New Kid Jokes
130 new kid jokes and hilarious new kid puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about new kid that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest New Kid Short Jokes
Short new kid jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The new kid humour may include short young kid jokes also.
- When I was a kid I prayed every night for a new bicycle Then I learned the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and prayed for forgiveness instead
- Took my kids to the dinosaur museum today. Spent the whole day looking up at the giant sculptures , I discovered a new species.
Myneckisaur.
This is my first dad joke post :) - My new puppy just bit the neighbors kid so we had to have it killed He was going to tell his parents
- Yay got a PS5 for my kid. She cried a bit when I left but I'm sure her new parents will love her.
- When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.
- I've invented a new opiod, which I've called Jesus. All the churches near me are telling kids not to take the Lord's name in vein.
- A new study shows that if your parents didn't have kids, you're less likely to have kids, too.
- My new girlfriend asked me how I felt about kids. With my hands was apparently not the right answer.
- Did you hear about that new Anatomically Correct Elmo doll they're working on? Before they sell it to the kids, they're gonna give it two test tickles.
- I recently bought a new Rolex and my son dropped it and broke it. Anyway,I am having a giveaway The kid is 9 years old, tall and cute.
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New Kid One Liners
Which new kid one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with new kid? I can suggest the ones about random kid and new hire.
- What do anti-vax kids and unfunny jokes have in common? They both die in new.
- Kim and Kanye's kid launched a new perfume in her own name. North—by North West.
- Subway released their new kids menu. They say it's Jared's favorite.
- Have you heard of the new hit dance called the corona Shuffle? All the kids say it sick.
- Have you heard of this new paraplegic juicy juice? It's 50% juice for 50% kids.
- What's the thing my memes and an antivax kid have in common? They both die in new
- Some kids were making fun of the new Spanish guy. I said, "Olé off him."
- You guys hear about that band from Alaska? They are called New Block On the Kids.
- My wifes New Year resolution is that I spend more time with the kids
- A new study shows anti vaxed kids never get autism. They die before signs could show.
- Did you hear about the up and coming Nepalese boy band? New Blocks on the Kids.
- Hey did you guys hear about the new Apple Watch? They're making one for kids.
- There is a therapy group at school for kids who are bullied. I'm helping new members join
- I showed some Syrian kids my new drone today. They were all blown away by it.
- What day of the week do New York families play with their kids? Toysday
New Kid Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about new kid you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean new recruit jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make new kid pranks.
Two programmers after work, talking in a pub:
"
You will never believe me when I tell you what happened to me yesterday. I met a very nice blonde in a bar."
- And what did you do ?
"I invited her to my place, we had some drinks and then the girl asked me to undress her."
"Are you kidding me ? And what did you do then?"
"I got her blouse and her dress off and then i got her to sit on my office, right next to my new laptop."
"Oh, you got a new laptop. What model and what are its specifications?"
Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour?
Pupil: Because it can’t sit down!
An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren’t the best teacher in the school
Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4?
Pupil: That’s not fair!
You answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one!
Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas.
At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.
"I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE..."
"I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO..."
"I PRAY FOR A NEW STEREO..."
His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."
To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"
Johnny was racing around the garden on his new bicycle and called out to his mother to watch his tricks.
"Look, Mum! No hands! Look, Mum! No feet! Waaah! Look, Mum! No teeth!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Johnny was at school one day, when he noticed that there was a large crowd of kids gathered around Little Billy.
Little Johnny walks up to Little Billy and says "Hey what's all the excitement about",
Little Billy says "Just showing everyone my new watch".
Little Johnny goes "Wow, that's a cool watch where did you get it?"
Little Billy says "Well, I walked in on my mom and dad having s**... over the weekend, and my dad was so mad he gave me spanking and sent me to my room".
The next day, he feel guilty about what he had done and went and bought me this cool Watch.
This gives Little Johnny a good idea.
Later that night, when Little Johnny was sent to bed, he stayed up listening and waiting for his mom and dad to go to bed.
Once he starts hearing noises coming from their room he runs down the hall, throws their bedroom door open, and yells "I want a watch!"
His dad looks over to Johnny and says "Well okay, but sit in the corner and be quiet!"
I figure I might need a new kidney in 30 years, so I've decided to have a kid.
Did y'all hear about the new Exorcist movie? Apparently there's a twist.
The devil comes to take the priest out of the kid.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Comment found on an FB
pic of a new born baby
"Hey kid, Spoiler Alert: Life s**...."
What's in a name?
A woman sits down next to another mother on a park bench as their kids played together on a playground in Keswick, and they got to talking.
The woman was astonished that the other Mom had eleven children, all named Jayden.
Why did you call all your kids Jayden?" she asked her new friend.
"It's a great time-saver, I can just yell JAYDEN, time for bed", and they all will come running".
A perplexed look crossed the face of the first woman But don't you find it a little confusing? What if you only wanted to call one specific child, the second youngest, or the oldest? How do you get just their attention?
Simple… said the mother of eleven …then I just call them by their LAST names
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
With Vaseline or without?
skinny white guy gets thrown into jail when this b**... dude comes over to him and says "hey kid, it's me and you tonight!", later that night the b**... dude rips him a new one.
The next morning, the guy can barely walk when at lunch the black dude comes over to him and says "kid, tonight it's me & you again. However, tonight I'll let you decide if you want it with Vas or without. The poor guy thinks to himself "well, if i'm gonna get r**... anyway, at least let me have some relief" so he says "with Vas".
Black guy turns around and screams to his buddy "Hey Vas, you're in"!!!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The mailman
A mailman gets a new route in a rural community. Walking up to a isolated little farmhouse, he sees a woman out back getting hammered by a goat.
He looks at the kid sitting on the porch, and asks him "Hey kid, doesn't it bother you, what your mom's doing back there?"
The kid looks at him and says "NAAAAAAA!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three men are sitting at a bar
Three men were sitting at a bar talking about their lives. They get to talking about there kids and how great they are.
The first man brags " My son is the greatest! He is CEO of a big company. He makes so much money that he just bought two new sports cars, one for himself and the other for his lover."
The second father, trying to show up the first, says "Oh Yeah? Well my boy created a huge internet company and makes millions he just bought two mansions, one for himself and the other for HIS lover".
The third guy is sitting quietly drinking his beer. The other two guys look at him and ask what about his son? Does he make a lot of money?
The third guy says " Nah, My son doesn't make millions or anything like that. He's a male e**.... Although, his two best clients did just buy him a new car and a new mansion."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One day a college professor was greeting his new college class...
He stood up in front of the class and asked if anyone in the class was a m**...,
and if they were, they should stand up.
After a minute a young man stood up.
The professor then asked the kid if he actually thought he was a m**....
The kid replied,
'No, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself'.
Mary and Sue are discussing good-looking boys in their high school.
Mary asks "Have you seen that new Mexican kid Amal Garcia?"
"Garcia?" Sue responds. "No, but I think I've seen his brother Juan"
Mary replies "They're identical twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal!"
A naughty child
A naughty child was irritating all the passengers on the flight from London to New York.
At last one man could stand it no longer.
"Hey kid," he shouted.
"Why don't you go outside and play?"
Woman buys parrot
A woman walks into a pet store, and is perusing through the various animals when she comes across one of the most beautiful parrots she has ever seen. She's taken aback by the tropical beauty of this bird, and when she looks on the price tag on the cage it says 50$. The woman turns to the man at the front counter and asks "Why is a bird this beautiful being sold for this little?" The man looks up and says "Oh, that bird was originally kept in a house of prostitution, and boy does he have a mouth". The woman takes the words to heart but buys the bird anyway. She buys it, and takes it home with her. She puts the bird in the living room. Suddenly the bird squawks "NEW HOUSE NEW MADAME!" The woman is put off by this but she figures that in a few days the bird will get over it. Her daughters come home from school and the bird speaks again "NEW HOUSE, NEW MADAME, NEW GIRLS!" Again the woman is off put but she assures her kids that the bird will grow out of its old habits. The woman's husband gets back in from a day at work. The parrot takes one look at him and squawks:
"HI GARY!!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Topical Jokes (5/22)
Hope everyone had a wonderful Wednesday but we can never escape the jokes!
First up, the FCC announced today that they would start to allow more s**... during peak kids' TV hours. So look out for PBS's new show starring Big Bird's cousin, Kandi Kanary, in "Sesame Red Light District".
Weird entertainment news, Paris Hilton has signed onto Cash Money Records. It's there she plans to rap under the emcee name, Li'l Self Respect.
More celebrities. Justin Bieber is now threatening to sue fans if they try to break into his home. Bieber also says he has a whole team of lawyers set up if any females try to break into his room despite the "no gurls allowed" sign.
Good news on the Catholic front, Pope Francis proclaimed that every single human has been redeemed. The Pope said, "God even forgave me for that time I got wasted and peed in the baptismal font so, seriously, stop bringing that up."
And more hopeful news, Vice President Biden told crowds today that the US is not in decline - which is expected for someone who hinges the US's status based on how many Slurpee flavors are available at 7-Eleven.
Just a quick set tonight but thanks for reading!
What doctors really thinking?
- This should be taken care of right away.
I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.
- Welllllll, what have we here…?
He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.
- Let me check your medical history.
I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending anymore time with you.
- We have some good news and some bad news.
The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.
- Let me schedule you for some tests.
I have a forty percent interest in the lab.
- I'd like to have my associate look at you.
He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle.
- I'd like to prescribe a new drug.
I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.
- This may hurt a little.
Last week two patients bit off their tongues.
- This should fix you up.
The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.
- I'd like to run some more tests.
I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.
- There is a lot of that going around.
My God, that's the third one this week. I'd better learn something about this.
A Texas Salesman
A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big department store looking for a job.
The manager asks him, "Do you have any sales experience?"
"Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas."
Well, the boss liked the kid, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many sales did you make today?"
"One."
"Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?"
"$79,237.64."
His boss is astounded. "$79,237.64? What did you sell him?"
"Well, first I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him that twin engine SeaRay. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Suburban."
The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?"
The young man replied, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Well, since your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing.'"
Barack Obama was out jogging one day...
When he tripped, and fell over a bridge railing and landed in the river below. Before secret service could get to him, 3 kids who were fishing pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted in return for saving his life. The first kid said, "I want to go to Disney world!" To which Obama replied, "not a problem, I'll even fly you there in Air Force one." The second kid then says, "I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's!" "You got it." Said Obama. "I'll even have Michael Jordan himself sign them." Then the third kid says, "I want a motorized wheelchair with a built in big screen tv and headset." Obama seemed a bit confused at this. "You don't look like yore handicapped." He said. To which the kid replied, "I will be after my dad finds out I saved you from drowning.
The Good Old Days!
Grandpa was always going on about the good old days, and the lower cost of living, in particular to his grandson.
"When I was a kid, my mom could send me to the store, and I'd get a salami, two pints of milk, 6 oranges, 2 loaves o' bread, a magazine, and some new blue jeans... all for a dollar!!
"Grandson, "You can't DO that anymore..... they got those darn video cameras everywhere you look."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Santa's Jokes
Question: What's red and white and gives presents to good little fish on Christmas?
Answer: Sandy Claws.
Question: Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
So he can h**...-h**...-h**....
Question: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Answer: Frostbite.
Question: Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.
Question: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
Answer: Ribbon hood.
Question: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Answer: Claustrophobic.
Question: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Answer: Snowflakes.
Question: Why did the little girl change her mind about buying her grandmother a packet od handkerchiefs for Christmas?
Answer: She said "I could not work out what size her nose was!
Question: What was so good about he neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas?
Answer: It was wound up already.
Question: What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas?
Answer: Forty feet of track - all straight!
I wanna tell you what kind of luck I've got. If this year I cornered the mistletoe market, they'd postpone Christmas.
Christmas: When you exchange hellos with strangers and good buys with friends.
Christmas is the time when people put so many bulbs on the outside of their houses, you don't know if they're celebrating the birth of Jesus or General Electric.
Do you know what it is like to put up fifteen hundred Christmas lights on the roof of a house? The kids are giving two to one I'm gonna come down the chimney before Santa Claus does.
Christmas in Los Angeles is always interesting. Seeing carolers dressed in Bermuda shorts...groping their way through the smog singing: "It came upon a midnight clear."
Every Christmas pageant throughout the world has a scene showing Joseph leading Mary into Bethlehem on a donkey. Do you realize what would happen if the Republicans asked for equal time?
Did you hear about the Beverly Hills school Christmas pageant? Two kids dressed as Mary and Joseph and they are on their way to the inn in Bethlehem. On the other side of the stage, a boy in a shepherd's outfit is on a mobile/ cellular phone, calling for reservations.
Sometimes I get the feelin that if Christmas, Father's Day and birthdays did not exist, then aftershave too, would not exist.
3 jewish moms
3 moms are talking about their sons:
The first one says "my son is so rich that he can buy Paris!", the second one answers "are you kidding me? Mine is so rich that he can buy Paris AND New York!", the third one looks at them and seems surprised, then she says: "and what makes you think my son wants to sell???"
You don't know Jack...
Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of
Knee-deep Schitt, Inc.
Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and they had 6 children: Holie Schitt, The twins; Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt and Bull Schitt.
Jack and Noe divorced. Noe later married Mr. Sherlock and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.
Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they had Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt married the Happens
brothers in a dual ceremony.
The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg, Byrd and Horse. Bull Schitt left home to tour the world. He recently returned with his new bride, Pisa Schitt. Now you know Jack Schitt.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is the best offensive joke you have? Can you make me laugh?
Read all the other threads. I need new content. The old stuff is getting, well old.
Here's my contribution.
Have you head of the new drinking game?
The mike brown special: stand there and take 12 shots.
What's the difference between mike brown and a college kid? College kids can handle more shots before they fall down.
Greeting the new student
So a new student named Dillon walks into class for his very first day of school. All the other children were talking to their friends, while he had none to talk to. But, one of the kids walked up to him and began the conversation-
Child: "Hi, im Nick, whats your name?"
Dillon: "My names Dillon"
Nick: "Thats a cool name, Mind if I call you Dill for short?"
Dillon: "I wouldnt advise doing that"
Nick: "Why so?"
Dillon: "Because my last name is Do"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman entered her daughter's room and found a letter
Dear mom
I hate to tell you this, but I escaped with my new boyfriend. He's sweet guy although people judge him because the rings on his ears and nose, and his many tattoos and his big bike.
I'm also pregnant. He tells me that we'll live happy in the forest and have many kids.
He also tells me that w**... is fine, and we'll grow it for our friends who will give us c**....
Don't worry, mom. We pray to god that scientist will find a cure for aids, because my darling deserves it.
I'm 15 now, mom, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'll visit you and introduce you to your grandchildren.
Love you. Daughter .
.
.
.
P.S.
Mom, I'm joking. I'm at our neighbor's house. By the way, the test grades report is on my table .
Santa Claus is reading letters from kids
Santa opens first letter: Oh Peter from USA needs new iPad.
Santa opens second letter: Oh Naomi from Japan needs new Samsung phone.
Santa opens third letter: Oh Isa Ahmed from Nigeria wants me to help him to get 32 million dollars out of the country.
In a short-sighted rushed effort to reboot the iTouch product Apple decided to market it to schools. Apple named their new product iTouch Kids. It didn't go over well...
It did great in the 12-25 prison stint group though.
about Jared admitting and Subway
I hear Subway is having a new promotion. They're giving away a six-inch with every kids meal.
The new film coming out about a kid with cerebral palsy isn't doing well with critics . . . . .
It gets off to a shaky start then ends up falling flat on it's face
I figured out why new mothers are so tired.
Having kids really takes a lot out of you.
Who's your daddy?
A father's daughter brought home her prospective fiancee
It was the first time he'd met him and he took the opportunity to quiz him a bit
"So, what do you do for a living?" he asked
"I have no job" he replied
"Really? Well how do you expect to provide for my daughter?"
"God will provide, I'm sure" was the answer from the intended
"And how exactly will he do that then?"
"God is merciful and will ensure we do not want" he said with all sincerity
"And how about if you have kids? Who looks after you then?"
"God will ensure he provides bounty for the whole family"
"OK, so you say, but exactly how will God provide this?"
"I don't know yet. God will move in his own mysterious ways"
At this point, the father gives up and leaves the house fuming, heading straight for the bar. there he meets his friend Dave who asks,
"What's up friend? You seem troubled"
"Well, I've just met my girl's new fiancé"
"Oh man, bad news?"
"Well, on the plus side, he does at least seem to think I'm God..."
Have you heard that new Ethiopian kids rap group?
Skin & Bone Thugs-N-Harmony
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Selling Condoms
An 18-yr-old starts work as a pharmacist's assistant. The pharmacist is showing the new kid around the aisles when they stop at the c**... display and the kid asks why they come in different quantities per package.
The pharmacist tells the noob that the 3-packs are for high school guy, who gets it on once on Friday night, once on Saturday and once on Sunday.
The 6-packs are for the more-experienced college guys, who do it twice each on Friday night, Saturday and Sunday.
So the kid says, "what about these 12-packs?"
The pharmacist replies "the 12-packs are for the guys who've been married for a long time - January, February, March..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So...Liverpool F.C. sign new striker...
A real new hot shot from Afghanistan, the new wonder kid.
He has his debut and scores a hatrick.
After the game he calls his mum and tells her the good news.
"Mum, Mum I scored three goals in my first game!"
His mum replies..."Son that's all very good but I have some bad news."
"Over the Weekend, your father was shot by a s**..., your sister r**..., and I was robbed whilst shopping"
"Oh Mum I am so so sorry" the son says...
"SORRY!!!! It's your fault we moved to Liverpool" shouts the mother.
Coming up next, the love story of a New Zealander and a goat.
Just kidding!
It's time to start thinking of my New Year's resolution!
This year I'm going to...no, I don't have that much time. I'm stopping...no, I still like doing that. Well, I'll....who am I kidding?
What's a good name for an Islamic boy band?
The New Kids on the Kaaba
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bill,Marla and innocent son
Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon q**... with their 10-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot,"he said.
"An ambulance just drove by."
A few moments passed.
"Looks like the Anderson's have company," he called out.
"Matt`s riding a new bike and the Coopers are having s**...."
Mom and dad shot up in bed.
"How do you know that?" the startled father asked.
"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.
This kid is going places
From New York City to Los Angeles
I was amazed
As I get older, I never stop learning new things every day. I'm a new dad and the other day I was changing my baby when all of a sudden my kid rolls off of the changing table. As if animal instincts kicked into me in that split moment, or super powers of sorts, I swoop down with lightning speed and catch him INCHES off of the ground! Still to this day I'm amazed; I had no idea babies could bounce that high off of marbled flooring.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A new study came out today showing that kids who are NOT vaccinated are actually more likely to have autism.
Turns out autism is hereditary.
A guy gets a call his wife is in labor...
He rushes off to the hospital, but gets stuck in traffic. By the time he gets to the hospital his wife has already had the baby. So he heads down to the nursery to see his new baby. He sees his child sleeping and a nurse walks up and ask, " is this your baby?" The nurse picks up the baby and holds the child up to the father and gently rocks him, the dad is in awe... she takes the baby and throws it against the wall. The dad freaks out and starts screaming and the nurse tells him to calm down...
" I was kidding, it was a still born."
My wife's in a wedding this weekend so I'm stuck with the kids.
I wish her the best in her new life.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Have you heard of the Chinese Military's new strategy?
They're sending kids into battle and winning! Who knew that youth in Asia could be so lethal!
A kid was born without eyelids.
Don't worry the doctor assured the father.
When we circumcise him we will use the skin to make him new eyelids. After the procedure the father is with the doctor. Well what do you think of the procedure? asks the doctor. I don't know? Does he look a little cockeyed to you?
Everybody really loves the new "IT" movie.
But when I dress up as a clown, and lure kids into the sewer with red balloons I get diagnosed as a psychopath.
While helping some freshmen check into their dorms at our state college I overheard a couple of new co-eds rate me as a six.
It really saddens me that our public school systems are only teaching kids to count to six.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was watching TV when my kid asked...
Kid: What channel is New g**...?
Me: Deschanel
A priest took a group of kids to a new Disney movie
"Aladdin Me"
I don't see the hype in the big, new trend everyone is playing.
I had fort night with my kids and they got bored with it pretty quick.
TIL it's ok to tell my new neighbor family that I like kids , but not I like 10-year olds .
I know! It's confusing to you, too, right?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A high school English teacher is doing a lesson on how words modify to make new meanings.
The teacher explained: The word slap can be used as an action, a game, and a joke. You see, slap to the face is an action, slap jack is a card game, and a knee s**... is a joke.
But as you see, words need adjacent words to take on a new meaning. There is no word that can be an action, game and a joke just as it is.
A kid in the back of the room interrupted and asked, what about the word Trump?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Just became a new dad!
Kids are 9 and 12, but the s**... change was yesterday.
A social worker from a big city.....
.....recently transferred to the sticks in south Georgia and was on the first tour of her new territory when she came upon the tiniest cabin she had ever seen in her life.
Intrigued, she went up and knocked on the door.
'Anybody home?' she asked.
'Yep,' came a kid's voice through the door.
'Is your father there?' asked the social worker.
'Pa? Nope, he left afore Ma came in,' said the kid.
'Well, is your mother there?' persisted the social worker.
'Ma? Nope, she left just afore I got here,' said the kid.
'But,' protested the social worker, 'are you never together as a family?'
'Sure, but not here,' said the kid through the door. 'This is the outhouse!'
In high school they called me Mr. Oblivious. So when I noticed the new kid with his fancy gear walk in I called him "Mr.Big Shot".
That compliment spared me from the school shooting
So my kid walks inside and says,
'Hey mom, can we get one of those new chicken proof lawns for the backyard? I hear they're impeccable".
When I was a kid living with my parents, I remember when my dad gave me money to pay the utilities one day
On impulse, I decided to buy scratch-offs. When I got home I explained *'but we could get a new car when we win!'*, he ended up beating me.
The next day, we woke up to a new truck outside our house and everyone was crying. Myself in particular, because the new truck was from the Utilities company, coming to shutoff the water. So my dad beat me again.
It still Hertz to this day.
A new boy has just enrolled at school and the teacher remarked on his unusual name, Aday.
I've never heard that name before, she said
My father thought of it, said the boy.
I was the 10th kid in our family, and when I was born, Dad said: 'For cryin' our loud, let's call it a day!'
A new kid walks in.
The teacher calls out on him.
Teacher: Jon!
Kid: I go by my middle name.
Teacher: What's your middle name?
Kid: D
Teacher: So Big D or Little D?
Kid: Missing D.
I was explaining puns to my 8yo kid and we collaborated on a new joke
What's another term for a reading lamp?
A TALE LIGHT!
🤣🤣🤣
Did you know that a new verb has been added into the Oxford Dictionary? The definition is: To prank somebody in a infantile way.
Nah I'm just kidding
New Product Directions?
If you smacked a kid in the face with a bottle of Johnson & Johnson's no more tears, would it create beautiful irony?
I'm getting my kids a new puppy for Christmas
I wrapped him last week, they are going to be so surprised.
