
"I'm sorry," says the maître d', after scrutinizing the group, "but you can't come in here without a Thai."
What do you call a gay New Zealander?
UN Food Survey Fails...
UN Phone Survey
Last month, a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the UN.
The only question asked was:
"Would you please give your honest opinion about possible solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a complete failure because:
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
And in Australia , New Zealand and Britain everyone hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent.
What is green, has four legs and would kill you if it fell on to you from a tree in the jungle?
A snooker table. (Courtesy of Leigh Hart on the Alternative Commentary Collective during the New Zealand v South Africa Cricket World Cup semi-final)
In the mid 1800s a primitive c**... was developed in New Zealand, made from a sheep intestine.
It wasn't until the early 1900s that it made it's way to Australia, where it was immediately improved by removing it from the sheep.
Why is it so hard for New Zealanders to fall asleep?
They're too turned on from counting sheep.
As a New-Zealander it always annoys me when people think we all have s**... with Sheep.
Silly people should know by now, it's also goats, horses, cows, basically anything with a hole...
How do New Zealander's find sheep in long grass?
Delightful
There are three kinds of people in New Zealand..
The racists, the big spiders, and the big racist spiders..
The New Zealand Military
What do you call a Jewish New Zealander?
Hebrew
What do you say to a Jewish New Zealander?
Hee brew
What do you call a New Zealander with a sheep under each arm?
A p**....
A friend from New Zealand asked me to put a wedge of lime in his cocktail.
He took a sip and said "Thank you, I couldn't have made it bitter myself!"
What would New Zealand be called if it had a fascist government?
Not Zealand.
The Climate of New Zealand
Teacher: Matthew, what is the climate of New Zealand?
Matthew: Very Cold, sir.
Teacher: Wrong.
Matthew: But, sir! When they send us meat it always arrives frozen!
After Israel threatened to take the Security Council vote as an act of war, the New Zealand Ambassador called Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu....
...Picking up the phone, he spoke "Hebrew."
Why would New Zealand starting a war against Australia be historical?
It would be the first time New Zealand declared anything against Australia.
My mom's in New Zealand, and just texted to tell she's 12 hours ahead
Anyone wanna know what happens in the future?
Trump, wishing to visit New Zealand calls Bill English
Mr. English's secretary answers the phone. "Hello! This is the office of Bill English."
Trump says "Hello. This is President Donald Trump of the United States of America. I wish to know the time difference between New Zealand and Washington."
The secratary responds "Just a second, Mr. President."
Trump promptly hangs up.
I was fired for flying my plane from New Zealand to Hawaii.
They said I really crossed the line.
Shouldn't the Archbishop of Canterbury adopt a Twitter handle @pomtifex ??
The Australians, New Zealanders & South Africans (and thereby the rest of the cricketing world call the English - poms)
Whats a New Zealanders favorite drink?
Brew
[nsfw] i was driving along a country road in new Zealand and saw a farmer f***ing a sheep
I called out to him "mate, shouldn't you be shearing it?"
He said "shearing it? I ain't shearing it with nobody"
Say what you will about George W Bush, but he wouldn't have stood for North Korean aggression...
He'd have invaded New Zealand by now...
A New Zealander and an Australian are walking down a track
The two mates come across a sheep with its head stuck in the fence.
Naturally, the kiwi bloke jumps over the fence, bends over, pulls down his pants and goes to town doing the s**... on the poor sheep.
Upon finishing he looks over at his aussie mate, and goes your turn bro , to which naturally the aussie bloke jumps the fence, bends over, removes his pants, and sticks his head in the fence.
Why did the New Zealand dairy Make the Greek dairy go out of business.
Their cows were feta.
What do you call a bachelor from New Zealand? Two Thirds
Because of the recurring SIX
What language do New Zealander's speak?
Hebrew
A New Zealand man wants to have lots of kids.
"Would you have a baby with me?" he asks his wife.
"Of course!"
"Would you have two with me?" he asks.
After a pause, she says "Yeah that sounds like a good number."
"How about four? Would you have four with me?"
She thinks harder this time. "I suppose four wouldn't be so bad."
Encouraged, he asks "Would you have six with me?"
"Well how the h**... else are we going to get all these kids?"
An Eskimos car breaks down and a man from New Zealand pulls over to help him out. He has a look under the bonnet and says looks like you've blown a seal the Eskimo replies
So what you f**k sheep
