New Mexico Jokes
40 new mexico jokes and hilarious new mexico puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about new mexico that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest New Mexico Short Jokes
Short new mexico jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The new mexico humour may include short new mexican jokes also.
- A plane carrying Donald Trump made an emergency landing in New Orleans after alleged engine failure over the Gulf of Mexico. Turns out there was just a loud whine coming from the right wing.
- Two major banks from Mexico and America are merging next month They're calling the new company CapitalJuan
- Kansas, Colorado, New Mexico, and Texas are all about to Outlaw Interstate Begging These four states are all against the Oklahoma panhandle.
- Have you heard about the new emo-punk band taking Mexico by storm? They're called *Hispanic! At the disco*.
- A man in New Mexico asked a farmer if he had any local chili peppers for sale. Unfortunately, the farmer said he had 99 poblanos but a Hatch ain't one.
- The state of New Mexico.. When they named the state of New Mexico were they degrading the state or honoring Mexico?
it seemed funnier when I first said it. is this how it always happens? - The FBI closed the National Solar Observatory monitoring the sun in New Mexico. It has been repositioned to monitor Uranus.
- In 2018 I've had a horrible relationship with autocorrect. But hey...
New Year, New Mexico - Why did the bird poacher get arrested in New Mexico? Because he took a wrong tern in Albuquerque.
- If a plane crashes on the border between Arizona and New Mexico... where do they bury the survivors?
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New Mexico One Liners
Which new mexico one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with new mexico? I can suggest the ones about new jersey and new zealand.
- 2pac has been spotted in Mexico, performing under a brand new stage name... 2paco
- Have you heard about the new hiphop genre from Mexico? Its called gangstawrap
- Apple Is releasing a new OS for mexico tacOS
- New air jordans What do you call the new air jordans in mexico
The air juan 11sd - What do you call a gay town in New Mexico? Albuqueerque.
- Most popular dog breed in New Mexico? The m**... Lab.
- A girl from New Mexico invited me for some fun but she turnout to be a j**... and m**....
- I had a nickname back in New Mexico There I'm known as "a convicted r**..."
- Where do the g**... in New Mexico live? Santa FE GUURLL!!!!
Cheerful Fun New Mexico Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about new mexico you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean new york jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make new mexico pranks.
A gynecologist notices that a new patient is nervous.
While putting on the latex gloves, he asks her if she knows how they make latex gloves. The patient says no. The doctor says, "There is a plant in Mexico full of latex that people of various hand sizes dip their hands into and let them dry. She does not crack a smile, but later she laughs. The doctor says, "What's so funny?" She says, "I'm imagining how they make condoms."
3 Instruments are Catching Up
School is back in for the fall and 3 instruments are sharing their musical journey through the Summer.
The saxophone says, "I got to go to New Orleans and play with a real jazz band."
The guitar says, "I went to Mexico and played music so beautiful that the audience threw roses on the stage!"
At this moment, the Saxophone realizes that the flute has been quiet. "Hey Flute, how was your summer?"
The flute says, "I don't wanna talk about it."
The guitar says, "Come on, I thought you were going to band camp?"
"I DONT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Memory
A tourist was introduced to an Indian in New Mexico, who was said to have a perfect memory. Skeptically, the tourist asked, "What did you have for breakfast on September 10, 1943?"
The Indian answered, "Eggs."
The man scoffed, "Everyone eats eggs for breakfast. He's a phony. "
Thirteen years later, the traveller's train stopped again in the small New Mexico town, and he saw the same Indian sitting on the train platform. The tourist went up to him and said jovially, "How!"
The Indian answered, "Scrambled."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Most people don't know that back in 1912 Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England.
In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.
This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico.
But we all know the tragedy that occurred..
The Mexican people loved mayonnaise so much and this loss was so devastating that they declared a national day of mourning, which happens every year on the day the shipment was supposed to arrive.
This day, of course, is May 5th, or more commonly known as **Sinko de Mayo**
A young man goes into the Job Center in Downtown Los Angeles, and sees an advertisement for a Gynecologist's Assistant.
Interested, he goes to learn more. 'Can you give me some more details?' he asks the clerk.
The clerk pulls up the file and says, 'The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help them out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so that they're ready for the gynecologist's examination.
There's an annual salary of $85,000, but you're going to have to go to Albuquerque New Mexico. That's about 620 miles from here.'
'Good grief, is that where the job is?'
'No sir... that's where the end of the line is right now...
Three guys are kidnapped
Three guys are kidnapped and stuffed in a van blindfolded, without knowing where they are.
The van has an open window, and so, one of the guys moves closer to the window and says :"Hey guys, I think we are in Italy, I smell pizza".
The second guy moves closer to the window and says :"No man, we are in Mexico, I can smell the tacos".
The third guy goes like :"We are in New York, you morons".
The other two men ask : "How do you know that for sure?"
The third guy answers : "I put my hand out the window and someone swiped my watch!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So I wrote some Chuck Norris jokes the other day...
The devil once sold his soul to Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't speak, he thinks loudly.
New Orleans didn't flood because of a hurricane. Chuck Norris did a canon ball into the Gulf of Mexico.
Chuck Norris once punched the Tower of Pisa.
Chuck Norris doesn't f**..., because nothing can escape Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris goes skydiving, the Earth uses a parachute.
When Chuck Norris takes a shower, the soap doesn't clean him. He cleans the soap.
Netflix marathons Chuck Norris.
If Chuck Norris stared at the sun too long, he wouldn't go blind. The sun would.
If Chuck Norris bit a vampire, the vampire would turn back into a human.
Mexico and the TITANIC
Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's Mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost.
The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day. The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo.
Most people don't know that back in 1912...
Hellman's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the "Titanic" was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after New York City.
Mexicans were crazy about the stuff.
The Mexican people were eagerly awaiting delivery and were disconsolate ("desperados") at the loss. So much so that they declared a national day of mourning.
It's known, of course, as... Sinko De Mayo.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An ethnically diverse group of people are doing something…
An African-American, a Mexican-American, Jewish-American, and a white man are walking along the beach in Florida. One of them stumbles over a lamp and as he picks it up, a genie appears. The genie thanks them from freeing him from the lamp and offers them each a wish. The African-American says, "My native land has suffered from all the people stolen away by slavery. I wish for all my people to be returned to Africa to start a new age of African success." As he finishes speaking, p**..., he is gone. The Mexican-American is inspired and says, "My native land has suffered from all the people run out by the cartels and corruption. I wish for all my people to be returned to Mexico to start a new age of Mexican success." As he finishes speaking, p**..., he is gone. The Jewish-American feels the same way and says, "My native land has had my people chased out for thousands of years. I wish for all my people to be returned to Israel to start a new age of Israeli success." As he finishes speaking, p**..., he is gone. The white guy is clearly taken aback with all that has happened. He says, "Let me get this straight, all the black, mexicans, and jews are gone? Lemme get a diet coke."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
That holocaust joke reminded me of this one I heard about 2 Mexican dudes.
2 Mexican guys move to America from Mexico. They decide to each go their own way and try to adapt to the culture of their new home. A year later they bump into each other.
Mexican guy 1: Hey man! Long time no see! How have you been adapting? I got really into NASCAR, I got this American flag tattoo, and I even started my own business! I'm living the American dream! What about you?
Mexican guy 2: Go back to Mexico, s**...!!
Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle.
He’s got two large bags over his shoulders.
The guard stops him and says, "What’s in the bags?"
"Sand," answered Juan.
The guard says, "We’ll just see about that – get off the bike!"
The guard takes the bags and rips them apart, he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand.
He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags.
The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man’s shoulders, and lets him cross the border.
The next day, the same thing happens.
The guard asks, "What have you got?"
"Sand," says Juan.
The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand.
He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle.
This sequence of events is repeated every day for a year.
Finally, Juan doesn’t show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico.
"Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know you are smuggling something. It’s driving me crazy. It’s all I think about… I can’t sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?"
Juan sips his beer and says, "Bicycles."
