New Phone Jokes

How can you tell which one of your friends has the new iPhone 6 plus?
Don't worry, they'll let you know.

A new spin on an old cliché

I was sitting on a team call for work. We were discussing team restructuring. The question was asked about team leaders.
My boss said, "The cream will rise to the surface."
I replied, "So will the foam. The insubstantial, shiny bits that disappear completely when placed under any load."
...I need to mute the phone more often.

I think my phone is sick of being in the proletariat

Autocorrect keeps trying to start a new years revolution.

Made a lot of friends on Valentines Day!

All of them girls! Strangely the phone numbers don't exist or connect to comcast.
New friends are fun!

Santa Claus is reading letters from kids

Santa opens first letter: Oh Peter from USA needs new iPad.
Santa opens second letter: Oh Naomi from Japan needs new Samsung phone.
Santa opens third letter: Oh Isa Ahmed from Nigeria wants me to help him to get 32 million dollars out of the country.

I got a new German cell phone

I put it on airplane mode. It locked me out and then crashed

Testing new mobile phone

Hello, i don't know if anyone is going to read this because i am using the internet explorer. But still i wanna wish you a good start in the new year 2010.

A girl compliments a guy on his new phone.

Girl: 'Nice phone!'
Guy: ' Thanks! I won it in a race.'
Girl: ' Who were the participants?'
Guy: ' The owner, the cop and me. '

BLONDE FLIGHT ATTENDANT

The flight crew all showed up on time, all except for one brand-new stewardess. They called the hotel and she answered the phone, sobbing. I can't get out of my room, she cried. What... Why not? There are only three doors in this room. One is the bathroom, one is the closet, and the other way has a sign hanging on it that says, 'Do Not Disturb'.

Donald Trump On the Phone

Donald: Hello, I would like to inquire how long is the flight from New York to London?
Operator: Just a minute sir...
Donald: Okay, thanks! (hangs up)

There's a joke here, but it's not coming to me exactly...

New hand positions for driving: 10 and phone

After Israel threatened to take the Security Council vote as an act of war, the New Zealand Ambassador called Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu....

...Picking up the phone, he spoke "Hebrew."

Samsung announced today a new line of Galaxy phones that are certified to be water resistant...

It's nice to know that you won't be able to put out the flames once they catch fire.

What do you say to a phone who can't see very well?

"Have you lost your contacts?"
Please be gentle, I'm new to this

Trump, wishing to visit New Zealand calls Bill English

Mr. English's secretary answers the phone. "Hello! This is the office of Bill English."
Trump says "Hello. This is President Donald Trump of the United States of America. I wish to know the time difference between New Zealand and Washington."
The secratary responds "Just a second, Mr. President."
Trump promptly hangs up.

My phone started to act weird when I researched buying a new phone.

It became a Paranoid Android.

Got this new game on my phone called Titanic. It's kind of annoying...

Every time I open the app it syncs.

I finally traded in my flip phone for a new smart phone...

It truly is the dawn of a new error.

If I had a dollar for every time I saw the net neutrality image...

I would have enough money to get a new phone to call my local representative to defend net neutrality.

Sam went into Samsung store

Sam went into a Samsung store where he was told that he could win a brand new phone if he sings them a song. What did Sam do?
Sam sung.

Three Apple employees have been injured walking into glass within the first month of opening their new $5bn head quarters.

Meanwhile 3 factory employees making Apple phones have been injured since the start of this joke.

I've been playing this new game on my phone quite a bit lately

It's called Verizon: Zero Bars.

I made a phone call to a friend to tell them a new joke.

It didn't get very good reception.

I had to contact by ex in Poland.

To confirm that I had her consent for her personal email and phone number and other personal data as per the new European privacy regulations and GDPR guidelines.

Im currently doing my dissertation on the safety of a new handheld device for the world health organisation

New phone WHO diss

Daddy, why do people hang horses

"Nobody hangs horses, darling," I consoled her. "Who told you that people hang horses?"
"I just heard mommy on the phone saying that her new boss was hung like a horse.

LG's making a phone targeted towards the gay and lesbian community

It's the all new LG BTQ.

Two siblings, a boy and a girl opens their Christmas presents

The boy received a football hat while the girl received a wonderful gold necklace.
The next year, the boy received a puzzle and the girl received an new wardrobe full of clothes.
And the next year again, the boy finds out he got a cheap chinese phone while his sister received an iPhone X.
So this year, after the opening, the girl says: "Haha! mom and dad loves me more!"
The boy replies: "Haha! I don't have a tumor"

Two engineers are handling a prototype for a new cell phone that they worked on

First engineer: "There's no bezel and it's all made of glass, this thing is going to break so easily!"
Second engineer: "Are you saying that we should redesign this from scratch?!"
First engineer: "Well I think a good case could be made.."

The new iPhone XS is great and all, but I want a bigger phone...

I think I'll just wait for the iPhone XL

My friend phoned me.

He said, "My wife has lost her new puppy. It's a fat hairy thing with bulbous eyes."
I said, "Great description, but what about the dog?"

my dad has a weird new version of yelp on his phone

It works like this. He drives around with it in his pocket, and stops when he sees what he wants.

Some new friends of mine were looking through the photos on my phone...

They saw a ton of pictures of food, and the occasional pictures of my dog. And then they asked if I was Asian!

A couple are sitting on their couch when their son walks in.

He tries to put in his phone in his new phone cover.
Son: It's too big, it doesn't fit.
Father: That's what she said!
Mother: That's what you wish i said!
#savagemom

Show Off - A young businessman has just set up his own company.

A young businessman has just set up his own company. He rents an office downtown and buys some trendy furniture for it. Sitting behind his new desk, he suddenly sees a potential client come into the outer office. Wanting to appear busy, he picks up the phone and pretends that he's calling an important client. Offer them no more than $3 million! he shouts
down the phone. And tell them that if it isn't finished by next week, they won't get a penny! After hanging up , the man says to the visitor, "Hello? Can I help you?" And the visitor replies, Yes, I'm from the phone company. I've come to connect your phone line.

Blonde dropped and cracked her phone screen.

​
Blonde 1: "Hey, I dropped my phone and the screen is cracked. Will they be able to fix this?"
Blonde 2: "Is it that bad?"
Blonde 1:: "See for yourself. I'll send you a screen shot."
\*After seeing the screenshot\*
Blonde 2: "Are you kidding me?"
Blonde 1:: "..."
Blonde 2: "This looks brand new."

My gf was trying to persuade me on what new phone to buy..

She said "It's either my way or Huawei"

(Came up with this one from a meme I just saw) There's a bee in the drawer of my side table that buzzes and makes me think I got a new message on my phone...

Got a bee kiddin me.

My new phone case has sharp spikes and heats up to 400 degrees

Promise you won't hold it against me.

I bought a new phone, the first thing I did was push redial...

The phone started having a nervous breakdown.
(The legendary Steven Wright)

My mother woke me up with the sentence „Hey, we're getting new phones!

I was happy, but not sure why I woke up in a bathtub full of ice cubes.

So i said to the guy in the Phone Shop "I'd like to get a new smartphone for my wife"

He looked her up and down, then said
"Seems like a fair trade!"

I was talking to a lovely young lady and things seemed to be going really well.

Then she said "There's something I want to get out of the way right now," and she reached up and took a wig off her head, and it turned out she was as bald as a new-laid egg.
"Alopecia," she said. "It's a condition that causes hair to fall out."
"Oh," I said. "...Just on your head, or from anywhere else as well?"
"Well," she dimpled, "there's only one way to find out."
"Of course!" I said, and took out my phone. "Hey, Google..."

I was setting up a voice recognition software for my new phone and a dog nearby barked and ran away.

Now I am still looking for that dog to unlock my phone.

They banned talking on mobile phones while driving in Germany

With the new law, a man went to an electronics shop looking for something that would help him to answer his calls, but still keep his focus on driving. The store employee offered to have his brother Hansel ride with him and put the phone up to his ear when it rang.
The man said "No, that won't work. Do you have a Hans-free device?"

My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.

It's my way or the Huawei.