New Invention Jokes
130 new invention jokes and hilarious new invention puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about new invention that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest New Invention Short Jokes
Short new invention jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The new invention humour may include short invention jokes also.
- I invented a new golf ball that'll automatically go in the hole if it gets within four inches. Do NOT carry them in your back pocket.
- I invented a new word. Plagiarism.
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EDIT : This joke was invented by me and copyrighted. Dare to take it and a lawsuit shall find you. - I invented a new type of car... Me: "I invented a new car. It's powered by silence!"
My friend: "Wow, this is going to revolutionize the industry!"
Me: "Yeah, it goes without saying." - I invented a new golf ball for amateurs that will automatically go in the hole if you get it within four inches. Disclaimer: Do not carry it in your back pocket!
- Elon Musk and bill gates have decided to partner in a joint venture to invent a medication to overcome erectile dysfunction. They have decided to name the new drug 'Elongates'.
- Britain has invented a new missile It's called the civil servant - it doesn't work and it can't be fired.
- My new invention has made me rich!!! exploding prayer mats, prophets are going through the roof
- I heard they're inventing a new kind of bed... ...but most of the theories I've heard are bunk.
- Heard a vintage 2011 today. The Navy Seals just invented a new drink, the "bin Laden". Two shots to the face and a splash of water.
- My friend invented a machine that can take a disc out of a console, then put a new one in It's a game changer
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New Invention One Liners
Which new invention one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with new invention? I can suggest the ones about better invention and new trend.
- i invented a new word! its called plagiarism
- I just invented a new word: plagiarism.
- Guys I just invented a new word Guys I just invented a new word
Plagiarism - Did you hear? They invented a new shovel! It's ground breaking!
- I invented a new word today. Plagarism.
- Have you heard about the new broom they invented? Its sweeping the nation
- I invented a new word yesterday. I'm calling it plagiarism .
- I've invented a new soft drink that floats out the can It breaks the laws of fizzicks
- No, you haven't invented a new colour... It's just a pigment of your imagination!
- I just invented a new soup. Its alphabet soup mixed with laxative. I call it Letter Rip.
- I invented a new cocktail... The reviews were mixed.
- New types of sliced loaf aren't invented, or discovered... They're bread.
- I invented a new drinking game I take a shot any time I feel anything
- I invented a new word Plagiarism.
I stole this joke, sorry. - Elon Musk's new tunnel boring machine is.... quite a ground breaking invention.
New Invention Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about new invention you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean invention telephone jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make new invention pranks.
Q: Did you hear about the new blonde-made Inventions?
A: Solar Powered Flashlights, Helicopter Ejection Seats, and the Submarine Screen Door.
A man came up with a new invention, a vibrating t**....
That way a woman can be at her best when she is at her worst.
Q: How long does it take for a workplace bully to come up with a patentable new invention?
A: It depends: If the designer's desk drawer is locked, about 5 minutes, otherwise, under a minute.
A man came up with a new invention, a vibrating t**.... That way a woman can be at her best when she is at her worst.
I invented a new word today. Plagiarism.
Did you know that the invention of stairs...
Brought the world on a whole new level.
A woman goes into labor with her child.
The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.
Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father. He was asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. However, as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point, they decided to try out for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer all the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the mailman was dead on the porch.
A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.
Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.
The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.
The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.
When they got home, the mailman was dead on the porch.
They invented a machine that takes the pain of childbirth away from the mother and passes it to the father...
... So husband and wife are in the delivery room, and she's in pretty strong labor. The husband says, "Ok doc, gimme some of it, I can handle it". The doctor turns the machine to 20% of pain. The husband says "Wow, I don't feel a thing! Gimme some more doc!" So the doctor turns the machine up to 40% of his wife's pain. Husband says "Geez, I don't know what all these women are complaining about! I barely feel anything! Turn it up all the way!" The doctor turns the machine to 100%, and the wife delivers the baby completely pain free.
The husband, wife, and new baby leave the hospital. The husband is bragging about what a tough guy he is to take all that and not feel a thing. They pull into their driveway and find the mailman dead on the front steps.
So I invented a new beef and vegetable recipe, but it wasn't so great...
It was meaty-okra.
Apple invented a new app, Asians love it.
Introducing the iOpener.
The french invented a new bulletproof vest
That is just as efficient as a regular one but much cheaper: it only covers the soldiers' backs
A married couple went to the hospital
So that the woman could give birth to her child. Upon their arrival the doctor told them that they invented a new machine where they could transfer some of the labor pain to the father. He asked them if they would like to try it and they agreed. So the doctor set the pain to be transferred to 10% and told the man that this would be the most painful thing he ever experienced. But when labor set in the man still felt absolutely fine and the doctor set the machine to 20%. The man still felt fine so the doctor set it to 50% whilst checking the vitals man. Still no problem for the man. So he asked the doctor if he could set it to 100% because he could see how comfortable his wife was getting. After 2 hours of labor the woman gave birth to a healthy baby. Both were pretty astonished, thanked the doctor left. When they came home the milkman was lying dead on the porch.
And... a new joke is born
"Your momma is so frigid that your daddy would get his tongue stuck every time he would try to go down on her. "
I tried searching for this joke but couldn't find it... Did I just invent a new Your momma joke?
I heard German invented new DDR-memory...
It's called "cyclone bee"
What did people say when the inventor of the Dry Erase Board showed off his new invention.
That's Remarkable!
Terrible joke, came to me on the toilet early, but I had to say it. And it's also likely be told in some form before.
In honor of Mother's Day ... sort of
A woman goes into labor and her husband is her birthing coach. In the delivery room, a doctor shows the two a brand new invention that allows the father to share some of the labor pains, which takes some of the pressure off of the mother. The man agrees. He begins at 20%. "No problem," he tells the doctor, so they turn it up to 40%. The man says "I don't see what the big deal is! Crank it up!" Finally they put him at 80%. The mother has a much easier labor and a gives birth to a baby boy.
Later that day, the man gets a telephone call from one of his neighbors. "It's the damndest thing," the neighbor says. "The mailman just dropped dead on your front doorstep this morning."
I want to invent a new antacid called "Scro".
I'll put it next to "Tums" and see if anyone notices.
This guy goes to the Patent Office with some...
...of his designs. He says to the clerk, "I'd like to register my new invention. It's a folding bottle."
"OK," says the clerk. "What do you call it?"
"A fottle."
"A fottle? That's a s**... name. Can you think of something else?"
"I can think about it. I've got something else though. It's a folding carton."
"And what do you call that?" asks the clerk."
"A farton."
"That's ridiculous. Are you sure you want to call it that?"
"In that case," says the guy, "you're really going to hate the name of my folding bucket."
I invented a new game similar to rock paper scissors.
You have 3 cards with a color on one side and white on the other.
You and your opponent choose a card, show it face down (white part), and simultaneously switch it to know the winner.
Every player has 3 cards of 3 different colors, representing some natural elements: Blue, Red and Brown, for Water, Fire and Wood respectively.
Narutally, blue beats red, as water extinguishes fire.
Red beats brown, as fire burns wood.
Brown beats Rihanna.
I have invented a new game.
You lock yourself and 9 other friends in a house that has 2 bathrooms. You all then take a load of laxative and fight over the toilets.
I call it 'Game Of Thrones'
Me and bros invented a new drinking game
Draw a card, and if its black, take a shot
we call it Ferguson
George W. G. Ferris Jr. designed and constructed the first Ferris Wheel. He saw much potential in his new invention, he said, "This will revolutionise circus attractions!"
Inventors
Tesla, Ford, and Edison were all standing on a stage, presenting their latest findings.
Tesla strolled forward and announced that he had invented a brand new way to transmit energy through the air! The crowd clapped politely.
Ford was next, and pulled the cover off a large engine. He had discovered a way to create horse less carriages! The crowd gasped and clapped louder.
Edison took two steps to the left and threw up his arms to announce that he had invented a revolutionary new way to send electricity through the very air! The crowd went wild.
Albanians invented a new brand of a computer
The keyboard has two b**.... The first is "Test" and the second is "Cancel".
A new and better nail clipper was invented today
What a cutting-edge technology it is
I've invented a new flavour of crisps,
if they're successful I'll make a packet.
Scientists have invented a new device called the hyperbole chamber.
It is the greatest and best thing ever since the dawn of civilization.
Oh how original...
Thought if this joke a few days back:
*I invented a new word*
*...plagiarism*
I invented a new word!
React!
I invented a new word.
React.
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Go ahead sue me.
They just invented a new cologne for feminists..
But it's hard to open and extremely bitter..
s**... therapists have invented a new long lasting, alcohol based, v**... gel and lubricant.
Campaigners have slammed the move saying it could lead to 24 hour m**... drinking.
I asked my secret crush if she wanted to invest in my new invention idea, chloroform kleenex.
She decided to sleep on it...at my place.
A man goes along to the Patent Office...
A man goes along to the Patent Office with some of his new designs.
He says to the clerk, "I'd like to register my new invention. It's a folding bottle."
"OK," says the clerk. "What do you call it?"
"A fottle, replies the inventor."
"A fottle? That's silly! Can't you think of something else?"
"I can think about it. I've got something else though. It's a folding carton."
"And what do you call that?" asks the clerk.
"A farton", replies the inventor.
"That's rude. You can't possibly call it that!"
"In that case," says the inventor, "you're really going to hate the name of my folding bucket."
I invented a new word.
Blooptershlorfin.
I figured "plagarism" has been invented enough times already...
The future is now
An electrical engineer invented a new kind of transistor that uses tapioca instead of silicon.
He called it the boba FET.
One day, the wife welcomes her lover...
...but before they start their adulterous activites, the wife says:
'Honey! Let's put a blanket on the parrot's cage, because last time he almost busted us!'
So they put a blanket on the parrot's cage. However, before they start, the lover comes up with a new idea:
'Honey! I just invented a new position! You'll go on all fours, I'll jump up on the chandelier, swing in, and I'll p**... with a deep t**... from behind!'
To which they hear the parrot's voice:
'You can cut out my tongue for all I care, but I wanna see **that**!'
I invented a new word:
*Zygorepostalgia*
It's the feeling you get when you see the same joke reposted more than once in the same day and realize it wasn't funny the first time either.
What did the fisher call his new invention: a worm add-on on his fishing rod
Clickbait
I invented a radical new type of pencil today.
Well, to be honest, the more you write with it, the more of the barrel and grip gets used up.
But the point remains...
I invented a new s**... position called the JFK
I splatter all over her while she feverishly tries to get out of the car.
I have invented a new measure of time, the "light light year!"
It's the amount of time it takes for light to travel in one light year :D
I have invented a revolutionary new bathroom fixture for men called pToilet.
The p is silent.
United Airlines invented a new scam...
It's called beat and switch.
I invented a new perfume that smells like popcorn
It's called Eau de Reddenbacher
I've invented a new brand of c**... that will literally blow your head off.
I call it Kurt c**....
Who invented the Pavlova, New Zealand or Australia?
Fight, fight, fight, fight!
I invented a new soda made entirely of orange pulp...
It's called Dr. Pulper
Modern historians have a new hypothesis for what caused the death of Helen of Troy...
It was the impact trauma from her face launching a thousand ships, long before champagne was invented.
I invented a new drink today; basically you start with a Shirley Temple and put a really old cocktail sausage in it.
I call it the "Judge Roy Moore".
I've invented a new game. You use small breath mints as playing pieces in the old-fashioned match-3-in-a-row game. I'd be happy to teach you my strategy for winning this game, but I'll have to charge you a small fee:
Call it a Tic Tac Tic-Tac-Toe Tactics Tax.
I've invented a new drink.
It's called the Titonic. Add a bit of ice and it goes down quickly.
Too Soon?
I've just invented a new drink.
It's has Irish whiskey, German schnapps, French cognac, English beer, and American bourbon.
I call it the Titonic.
While it sounds strange, add ice and it goes down quickly.
NEW PAINT COLOR
I INVENTED A NEW PAINT COLOR. IT WAS A PIGMENT OF MY IMAGINATION
I invented a new drink. Ginger beer and Jack Daniel's.
I call it the Stormy Daniel's.
Bert and Ernie are working at Ben and j**...'s when Bert invents a new flavor. He asks, "Ernie, will you name this flavor?"
"Sure, Bert."
Just invented a new drink. v**..., cranberry juice, lime, and rohypnol.
Its called the Cosbypolitan
I invented a new word
Plagiarsim
Hey guys today I invented a new word
Shitpost
A new Jam based glue has been invented
Its called Jams bond
Guys! I've invented a new word!
Plagarism!
I tried to invent a new type of cheese...
but I could never get past feta testing.
During the annual cavemen conference ...
Greg : so I kept rubbing this rock against another rock until it became very thin and now I can cut vegetables,meat using this . I call this "The Knife" .
Chief Gogo : wow , I thought no-one can beat Gorg's invention of using wheat flour and water to create a new food called "bread" but yours is a worthy contender
Greg " that's not it ,chief "
And then places a piece of bread on the stone and takes the knife in his hand
" What I'm about to do will blow your mind " .
Did you see the new method invented to dry berries?
I thought I'd keep everyone updated on currant events.
A man loved to tie knots
It was his favorite hobby. He spent all of his time tying knots in string and rope, and inventing new, stronger, or more interesting ways to tie knots. He tried to show his ropes and strings to his friends but nobody cared. He wasn't very talented at anything else, because he had spent his entire life tying knots. Everyone was disapointed in him, and he got depressed. He was depressed for months, and then he got fired from his job at a restaurant. That was the final thread. He couldn't take it anymore. He hung himself later that day. At least he died doing what he loved.
A new type of paint has been invented called Blonde.
It is not very bright but it spreads easily.
I invented a new burger today. I call it the "i**... alien"
It's got lettuce and tomato on top, with jalapeno peppers and hot sauce hiding underneath.
Served with a free side of ICE.
I get laid so much...
That I invented a new STD