New Orleans Jokes
54 new orleans jokes and hilarious new orleans puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about new orleans that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest New Orleans Short Jokes
Short new orleans jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The new orleans humour may include short new york jokes also.
- A plane carrying Donald Trump made an emergency landing in New Orleans after alleged engine failure over the Gulf of Mexico. Turns out there was just a loud whine coming from the right wing.
- I used to live in New Orleans till Katrina took everything I had. Sometimes I wish she'd stayed in Latvia.
- What do Led Zeppelin and New Orleans have in common "When the Levi breaks, we have no place to stay"
- In New Orleans she was 'Honeychile', the sweetest of the bunch But on my job's expense account, she's 'gas, motel and lunch'.
- The French Quarter in New Orleans seems to have gotten cleaner in the last decade Almost as if it had been washed up or something
- Moving to louisiana after living in California has been quite difficult New Orleans is fine, but it's NOLA
- In New Orleans, an apple pie is $5.94, while in San Juan, it's $3.99. These are the pie-rates of the Caribbean
- What happened to ray charles and stevie wonder at the new orleans blues fest? They ran into each other
- What do you call a fat guy, from New Orleans, that never tells the truth? A jambo-laya.
Thanks for coming out, I'll be here till Thursday. - Did you know Neil deGrasse Tyson has a relative who lives in New Orleans? His name is Marr deGrasse Tyson.
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New Orleans One Liners
Which new orleans one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with new orleans? I can suggest the ones about new york city and bayou.
- What do all failing students in New Orleans have in common? They are all below "C level".
- Why did the river cross the road? To flood New Orleans.
- What is the playing surface of the New Orleans Superdome called? Mardi grass.
- Who is New Orleans's least favorite band? Katrina and the Waves
- Guess what New york is going as for Halloween? New Orleans!
- What's the least popular band in New Orleans? Katrina and the Waves.
- Why is it easy to commit a crime in New Orleans? Because they have NO PD!
- I wanted to buy a house in New Orleans... But the market was flooded.
- How did the New Orlean Pelicans get their name? They should've gone with the Hurricanes.
- #@!Match Live@!@~@!Houston vs New Orleans live
- Yo mama so fat when she burped New Orleans thought Katrina came back to finish the job.
- Breaking news New Orleans Man's socks are finally dry.
- Do you know what it means to Miss New Orleans ? I don't know, ask her.
- Can you tell me how to abbreviate New Orleans? NO
(or NOLA) - How do People in New Orleans have their beer? Watered Down
Unearthly Funniest New Orleans Jokes to Tickle Your Sides
What funny jokes about new orleans you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean new haven jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make new orleans pranks.
Yo mama so fat, when she plays hopscotch, she plays like this New York, Chicago, New Orleans, L.A.
Q: What 80's rock band is banned from New Orleans and why?
A: The Scorpions.
Every time they're in town, they rock you like a hurricane.
How Worcestershire Sauce got its name
In the late 1800s in New Orleans a chef in a restaurant had just whipped up a concoction to be applied to meat and he asked a waiter to take it out to a well-lubed patron for a test. The diner was of course most agreeable and added quite a bit of it to his cut of beef. Upon tasting it, he rather liked it and turned around to hail the waiter by clumsily calling out, "Hey, whorsh diss'here sauce??", and so the name was thereupon given.
So two farmers were talking . . .
and Jed says to Zeb, "So, what are yeh going to do fer yer vacation this year?"
"Wall," says Zeb, "I figger I'll try somethin' different this year."
"What d'yeh mean different?"
"Wall, remember three years ago when I went to Disneyworld? My wife Earline got pregnant."
"Yep, I remember," says Jed.
"And then the next year I went to Vegas. And Earline got pregnant again."
"Yep."
"And then last year I went to New Orleans. And dang if Earline didn't get pregnant again!"
"Yep," says Jed. "So what're y'all gonna do different this year?"
Zeb says, "This year I'm takin' Earline with me!"
Charlie the Street Car Conductor
Long joke that is passed down in my family
So down in New Orleans there lived a man named Charlie. Charlie ever since he was a young boy wanted to grow up to be a streer car conductor. When he finally became old enough, he applied for the job and lo and behold he got it. Now Charlie was the friendliest street conductor that the city has ever seen. Not only did he never complain about his job, but also he greeted everyone who boarded his street car and treated them like family. Everything in his life was perfect for Charlie until one day he decided to operate the street car after having a few drinks. In his drunken state, he crashed the streetcar and killed all the passengers. After going to court Charlie was sentences to death by the eletric chair. When the day came for his execution, a gaurd visited Charlie's cell and asked him what he wanted for his final meal. Charlie replied, "I want a rotten tomato and a raw fish." After Charlie finished his meal he headed into the execution room and sat down in the eletric chair. The warden gave the order to pull the switch and the room went dark as thousands of volts passed through Charlies body. After the switch was thrown back it came as a suprise that Charlie was in fact still alive. Having no idea what else to do the warden let Charlie out of jail but banned him from ever operating a streetcar in New Orleans. Since street cars were his life Charlie decided "Hey I'll go to Japan, I hear they have fancy new street cars there." In Japan Charlie gets a job as a conductor again, but as before decides that after having a few drinks that he is still able to work the street car. To no suprise Charlie crashes the stree car and kills all the passengers. Charlie again finds himself in jail ordering his last meal. "A rotten tomato and a raw fish," he tells the gaurd. After the meal was eaten, Charlie was led to the chair and once again survives the eletricity. Because he wasn't dying, he was set free but banned from operating the street cars in Japan. Charlie thought to himself, "Well I heard San Francisco still has street cars operating so I'll go there." As you can guess Charlie ends up in the same situation and again orders the same meal " A rotten tomato and a raw fish," he tells the gaurd. The warden from San Francisco had heard of Charlie and his previous death sentences so before he brought Charlie in to be executed he sent a letter to the mayor asking to reroute the city's eletricity to the jail. The mayor approved and confident with his new found power the warden smiled and gave the order to pull the switch. The lights in the room burst from the overload and the smell of something burning overwelmed the air. The warden after a minute ordered the gaurd to shut off the chair and as the smoke cleared, there was Charlie same as always. Distraught with emotion, the warden told Charlie to get out of his sights. Charlie, tired of going to jail, finally decided that maybe he shouldn't be a street car conductor after all. So Charlie travels back to New Orleans and meets his friend Thibodaux at a bar. Thibodaux after a few minutes of small talk tells Charlie "Everyone has heard about the eletric chair incidents and I just gotta axe, how were you able to survive all them jolts of electricity through your body? Was there something you did that made you resistant to it?" Charlie looks at Thibodaux and says "I dunno, I guess I was just a bad conductor."
Boudreaux and Thibodeaux
Boudreaux and Thibodeaux are watching the evening news when they see a report of a man threatening to jump off the roof of a tall building in New Orleans.
Boudreaux tells Thibodeaux, "Hey watch dis guy. I bet you 40 dollars he jumps off dat roof."
Thibodeaux thinks about it a little and replies, "Okay, I'll take dat bet!"
A few seconds later the man jumps to his death.
Thibodeaux pulls out his wallet, cursing, and hands Boudreaux two twenties. Boudreaux giggles and says, "Thibodeaux, I gotta tell you something. I already saw dat. He jumped already on da 12 o'clock news."
Thibodeaux says, "Me too I saw it on da 12 o'clock news, but I didn't think that couillon would be s**... enough to jump again!"
So I wrote some Chuck Norris jokes the other day...
The devil once sold his soul to Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't speak, he thinks loudly.
New Orleans didn't flood because of a hurricane. Chuck Norris did a canon ball into the Gulf of Mexico.
Chuck Norris once punched the Tower of Pisa.
Chuck Norris doesn't f**..., because nothing can escape Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris goes skydiving, the Earth uses a parachute.
When Chuck Norris takes a shower, the soap doesn't clean him. He cleans the soap.
Netflix marathons Chuck Norris.
If Chuck Norris stared at the sun too long, he wouldn't go blind. The sun would.
If Chuck Norris bit a vampire, the vampire would turn back into a human.
Abbreviations
M: hey can you tell me the abbreviation for New Orleans?
J: NO
M: why not?
A young lady in New Orleans is having her 16th birthday party...
A young lady in New Orleans is having her 16th birthday party when she runs up to her uncle and firmly tells him: "When you gonna take me to Florida or don't you remember your promise?" Her uncle seem a little confused, and as he gazed down at her quizzically, and a twinkle in his eyes and stated- "I never said I was going to take you to Florida" The young lass, shocked he didn't remember said- " Yes you did. You said when I turn 16, you were going to Tampa with me."
OC from my 13 year old: I heard the quality of the pastries in New Orleans has gone down.
They've been yay before, but not anymore.
The r**... were murdered today in New Orleans
Wouldn't be the first time they got murdered around Columbus Day.
A man walks into a bar in New Orleans
He sits down next to a man in a jacket. Both of them are watching a preview of the upcoming nfc championship. They both start debating over who will win, and the debate turns into an argument. The man says 100 bucks my saints win! Your on replied the man as he unzipped his coat to reveal black and white stripes. Good luck I got a game to ref replies the ref.
A man boarded a plane in New Orleans with a box of c**......
A female crew member took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator, which she did.
The man firmly advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for the c**... staying frozen, and proceeded to rant and rave about what would happen if she let the c**... thaw out.
Shortly before landing in New York , she announced over the intercom to the entire cabin, 'Would the gentleman who gave me c**... in New Orleans , please raise your hand?'
Not one hand went up... so she took them home and ate them herself.
A young blonde, on vacation in Louisiana, wanted a pair of alligator shoes...
but was reluctant to pay high New Orleans prices.
She stomped out of the store and headed for the swamp.
Later, as the shopkeeper drove home, he spotted the blonde standing waist-deep in a bayou, shotgun in hand, with a huge alligator closing in.
She took aim and shot the creature between the eyes.
The shopkeeper watched in amazement as she struggled to haul the carcass onto an embankment where several other dead alligators were lined up.
Oh, no! the blonde shouted in dismay.
This one isn't wearing any shoes either!
I fly often for business. Yesterday, I had three bags to check.
I said, "I'd like this bag to go to New Orleans, this one to Seattle, and the third to Chicago."
The gate agent rolled her eyes and said, "We can't do that!"
I immediately shot back, "Why? You did it last week."
This one only works if you're familiar with New Orleans
A man was walking down the street when he came upon a guy lying face down in the gutter. Not knowing if the guy was passed out or dead, he dials 911…
Operator: 911 what's your emergency?
Man: I've come upon a body lying in the gutter. He could be dead or passed out, I'm not sure
Operator: we'll send a patrol car, what's your location?
Man (looking up at the street sign): I'm on T Soup… No, I'm on T choopsol… No no, I'm on Toolsoulp…. No. d**.... Give me a few minutes. I'm gonna drag the body to Magazine and call you back!
