New Love Jokes
130 new love jokes and hilarious new love puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about new love that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest New Love Short Jokes
Short new love jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The new love humour may include short first love jokes also.
- Why do farmers put bell on their cows? Because their horns don't work.
(From my 6yo who loves her new joke book.) - My son made it through a blood transfusion, so I bought him a 50″ HDTV... He loves his new plasma...
- Yay got a PS5 for my kid. She cried a bit when I left but I'm sure her new parents will love her.
- My girlfriend is in a band My girlfriend is in a band, and for our anniversary I bought her a new drum kit.
It was a cymbal of my love.
I hope this is an original joke. - My epileptic son loves our new Christmas tree. You should see how excited he gets when we turn on the lights.
- People ask how I'm so prepared for Christmas It's easy I had all presents wrapped and hidden in the attic since august, my girlfriend is going to love her new puppy
- A lesbian walks into a bar She takes a seat, and the bartender asks, "Would you like to try our new liquor?"
"Sure!" she says, "I'd love to meet her." - A new discovery which makes dogs live as long as human beings... Allowing a loving bond between them and their non vaccinated owners had been discovered.
- I just made love for over 1hr straight 1 hour and 22 seconds is my new record.
Thanks daylight savings time! - My new personal trainer encouraged me to do do fifteen push-ups every commercial break on TV Man... I love Netflix!
Share These New Love Jokes With Friends
New Love One Liners
Which new love one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with new love? I can suggest the ones about sweet love and new marriage.
- When one door closes, another door opens. Other than that, I love my new car.
- I have fallen in love with a font It's a bit of a Times New Romance.
- I need to buy a new inflatable love doll. The one I have now is almost full.
- My mom always used to say "50 is the new 20!" Lovely woman, lost her driver's license...
- So I just bought myself a Tesla and I loved a new car smell It's got an Elon Musk to it
- Missouri's new travel slogan. Missouri Loves Company
- My friend loves to talk about their new skin lotion. He just keeps rubbing it in.
- I just love the new minecraft update. It's groundbreaking.
- "Jesus loves you" ... has a whole new meaning when you're in a Tijuana prison.
- Did you hear about the new "emo" grass? People love it because it cuts itself.
- What is a New Zealanders favourite love song? I cant help falling in love with ewe..
- I love my new air conditioner. It's so cool!
- I've got a new aftershave called breadcrumbs The birds love it
- Have you heard about Missouri's new tourist campaign? "Missouri loves company."
- I love my new AMD processor! It's phenomal!
Gather Around for Heartwarming New Love Jokes and Uplifting Humor
What funny jokes about new love you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean true love jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make new love pranks.
My Dearest Susan,
Sweetie of my heart.
I’ve been so desolate ever since I broke off our engagement.
Simply devastated.
Won’t you please consider coming back to me?
You hold a place in my heart no other woman can fill.
I can never marry another woman quite like you.
I need you so much. Won’t you forgive me and let us make a new beginning?
I love you so.
Yours always and truly,
John
P.S. Congratulations on you winning the state lottery.
A man was shipwrecked with his dog and a sheep on a tiny island in the middle of nowhere.
Everytime the man moved close to the sheep, his dog would snarl and growl at him.
One day while walking the island he discovered a lovely n**... lady who also had just become marooned.
"Finally, some company!" he thought.
While sitting on the shore and the watching the sunset with his new female friend, he slowly leaned over and whispered in her ear, "Hey, could you go walk the dog?"
Stephen Hawking says we've got about 1,000 years to find a new place to live. That isn't even enough time for my girlfriend to pack.
I've got a new anorexic girlfriend. It's not going too well though. I'm just seeing less and less of her...
I love when they drop the ball in Times Square. It's a nice reminder of what I did all year.
Don't join the new TESCO dating service, my mate did and he ended up with a bag for life.
Memory Lane...
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great.. I would recommend it very highly..'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know.... The one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'
Tender touching
A man was lying in bed with his new girlfriend. After having great s**..., she spent the next hour just rubbing his t**... -- something she loved to do.
"That feels so nice" he said. Then turned and asked her, "You seem to love doing that, but why?"
Because, she replied, "I miss mine."
So I heard Ray Romano is going bankrupt...
Watch out for his new show, Everybody Loves Ramen.
New neighbor.
Two women were talking about the new hunk in the neighborhood.
"But he acts so s**...," said one to the other.
"I think he must have his brains between his legs."
"Yeah," her friend sighed, "but I'd sure love to blow his mind."
A child was born without a body...
The doctor said there was nothing they could do, but the parents cared for their child anyways.
Several years later, the parents were approached by the same doctor, saying, "I've got some good news. We now have the capability to give your child a body, would you like that?" Of course the parents were overjoyed and immediately agreed.
Another few years went by, and the parents enjoyed being able to hold their child at least, but they wanted their child to have the best life possible, so of course they accepted when the doctor offered to give their child arms.
They loved being able to play with their baby, but were sad that they couldn't teach him to walk. They prayed for the day that the doctor would come just one last time, and it finally came. The doctor asked if they would like to try a new procedure to give their child legs, and they joyfully accepted.
They enjoyed all their time running and playing with their newly whole child, until one day the child was playing in the yard and ran right in front of a cement truck and died.
I guess you could say that the moral of this story is, "stop while you're a head".
The bride asks her husband
The bride asks her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a v**... and I don't know
anything about s**.... Can you explain it to me first?"
"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.
And then they made love for the first time.
Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.
Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."
Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."
After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"
The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.
Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.
She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."
Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
OKAY!
Hearing aid
An older woman is talking to her neighbor one day about her brand new hearing aid. "It may have cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art, everything sounds great, and so far, I love it!"
Her neighbor asks, "What kind is it?"
She replies, "It's about 12:30. You wanna get some lunch?"
I always see gay guys looking at the birds in the local pet store. I wondered why, but then I realized...
...hey, I'm sure they'd love a cockatoo.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
(I just made this joke up after watching 15 episodes of The Sopranos and thinking in the New Jersey Italian-American, whatever you want to call it, accent.)
A boy sees that his pet turtle isn't moving...
"Mommy, my turtle is dead," wailed the little boy to his mother, holding the turtle out to her in his hand.
His mom said, "That's all right. We'll wrap him in a tissue paper, put him in a little box, then have a lovely burial ceremony in the back yard. After that, we'll go out for a yummy big ice cream, and then get you a great new pet, like a puppy!" Just then, she noticed the turtle move. "Look! Your turtle isn't dead after all!"
"Oh," said the little boy, "can we kill it?"
GOD ENJOYS A GOOD LAUGH!
There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone brother.
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He didn't get a fair trial.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Father's business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He was sure his Mother was a v**... and his Mother was sure He was God.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with His hands.
2. He had wine with His meals.
3. He used olive oil.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:
1. He never cut His hair.
2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
3. He started a new religion.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:
1. He was at peace with nature.
2. He ate a lot of fish.
3. He talked about the Great Spirit.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.
But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:
1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was virtually no food.
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
3. And even when He was dead; He had to get up because there was still work to do.
They're making a new movie about a Palestinian Muslim who falls in love with a girl from Israel.
It's called Romeo and Jewliet.
My dad recently passed away and loved dirty jokes. I need some new ones to cheer me and my family up.
Last week, my dad unexpectedly passed away at the age of 56. One of the many things my family loved about him was his tendency to tell dirty jokes at the most inappropriate times. Does anybody have any good ones? Hearing some new dirty jokes would really help cheer me and my family up.
There was a man who loved puns.
There once was a man who loved puns. They were his favorite kind of humor, and he would often spend time trying to come up with new ones. One morning he was feeling particularly inspired and thought up ten brand new puns. And so he went about his day with the intention of using his new puns to get a laugh from his friends, but unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
My boss pulled up in an awesome new car today
"Wow, that's a really nice car, sir. I'd love to drive one of those..." I said.
He said, "Well, if you set goals, you're determined, and you work really hard and put in the long hours, then I can get an even better one next year."
A waitress falls in love instantly upon meeting the new cook because was holding a potato and a knife...
She found him appealin'
I bought a new pair of polarizing sunglasses and was asking my friends what they thought of them.
They seemed to either love them or hate them.
Why female sys-admins restart systems more often then men?
Because they love those new boots!
Let go.. New perspective..
If you love someone, let them go.
If they come back,
.
.
.
.
nobody wanted them.
A midwife delivered a baby and asked the mother
" wow your baby has such lovely hair, does he get it from his dad?"
The new mother replied " I don't know, he wore a hat"
My friend's mum has a saying
"40 is the new 30". Lovely woman. Banned from driving though.
A new pilot has his first day in a real cockpit and he asks the pilot...
"Wow, there's so many b**... and switches. How do you remember what they all do?" The captain replies, "I don't, but for the love of God don't touch the dusty ones."
Met a beautiful girl down at the park today..
Met a beautiful girl down at the park today.
Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having s**... right there and then.
God, I love my new Taser...
Alzheimers
I love alzeimers...cos every day I meet new people
Love the new cat band Mewtallica
Especially their hit song,
Enter Sandbox.
Kate Winslet will never be able to love a new iPhone...
...nothing in the world could ever replace the love she had for Jack.
have you smelled my new seeded aftershave?
The birds love it.
Got my self some new aftershave for the weekend, it's called Breadcrumbs
The birds love it.
I was walking in the park...
..and I saw a beautiful girl. I went up to her, spark flew, she fell at my feet and before I knew it we were having s**....
God do I love my new taser.
How many country singers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love she is with the new one, and one to go "Yeeeee-Hah !" and throw his hat in the air.
Not sure if this is the right place to post, but after the US election results from last night, I need help creating a new dating website. It will help desperate American men and women find love in Canada.
It'll be called ehHarmony
New Years Resolutions
Me and the wife were having Christmas drinks with friends when one asked, "what's everyone's new years resolution?"
I said, "Mine's going to be, to have more s**...."
"Oh great!" my wife sighed.
"Don't worry, love" I assured her, "it's not going to affect you."
My new free love phase hasn't been working out
so far no one's paid me any interest
Everyone seems to love the new pound coin...
Personally I hate change.
Love,
Dad
I visited a seafood restaurant that just opened up.
I love that new gar smell.
In Sunday School, they said God and Jesus were everywhere, in everything.
This takes,"Jesus loves you" to a whole new level.
A rich, dumb Husband and wife are taking their first trip on their new Yacht.
They have sailed far from the shore, and the two are sitting in chairs, looking out towards the water.
"Gee, I just love this new Yakt!" The man says.
"Erm... Honey, the "c" is silent." His wife responds.
The man takes a sip from a tall glass, before responding "you're right, it's very tranquil."
A rich Brit comes home from a long day of work...
He says to his most trusted servant: "I had such a long day, I'd love to have some proper tea."
The servant leaves the room and comes back 30 minutes later. "What took you so long?" says the rich Brit angrily.
"I bought you a new 4 bedroomed house. I hope it's ok."
Everybody really loves the new "IT" movie.
But when I dress up as a clown, and lure kids into the sewer with red balloons I get diagnosed as a psychopath.
We all love to spend lots of money buying new clothes....
.....but we never realise that the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes....!
I'm loving my new desk. It looks good and is at the perfect working height. I sat down, got myself comfortable and thought..
Yeah I could really get behind this.
An Irishman, Englishman and a Scotsman enter a brand new bar.
The Englishman and Scotsman loved it, the Irishman was blown away.
What do you call a spontaneous fish that loves new-age techno?
Carp EDM
I met this beautiful girl in the park yesterday. Sparks flew and she fell at my feet. We ended up having s**... right there on the spot.
God, I love my new taser!
Did you hear about the new movie called Love, Simon ?
Love should be like Bluetooth
When you are close, the status should be.....connected
When away...searching for a new device
I met a beautiful girl down at the park today
Sparks flew, she fell at my feet, and we wound up having s**... right then and there!
Gosh I love my new taser
Did you hear about the new movie in which a beautiful girl falls in love with a loaf of bread?
Its called "Beauty and the Yeast"
I love that new Korean vegetarian snack p**....
Not Poodle
She asks her new boyfriend, "Will you love me always"?
He replies, "Of course. Which way would you like to try first"?
Jack came home in great excitement and said to his wife:
"Jill, love, you will never believe it, dear, but I have discovered an entirely new position for l**...".
"Really," she said, interested at once. "What is it?"
"Back to back," Jack replies
"But that is crazy. We cannot do anything back to back."
"Yes we can," he says. "I have persuaded another couple to help out!"
The new Super Smash Bros comes out on December 7th
Japan must just love dropping bombs that day
My liberal friends really love their new iPhone.
Made by kids in China, from rare metals, mined by slaves, from a company that pays no tax.
I met a lovely, helpful person the other day
They were always asking about me, wanting to get to know me better. They seemed genuinely helpful and were there when i needed them most. They dedicated their time to me and didn't even ask for anything in return. I decided to take the plunge and kiss them!
Anyway, i need a new public defender.
My new barber is a really smart guy
I love having conversations with him while I'm in the chair, but he always talks over my head.
Joey moves to a nudist colony
Joey moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his grandmother asking him to send her a current photo of him in his new location. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half and mails it. The next day he discovers that he had accidentally sent the bottom half of the photo.
He is extremely worried but then remembers that his grandmother's eyesight is poor and hopes that she doesn't notice.
A few weeks later, he receives a letter from his grandmother. It reads
Dear Joey
Thank you for the picture. May I suggest that you get a haircut, your hair makes your nose look small.
Love Grandma
A woman wakes up in hospital after having a v**... tuck. There are three bunches of flowers beside her bed.
One from her surgeon saying "all went well".
The second from her husband saying " I love you, get well soon".
The third was from Tommy in the burns ward saying "Thanks for the new ears .
Two siblings, a boy and a girl opens their Christmas presents
The boy received a football hat while the girl received a wonderful gold necklace.
The next year, the boy received a puzzle and the girl received an new wardrobe full of clothes.
And the next year again, the boy finds out he got a cheap chinese phone while his sister received an iPhone X.
So this year, after the opening, the girl says: "Haha! mom and dad loves me more!"
The boy replies: "Haha! I don't have a tumor"
The Physical act of love
[When the couple were about to make love]
girl : i want you to hurt me.
boy : your sister's more successful than you.
girl : wait,
boy : not a big fan of the new haircut.
girl : stop please stop, it really hurts.
I love animals. Yesterday I saw a baby bird that had fallen from its nest up in the tree.
I wanted to get the bird back up in the nest so it can be safe. It only took me three throws.
- Stollen from Norm's new show.
I stole a Tesla.
I sure do love my new Edison.
I love helping blind people in my spare time.
Especially since I got my new 3 watts laser pointer.
