New Jersey Jokes
96 new jersey jokes and hilarious new jersey puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about new jersey that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest New Jersey Short Jokes
Short new jersey jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The new jersey humour may include short jersey jokes also.
- Why are New Yorkers always so depressed? Q: Why are New Yorkers always so depressed?
A: The light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey. - Why are people from New York always depressed. Because the light at the end of the tunnel is always Jersey.
- Why is everyone in New York depressed? Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey
- Why are people in New York always so sad? Because the light at the end of the tunnel is *New Jersey*
- If Mississippi gave Missouri her New Jersey to wear at the fair, what will Delaware? I don't know but Alaska.
- Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California get all the lawyers? New Jersey got to pick first.
- I once had 4 blowouts at once, but managed to drive on the metal of my rims from New York to New Jersey. I did pretty good, but the hero of the moment was my car. It worked tirelessly.
- Why did Washington, D.C. get all the lawyers and New Jersey get all the toxic waste dumps? New Jersey had the first pick.
- Why are New Yorkers always so grumpy? Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.
- Why did New York get all the lawyers, and New Jersey all the toxic waste sites? New Jersey picked first.
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New Jersey One Liners
Which new jersey one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with new jersey? I can suggest the ones about jersey shore and new york.
- If Mississippi wears her New Jersey, what does Delaware? I dunno, Alaska.
- If Mississippi lent Missouri her New Jersey, what did Delaware? I don't know; Alaska
- Where do football players go for new uniforms? New Jersey
- Did you hear what sandy did to New Jersey? A few billion dollars worth of improvements
- Why are New Yorkers so depressed Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey
- If Mississippi went to Missouri for a New Jersey what did Delaware ? Don't know, Alaska
- My girlfriend told me to kiss her where it stinks..... So I drove her to New Jersey
- Why are New Yorker's sad? The light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.
- Where do hockey players go to get another uniform? New Jersey
- She said "kiss me wear it stinks" So I took her to New Jersey and kissed her
- Why did kobe bryant go to New Jersey after he got arrested? Because he needed one.
- What did Delaware New Jersey
- Mississippi lent missouri her new jersey so what did delaware? idaho but alaska
- What does Deleware? A New Jersey
- What are two things you don't pick up in New Jersey? The trash and the women.
Cheerful Fun New Jersey Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about new jersey you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean new mexico jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make new jersey pranks.
New Jersey Governor Chris Christie has said that he may run for President, but analysts predict it is much more likely that he will walk.
The New Jersey 'Tanning Mom' has recently create a doll and called it the 'Tanorexia' doll. The doll was so ugly, it turned Ken gay.
What's the best place to shop for a soccer shirt? New Jersey!
If Mississippi gave Missouri her New Jersey, what would Delaware?
I don't know but Alaska
Eventually, after living a full life, Tom Brady dies and goes to heaven...
At the Pearly Gates, God tells Brady, "As a reward for such a fine football career I am giving you a house. Now, not everyone gets a house up here, in fact it's quite rare. Tom, consider this is a personal gift from the Lord your God." The Almighty shows him to his new home and Brady is somewhat taken aback. The tiny home is more a shack with a faded Patriots flag flying over it. Still, Tom Brady tells God how thankful he is for such a special blessing.
After the Father gives Brady a short tour of his new home, Tom notices a three story mansion just around the block. The enormous home is painted in orange and blue, even down to the driveway and sidewalks. A huge Denver Broncos flag flies off a 50 ft flagpole above the house and a Tim Tebow jersey hangs over the front door.
Brady, a little perplexed, turns to God and asks, "I don't mean to be ungrateful Lord, but I was an all-pro quarterback, I won three Super Bowls, and I was inducted into the Hall of Fame last year." "What are you trying to say, my son?" Brady responds, "Well, why does Tim Tebow get a better house than me?" God chortles and replies, "That's not Tim's house. That's my house!"
The local radio station is having a contest.
First place wins a week in New Jersey.
Second place wins 2 weeks in New Jersey.
Know why New Yorkers are so cynical?
For them, the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.
What's the difference between a hockey team and a New Jersey h**...?
A hockey team showers after 3 periods.
Did you hear about this year's newest fad diet coming out of New York and New Jersey?
The swim-fast diet.
What do you call Jewish folk from New Jersey?
Orange juice.
I always see gay guys looking at the birds in the local pet store. I wondered why, but then I realized...
...hey, I'm sure they'd love a cockatoo.
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(I just made this joke up after watching 15 episodes of The Sopranos and thinking in the New Jersey Italian-American, whatever you want to call it, accent.)
What's the difference between a greyhound terminal in New Jersey and a voluptuous lobster?
One's a crusty bus station, the other is a b**... crustacean
A man and a girl are attracted to one another. The girl tells the man "Kiss me were it stinks" So the man...
... Takes her to New Jersey and kisses her there!
Have you guys seen the new Ray Rice's jersey
It's a wife beater
Why does California have more lawyers and New Jersey have more toxic waste dumps?
New Jersey got to choose first
n**... New Jersey
My girlfriend comes up to me n**... and says kiss me where it smells.
So I drove her to New Jersery
Why does New York have all the lawyers while New Jersey got all the garbage dumps?
New Jersey got to pick first
A Joke for Hockey Fans
A Devils fan, a Rangers fan and an Islanders fan are all standing at the edge of a cliff, staring death in the face. The Devils fan screams out "this is for New Jersey!" and proceeds to jump, plummeting to his death. The Islanders fan then screams out "this is for New York!" and shoves the Rangers fan off the cliff.
Thinking about opening up a s**... bank in New Jersey.
Gonna call it: "Get a load of this guy over here!".
I'm getting tired of riding to work from New Jersey to Manhattan with my neighbors
I guess I'm getting Carpool Tunnel syndrome
I was making out with my girlfriend in my car when she said "OOH DARMOK!! KISS ME DOWN WHERE IT SMELLS!"
...so I drove her to New Jersey.
Why are New Yorkers always depressed?
It's because the light at the tunnel is New Jersey.
What sign encourages you to make a U-Turn on the highway?
"You are now entering New Jersey."
If Mississippi asked Missouri for her New Jersey, what would Delaware?
Idaho either, but Alaska!
TIL The New Jersey Devils have never changed their logo or uniform design/colours.
No new New Jersey jersey.
Why is New Jersey called the Garden State?
Cause you're always guardin' your wallet, guardin' your car, and guardin' your house.
How do you kill a vampire from New Jersey?
With a New York steak.
Why should you never buy golf equiptment made in New Jersey?
Because New Jersey drivers are terrible
The good news for New Jersey, now that Donald Trump is president...
...Chris Christie will step down as governor to become the Secretary of Transportation.
Why does California have the most lawyers and New Jersey have the most toxic dumps?
New Jersey got to pick first.
- from Law and Order
As a new yorker i was excited about a wall that keeps foreigners from taking our jobs
Then I learned the wall wasn't being built around New Jersey.
Why does New York have so many Lawyers and New Jersey have so many toxic waste dumps?
New Jersey got first choice.
How to Steal a Car in 3 Steps 🚙
1) Go to New Jersey
2) Remove pants
3) Shout "Can I borrow someone's khakis?"
Why are New Yorkers so skeptical about everything?
Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey
BREAKING: Helicopter c**... in a New Jersey cemetery
300 dead bodies recovered so far
Pennsylvania and New Jersey changed their state mottos today in order to cut their highway budgets.
Now they both proudly display "Road Work Ahead. Expect Delays" on their welcome signs to better reflect the status of their roadways.
What did Michael Sorrentino say when they asked him if he would be ok with wearing adult diapers on some of the new episodes of Jersey Shore?
It depends on The Situation.
Why did New York get all the lawyers and New Jersey get all the landfills?
New Jersey got to pick first.
The Pangaea Theory, that all land mass was once connected
---still doesn't explain New Jersey.
In a progressive move, Mattel is making a new boyfriend for Barbie who's a homeless man from New Jersey
Hobo Ken.
Why is New York so nice?
Because all the trash is in Jersey
If people from Denver are Denverites and people from New Jersey are New Jerseyites...
Are people from Paris, Parisites?
What does Derek Zoolander have in common with driving in New Jersey?
Both have to make three rights to turn left.
I finally realized why the painting of Washington crossing the Delaware is such a big deal
It depicts the last time someone willingly entered New Jersey.
My wife and I find that we get along better if we sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in New Jersey and mine is in California.
Why did Noah go to New Jersey after he failed to save the animals on his first try?
Because he needed to find a Newark.
My body is in a disgusting, embarrassing, totally repulsive state right now
New Jersey, I'm in New Jersey
My thoughts and prayers go out to the people of New Jersey :(
Nothing happened there. I just feel bad for anyone who has to live in New Jersey.
If a llama with one L is a lama and a llama with two Ls is a llama, what is a llama with 3 Ls?
A 3-alarm fire in New Jersey
If 9/11 happened in New Jersey what would they've called it?
Raiders of the New Ark
Why do people drive so fast in New Jersey?
So as to get the f\*c**... out of New Jersey.
Imagin you are walking along the boardwalk in New Jersey when you see an anti-vaxxer and a flat-earther drowning in the ocean...
do you grab dinner before you go to the movies or see the movie first?
If Miss. Issippi, gave Miss. Ouri, her new jersey, what would Dela wear?
I don't know, but AL ask.
How do they teach the alphabet in New Jersey?
f**...-A, f**...-B, f**...-C...
I asked my father for advice with my girlfriend. He told me to kiss her where it smells
So I took her to New Jersey
Why are so many New Yorkers suffering from depression?
Because for them, the "light at the end of the tunnel" is New Jersey.
