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New England Jokes

68 new england jokes and hilarious new england puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about new england that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest New England Short Jokes

Short new england jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The new england humour may include short new haven jokes also.

  1. The last time a group of New Englanders destroyed Atlanta this badly Sherman marched to the sea
  2. England soccer team have got a new captain today His names George Smith and he'll be flying the A380 back to Heathrow..
  3. What do you call a Massachusite who cuts down trees? _In a New England accent..._
    A Boston lager.
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    I made this up yesterday in the car.
  4. Driving in England In England they drive on the left side of the road, in New England we drive on what's left of the road.
  5. Poor children in African nations are really excited... They're finally getting New England Patriot super bowl championship shirts!
  6. I don't really care for the New England Patriots, but Lance Armstrong used a deflated ball for years and no one said anything.
  7. Did you know that a very good memory is often a sign of an excellent lover? I read that on February 11, 2017 in the New England Journal of Behavioral studies issue 2016-Q3.
  8. New England Patriots' Robert Craft is charged with soliciting prostitution. He just wanted to show the masseuse where he wears his 6th super bowl ring.
  9. What are the four seasons called in New England? Almost winter, Winter, Still winter, and 3 months of bad sledding.
  10. My girlfriend fell off a fishing boat just off the coast of Maine and was devoured by a giant shellfish. You might say a New England clam chowed her.

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New England One Liners

Which new england one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with new england? I can suggest the ones about england patriots and east coast.

  1. What is the official snack food of the Boston Red Sox and New England Patriots? Cheat-o's
  2. What's the official electro-pop band of the New England Patriots? Kraftjerk
  3. New England Patriots list Aaron Hernandez out for week 1. Suspended.
  4. Why do seagulls fly to the dumps along the coast of New England? To beat the Portugees
  5. The New England Patriots are perfect. Perfect 5/7.
  6. What a terrible day in Boston When New England lost to Patriots in the revolutionary war.
  7. Did you hear about the two witches caught in New England? Michael Cohen and Paul Manafort
  8. Are you Philadelphia versus New England?
  9. Well at least a New England Patriots player that did not cheat... ...on death
  10. Aaron Hernandez cheated his prison sentence He is a true New England Patriot
  11. Why did the New England Patriots lose Super Bowl 46? Aaron Hernandez choked.
  12. How do you castrate a New England Patriots fan? Kick his sister in the mouth.
  13. What do you call a judgmental emo? new england nerd
  14. Why did Adrian Peterson beat his son? Because it's easier than beating New England.
  15. That billionaire from New England is innocent. He thought he was buying a h**....

New England Patriots Jokes

Here is a list of funny new england patriots jokes and even better new england patriots puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • The weather in New England meant they had to delay the victory parade for the Patriots. They must feel really deflated.
  • I heard the New England Patriots were going to be a little late to the Super Bowl Someone deflated all of the tires on the team bus.
  • TIL the New England Patriots can't play as well with a well oiled European football. Greece inflates everything in Europe.
  • Someone on the New England Patriots is getting fired Whoever forgot to deflate the 12th ball
  • Why don't the New England Patriots make good bakers? Their soufflés always come out deflated.
  • A liar, a m**..., and a cheater walk into a bar. The New England Patriots must be in town.

Howlingly Hilarious New England Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy

What funny jokes about new england you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean patriots jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make new england pranks.

"Having too much s**... can result in memory loss."

I read that on page 37, paragraph five of the New England Medical Journal on September 15th, 2014 at 10:37 am.

Old technology

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, French scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the French: in the weeks that followed, American archaeologists dug to a depth of 20 feet before finding traces of copper wire. Shortly afterwards, they published an article in the New York Times saying : "American archaeologists, having found traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the French."
A few weeks later, 'The British Archaeological Society of Northern England' reported the following: "After digging down to a depth of 33 feet in the Skipton area of North Yorkshire in 2011, Charlie Hardcastle, a self-taught amateur archaeologist, reported that he had found absolutely sod all. Charlie has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Britain had already gone wireless."

Most people don't know that back in 1912...

Hellman's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the "Titanic" was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after New York City.
Mexicans were crazy about the stuff.
The Mexican people were eagerly awaiting delivery and were disconsolate ("desperados") at the loss. So much so that they declared a national day of mourning.
It's known, of course, as... Sinko De Mayo.

Copper Wire

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, French scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the French: in the weeks that followed, American archaeologists dug to a depth of 20 feet before finding traces of copper wire. Shortly afterwards, they published an article in the New York Times saying : "American archaeologists, having found traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the French."
A few weeks later, 'The British Archaeological Society of Northern England' reported the following: "After digging down to a depth of 33 feet in the Skipton area of North Yorkshire in 2011, Charlie Hardcastle, a self-taught amateur archaeologist, reported that he had found absolutely f&*% all. Charlie has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Britain had already gone wireless."

Mexico and the TITANIC

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's Mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost.
The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day. The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo.

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.

What did Indys defense say Chuck Pagano after their loss to New England?

But coach, you've told us all year "don't hit the Blount"

What do the Eurozone and the New England Ptriots have in common?

They're both dogged by rumours of deflation.

The government have announced new measures to stop migrants from getting into England

Henceforth, Chelsea fans will be in charge of security at Calais.

I'm directing a film...

... And starring in it, as a shaggy groundskeeper from Northern New England who leads midnight raids on the estate's garden.
I'm the main character, mane caretaker, Maine carrot-taker.

Where did Timmy go during the e**...?

**EVERYWHERE**.
He had a newfound respect for life after being spared from such a life-changing event. He went to Arizona, Colorado, New York, England, then settled down in Paris with his now-engaged girlfriend.

It's spring in New England, so I bought a high quality bug zapper to help deal with all those pests, and I woke up to protests outside my house.

# Blackfliesmatter

There has been a new owl spotted in England...

It's called the t**....

Most people don't know that back in 1912 Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England.

In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.
This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico.
But we all know the tragedy that occurred..
The Mexican people loved mayonnaise so much and this loss was so devastating that they declared a national day of mourning, which happens every year on the day the shipment was supposed to arrive.
This day, of course, is May 5th, or more commonly known as **Sinko de Mayo**

New England trees have sprouted legs and are running amok. Officials say:

Birches be runnin wild

Poor Half Time Advertisment Choices During World Cup

An advert for Durex condoms during Half Time really brings a new meaning to "Come on England!"

How are meteorologists like guys on Tinder?

They promise you 12+ in, but you only get 4.
Inspired by today's "storm" in New England. Stay safe out there!

Tunnel love

A gawky lad from New England came to New York with his girl, and took her to nearby Playland Amusement Park. They had heard a lot about the Tunnel of Love and were especially anxious to try it out. But when they got home, the kids expressed disappointment.
Shucks, the boy said, it was dark and damp and uncomfortable. Besides, we got soaking wet.
How come? asked a friend. Did the boat leak?
The kid looked amazed. There's a boat?

jokes about new england