New Years Eve Jokes

Following is our collection of funny New Years Eve jokes. There are some new years eve shipwreck jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these new years eve year puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Uproarious New Years Eve Jokes to Share with Friends

Q: What's the forecast for New Year's Eve?

A: Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.

What do you tell someone you didn't see at New Year's Eve? I haven't seen you for a year!

What do you call always having a date for New Year's Eve? Social Security.

New Years Eve forecast: Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.

jokes about new years eve

It's officially New Year's Eve, you only have a couple of hours to do all the things you will resolve not to do in the new year.

What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year's Eve? He got 12 months!

Did you hear that NYC paid Hillary Clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Years Eve?

They wanted an expert on dropping the ball at the last second.

New Years Eve joke, Did you hear that NYC paid Hillary Clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Years Eve?

Probably old, but I got it in email and it made me chuckle.

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her
return, her father cursed her heavily. "Where have ye been all this
time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why
didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother

The girl, crying, replied, 'Sniff, sniff... Dad...I became...a prostitute."

"Ye what!!? Get outta here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a
disgrace to this Catholic family."

"OK, Dad, as ye wish. I just came back to give Mum this luxurious
fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $2 million savings certificate.

For me little brother, this gold Rolex, And for ye, Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes Limited Edition convertible that's parked outside, plus a membership to the country club... (takes a breath)... and an
invitation for ye all to spend New Year's Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera."

"Now what was it ye said ye had become?" asks Dad.

The girl, crying again answered, "Sniff, sniff...a prostitute, Daddy!
Sniff, sniff."

"Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant.
Come here and give yer old Dad a hug!!!"

What do you do when you come across Santa on New Years Eve?

You wipe it off and apologize.

I got arrested on New Year's Eve.


Don't worry if you don't have New Year's Eve plans...

At the end of the day it's just another party.

You can explore new years eve adam reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean new years eve days dad jokes. There are also new years eve puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Why does Marx support New Years Eve celebrations?

Well, it's got everyone out and about, celebrating another revolution.....

(I'll show myself out)

When You Hit Puberty On New Year's Eve...

You'll be celebrating 2 "ball drops" tonight.

New Year's Eve probably sucks for Lance Armstrong...

He can't enjoy watching the ball drop.

I'm glad Steve Harvey didn't host new years eve.

I don't think I'm ready for it to be 2017 yet.

If you're worried about not getting a New Year's Eve kiss this year, just remember

Valentine's Day is coming up and you're probably going to be alone for that, too.

New Years Eve joke, If you're worried about not getting a New Year's Eve kiss this year, just remember

I'll be buying me some more condoms after this New Years Eve!

My old ones expire.

The average person has sex 90 times a year.

Man this going to be an epic new years eve!

I have to work new years eve.

But I'm not upset, after work I have the rest of the year off.

- Will you celebrate New Year's Eve with your parents again, like a loser?

- Yes, mom...

How many of you are drinking rum this new years eve?

That's the spirit!

A boyfriend and a girlfriend are taking on New Year's Eve

Girlfriend: What'cha doin'?

Boyfriend: Watching the ball drop on my laptop.

Girlfriend: Cool. What's your New Year's resolution?

Boyfriend: 1080p

New Year's Eve Party

*Two guys watching Mariah Carey's Times Square performance*

Guy 1: "Man, 2016 has been such a mess."

Guy 2: "I know right. This year ended on such a low note I can't even hear it."

Pluto wanted to throw Earth a birthday party on New Year's Eve

But he forgot to planet

Everyone was worried about terrorists on New Years Eve...

Nobody ever anticipated that Mariah Carey would be the one to bomb.

Time zones are crazy

On new years eve some parts of the world are in 2017, some are in 2016, and a large portion of the U.S. is still stuck in 1940.

New Years Eve joke, Time zones are crazy

Why did Mariah Carey sucked at new years eve performance?

Because she wanted to drop the ball

Why don't they celebrate New Year's Eve in the Middle East?

Cause there's no one left when the clock hits zero

Remember the old adage about New Year's Eve? If you're not in bed by 10:00pm...

You might as well go home.

I'm so broke

This New Years Eve I'm gonna party like its $19.99

New Years Eve

On New Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.

Well, it was kind of embarrassing. As the clock struck, the bartender was almost crushed to death.

LPT: Be careful driving on New Years Eve

A lot of men will be drunk, so their wives and girlfriends will be the ones driving.

Wow, I haven't showered since last year!

Haha good one, but it's only New Year's Eve

I know...

If you started having sex at 11:59:59 on New Years Eve....

You would've finished at exactly the start of 2018.

Just checked that the carton of milk in my fridge expired December 31.

Unlike me, it had a date on New Year's Eve.

Roy Moore missed the New Years Eve countdown.

He's demanding a recount.

Did you hear about that one New Year's Eve in Times Square where the ball malfunctioned halfway through?

They really dropped the ball on that one.

Some people say that going to bars on St. Patrick's Day and New Year's Eve is "amateur hour."

But that's just because they don't have a sponsor yet.

A woman calls her friend from a maternity hospital.

Do you remeber that guy from the New Year's Eve party nine months ago that was dressed as a Chinese?
Yes, why?
He was definitely Chinese...

Be careful not to drink and drive this New Years Eve...

You might spill your drink

I haven't taken a bath since last year.

Make sure to say that before New year's Eve

I've promised the wife we'll see all our sons and daughters this New Years Eve.

I'm going to unplug the wi-fi.

It's New Year's Eve.

Not New Year's Steve.

Spending New Year's Eve at home in front of TV is pathetic!

So we sit sideways

At yesterday's New Year's Eve Party I swapped the sugar and the speed bowl.

It was quite a meth.

People always say I'm late and disorganised.

But wait until they see what I've got organised for tonight's New Year Eve party!!

I don't go out on new years eve

Cool guys don't look at explosions

I'm going to stay up on New Year's Eve this year...

not to see the New Year in, but to ensure this one leaves.

What do cannibals do on New year's Eve?

They have friends for lunch.

What did one cow say to another cow at midnight on New Years eve?


Today I found out that Bill Nye is just a stage name.

His real name is William New Year's Eve.

The Vienna Boys Choir is having a special New Year's Eve concert. At midnight there will be a ball drop and…

…all the Sopranos will become Altos.

New Year's Eve

It's not even midnight and my Welsh friend just messaged me "Blwyddyn Newydd Dda".

He must be smashed already.

What do Alcoholics call New Year's Eve?

Amateur night!

My buddy asked my girlfriend and I if we had any plans for New Years Eve..

I told him we were going to get new glasses.
And then what ? he asked.
Then we'll see

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the new years eve celebrations puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working new years eve fifteen piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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