The Best 46 New Zealanders Jokes

Following is our collection of funny New Zealanders jokes. There are some new zealanders newspaper jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these new zealanders ora puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest New Zealanders Jokes and Puns

What's the worst part about being a prostitute in New Zealand?

Competing with the sheep.

A new Zealand joke

Why do New Zealand race horses run faster than other race horses?

They saw what happened to the sheep

Why do they wear skirts in New Zealand?

Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

New Zealanders joke, Why do they wear skirts in New Zealand?

What's a New Zealander's favorite car?

The Kia Ora.

New Zealand scientists have discovered two new uses for sheep...

Meat and wool.

(Exchange for Welshmen if need be)


Oscar Pistorius was keen to get a new bathroom door....

but his girlfriend was dead against it.

Source: Scorch-O-Rama cafe, Wellington, New Zealand

UN Food Survey Fails...

UN Phone Survey

Last month, a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the UN.

The only question asked was:

"Would you please give your honest opinion about possible solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a complete failure because:

In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.

In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.

In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.

In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.

In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

And in Australia , New Zealand and Britain everyone hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent.

New Zealanders joke, UN Food Survey Fails...

What is green, has four legs and would kill you if it fell on to you from a tree in the jungle?

A snooker table. (Courtesy of Leigh Hart on the Alternative Commentary Collective during the New Zealand v South Africa Cricket World Cup semi-final)

How do New Zealanders practice safe sex? (NSFW)

They paint a red X on the back of the sheep that kick.

In the mid 1800s a primitive condom was developed in New Zealand, made from a sheep intestine.

It wasn't until the early 1900s that it made it's way to Australia, where it was immediately improved by removing it from the sheep.

Why is it so hard for New Zealanders to fall asleep?

They're too turned on from counting sheep.

You can explore new zealanders news reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean new zealanders gamma dad jokes. There are also new zealanders puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


As a New-Zealander it always annoys me when people think we all have sex with Sheep.

Silly people should know by now, it's also goats, horses, cows, basically anything with a hole...

How do New Zealander's find sheep in long grass?

Delightful

There are three kinds of people in New Zealand..

The racists, the big spiders, and the big racist spiders..

The New Zealand Military

What do you call a Jewish New Zealander?

Hebrew

New Zealanders joke, What do you call a Jewish New Zealander?

What do you call a smart Australian?

A New Zealander

What do you say to a Jewish New Zealander?

Hee brew

What do you call a New Zealander with a sheep under each arm?

A pimp.


Why do New Zealand farmers now wear kilts?

Because the sheep have gotten used to the sound of zippers

How does a New Zealander find a sheep in long grass?

Irresistible.

What language does a New Zealander Rabbi use to greet people?

HeyBru

Only a few weeks left before Election Day in the US and I am still undecided...

...if I should move to Canada or New Zealand.

To all the "I'm moving to Canada" people out there, you're being ridiculous.

You won't be far enough to escape the nuclear fallout. Shoot for New Zealand or Australia.

After Israel threatened to take the Security Council vote as an act of war, the New Zealand Ambassador called Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu....

...Picking up the phone, he spoke "Hebrew."

Why would New Zealand starting a war against Australia be historical?

It would be the first time New Zealand declared anything against Australia.

I once asked a New Zealander how many girlfriends he's had.

But he fell asleep while counting.

Do you know why New Zealand has banned blind people from bungee jumping?

It kept scaring the life out of the seeing eye dogs.

Trump, wishing to visit New Zealand calls Bill English

Mr. English's secretary answers the phone. "Hello! This is the office of Bill English."

Trump says "Hello. This is President Donald Trump of the United States of America. I wish to know the time difference between New Zealand and Washington."

The secratary responds "Just a second, Mr. President."

Trump promptly hangs up.

I was fired for flying my plane from New Zealand to Hawaii.

They said I really crossed the line.

Whats a New Zealanders favorite drink?

Brew

[nsfw] i was driving along a country road in new Zealand and saw a farmer f***ing a sheep

I called out to him "mate, shouldn't you be shearing it?"

He said "shearing it? I ain't shearing it with nobody"

Say what you will about George W Bush, but he wouldn't have stood for North Korean aggression...

He'd have invaded New Zealand by now...

A New Zealander and an Australian are walking down a track

The two mates come across a sheep with its head stuck in the fence.

Naturally, the kiwi bloke jumps over the fence, bends over, pulls down his pants and goes to town doing the sex on the poor sheep.

Upon finishing he looks over at his aussie mate, and goes your turn bro , to which naturally the aussie bloke jumps the fence, bends over, removes his pants, and sticks his head in the fence.

What did the Rabbi from New Zealand say?

Hey Bro

(Read in your best Kiwi accent)

Why did the New Zealand dairy Make the Greek dairy go out of business.

Their cows were feta.

How does a New Zealander find a sheep in long grass?

Rather enjoyable

A bad uber driver drove from New Zealand to Australia.

He got two stars.

What do you call a bachelor from New Zealand? Two Thirds

Because of the recurring SIX

Why Lord of The Rings was shot in New Zealand?

Because there are no Two Towers in U.S.A.

What language do New Zealander's speak?

Hebrew

How does a New Zealander greet Jews?

He-brew.

Why do New Zealanders always do well at rowing?

Because it combines the two things they are best at,
sitting down,
and going backward....

Where do New Zealanders bury lobsided people?

Asymmetry

A New Zealand man wants to have lots of kids.

"Would you have a baby with me?" he asks his wife.

"Of course!"

"Would you have two with me?" he asks.

After a pause, she says "Yeah that sounds like a good number."

"How about four? Would you have four with me?"

She thinks harder this time. "I suppose four wouldn't be so bad."

Encouraged, he asks "Would you have six with me?"

"Well how the hell else are we going to get all these kids?"

What is a New Zealanders favourite love song?

I cant help falling in love with ewe..

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the new zealanders rockin jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working new zealanders newsflash piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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