new year Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious new year puns

Just got out of prison after attacking a man on New years eve.


Excuse me for getting nervous while an Arab was counting down from ten.

👍🏼

My resolution was to read more so I put the subtitles on my tv.

👍🏼

Q: What does it mean if you were born in September?
A: That your parents started the new year with a bang!

👍🏼

New Years Eve forecast: Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.

👍🏼

A drunk man comes inside a bar and says, "Happy New Year everybody.

" and the waiter says, "We are in June you drunk man."
And the drunk man says, "Oh my god my wife is going to kill me I have never been so late in my life!"

👍🏼

My wife still hasn't told me what my New Year's resolutions are.

👍🏼

New Year's Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions.

Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.

👍🏼

My New Year's resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.

👍🏼

May all your troubles last as long as your New Years resolutions?

👍🏼

I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.

👍🏼

Q: What do New Year's Parades have in common with Santa Claus?
A: No one is awake to see either of them.

👍🏼

What does a Ghost say on 12/31? Happy New Fear!/Happy boo year!

👍🏼

My New Years resolution is 1080p.

👍🏼

My New Year's resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.

👍🏼

Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas? Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC.

👍🏼

What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year's Eve? He got 12 months!

👍🏼

People think New Years is a life-changing event.

If your life sucked last year, it's probably still going to suck tomorrow.

👍🏼

New Year's is just a holiday created by calendar companies who don't want you reusing last year's calendar.

👍🏼

What do you call always having a date for New Year's Eve? Social Security.

👍🏼

Can't wait to start my New Years resolution in 2018!

👍🏼

I return to work tomorrow with a child-like belief that 2017 is the year people will think at least twice before hitting Reply All.

👍🏼

It's officially New Year's Eve, you only have a couple of hours to do all the things you will resolve not to do in the new year.

👍🏼

Q: What's the forecast for New Year's Eve?
A: Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.

👍🏼

What happened to the Irish man who thought about the evils of drinking in the New Year? He gave up thinking.

👍🏼

I love when they drop the ball in Times Square. It's a nice reminder of what I did all year.

👍🏼

Statistics show that the average person has sex 89 times a year. Today is going to be a great day!

👍🏼

Chuck starts the new year by roundhouse kicking the old one.

👍🏼

A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

👍🏼

What do you tell someone you didn't see at New Year's Eve? I haven't seen you for a year!

👍🏼

To kick start my New Year: I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

👍🏼

What are the best New Year puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about New Year? Well, here are the best jokes about New Year to have fun with.

Joko Jokes