New Year Resolution Jokes

My resolution was to read more so I put the subtitles on my tv.

My New Year's resolution

is 1920 x 1080!

My new years resolutions are:

1: Stop making lists.
B: Be more consistent.
7: Learn to count.

Our Xmas dinner also happens to be my New Year's resolution

Bone-less turkey

My New Years Resolution

New Year's resolution- Date more models.
Revised- Date more.
Revised again- Get a date.
Revised one last time- Stop crying while m**....

My new years resolution........

Hopefully 4k 55''

My New Year's resolution is to save enough to buy a Velcro wall.

And I plan on sticking to it.

My dad told me his New Years resolution was to embrace his mistakes.

He hugged my sister and I :(

Wife just got me a new tv for Christmas!

Looks like my New Years resolution is 1080.

My New Year's Resolutions

320 x 320
800 x 600
1440 x 900
1920 x 1080

I made two New Year's resolutions: my first is to stop procrastinating

I'll make my second one later

[OC] Alright, here's my new year's resolution...

Stop being late

For the New Year, I vow to take a selfie at 720p.m.

It's a decent resolution.

What is every gamers New Years Resolution?

3840x2160

Last year I was quite miserable and depressed, so I made it my new year's resolution to turn that around.

Thanks 2016, you helped me achieve my goal and made me depressed and miserable.

New Years Resolutions

Me and the wife were having Christmas drinks with friends when one asked, "what's everyone's new years resolution?"
I said, "Mine's going to be, to have more s**...."
"Oh great!" my wife sighed.
"Don't worry, love" I assured her, "it's not going to affect you."

For this New Years resolution I'm not going to smoke any more w**....

But I'm not gonna smoke any less either.

My New Year's Resolution was to stop m**...

Well I guess there's always next year

New Years resolution

Programmers are always grumpy on January 1st - they turn on their monitor and the screen has the same number of pixels even though they keep hearing about the New Year's Resolution

Whats a low-end PC's New Years Resolution?

800x600

I've been reading so much about alcohol being really bad for you. So I've decided on my New Year's Resolution...

No more reading!

I came up with my New Year's resolution. I will be more of an optimist

But I know that won't happen. Something will go wrong, and I'll fail.

My New Year's Resolution is to stop making commitments that I can't follow through with.

I guess I already failed.

My New Years resolution is to go to the gym more often, get into grad school, pay off my bills, and learn a new language.

I don't have a clue how I'm going to get all that done by tomorrow.

My New Years resolution for 2018 is...

My wife wants me to lose 180 pounds this year for my new year's resolution.

I'm serving her with the divorce papers on Tuesday.

New Years resolution to recycle water

I am putting a bucket in each shower and using the collected water in the clothes washer. I really don't care what everyone else at the gym says.

My New Year's resolution is to stop using aerosol deodorants

Roll on 2018

My new years resolution is to lose my virginity

I think its time after 85 years

New year's resolution - give up smoking and w**....

It'll be tough because since I was 14, I've been a 40-a-day guy. I smoke a fair bit too.

How to quit smoking

Friend: My new year resolution for 2018 is to quit smoking.
Me: That's great, I might have a tip for you.
Friend: What is it? Most tips online don't seem to work for me.
Me: It's pretty simple actually. Try to limit your smokes to only after s**.... As you get older, you'll smoke less and less.
Friend: Has it worked for you?
Me: I don't smoke, but my wife has quit smoking ever since we've been married.

A New Years Resolution is..

Something that goes in one year and out the other.

Hello, Im here to subscribe to the gym

+Hello, I'm here to subscribe to the gym
-Are you here because of a New Year Resolution?
+Yes
-We have a one day plan, it includes 4 selfies in the weight lifting area
+Perfect

My big New Years resolution is to…

…get a 4K TV.

My new years's resolution was to lose 10lbs

Only 14 more to go!

A little late to the party here, but for my New Year's resolution, I decided to dedicate more time to my step machine.

I never knew my real machine. 😢

It's a little late for a New Year's resolution, But I think it's for the better.

I've decided to go full Vegan. I won't be eating animals anymore. *Just* Vegans.

My 2018 New Year's resolution is to procrastinate this year.

This is my most successful resolution so far.

The New Year's Resolution of an ADHD

AD4K

I have only two new years resolutions: To get back into the shape I was before the accident...

....and to stop referring to the fact that I eat too much junkfood, 'the accident'

My new years resolution was to hit the gym more often.

But I'm on my fourth car this year now. This is getting kind of expensive and I think the police are suspicious.

Next January I will only be watching videos on 1080p

It's my new years resolution

My New Year's Resolution was to lose 30 lbs. by the end of summer

I've only got 40 lbs. to go

What's the worst new years resolution?

288p

Today I asked a hot girl at the gym what her New Year's resolution was

She replied, "to get people on reddit to quit repeating the same s**... joke."

Last year, one of my new year resolutions was too stop being so arrogant and c**...

Realised a week into January I didn't need to bother because I am already perfect

My New Year resolution is the same as last year..

3840x2160

Ever since 2017, my New Year's resolution has been to work on my novel.

Four years going and I've almost finished reading it!

May all your troubles in 2021...

...last as long as your New Year resolutions!

My New Year's Resolution is to be more humble...

Which should be easy as I'm already *really* good at it!

My New Years Resolutions are 1600x900, 1330 x 768 and 1024x768

I'm not buying any new tv's.

My New Years Resolution is to get a girlfriend

After what happened in 2020, i didn't get the chance to, but 2021 will be the year.
~~After what happened in 2019, i didn't get the chance to, but 2020 will be the year.~~
~~After what happened in 2018, i didn't get the chance to, but 2019 will be the year.~~
~~After what happened in 2017, i didn't get the chance to, but 2018 will be the year.~~
~~After what happened in 2016, i didn't get the chance to, but 2017 will be the year.~~
~~After what happened in 2015, i didn't get the chance to, but 2016 will be the year.~~

My new year's resolution is I'm gonna be less condescending.

(Condescending means talking down to people btw )

When I woke up on January 1st, I was surprised to see that my wife looked very pixelated.

She saw the expression of confusion on my face and said, "oh, don't worry honey, this is just my new year's resolution"

My New Year's Resolution

Stop procrastinating.

A man and his friend were talking about their New Year's Resolutions.

Friend: I heard you set some really tough resolutions, have you completed them?
Man: Well of course! I've swam across the Pacific Ocean in only speedos.
Friend: Neat.
Man: Scaled Mount Everest n**...!
Friend, a bit skeptical: Really?
Man: Well, there is one I still haven't completed.
Friend: And that is?
Man: Break my habit of lying......

My friend Jack …

… woke up on January 1st 2021, glanced over at his wife Edna and was suprised to see that she looked weirdly pixelated.
Oh my god! he yelped with a look of confusion and growing concern on his face, What happened last night?!
Seeing his expression, Edna reached over to give him a hug saying, Oh don't worry honey, this is just my New Year's resolution!

For my New Years resolution I promise to never steal money out of my wife's purse

But then I just remembered she's got a birthday coming up

A friendly reminder that gyms get really busy around the new year as people make their resolutions

So it's best to wait for it to die down, usually around January 2nd