New Jersey Jokes
81 new jersey jokes and hilarious new jersey puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about new jersey that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest New Jersey Short Jokes
Short new jersey jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The new jersey humour may include short jersey jokes also.
- Why are New Yorkers always so depressed? Q: Why are New Yorkers always so depressed?
A: The light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey. - Why is everyone in New York depressed? Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey
- If Mississippi gave Missouri her New Jersey to wear at the fair, what will Delaware? I don't know but Alaska.
- Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California get all the lawyers? New Jersey got to pick first.
- I once had 4 blowouts at once, but managed to drive on the metal of my rims from New York to New Jersey. I did pretty good, but the hero of the moment was my car. It worked tirelessly.
- Why did Washington, D.C. get all the lawyers and New Jersey get all the toxic waste dumps? New Jersey had the first pick.
- Why did New York get all the lawyers, and New Jersey all the toxic waste sites? New Jersey picked first.
- Did you hear about this year's newest fad diet coming out of New York and New Jersey? The swim-fast diet.
- I finally realized why the painting of Washington crossing the Delaware is such a big deal It depicts the last time someone willingly entered New Jersey.
- If Miss. Issippi, gave Miss. Ouri, her new jersey, what would Dela wear? I don't know, but AL ask.
Share These New Jersey Jokes With Friends
New Jersey One Liners
Which new jersey one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with new jersey? I can suggest the ones about jersey shore and new york.
- If Mississippi wears her New Jersey, what does Delaware? I dunno, Alaska.
- Where do football players go for new uniforms? New Jersey
- Did you hear what sandy did to New Jersey? A few billion dollars worth of improvements
- If Mississippi went to Missouri for a New Jersey what did Delaware ? Don't know, Alaska
- My girlfriend told me to kiss her where it stinks..... So I drove her to New Jersey
- Why did kobe bryant go to New Jersey after he got arrested? Because he needed one.
- What did Delaware New Jersey
- If 9/11 happened in New Jersey what would they've called it? Raiders of the New Ark
- What's the best place to shop for a soccer shirt? New Jersey!
- What's New Jersey's state vegetable? Karen Ann Quinlan
- What's the worst/dirtiest state a public bathroom can be in? New Jersey.
- How did the guy from New Jersey introduce himself in France? Bon Jovi!
- Have you guys seen the new Ray Rice's jersey It's a wife beater
- What is only thing worse than cancer? New Jersey.
- Why are New Yorkers so depressed Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey
Cheerful Fun New Jersey Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about new jersey you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean new mexico jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make new jersey pranks.
New Jersey Governor Chris Christie has said that he may run for President, but analysts predict it is much more likely that he will walk.
Eventually, after living a full life, Tom Brady dies and goes to heaven...
At the Pearly Gates, God tells Brady, "As a reward for such a fine football career I am giving you a house. Now, not everyone gets a house up here, in fact it's quite rare. Tom, consider this is a personal gift from the Lord your God." The Almighty shows him to his new home and Brady is somewhat taken aback. The tiny home is more a shack with a faded Patriots flag flying over it. Still, Tom Brady tells God how thankful he is for such a special blessing.
After the Father gives Brady a short tour of his new home, Tom notices a three story mansion just around the block. The enormous home is painted in orange and blue, even down to the driveway and sidewalks. A huge Denver Broncos flag flies off a 50 ft flagpole above the house and a Tim Tebow jersey hangs over the front door.
Brady, a little perplexed, turns to God and asks, "I don't mean to be ungrateful Lord, but I was an all-pro quarterback, I won three Super Bowls, and I was inducted into the Hall of Fame last year." "What are you trying to say, my son?" Brady responds, "Well, why does Tim Tebow get a better house than me?" God chortles and replies, "That's not Tim's house. That's my house!"
The local radio station is having a contest.
First place wins a week in New Jersey.
Second place wins 2 weeks in New Jersey.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a hockey team and a New Jersey h**...?
A hockey team showers after 3 periods.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call Jewish folk from New Jersey?
Orange juice.
I always see gay guys looking at the birds in the local pet store. I wondered why, but then I realized...
...hey, I'm sure they'd love a cockatoo.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
(I just made this joke up after watching 15 episodes of The Sopranos and thinking in the New Jersey Italian-American, whatever you want to call it, accent.)
An Unlikely Friendship
John is driving north on a highway after a sporting event when he comes to a single lane bridge. He checks the road and begins to cross the river, only to be hit head-on from the oncoming direction. The two cars are completely mangled, but the two drivers are completely fine. John notices that the man who hit him is wearing a jersey from a rival sports team.
The man who caused the accident said, "Hey man, sorry about your car... And even though we represent different teams, I think this is a sign that we should put our differences beside us."
John replies, "I think you're right." He goes and checks his trunk and remarkably pulls out an undamaged bottle of Jack Daniels. "Amazing! How about a drink to celebrate our new friendship?"
The driver agrees and takes a few swigs of the whiskey. He passes the bottle back to John who promptly throws the bottle over the bridge and into the river below. "Oi! What did you do that for? Weren't you going to have some for yourself? What about our new friendship?"
John smirks. "Tell that to the cops when they show up."
A New Salesman
A young guy from N. J. moves to Fla. He goes to a big "everything under one roof" store looking for a sales job.
The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid says, "Yeah. I was a salesman back in New Jersey."
Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it.
After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many customers bought something from you today?"
The kid says, "One."
The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?"
The kid says "$101,237.65."
The boss says "$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?"
The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fishhook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook.
"Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast,
"So I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft."
"Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."
The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fishhook, and you sold him a BOAT AND a TRUCK?!"
The kid said, "No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.'"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why does New York have all the lawyers while New Jersey got all the garbage dumps?
New Jersey got to pick first
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Joke for Hockey Fans
A Devils fan, a Rangers fan and an Islanders fan are all standing at the edge of a cliff, staring death in the face. The Devils fan screams out "this is for New Jersey!" and proceeds to jump, plummeting to his death. The Islanders fan then screams out "this is for New York!" and shoves the Rangers fan off the cliff.
My dad's day at work...
My dad is a police officer out here in New Jersey (US), and the irony is perfect.
My dad drives up to a nearby school and spots three teenagers smoking cigarettes out back. Somebody recently called from the area about a kid who was stealing outside equipment from the neighborhood and one of the teenagers matched the description. My dad drives up to them and calls the one matched over to his car. He asks him what they've been doing and the normal of an officer. My dad then asks, "What's your name sir?" and the teenager failed to answer. My father asks again with still no answer. At this point, his friends stood up and are walking towards the car to figure out why my father was speaking up. They hear my dad ask again, "What is your name sir?" and one of the kids exclaims, "Calvin don't tell him".
I'm getting tired of riding to work from New Jersey to Manhattan with my neighbors
I guess I'm getting Carpool Tunnel syndrome
I was making out with my girlfriend in my car when she said "OOH DARMOK!! KISS ME DOWN WHERE IT SMELLS!"
...so I drove her to New Jersey.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are New Yorkers always depressed?
It's because the light at the tunnel is New Jersey.
What sign encourages you to make a U-Turn on the highway?
"You are now entering New Jersey."
TIL The New Jersey Devils have never changed their logo or uniform design/colours.
No new New Jersey jersey.
Why is New Jersey called the Garden State?
Cause you're always guardin' your wallet, guardin' your car, and guardin' your house.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why should you never buy golf equiptment made in New Jersey?
Because New Jersey drivers are terrible
The good news for New Jersey, now that Donald Trump is president...
...Chris Christie will step down as governor to become the Secretary of Transportation.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
As a new yorker i was excited about a wall that keeps foreigners from taking our jobs
Then I learned the wall wasn't being built around New Jersey.
How to Steal a Car in 3 Steps 🚙
1) Go to New Jersey
2) Remove pants
3) Shout "Can I borrow someone's khakis?"
Why are New Yorkers so skeptical about everything?
Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
BREAKING: Helicopter c**... in a New Jersey cemetery
300 dead bodies recovered so far
Pennsylvania and New Jersey changed their state mottos today in order to cut their highway budgets.
Now they both proudly display "Road Work Ahead. Expect Delays" on their welcome signs to better reflect the status of their roadways.
What did Michael Sorrentino say when they asked him if he would be ok with wearing adult diapers on some of the new episodes of Jersey Shore?
It depends on The Situation.
Why did New York get all the lawyers and New Jersey get all the landfills?
New Jersey got to pick first.
The Pangaea Theory, that all land mass was once connected
---still doesn't explain New Jersey.
In a progressive move, Mattel is making a new boyfriend for Barbie who's a homeless man from New Jersey
Hobo Ken.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why is New York so nice?
Because all the trash is in Jersey
If people from Denver are Denverites and people from New Jersey are New Jerseyites...
Are people from Paris, Parisites?
What does Derek Zoolander have in common with driving in New Jersey?
Both have to make three rights to turn left.
My wife and I find that we get along better if we sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in New Jersey and mine is in California.
Why did Noah go to New Jersey after he failed to save the animals on his first try?
Because he needed to find a Newark.
My body is in a disgusting, embarrassing, totally repulsive state right now
New Jersey, I'm in New Jersey
My thoughts and prayers go out to the people of New Jersey :(
Nothing happened there. I just feel bad for anyone who has to live in New Jersey.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do people drive so fast in New Jersey?
So as to get the f\*c**... out of New Jersey.
Imagin you are walking along the boardwalk in New Jersey when you see an anti-vaxxer and a flat-earther drowning in the ocean...
do you grab dinner before you go to the movies or see the movie first?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are New Yorkers always so grumpy?
Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.
Mrs Rosy Jones was going to the market in New York where she happened to meet Father Patrick.....
Father: "Hey, you are Rosy right? I got you married in New Jersey, when I was posted there".
"Yes Father" Says Rosy.
"How is your husband and the little ones ?"
"Husband is fine but so far, no children".
Father Patrick: "Don't worry, child. I'm going to Rome next week. I will light a candle for you there."
"Thank you, Father Patrick."
After some years, Father Patrick happens to meet Rosy again.
"Hello Rosy, how's everything? Did you have any kids?"
"Yes Father. I have three sets of twins and two singles. Total 8 kids".
"Wow! Where is your husband?"
"Oh, he's hurried to Rome to blow off that candle!".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do they teach the alphabet in New Jersey?
f**...-A, f**...-B, f**...-C...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are people from New York always depressed.
Because the light at the end of the tunnel is always Jersey.
